We interrupt the regularly scheduled program, Ray’s Round Table, with An Important Message from the Ark Druid

Hello everyone. I am the Ark Druid. I am more important than the rest of the Druids. They all read me, when I spell. That’s because I am older than all of them and I have done more important stuff. They act locally. I act continentally.

Personally, I feel like Ray’s Round Table is a waste of time. Here’s why. Ray started the Round Table off with the idea of satirizing TV news. Fine and dandy. Those shows are mostly gossip, staged by the rulers to fire the opinions of the too leisured, yet hopelessly ignorant. So perhaps, those TV shows deserve some satire. Yet to satirize those shows takes up valuable time that should be devoted to Praising the Goddess. Plus, those shows are so vulgar, they may, generally spelling, be immune to satire.

Here’s an example topic featured recently on most of those shows: Mitt the Mormon’s opinion on, Are Jesus and Satan brothers? That topic is satire immune. Here’s why. The genesis of the topic was Mike the Baptist setting a theological trap for Mitt the Mormon, a seemingly demographically safe trap, given that, among the Mammonite electorate, Baptist voters outnumber Mormon voters. But, Mike the Baptist forgot that among the Mammonite electorate, a great many are only in it for the money. So an abstruse theological topic like, Are Jesus and Satan brothers?, is of no interest to those many. Those are the facts of the matter, so that topic is beneath satire as too ignorant.

Now, below, I see that Ray has resorted to the lowest form of satire, burlesque. How much time did Ray waste, working up this burlesque? How much time did he spend watching those awful TV news programs, acquiring the requisite background material for his burlesque? Plus, Ray has involved three additional Druids in his burlesque, wasting their time too, and my time.

That’s my opinion, Praise the Goddess! If you want news, watch the WG. Now though. Go ahead. Watch Ray’s Round Table. But remember my spell as you watch.

Ray’s Round Table

Which of the Republican Kinglet Candidates Would You Most Like to See Under the Rear Wheels of a Bus? Is There Too Much Competition?

For me, Ray Pistrum, Sun God Trainee, there is too much competition. Leaving out Dr. Paul, they are all surpassing ignoramuses and we should not miss any of them that got run over by a bus. But let’s ask our regular Ray’s Round Table panel members, their opinions.

As usual, in the best tradition of Media Liberal TV, and Media Conservative TV, all my guests, plus me, have incestuous relationships. Today’s regular Round Table guests are; Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, Druid News Service; Dr. Rayetta Pistrum, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta; and my bosom companion, Mr. Crumby Ovate.

Ms. Remains, you have hands on experience with all the Republican Kinglet candidates. Which one would you most like to espy under the rear wheels of a bus?

Gracious sakes Ray! I’m just like you. All of them. I just don’t want to actually espy them under the rear wheels of the bus. Yuck! Yuck! Yikes! I might get sick on TV and ruin my outfit. Then, after I got sick all over myself on live TV, the DNS might fire me.

OK. That’s two votes for all of ‘em. What’s your opinion, Dr. Pistrum?

Hmmm. I wonder. I wonder Ray, if this low satire we are indulging in, turns off potential youthful voters, or worse, ups the pity turnout. What if, in the unlikely event that a potential youthful voter actually read this spell, that potential youthful voter felt sorry for those Republican Kinglet candidates, then, voted for one of them, out of sympathy. Hmmm. Well, on that basis, I should also vote, all of them. That way, even if a potential young voter felt sorry for one of them and actually voted, whoever that candidate is (was), benefitting from the pity vote, would have already been run over the bus.

Great. That’s three to Crumby. Crumby, what’s your opinion?

I have a question, Ray.

What?

Mrs. Clinton is a Republican, or close enough. Shouldn’t Mrs. Clinton get run over by the bus, too?

Certainly not, Crumby. Mrs. Clinton may be a Republican, or close enough, but she is still a lady, or close enough. Er. But maybe we need the ladies input here since our gentlemanly persuasions, or lack thereof, might bias the twain of us. Ms. Remains, Dr. Pistrum can you help us out here?

You go first, Rayetta. I need to fix something personal.

Course you do. And while you are fixing, Lomo, put the camera on me. There, that’s better. Ahem. Are we talking the same bus? Because if we are, I vote no. Mrs. Clinton should not get run over by the same bus as those Bozos. No. Mrs. Clinton needs to get run over by her own bus.

All righty. I’m all fixed. What was the question? Oh my goodness! Stop glaring at me Rayetta. Ray, your sister is glaring at me.

Uh. All righty then, Hope, Rayetta? The question we are discussing is, Should Mrs. Clinton get run over by her own bus?

Land sakes Ray. How am I supposed to know that? I thought we were discussing those goose goosing Republicans.

Er. Hope, darling, perhaps you may have had a slight attention lapse. The discussion has moved on to Mrs. Clinton, while you were fixing yourself.

Well Ray. You should have said so in the first place. Now that I’m all fixed, you shall just have to catch me up.

Yeah but Ray, it’s almost the end of the program, and I, your bosom companion, should get to give my opinion on something or other. All I got to do so far was ask a question. It aint fair.

Hmmm. Yes Ray. You need to ask Crumby his opinion. I bet Crumby’s opinion precisely coincides with my opinion.

Uh! All righty then. Guess what? Ray’s Round Table has timed out, Praise the Goddess. Next week, whatever the topic may be, rest assured home viewers that my regular guests shall stay on task. Yepper. Next week we shall have a script.

_____

Pssst. Lomo. Was that the Ark Druid?

Ark Druid pre-empt, Ray.

Uh oh.