Crumby in the Wilderness

Yep. Here I am, consigned to the great outdoors with only livestock and pets for company. Even my servant, Lleu Llaw shuns me. Even my bosom companion, Ray, has abandoned me. Merciful Goddess, strike me down. It’s hot too. And my bed of hides is full of vermin due to the rapidly changing environmental conditions in these parts allowing the vermin to extend their life cycles. So I get no rest, tormented by the heat and vermin out here in the forbidding wilderness. Merciful Goddess, strike me down.

But then I got to thinking. It could be worse. I could still be a wicked Christian. By now I might be so forward among the wicked Christians that they might assign me to an encounter group with one or another of their wicked leaders that strayed from the path. Mercy. What could be worse than monitoring a wicked Christian for four years? How boring and predictable would that be? But hark! There’s Hope on the horizon. What’s that she’s got?

Crumby, oh Crumby, where are you?

Right here.

Land sakes. I can’t see you, Crumby.

Dang it, I’m right here, only partially concealed by the Ilex vomitoria shrubbery.

Goodness gracious. There you are Crumby. Look. I brought you some nice treats. See, potted meat, Cheetos and organic orange soda water.

Really!

Yepper. Red sent you these nice treats and supplies.

Really!

Yepper. And Red says you can come back in the house on your birthday if you survive that long.

All righty then!

Bye Crumby.

Bye Hope.