Lifer
Which would you rather espy, a miserable criminal locked up forever, or a natural history lifer? Most regular people never face this Druid Dichotomy. That’s right. Sadly, free enterprise has yet to capitalize on tours of the prisons that would allow regular people and retards to compile checklists of incarcerated lifers.
Seems like there should be a market by now, especially in the Republic of Tejas (ROT). Yes. Seems like the Mammonites should have figured out that lots of citizens in these parts would pay over plenty of chump change to espy lifers.
Whoa! What an idea! What a potential win-win situation for free enterprise and the ROT way of life!
Yes. Here’s the business model. We need an advertising budget, a bus, a bus driver, a tour guide and access to the lifers. Eventually, we may need a fleet of private luxury jets. All that might be easy. Especially if the prison gets a kickback from the tour. Yes. The prisons and the tour business would need to be in cahoots, a win-win situation. Yes, private enterprise and the state working in cahoots.
Each prison could compile a list of its miserable incarcerated lifers, together with biographies, and supply this to the tour company. Then the tour guide could work up an interesting presentation about the more interesting lifers, even embellishing the gory details. Teasers abstracted from this information could go in the advertising. Mercy! Imagine the kind of interesting information plus lurid imagery that could go in those teasers. Mercy!
Yes. Paying customers, you are fixing to fluff up your life lists for sure. Today we are visiting Huntsville State Penitentiary. Oooh! Consider all these miserable lifers you are fixing to get to check off your life list. Oooh! Just remember though. You can look, but don’t touch. Uh! Don’t get too close. We’re not liable if you get too close.
Ladies and gentlemen. Today we are visiting the illegal Mexican children prison in Williamson County. Yes. The blight on society you are currently espying is known as lifer Baby Jesus. Baby Jesus sneaked into the ROT illegally. You probably should notice that Baby Jesus is too little to work construction. The fact is, Baby Jesus is too little for gainful employment of any sort. So baby Jesus is, at the age of two, already a career criminal. Check Baby Jesus off.
Seems like there should be a market by now, especially in the Republic of Tejas (ROT). Yes. Seems like the Mammonites should have figured out that lots of citizens in these parts would pay over plenty of chump change to espy lifers.
Whoa! What an idea! What a potential win-win situation for free enterprise and the ROT way of life!
Yes. Here’s the business model. We need an advertising budget, a bus, a bus driver, a tour guide and access to the lifers. Eventually, we may need a fleet of private luxury jets. All that might be easy. Especially if the prison gets a kickback from the tour. Yes. The prisons and the tour business would need to be in cahoots, a win-win situation. Yes, private enterprise and the state working in cahoots.
Each prison could compile a list of its miserable incarcerated lifers, together with biographies, and supply this to the tour company. Then the tour guide could work up an interesting presentation about the more interesting lifers, even embellishing the gory details. Teasers abstracted from this information could go in the advertising. Mercy! Imagine the kind of interesting information plus lurid imagery that could go in those teasers. Mercy!
Yes. Paying customers, you are fixing to fluff up your life lists for sure. Today we are visiting Huntsville State Penitentiary. Oooh! Consider all these miserable lifers you are fixing to get to check off your life list. Oooh! Just remember though. You can look, but don’t touch. Uh! Don’t get too close. We’re not liable if you get too close.
Ladies and gentlemen. Today we are visiting the illegal Mexican children prison in Williamson County. Yes. The blight on society you are currently espying is known as lifer Baby Jesus. Baby Jesus sneaked into the ROT illegally. You probably should notice that Baby Jesus is too little to work construction. The fact is, Baby Jesus is too little for gainful employment of any sort. So baby Jesus is, at the age of two, already a career criminal. Check Baby Jesus off.
posted by ray pistrum at Wednesday, December 31, 2008
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