Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 21
“Ye think that will work Olwen sweetie?”
“Oh Ray sugar darlin’. It just has to work. Now try to remember, RCs last. OK.”
“Yepper. I can remember that. RCs last, RCs last, RCs last.............” “Er, Mr. Upyeraholes, Yer Most Honorable-Oss-Ity. Er, may I request a brief intermission of the proceedings so I can go out to the car fer to acquire plenty of snacks and treats fer ye that I may then fetch back hither from yonder.”
“How do I know that ye won’t run off, ye criminal vermin juvenile delinquent presumptive swine biscuit?”
“I swear by the WG, that I, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, that is me, Ray shall never run off while Olwen White Track remains and ye have not give her to me, and me and Olwen have not enjoyed sexual intercourse together. Indeed, if ye allow me to go to the car, I shall return anon, speedily, fer the sooner I can get these trials and tribulations over with, the sooner I shall get to enjoy sexual intercourse with yer daughter.”
“What kinds of snacks and treats have ye got, fer me, ye loathsome rascal juvenile delinquent swine nugget?”
“Only the very best snacks and treats from all the major food groups, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity. Ye shall have simulation lemon Hostess cupcakes that have a yellow icing on top and a white squiggle of icing in the middle of the yellow icing and the cake under the icing is also yellow and soft And in the middle of the soft, yellow cake is a creamy substance that is verily as white as Olwen’s plump arms and lo, her inner thighs, maybe.”
"Then, smack, ye best have a great many of those cupcakes, gurgle, fer me, slurp, ye loathsome rascal juvenile slurp delinquent swine tidbit, slurp. Gurgle. What other, dribble, snacks and treats shall ye fetch, fer me? Gurgle, slobber."
“Roasted peanuts, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, slippery with oil and plenty of salt. Those particular peanuts out in my car are the globally considered finest, crunchy adn delectable. Anyone that has one of those crunchy, savory delectable peanuts must have a great many more, anon.”
"Then ye, burble, gurgle, slurp, slurp best have a burble great many of those slurp, peanuts, slurp, fer me. Slurp, gurgle. What other slurp snacks and treats gurgle,do ye have out in yer car, burble, fer me. Gurgle, slurp, smack.
The third snack or treat shall be a surprise, but I can say fer sure, that it is incredibly delicious and refreshing, and to a man of the world, such as ye yerself should be, yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, may conjure up memories of yer youth, both fond and naughty."
"Slurp, drool, slurp. Then fetch me mine, drool, gurgle, slurp snacks and slobber treats, ye pork chopped, burble."
“Yepper, just that will I accomplish. Then by yer leave Yer Mucho Honorable-Oss-Ity, I, Ray shall depart in the general direction of my car, which is, by the way, the coolest Crown Vic ever, considered globally. And I shall so depart, expeditiously, anon.” But Ray delayed his expeditious departure to consult first with Olwen White Track.
“Jeez Louise. Olwen, sugarplum, does yer dad always slobber like that? He’s liable to drown us.”
“Oh my goodness, my darlin’ sweetie Ray. Ye have got him really hungry. Are ye both sure and positive ye have enough snacks and treats, fer em?”
“Yepper. An inexhaustible supply.” Then Ray and Olwen made to cuddle together, but a great slobber descended between them from on high and Upyeraholes hollered out “Slurp. Get me my snacks burble, and treats, now, ye pig burped juvenile delinquent, slurp.”
So Ray was fixing to depart expeditiously, but his visage chanced to fall upon his retinue and they were indeed in a pitiful state of affairs. For some were splattered with the brains and guts and lalaholes of the two unlucky muscular minions that Upyeraholes had tossed at Ray, and all were drenched in Upyeraholes’ slimy, stinky, snotty saliva. Then Ray, espying how pitiful they all looked, was stricken with a weak moment and pity for his retinue over came his better nature. So Ray foretold, “It’s intermission. Why don’t ye go play golf er somethin?” Ray’s retinue high tailed it mighty quick and Ray also followed in their wake, instinctively, but practicing first one amusing walk and then another and looking back every once in a while to see if Olwen White Track’s lavender blue eyes were for Ray, alone.
“Yepper.”
“Oh Ray sugar darlin’. It just has to work. Now try to remember, RCs last. OK.”
“Yepper. I can remember that. RCs last, RCs last, RCs last.............” “Er, Mr. Upyeraholes, Yer Most Honorable-Oss-Ity. Er, may I request a brief intermission of the proceedings so I can go out to the car fer to acquire plenty of snacks and treats fer ye that I may then fetch back hither from yonder.”
“How do I know that ye won’t run off, ye criminal vermin juvenile delinquent presumptive swine biscuit?”
“I swear by the WG, that I, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, that is me, Ray shall never run off while Olwen White Track remains and ye have not give her to me, and me and Olwen have not enjoyed sexual intercourse together. Indeed, if ye allow me to go to the car, I shall return anon, speedily, fer the sooner I can get these trials and tribulations over with, the sooner I shall get to enjoy sexual intercourse with yer daughter.”
“What kinds of snacks and treats have ye got, fer me, ye loathsome rascal juvenile delinquent swine nugget?”
“Only the very best snacks and treats from all the major food groups, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity. Ye shall have simulation lemon Hostess cupcakes that have a yellow icing on top and a white squiggle of icing in the middle of the yellow icing and the cake under the icing is also yellow and soft And in the middle of the soft, yellow cake is a creamy substance that is verily as white as Olwen’s plump arms and lo, her inner thighs, maybe.”
"Then, smack, ye best have a great many of those cupcakes, gurgle, fer me, slurp, ye loathsome rascal juvenile slurp delinquent swine tidbit, slurp. Gurgle. What other, dribble, snacks and treats shall ye fetch, fer me? Gurgle, slobber."
“Roasted peanuts, Yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, slippery with oil and plenty of salt. Those particular peanuts out in my car are the globally considered finest, crunchy adn delectable. Anyone that has one of those crunchy, savory delectable peanuts must have a great many more, anon.”
"Then ye, burble, gurgle, slurp, slurp best have a burble great many of those slurp, peanuts, slurp, fer me. Slurp, gurgle. What other slurp snacks and treats gurgle,do ye have out in yer car, burble, fer me. Gurgle, slurp, smack.
The third snack or treat shall be a surprise, but I can say fer sure, that it is incredibly delicious and refreshing, and to a man of the world, such as ye yerself should be, yer Honorable-Oss-Ity, may conjure up memories of yer youth, both fond and naughty."
"Slurp, drool, slurp. Then fetch me mine, drool, gurgle, slurp snacks and slobber treats, ye pork chopped, burble."
“Yepper, just that will I accomplish. Then by yer leave Yer Mucho Honorable-Oss-Ity, I, Ray shall depart in the general direction of my car, which is, by the way, the coolest Crown Vic ever, considered globally. And I shall so depart, expeditiously, anon.” But Ray delayed his expeditious departure to consult first with Olwen White Track.
“Jeez Louise. Olwen, sugarplum, does yer dad always slobber like that? He’s liable to drown us.”
“Oh my goodness, my darlin’ sweetie Ray. Ye have got him really hungry. Are ye both sure and positive ye have enough snacks and treats, fer em?”
“Yepper. An inexhaustible supply.” Then Ray and Olwen made to cuddle together, but a great slobber descended between them from on high and Upyeraholes hollered out “Slurp. Get me my snacks burble, and treats, now, ye pig burped juvenile delinquent, slurp.”
So Ray was fixing to depart expeditiously, but his visage chanced to fall upon his retinue and they were indeed in a pitiful state of affairs. For some were splattered with the brains and guts and lalaholes of the two unlucky muscular minions that Upyeraholes had tossed at Ray, and all were drenched in Upyeraholes’ slimy, stinky, snotty saliva. Then Ray, espying how pitiful they all looked, was stricken with a weak moment and pity for his retinue over came his better nature. So Ray foretold, “It’s intermission. Why don’t ye go play golf er somethin?” Ray’s retinue high tailed it mighty quick and Ray also followed in their wake, instinctively, but practicing first one amusing walk and then another and looking back every once in a while to see if Olwen White Track’s lavender blue eyes were for Ray, alone.
“Yepper.”
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, April 07, 2006
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