Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - As Usual, We're all Gonna Die
From what passes for a daily newspaper in these parts, Asteroid watchers step up the search for incoming objects
"Astronomers are stepping up the global effort to scan the skies for asteroids and comets on a potential collision course with earth and big enough to pack a deadly punch."
"Experts say there are about 1,100 such bodies in the inner solar system that are at least a half-mile across, and that any one of them could unleash a global cataclysm capable of killing millions in a single blinding flash."
In addition to this traditional "We're all gonna die" astronomical article, a series of articles has been running on the great Pluto dispute. Because the CB, led by me, the Crumby Ovate, is in the front line of defense against getting killed by a celestial body, and because we are Safety Concious, we have developed a methodology for escaping destruction. Here's what we do. Most nights I am out in the east pasture on the alert for odd celestial body behavior. That's why I got attacked a while back by Jovian Angels. Following that incident, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta advised that I should always take my cell phone when I go out to the east pasture. That way I can call in if something attacks me or if we are fixing to get hit by an asteroid. Once I call in, and warn everyone that we are fixing to get hit, everyone crawls under some of the furniture and waits for the all clear signal, me again, the Crumby Ovate, doing a barred owl imitation on the cell phone.
The ones under the furniture are not merely cowering, however. They are focused, focused on employing their Druidic powers to make sure the asteriod hits the neighbors, and not us.
Now getting along to the planetoid series of articles which purport to relate information on scientific questions like, How many planets have we got in the solar system?, and What's a planet? For many weeks now, I, the Crumby Ovate have been observing the skies in both Capricorn and Aquarius for the purpose of detecting the presence of Neptune and Uranus respectively. I also took a gander or two at Pluto, maybe. Since I am now fairly certain that I have espied Neptune and Uranus (motion against a starry background), and could replicate those espyizations this very night given the requisite seeing conditions, I am content with the notion that they are both planets, maybe. Pluto though, since it is very little and very far away, and very difficult to reliably espy, well, I don't much care what the scientists say about Pluto.
I don't care what they say about Pluto.
It's so little and far away.
Call it planet or planetoid.
Either way, I shall feel OK.
See, that's a little song in honor of the scientific dispute over Pluto. The scientists debating Pluto, planet or planetoid, need to start arguing about whether Pluto is going to kill us all, and we're all gonna die on account of Pluto; always a good to go for perking up the old funding.
"Astronomers are stepping up the global effort to scan the skies for asteroids and comets on a potential collision course with earth and big enough to pack a deadly punch."
"Experts say there are about 1,100 such bodies in the inner solar system that are at least a half-mile across, and that any one of them could unleash a global cataclysm capable of killing millions in a single blinding flash."
In addition to this traditional "We're all gonna die" astronomical article, a series of articles has been running on the great Pluto dispute. Because the CB, led by me, the Crumby Ovate, is in the front line of defense against getting killed by a celestial body, and because we are Safety Concious, we have developed a methodology for escaping destruction. Here's what we do. Most nights I am out in the east pasture on the alert for odd celestial body behavior. That's why I got attacked a while back by Jovian Angels. Following that incident, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta advised that I should always take my cell phone when I go out to the east pasture. That way I can call in if something attacks me or if we are fixing to get hit by an asteroid. Once I call in, and warn everyone that we are fixing to get hit, everyone crawls under some of the furniture and waits for the all clear signal, me again, the Crumby Ovate, doing a barred owl imitation on the cell phone.
The ones under the furniture are not merely cowering, however. They are focused, focused on employing their Druidic powers to make sure the asteriod hits the neighbors, and not us.
Now getting along to the planetoid series of articles which purport to relate information on scientific questions like, How many planets have we got in the solar system?, and What's a planet? For many weeks now, I, the Crumby Ovate have been observing the skies in both Capricorn and Aquarius for the purpose of detecting the presence of Neptune and Uranus respectively. I also took a gander or two at Pluto, maybe. Since I am now fairly certain that I have espied Neptune and Uranus (motion against a starry background), and could replicate those espyizations this very night given the requisite seeing conditions, I am content with the notion that they are both planets, maybe. Pluto though, since it is very little and very far away, and very difficult to reliably espy, well, I don't much care what the scientists say about Pluto.
I don't care what they say about Pluto.
It's so little and far away.
Call it planet or planetoid.
Either way, I shall feel OK.
See, that's a little song in honor of the scientific dispute over Pluto. The scientists debating Pluto, planet or planetoid, need to start arguing about whether Pluto is going to kill us all, and we're all gonna die on account of Pluto; always a good to go for perking up the old funding.
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, August 18, 2006
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