Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 22
Ray hustled along at a good pace to the elevator that he had rode in on a while back. But some of Ray’s amusing walks had slowed him down relative to the main herd of the retinue so that he arrived at the elevator all alone and would have to operate the elevator by himself. Once the elevator let Ray in, Ray contemplated which button to push. He knew which button to push that would get him up, but he also queried himself, “Reckon whut’s on B-666?” But then Ray thought to check the enumeration of floors on the elevator information panel. There was no B-13! “Yikes!” considered Ray. “Is this floor I be now alit upon fer the nonce actually B-666?” Ray gave it some serious thought and finally ciphered out that he must actually be alit on B-664. But then he recalled that Olwen White Track was liable to drown if he didn’t hurry up and push the up button so he dismissed all the complicated math from his noggin and pushed the Main G-Labyrinth button. However, Ray the Hero, also took in that he might need to visit B-666 if he needed another adventure, anon.
The elevator elevated. Ray, all alone in the elevator, packing an ivory handled switch blade, recalled that “idle hands spelled and idle mind.” So as the elevator elevated, Ray busied himself carving a nice big heart on the east panel of the elevator with an arrow shot through the heart and two little perforations in the heart to indicate where the arrow transfixed the heart. “Now let’s see here.” considered Ray, “shall this particular heart symbolize androgyny er gynecandry?” Ray settled on androgyny, for his thoughts were all for Olwen White Track, and Ray then set about carving an O to the northeast of the arrow perforations.
Meantime back down in Upyeraholes chambers, amid the rising tide of slobber, Olwen pleaded Ray’s case to her daddy. “Daddy, please stop slobbering. Yer liable to drown me.”
“Slurp. No, I will not stop slobbering until I get some snacks and treats in me. Burble. Fer once the gustatory juices begin to flow, nought but snacks and treats must dam the flow. But this will I do to succor mine only daughter from the viscous waves. Come hither.”
“Eeek,” squeaked Olwen, for her daddy reached over and enfolded Olwen, plus Olwen’s Lazy Boy recliner in his great hand and transferred the both of them from the spot light to his right shoulder which was broad as a wide plain.
“There now. Ye shall remain high and dry and have a good view from yer high perch, smack, slobber. There upon that perch ye shall espy anon also the just deserves of that juvenile delinquent, presumptive fornicatin’, vermin, swine skitters ( this terrible name calling referencing Ray), slurp, slurp. Ha! Fer there be but one source fer all the snacks and treats that might fill me up, The Snack and Treat Sack of Cerridwen Old Hag. Cerridwen Old Hag will never give up Her Sack of Her Own Will and none may make Her give it up. Burble, slurp, slobber.”
Much a-frighted then was Olwen White Track. For Olwen felt concern that Ray was liable to drown, or wind up in the swine chow, or forget her own instructions to Ray and be tricked by her daddy, or worst of all, that the contest to win her might then proceed on past her endurance to put up with it. So Olwen set about making a case for Ray in earnest.
“But daddy. Ray’s so cute. And he could help out too. Ray told me he knows how to dive fer golf balls, maybe.”
“That may be, but ye shall not ever enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray. Slobber.”
“But daddy. Ray has shaved and trimmed ye up so that ye look 300 years younger, at least. None of the other poor boys that are in the swine chow could shave and trim ye.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, hmmm, oh yes, Ray has the coolest Crown Vic, considered globally.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, er.........”.
Olwen had, for the nonce, exhausted Ray’s known positive attributes. So Olwen proceeded to invent positive attributes that Ray might possess, or would possess anon, once Ray had the proper house training. But to each and every one of those pleas also, Upyeraholes issued the terrible verdict:
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
Ray, on the other hand, was by this time adventuring back through the labyrinth in the general direction of his car. “Stay focused,” Ray kept having to remind himself. For there were a great many temptations or distractions in the labyrinth. There were shops everywhere vending everything known to be vended by humans or proto humans under the sun and moon plus all the stuff Ray had took in on the way down. So from this nook and that cranny the globe was offered up part and parcel to Ray if he would but stray to this nook or that cranny. Here follows a spelling out of just a little sampling of the temptations Ray eschewed on the way back to his car: a good time with some semi-pretty ladies or perhaps boys, maybe, a Rolex, a free trip to the Bahamas, a bigger and thicker lala, a delicious cinnamon bun and a pamphlet that included color illustrations of all the known herbaceous legumes of Kansas.
Ray really wanted that pamphlet. However, such was Ray’s longing for Olwen White Track and so enraptured was Ray of Olwen White Track that Ray wavered only just a very little bit. But Ray also foretold to himself, “As soon as I have had sexual intercourse with Olwen, I’m coming along back here to get me a copy of that pamphlet.”
Anon, and despite those previously listed distractions and temptations and many others besides, Ray arrived expeditiously at where his car was parked on the lawn. “Where’d I leave my sack lunches? Yepper, there they are.” felt Ray, reaching around under the front seat of the Crown Vic. Then Ray, in possession of his sack lunches, espied his knob, so he also took that off the steering wheel again and pocketed it, for he might require inspiration on the way back to Upyeraholes’ Chamber. Then Ray also espied his noggin in the rear view mirror. So Ray combed his hair until it waxed perfect. Ray was as ready as he was ever gonna be to win Olwen White Track. Plus, anon and finally, Ray would anon and finally have sexual intercourse with Olwen, maybe.
The elevator elevated. Ray, all alone in the elevator, packing an ivory handled switch blade, recalled that “idle hands spelled and idle mind.” So as the elevator elevated, Ray busied himself carving a nice big heart on the east panel of the elevator with an arrow shot through the heart and two little perforations in the heart to indicate where the arrow transfixed the heart. “Now let’s see here.” considered Ray, “shall this particular heart symbolize androgyny er gynecandry?” Ray settled on androgyny, for his thoughts were all for Olwen White Track, and Ray then set about carving an O to the northeast of the arrow perforations.
Meantime back down in Upyeraholes chambers, amid the rising tide of slobber, Olwen pleaded Ray’s case to her daddy. “Daddy, please stop slobbering. Yer liable to drown me.”
“Slurp. No, I will not stop slobbering until I get some snacks and treats in me. Burble. Fer once the gustatory juices begin to flow, nought but snacks and treats must dam the flow. But this will I do to succor mine only daughter from the viscous waves. Come hither.”
“Eeek,” squeaked Olwen, for her daddy reached over and enfolded Olwen, plus Olwen’s Lazy Boy recliner in his great hand and transferred the both of them from the spot light to his right shoulder which was broad as a wide plain.
“There now. Ye shall remain high and dry and have a good view from yer high perch, smack, slobber. There upon that perch ye shall espy anon also the just deserves of that juvenile delinquent, presumptive fornicatin’, vermin, swine skitters ( this terrible name calling referencing Ray), slurp, slurp. Ha! Fer there be but one source fer all the snacks and treats that might fill me up, The Snack and Treat Sack of Cerridwen Old Hag. Cerridwen Old Hag will never give up Her Sack of Her Own Will and none may make Her give it up. Burble, slurp, slobber.”
Much a-frighted then was Olwen White Track. For Olwen felt concern that Ray was liable to drown, or wind up in the swine chow, or forget her own instructions to Ray and be tricked by her daddy, or worst of all, that the contest to win her might then proceed on past her endurance to put up with it. So Olwen set about making a case for Ray in earnest.
“But daddy. Ray’s so cute. And he could help out too. Ray told me he knows how to dive fer golf balls, maybe.”
“That may be, but ye shall not ever enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray. Slobber.”
“But daddy. Ray has shaved and trimmed ye up so that ye look 300 years younger, at least. None of the other poor boys that are in the swine chow could shave and trim ye.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, hmmm, oh yes, Ray has the coolest Crown Vic, considered globally.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, er.........”.
Olwen had, for the nonce, exhausted Ray’s known positive attributes. So Olwen proceeded to invent positive attributes that Ray might possess, or would possess anon, once Ray had the proper house training. But to each and every one of those pleas also, Upyeraholes issued the terrible verdict:
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
Ray, on the other hand, was by this time adventuring back through the labyrinth in the general direction of his car. “Stay focused,” Ray kept having to remind himself. For there were a great many temptations or distractions in the labyrinth. There were shops everywhere vending everything known to be vended by humans or proto humans under the sun and moon plus all the stuff Ray had took in on the way down. So from this nook and that cranny the globe was offered up part and parcel to Ray if he would but stray to this nook or that cranny. Here follows a spelling out of just a little sampling of the temptations Ray eschewed on the way back to his car: a good time with some semi-pretty ladies or perhaps boys, maybe, a Rolex, a free trip to the Bahamas, a bigger and thicker lala, a delicious cinnamon bun and a pamphlet that included color illustrations of all the known herbaceous legumes of Kansas.
Ray really wanted that pamphlet. However, such was Ray’s longing for Olwen White Track and so enraptured was Ray of Olwen White Track that Ray wavered only just a very little bit. But Ray also foretold to himself, “As soon as I have had sexual intercourse with Olwen, I’m coming along back here to get me a copy of that pamphlet.”
Anon, and despite those previously listed distractions and temptations and many others besides, Ray arrived expeditiously at where his car was parked on the lawn. “Where’d I leave my sack lunches? Yepper, there they are.” felt Ray, reaching around under the front seat of the Crown Vic. Then Ray, in possession of his sack lunches, espied his knob, so he also took that off the steering wheel again and pocketed it, for he might require inspiration on the way back to Upyeraholes’ Chamber. Then Ray also espied his noggin in the rear view mirror. So Ray combed his hair until it waxed perfect. Ray was as ready as he was ever gonna be to win Olwen White Track. Plus, anon and finally, Ray would anon and finally have sexual intercourse with Olwen, maybe.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, April 08, 2006
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