Crumby Checks Up on His Head

Yes. Here I am, the dark and sinister Crumby. Early, I rise, wresting myself from the cloying embrace of the Ample Bosoms. I need to check up on my head. Those dern rats could be at it. Come on Lulu. We need to go check up on my valuable head.

Out into the frigid, stygian darkness we roared, the twain of us, both the dark and sinister Ovate plus his trusty companion. Long was our journey. Everywhere, on that long and terrible journey I detected ovational hints. Miserable, desicate, vermin gnawed leaves, hung from wand like stems of various subshrubs casting scary shadows thanks to my Froggy-Went-A Courtin’ Head Lamp. Yet eventually, despite the scary leaf shadows that would have unnerved many, we arrived at the shed. Get em Lulu. Get those dern rats. There they go.

While Lulu massacres those rats I shall hop up on my valuable head. Have a seat Crumby. Why thank you Kai.

Ah. That takes a load off. Now that I espy that my head is safe, perhaps I shall reflect upon current events in these parts. What’s that Kai? What’s that you are mumbling, valuable noggin?

I said, lucky for you, the season.

How’s that, noggin?

Easy that, the Polaris or Polar Bear Solstice approaches. The power of the Sun God wanes. I was weak, weak and feeble as a result. Any other time, I would have had your head in a sack, Ovate.

Alas, too true. Yes, my noggin might now be in your sack, chattering away, if this day was Beelzebubberriffic Solstice. But, ha! It aint Beelzebubberriffic Solstice, not by a long shot. You Sun God Trainees surmise you are so smart. Yet you ignore all the signs that are easy to espy. You should have stayed home Kai, sucking at an Ample Bosom like a titty baby.

Well at least I bested Ray.

No you didn’t. Ray’s fine. He’s tucked in with his two beautiful girl friends at this very nonce. Plus your dopey cousin got to play badger in a bag. That was lots of fun.

Boo-hoo-hoo. What shall become of me, Ovate?

Well actually, there is quite of bit of interest in you. Three biological supply vendors are sending representatives to look you over this afternoon. Plus your kin, King Arthur, may ransom you. That’s pretty cool. Then too, King Arthur may wish to ransom that asshole Culwuch as well. I may soon be rich, rich beyond my wildest dreams! Now pipe down. I need to think out loud.

Good doggie. Good girl. That’s right, pile those rats up where I am less likely to step on them.

Er. Seems like the local Sun God goose steppers are het up on interfaith. Boy howdy, if there was ever a knucklehead notion, interfaith is it. Pray to the sky, Sunday, cluster bomb, Monday.

In fact, how the heck did sky pilot worship ever come to be in the first place? That knucklehead notion, for the nonce, escapes me entirely. I shall have to think out loud on that topic.

OK. Here I am. Crumby, primitive cave person. Everything I need is right here. If it is not right here, and I need it, like for example sunshine and rain, right here attracts those items like a magnet. So I ought to be happy. But I’m not. No, I need to ignore all this, and focus on outer space. No, not what I can see out there in outer space. No, I need to imagine a He Man out there in outer space that is actually, unknowable. Swell. That makes me lots happier, and smarter too.

Jeez Louise!