Have you seen the flora?
Have you seen the flora
of Sodom or Gomorrah in the morning?
As many know, valuable lessons may be gleaned from the many interesting stories contained in the Old Testament, King James Version, or from the many other extant versions of that interesting text. Back in the days when I occasionally imagined myself as a preacher, every Saturday night, at the last possible minute, I would jot down or copy a note or two into my Big Chief Tablet. Those notes, hastily jotted down, would guide my opinions on Sunday morning as I excoriated my flock, sheering them of their wicked ways, so that they might then embrace me, their preacher.
Young lady. Yes, you in the fourth pew. Meet me in the baptismal font, immediately after this sermon. There, in that font, we shall discover why you were not paying attention.
But getting back to the valuable lessons, or lesson. Unbeknownst to most, I had a serious competitive advantage over my many competitors in the preacher business. For at that time, I was one of a handful of scholars who could actually read and understand Pidgin Greek. Verily, I could actually translate the various stories of the Old Testament from the Pidgin Greek originals into my native tongue, which at that time, was also the native tongue of my flock. Yes. At that time we all shared the same tongue, my tongue.
Eventually I translated an interesting passage from one of the most ancient of all the Pidgin Greek texts. That passage was so ancient that it actually may have initially been penned in Pigeon Greek. But never mind that. Just remember, that particular passage explained all about the famous Garden of Gomorrah.
Where’s my Big Chief Tablet? Here it is. Let me just flip through this ancient tablet so that I may espy the Garden of Gomorrah notes. Here they are!
Reverend Crumby’s Important Notes on the Garden of Gomorrah
Every kind of tree, every kind of shrub, every kind of subshrub, every kind of herb, every kind of low middle and high grass plus most of the sedges occurred in that garden. Yet every one of those floristic elements was delicious in all parts, plus contained natural aphrodisiacs so that the partaker of a single bite of any part waxed libidinous until he or she was worn out. Yet, those parts were also nutritious so that the partaker would eventually wake up, alert and ready to go again, anon.
The above is the literal translation from Pidgin Greek. Obviously, the author is not a botanist of any repute. If he or she was a botanist of any repute, a species list would be included. Plus, that botanist, he or she, would know more sedges. Nevertheless, the natural aphrodisiac part is of considerable interest. I need to work that into tomorrow’s sermon.
Crumby’s Sunday Sermon
So, in conclusion, my stray prone flock, that wonderful Garden of Gomorrah, may still be right there, undestroyed by the fiery comet or whatever other celestial body, the almighty vengeful God of those times directed at lovely Gomorrah. Yes, a comet, or similar deadly space phenomena , directed through the depths of space and time took the citizens of Gomorrah. Almighty God directed that comet, with willful purpose, to afflict the innocent yet wicked citizen sinners of Gomorrah. Yes they were innocent. They were innocent because they were totally doped up on aphrodisiacs of incredible potency. So their wickedness was not their fault. Yet they were destroyed anyway. Is that fair? Ask yourselves, Is that fair?
Yea verily, lo and behold, all the people and most of the livestock of Gomorrah were utterly destroyed. Yea verily, all the sentient beings were eventually all smothered for lack of oxygen, then burned to a crisp, burned crispier than the crispest pork rind, burned blacker than the ace of spades. Yet the Garden of Gomorrah survived. It is out there, somewhere. Plus, we can go there. That is, you and I can go there. We can all go there right now, all righty then. We can go there and cavort in that happy garden. Let us do it. Let us go there right now.
That was pretty much my last sermon. That young lady in the fourth pew was also my last church related date. That was a valuable lesson.
of Sodom or Gomorrah in the morning?
As many know, valuable lessons may be gleaned from the many interesting stories contained in the Old Testament, King James Version, or from the many other extant versions of that interesting text. Back in the days when I occasionally imagined myself as a preacher, every Saturday night, at the last possible minute, I would jot down or copy a note or two into my Big Chief Tablet. Those notes, hastily jotted down, would guide my opinions on Sunday morning as I excoriated my flock, sheering them of their wicked ways, so that they might then embrace me, their preacher.
Young lady. Yes, you in the fourth pew. Meet me in the baptismal font, immediately after this sermon. There, in that font, we shall discover why you were not paying attention.
But getting back to the valuable lessons, or lesson. Unbeknownst to most, I had a serious competitive advantage over my many competitors in the preacher business. For at that time, I was one of a handful of scholars who could actually read and understand Pidgin Greek. Verily, I could actually translate the various stories of the Old Testament from the Pidgin Greek originals into my native tongue, which at that time, was also the native tongue of my flock. Yes. At that time we all shared the same tongue, my tongue.
Eventually I translated an interesting passage from one of the most ancient of all the Pidgin Greek texts. That passage was so ancient that it actually may have initially been penned in Pigeon Greek. But never mind that. Just remember, that particular passage explained all about the famous Garden of Gomorrah.
Where’s my Big Chief Tablet? Here it is. Let me just flip through this ancient tablet so that I may espy the Garden of Gomorrah notes. Here they are!
Reverend Crumby’s Important Notes on the Garden of Gomorrah
Every kind of tree, every kind of shrub, every kind of subshrub, every kind of herb, every kind of low middle and high grass plus most of the sedges occurred in that garden. Yet every one of those floristic elements was delicious in all parts, plus contained natural aphrodisiacs so that the partaker of a single bite of any part waxed libidinous until he or she was worn out. Yet, those parts were also nutritious so that the partaker would eventually wake up, alert and ready to go again, anon.
The above is the literal translation from Pidgin Greek. Obviously, the author is not a botanist of any repute. If he or she was a botanist of any repute, a species list would be included. Plus, that botanist, he or she, would know more sedges. Nevertheless, the natural aphrodisiac part is of considerable interest. I need to work that into tomorrow’s sermon.
Crumby’s Sunday Sermon
So, in conclusion, my stray prone flock, that wonderful Garden of Gomorrah, may still be right there, undestroyed by the fiery comet or whatever other celestial body, the almighty vengeful God of those times directed at lovely Gomorrah. Yes, a comet, or similar deadly space phenomena , directed through the depths of space and time took the citizens of Gomorrah. Almighty God directed that comet, with willful purpose, to afflict the innocent yet wicked citizen sinners of Gomorrah. Yes they were innocent. They were innocent because they were totally doped up on aphrodisiacs of incredible potency. So their wickedness was not their fault. Yet they were destroyed anyway. Is that fair? Ask yourselves, Is that fair?
Yea verily, lo and behold, all the people and most of the livestock of Gomorrah were utterly destroyed. Yea verily, all the sentient beings were eventually all smothered for lack of oxygen, then burned to a crisp, burned crispier than the crispest pork rind, burned blacker than the ace of spades. Yet the Garden of Gomorrah survived. It is out there, somewhere. Plus, we can go there. That is, you and I can go there. We can all go there right now, all righty then. We can go there and cavort in that happy garden. Let us do it. Let us go there right now.
That was pretty much my last sermon. That young lady in the fourth pew was also my last church related date. That was a valuable lesson.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, April 03, 2008
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