Ray Goes Shopping

Yesterday was my turn to go grocery shopping. The CB was totally out of my delicious popsickles. Off I went to the Central Market that vends my popsickles. But first I had to go to Sun Harvest. Yepper. I planned my shopping adventure out ahead of time because I did not want my popsickles to melt.

Jeez Louise! I fondly remember the good old days when a person could acquire all the required available items needed for survival at one grocery store. Those good old days are long gone. Now I have to go to four different stores to get all the items needed for mere survival.

Meantime, I bet the dopiest shoppers in the world comprise the regular Central Market clientele. I refuse to include myself in that category, dopiest shoppers in the world, because I only go for the delicious popsickles. Anyway, yesterday, the dopy, upscale demographic trend was more apparent than usual.

Blog This! SXSW Party by Blooger (sic).

That is right. Hoards of dopy upscale shoppers from foreign parts, and fixing to attend SXSW, had crowded into the Central Market. There they were, packed elbow to asshole with the native dopy upscale shoppers, all of them waiting patiently in the free food lines for special treats. The aisles were impassable.

I was in a hurry to get my popsickles out of the dang store before they melted. Wisely, I had planned a strategy out previously for the eventuality of getting out of the dang store before my popsickles melted. My plan was to leave those popsickles in the store freezer until after I had picked up a few other items, like peeled whole Hatch green chilis, which Central Market was totally out of.

There I was, fixing to get a six pack of delicious all natural raspberry soda. There I was, stamping my feet and sighing. But that is all I could do. Stamp my feet and sigh. I could make no progress. The aisle before me was jammed up, elbow to asshole with dopey clientele.

I felt a tug on my elbow. Sir, can I help you get something?

It was a young lady, obviously pretty and efficient, but as helpless as me, given the circumstances.

No, no, no. I shall snake through here eventually. I am after that soda water, yonder.

Anon, I managed to snake past barely. I had to turn sideways and sidestep along, but I made it over to the raspberry soda. Central Market actually had the raspberry soda for vend.

But then I had to get my raspberry soda water back to my cart which I had wisely left in a relatively unpopulated area. On I snaked and side stepped.

I had plenty of time on my journey to survey the countenances of the other shoppers. Surveying those countenances, I felt slightly nervous, like when I am out in nature, and a herd of cows approaches me. I always know in that situation, what those cows are thinking. Those cows surmise, He has hay. The cow thinks, that guy is fixing to give me some hay. In that situation, I have never had any of those cows try to afflict me, so there is no good reason for me to feel nervous, but I still feel nervous. That is exactly how I felt gazing at the countenances of those upscale shoppers as they patiently waited in lines for their free treats.

Turns out, I eventually got back to my basket, which was actually at the same location I left it. And there, right next to my basket was the pretty and efficient young lady that had tugged on my elbow hours previously. She was busy, setting up another free food line.

It is these events, sir, that cause the store to be so crowded.

Yeah but, what about yall feeding them. It’s like hogs to a trough.

You said it, not me.

Oh! After all that I got my popsickles. I got tangerine and grape.