Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 16

Uncle Samson and Ray proceeded back to the grill area in the back yard, Ray toting a vast tub of pre-prepared penultimate swine patties that required formation into their respective ultimate and singular identities and Uncle Samson toting the rest of the barbecue gear and then they set about forming the ground up swine into patties and then grilling them up. The nature of the swine patties was such that they were chock full of delicious secret spices that go well with swine and
to top that off there was also Uncle Samson’s swine patty sauce. It was commonly opined in those parts that once a person had an Uncle Samson swine patty on a white bread bun, that person who ate that swine burger would be happy and contented and never want any other kind of food or treat but swine patties on a white bread bun from then on. Meantime Aint Delilah fixed up this and that condiment or whatever to go with the swine burgers and kept one eye on the front picture window to espy the potential arrival of the retinue. Aint Delilah also kept her ears tuned in to the activities of Joe, playing in the laundry hamper area with Ray’s switchblade, so to ascertain expeditiously if any harm came to Joe or any pets or livestock that might come upon Joe and be accidentally smitten by the switchblade. Aint Delilah would be called a multi-tasker, these days, maybe.

Anon, along came the retinue and Aint Delilah espied them out the window. Then she washed her hands off in the sink, went in and told Joe that Upyeraholes was coming and helped Joe back into the laundry hamper, took the switch blade away from Joe and put it in her apron pocket, piled some laundry on top of Joe and foretold “Joe, keep quiet there in the laundry hamper er Upyeraholes will get ye, fer sure.” And then at last Aint Delilah proceeded out the front door to welcome the retinue.

The retinue was in a sorry state of affairs from riding around in air conditioned limousines all day. Plus, some of them were tense and nervous, for Ray had forgotten to turn on his walkie-talkie and had been out of communication with the retinue all that long day and the only way the retinue had been able to track Ray on the day’s great journey was Rumpler’s tracking device. So the retinue was generally assembled around the Crown Vic with the gun thugs nervously established in the outer perimeter around the Crown Vic protecting the inner perimeter of Chitlin, Rumpler and Sleeza and their personal minions, when out came Aint Delilah to welcome them.

Aint Delilah sized up the bunch deposited on her front lawn as no account, but for Ray’s sake, put on her best behavior, smiling happily and making welcoming noises and giving directions to the comfort stations and explaining that supper would be served up anon out back, picnic style, and that there was plenty of room for everyone, though some would have to share accommodations, etc. Then Chitlin and Rumpler and Sleeza and many of the minions trailing along after them, made themselves as if at home as best each might and went off every which-a-way to seek out the comfort stations. But first, Chitlin growled at Aint Delilah, “ I, Chitlin am a very important person from the Court of the Kinglet. Many say, and I would be loathe to disagree, that I am more important than the Kinglet. So I must be accorded great deference and be given my own spare room and here is a list of all my special requirements.” Then also did Rumpler come forth to Aint Delilah and pronounce through one of the leg holes of the undears that were situated upon his head that he, Rumpler, was fairly important at the Court of the Kinglet, also. And Rumpler did also put forth to Aint Delilah a list of his many requirements. Then Sleeza came forward also and Sleeza was in a truly pitiful state of affairs from her long air conditioned limousine ride and Sleeza demanded this and that of Aint Delilah, but mostly she just needed to go pee in a comfort station that must be established temporarily, exclusively, for the performance of her personal ablutions and she didn’t have a list of all her requirements quite ready.

Anon, all were at last comforted and assembled at picnic tables in the backyard. This is the manner of their distributions at table. At the best table sat Uncle Samson on one end of the bench with Tiny on his lap and Aint Delilah on the other end with Ray in the middle. On the other bench facing Uncle Samson and Tiny, Ray and Aint Delilah, sat Chiltin, Sleeza and Rumpler. The rest of the minions were disposed at other tables situated near or far from the main table in accordance with the ranks of the different minions.

Once everyone was seated and behaving themselves and Aint Delilah had made Rumpler take his undears off, for no hats were allowed at table, Uncle Samson hollered out, “Let the supper begin.” And lo a great many swine waiters and waitresses appeared as if by magic, walking on their hind legs with great trays of swine burgers piled up on the trays, and some toted trays of Aint Delilah’s condiment and vegetable what-nots balanced on their fore trotters. But also some of the swine waiters and waitresses toted trays laden with delicious drinks such as RC, Dolmen Stout and ice tea. Then too, some the swine waiters and waitresses had rolls of paper towels upon their cloven hooves for those swine burgers may be a tad greasy.


For a spell, all that could be heard in those parts was munching and slurping and other similar gustatory noises. Everyone was very hungry and stuffing down one swine burger after another and washing the swine burgers down with their favorite delicious drink and munching politely on a radish or a carrot or two so that the swine waiters and waitresses could barely keep up. Anon though, the feeding frenzy let up a mite, and Uncle Samson, to kick off the small talk, foretold, “Watch this!” and then Uncle Samson did toss a swine burger skyward so high that it did disappear into the stygian darkness above the table and everyone lost sight of that particular swine burger and some began to wonder if that particular swine burger would ever come down. But just when almost everyone had almost given up on that airborne swine burger it came hurtling earthward. But the alert Tiny snatched the gravity sucked swine burger out of mid air with her great jaws and swallowed that swine burger whole, without chewing.

That broke the ice and the polite conversation and small talk did freely flow and many exclaimed “Let’s see that again!” so that Uncle Samson was kept busy for a spell tossing swine burgers skyward and Tiny was kept busy snatching those same swine burgers out of mid air.

Then Chitlin did advise, “Samson my man, these swine appear fit for the hunt. Do you make it your business also to hunt these swine? For many would pay great sums to hunt of the many swine I see here about.”

“Yepper, me and Tiny spends much time hunting the swine that run off. Are ye tellin’ me that some would pay great sums to hunt the swine that traipse off and retrieve each un to its proper parlor, fer me?”

“No, no Samson my man. You mistake me. I, and many others would pay a handsome sum to hunt and shoot the swine.”

“Why do ye wish to pay great sums to shoot the swine?”

“Why? for sport, Samson my man, for sport.”

Then Uncle Samson understood, sort of, and foretold “Should ye Chitlin survive this quest ye have set upon, then perchance we shall arrange a hunt for a big swine indeed, just fer ye.”

So Chitlin was made happy at the prospect of a hunt for a big swine indeed and Chitlin smacked his lips contentedly over another swine burger and contemplated the great capers he would cut at the upcoming foretold hunt.

Anon, after much feasting and merriment and small talk, Ray hollered out, “All righty then. Everyone’s had plenty to eat and drink now and we need to get an early start in the morning so everyone needs to go to their ablutions and then to their beds, anon.”

But Sleeza and Rumpler and Chitlin began to whine and all complained that there was no plan and that they required a plan of action and needed to have some meetings to develop an action plan and also a nice place to meet in, for the meetings.

But Ray foretold, “All ye have to do is drive, drive, drive.” and so great was Ray’s foretelling that all in the retinue arose from table and departed to perform their ablutions and get ready for bed.