Litmus Test
Ere ye ready fer the great global titration
When yer gutty wuts explode into the sky
Will ye puke er will ye poot as the heat expands yer shoot (chute)
Ere ye ready fer the great global titration
These days, litmus tests have become part and parcel of political parlance in these parts. Course, like with everything else in these parts, “passing” the litmus test is the big deal. How many understand that “passing a litmus test” is ridiculous? One does not pass litmus tests for Goddess Sakes.
Just how fundamentally stupid is litmus test in a political context. First, some history. Little rectangular strips of paper are impregnated with lichen juice. The little rectangular strips of paper color up either pink or periwinkle depending on the lichen juice source. Then, when those same juiced up pink or periwinkle rectangular strips of paper are dipped in an aqueous solution they may change color depending on the relative acidity or basicity of the aqueous solution. Pink strips turn periwinkle when shoved in a basic aqueous solution. Periwinkle strips turn pink when inserted into an acidic aqueous solution.
Duh! Now, here comes one of our Queenlet or Kinglet candidates and she or he has to pass a litmus test before she or he gets to be Queenlet or Kinglet. Are you with me so far? Duh! Let’s pick one of the dopey Kinglet candidates at random for the litmus test to see if he passes. Let’s pick Mitt. Ok. We are almost all set for the test. Now remember, according to Ruling Class Media-Orama, red is for conservative and blue is for liberal which hues more or less correspond to the pink and periwinkle colors of the litmus test which indicate acidity or basicity, or appeal to the base.
Now we shall switch over to Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the Druid News Service for a live TV presentation of Mitt’s litmus test. Heeeeeeeeeeere's Hope.
That’s right home audience. Here I am, Ms. Hope Remains, DNS Ace Reporter, with the scoop on Mitt’s litmus test. Goodness gracious sake alive! A team of stern yet kindly Druid scientists have seized Mitt, stripped Mitt, sheared Mitt of his mammalian-like hair and genetically recombined Mitt with two lichens in accordance with Mitt’s characteristic symmetricalness. Consequently, as can be seen on your TV sets, and on the monitors here in the studio, Mitt is periwinkle on one side and pink on the other. Now, in just a minute, the Druid scientists are fixing to raise Mitt up, then once he's raised up, they shall lower Mitt into a large aqueous solution filled beaker. See! They have hooked Mitt up to a pulley system. The actual pulley is attached somewhere way up there to a studio rafter. Cameraman Lomo, pan up to the rafters so the home audience can see that pulley. There it is.
Yikes! Only the Druid scientists know what’s in that beaker. Even I, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, have no notion of what’s in that beaker. Goodness! There they go. Mitt has been lowered half way into the beaker. My goodness gracious! That aqueous solution may be cooler than Mitt is used to. Oh my goodness! Oops! We have to take a commercial break. But I shall be right back after this important commercial message.
Commercial Message
“O, There aint no bugs on me.”
End of Commercial message.
Isn’t that the cutest puppy, ever!. What a cute puppy! I need to explain to Ray that we need to get a new puppy just like that one. Goodness! I’m back on? All righty then. Home audience as you can see, Mitt is up to his armpits in the aqueous solution. Let’s see if his noggin is also part of the test. Let me check. Yoohoo! Druid scientist Karl, is Mitt’s noggin part of the test?
No, Ms. Remains, the noggin is not part of the test.
Noper home audience. Mitt is only getting tested up to his armpits? So the Druid scientists are about done with the test. All righty then. The Druid scientists are fixing to haul Mitt out of the aqueous solution. Goodness gracious sakes alive! Soon we shall know if Mitt indicates anything. But first I need to ask Druid scientist Karl another question. Yoohoo, Druid scientist Karl. If Mitt’s noggin is not part of the test, how come his noggin is pink and periwinkle just like the rest of him?
Genetic recombination experiments are as much art as science, Ms Remains.
Oh my goodness! Home audience, Dr. Karl just explained why Mitt’s noggin is two-toned even though Mitt’s noggin is not part of the litmus test.
Land sakes! The Druid scientists have at last hauled Mitt completely out of the aqueous solution. They have Mitt on firm ground. Now the Druids scientists are examining Mitt to see if he passed the test. This is so exciting home audience. Soon we shall all know whether Mitt passed. Yoohoo! Dr. Karl, did Mitt pass the test?
Look everybody, Dr. Karl is signalling one thumb up and one thumb side ways. Mitt did pass! Barely! Yippee! Home audience, Mitt has barely passed the litmus test! Yippee!
Well, goodness gracious sakes alive, that’s all for now. But remember, of all the networks, only the DNS covers the campaign for Queenlet or Kinglet from a scientific perspective. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter. Buy now, and watch out for the Wickerman.
When yer gutty wuts explode into the sky
Will ye puke er will ye poot as the heat expands yer shoot (chute)
Ere ye ready fer the great global titration
These days, litmus tests have become part and parcel of political parlance in these parts. Course, like with everything else in these parts, “passing” the litmus test is the big deal. How many understand that “passing a litmus test” is ridiculous? One does not pass litmus tests for Goddess Sakes.
Just how fundamentally stupid is litmus test in a political context. First, some history. Little rectangular strips of paper are impregnated with lichen juice. The little rectangular strips of paper color up either pink or periwinkle depending on the lichen juice source. Then, when those same juiced up pink or periwinkle rectangular strips of paper are dipped in an aqueous solution they may change color depending on the relative acidity or basicity of the aqueous solution. Pink strips turn periwinkle when shoved in a basic aqueous solution. Periwinkle strips turn pink when inserted into an acidic aqueous solution.
Duh! Now, here comes one of our Queenlet or Kinglet candidates and she or he has to pass a litmus test before she or he gets to be Queenlet or Kinglet. Are you with me so far? Duh! Let’s pick one of the dopey Kinglet candidates at random for the litmus test to see if he passes. Let’s pick Mitt. Ok. We are almost all set for the test. Now remember, according to Ruling Class Media-Orama, red is for conservative and blue is for liberal which hues more or less correspond to the pink and periwinkle colors of the litmus test which indicate acidity or basicity, or appeal to the base.
Now we shall switch over to Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the Druid News Service for a live TV presentation of Mitt’s litmus test. Heeeeeeeeeeere's Hope.
That’s right home audience. Here I am, Ms. Hope Remains, DNS Ace Reporter, with the scoop on Mitt’s litmus test. Goodness gracious sake alive! A team of stern yet kindly Druid scientists have seized Mitt, stripped Mitt, sheared Mitt of his mammalian-like hair and genetically recombined Mitt with two lichens in accordance with Mitt’s characteristic symmetricalness. Consequently, as can be seen on your TV sets, and on the monitors here in the studio, Mitt is periwinkle on one side and pink on the other. Now, in just a minute, the Druid scientists are fixing to raise Mitt up, then once he's raised up, they shall lower Mitt into a large aqueous solution filled beaker. See! They have hooked Mitt up to a pulley system. The actual pulley is attached somewhere way up there to a studio rafter. Cameraman Lomo, pan up to the rafters so the home audience can see that pulley. There it is.
Yikes! Only the Druid scientists know what’s in that beaker. Even I, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, have no notion of what’s in that beaker. Goodness! There they go. Mitt has been lowered half way into the beaker. My goodness gracious! That aqueous solution may be cooler than Mitt is used to. Oh my goodness! Oops! We have to take a commercial break. But I shall be right back after this important commercial message.
Commercial Message
“O, There aint no bugs on me.”
End of Commercial message.
Isn’t that the cutest puppy, ever!. What a cute puppy! I need to explain to Ray that we need to get a new puppy just like that one. Goodness! I’m back on? All righty then. Home audience as you can see, Mitt is up to his armpits in the aqueous solution. Let’s see if his noggin is also part of the test. Let me check. Yoohoo! Druid scientist Karl, is Mitt’s noggin part of the test?
No, Ms. Remains, the noggin is not part of the test.
Noper home audience. Mitt is only getting tested up to his armpits? So the Druid scientists are about done with the test. All righty then. The Druid scientists are fixing to haul Mitt out of the aqueous solution. Goodness gracious sakes alive! Soon we shall know if Mitt indicates anything. But first I need to ask Druid scientist Karl another question. Yoohoo, Druid scientist Karl. If Mitt’s noggin is not part of the test, how come his noggin is pink and periwinkle just like the rest of him?
Genetic recombination experiments are as much art as science, Ms Remains.
Oh my goodness! Home audience, Dr. Karl just explained why Mitt’s noggin is two-toned even though Mitt’s noggin is not part of the litmus test.
Land sakes! The Druid scientists have at last hauled Mitt completely out of the aqueous solution. They have Mitt on firm ground. Now the Druids scientists are examining Mitt to see if he passed the test. This is so exciting home audience. Soon we shall all know whether Mitt passed. Yoohoo! Dr. Karl, did Mitt pass the test?
Look everybody, Dr. Karl is signalling one thumb up and one thumb side ways. Mitt did pass! Barely! Yippee! Home audience, Mitt has barely passed the litmus test! Yippee!
Well, goodness gracious sakes alive, that’s all for now. But remember, of all the networks, only the DNS covers the campaign for Queenlet or Kinglet from a scientific perspective. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter. Buy now, and watch out for the Wickerman.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, June 14, 2007
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