Ray’s Rainfall Update - Day 359, DY 1
Mercy! The anticipation is killing me. Shall we make a 50" in DY 1, or fall short? The new total is 49.28" + 0.37" = 49.65". Mercy! So near, yet so far.
Crumby! What brings my bosom companion to the venue.
I need your opinion, Ray.
I am full of those, Crumby. Which one would you like to know all about?
The one on this. This is my draft application letter to Twrch Twryth.
Lemme see then, Crumby.
____
Dear Sir:
Are those hair rustlers still pestering you? If so, you need to hire me! Now that I have my trusty camera fixed, if you hire me, I shall take pictures of those hair rustlers. Then, as part of my invaluable service, I shall turn those pictures over to the proper authorities. Yes. My pictures shall indicate to the proper authorities, in technicolor, those rustlers swiping your hairs, red handed. Then those hair rustlers shall be rounded up. Once rounded up, they shall be tortured mercilessly. After the merciless torture, the surviving rustlers shall be hung from light poles out on the freeway. As happy motorists creep along the freeway in their great vehicles, they shall espy new electric billboards describing in graphic detail the hideous crimes of those hair rustlers. Big blinking arrows on the electric billboards shall then light up, directing the happy motorists to gaze upon those same hair rustlers, dangling with stretched necks, from the light poles. As you may see for yourself, Sir, my plan, shall not only get shut of the extant hair rustlers, but shall also act as a deterrent to future hair rustlers.
Now, Sir, you may be wondering, What does Crumby Ovate expect in compensation for this invaluable service? Easy that, all I require in return is a trade monopoly on your valuable hairs. That’s right. Plus I have given this part of my plan or proposal a bunch of serious thought. Since I know you probably would not want me around all the time, begging to clip some hairs off, my plan emphasizes recovery of just those hairs recently scratched off. Yes. I am aware Sir, that you, in common with all the Sus scrofa, enjoy a good scratch on your favorite scratching post. Once you have scratched yourself to your heart’s content, I shall discretely remove those hairs from the scratching post.
That’s it. Only the twain of us, Sir, you and me, shall know that the vended hairs are somewhat scratched off and therefore, not quite virginal. But since only the twain of us are in the know, none, except us twain, shall be the wiser. I shall then vend those hairs, and those hairs only, on to the ignorant public.
If you have any questions or require more information, please contact me at:
Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn
P.O. Box 4444
Austink, ROT 44444
Yours truly,
Crumby
_____
So, what’s your opinion, Ray?
My opinion is, Crumby, You figure this pig can read?
Uh! Dern it Ray. Course he can. He can talk. That means he can read too, maybe.
Crumby! What brings my bosom companion to the venue.
I need your opinion, Ray.
I am full of those, Crumby. Which one would you like to know all about?
The one on this. This is my draft application letter to Twrch Twryth.
Lemme see then, Crumby.
____
Dear Sir:
Are those hair rustlers still pestering you? If so, you need to hire me! Now that I have my trusty camera fixed, if you hire me, I shall take pictures of those hair rustlers. Then, as part of my invaluable service, I shall turn those pictures over to the proper authorities. Yes. My pictures shall indicate to the proper authorities, in technicolor, those rustlers swiping your hairs, red handed. Then those hair rustlers shall be rounded up. Once rounded up, they shall be tortured mercilessly. After the merciless torture, the surviving rustlers shall be hung from light poles out on the freeway. As happy motorists creep along the freeway in their great vehicles, they shall espy new electric billboards describing in graphic detail the hideous crimes of those hair rustlers. Big blinking arrows on the electric billboards shall then light up, directing the happy motorists to gaze upon those same hair rustlers, dangling with stretched necks, from the light poles. As you may see for yourself, Sir, my plan, shall not only get shut of the extant hair rustlers, but shall also act as a deterrent to future hair rustlers.
Now, Sir, you may be wondering, What does Crumby Ovate expect in compensation for this invaluable service? Easy that, all I require in return is a trade monopoly on your valuable hairs. That’s right. Plus I have given this part of my plan or proposal a bunch of serious thought. Since I know you probably would not want me around all the time, begging to clip some hairs off, my plan emphasizes recovery of just those hairs recently scratched off. Yes. I am aware Sir, that you, in common with all the Sus scrofa, enjoy a good scratch on your favorite scratching post. Once you have scratched yourself to your heart’s content, I shall discretely remove those hairs from the scratching post.
That’s it. Only the twain of us, Sir, you and me, shall know that the vended hairs are somewhat scratched off and therefore, not quite virginal. But since only the twain of us are in the know, none, except us twain, shall be the wiser. I shall then vend those hairs, and those hairs only, on to the ignorant public.
If you have any questions or require more information, please contact me at:
Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn
P.O. Box 4444
Austink, ROT 44444
Yours truly,
Crumby
_____
So, what’s your opinion, Ray?
My opinion is, Crumby, You figure this pig can read?
Uh! Dern it Ray. Course he can. He can talk. That means he can read too, maybe.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, December 15, 2007
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