Crumby on the Job - Arm Yerself!!!!

Mopac is a dangerous place. Mopac belongs to the Wicker Man. Two personal examples: There I go along, navigating that treacherous byway when lo and behold I get passed on the right lickety split by a dude waving a semi-automatic pistol out his driver’s side window. That’s right. He’s going 80mph and waving a handgun out the window with his left hand, steering with his right hand. Off he zoomed on an exit ramp, Praise the Goddess. There he was up there, zooming along, still waving his handgun out the window. Then there was the lady Republican roaring along in a very great vehicle, a very great vehicle festooned with all the emblems of Mammonite Republicanism, who ran me plumb off the road. She never saw me. She was busy, yacking on her cell phone.

Now though, the Republic of Tejas legislature is coming to my aid, giving me leave to protect myself in these dangerous and scary situations, maybe. Soon, I shall be able to defend myself when I feel threatened on Mopac. That’s right. Surely, post the new legislation, I shall get a shot at those two evil doers who almost got me, afore.

Our well-coifed governor wants to extend my rights to bear arms, everywhere. Yepper. Our well-coifed governor is really scared of the Wicker Man, despite having all kinds of police and security forces on guard, protecting and watching over his well-coifed person. So Yell Leader Rick wants to arm me in public places, me and everyone else who is licensed to pack, so I can help protect, him. Then, if a general shoot out erupts in a public place, the survivors can check the corpses to see which ones had licenses to pack. I bet a corpse packing without a license shall be in deep shit.

Yepper, here in the Republic of Tejas, there are abundant reasons to fear the Wicker Man. You migrants, besides that essential bottled water you need to bring along when you migrate into these parts, better pack a piece, too.