Mainline the Vitamin D , Comrades
Holy Goddess! Ogma Sunface has revealed himself, while at the same instant, the snow briefly flurried. Like weather persons everywhere, the ones in these parts suck. They are only any account for obvious ovation or prognoses, huh-huh, prognoses. For the rest, the unusual, for example rain, when the rain falleth not, they can’t do it. No.
What the heck are you ovating about Crumby? Easy that, there was like a 70% chance of snow yesterday, for today, and a 60% chance today, and it did snow, minutely, but only after Ogma came out, putting the lie almost totally to the forecast.
How does Crumby know all this? Because, Crumby set forth into the wilderness with only his faithful dog for company. Off the twain of them went, on a walkie. While on the walkie, Crumby noted Ogma plus snow. Fancy that! Simultaneous snowflakes and sunshine.
Snowflakes and sunshine make my weenie hard.
Yes, but the cold wind makes it soft again.
Then when Crumby don’t get any Vitamin D,
All the winter long he could go crazy! Mercy!
Huh-huh.
All righty then. Huh-huh. White people and even people that are only mostly or maybe slightly white can go crazy during the winters at this latitude. Yes. Many people, mostly white people shall go crazy this winter, probably. What shall they do once gone crazy? Mercy! Many shall eat their babies or other people’s babies. Goodness! It is always the babies, the most innocent among everyone, that could easily suffer the worst fate of all, the brunt of cannibalism during these long winter months when Vitamin D is scarcely available. Boo hoo. The worst part is those babies don’t even contain much Vitamin D. What a waste!
You know, seriously, of the major religions, White Goddess Worshiping Druids of the Old School are the most likely to make sport of Ogma Sunface. Yet, when push comes to shove, we Druids are just as dependent on Vitamin D as the average lazy white dumbass Republican secesh pseudo-Christian moron inhabiting this latitude, especially Tejas. So right now, before Winter Solstice, before Ogma wanes to insignificance, I, Crumby Ovate, would like to apologize to Ogma for all the bad juju bullshit I have spelled over him. Mercy! Not only that, I would like to extend my hand, a hand of friendship to that often maligned provider of sunshine, plus Vitamin D, Ogma Sunface, the best friend or source of Vitamin D any may have.
Besides Ogma, animal fur is a good penultimate source of Vitamin D. Like maybe, ladies, your husband or fornicating boyfriend is hairy as a coon or possum. OK ladies, all you got to do in the winter to get your Vitamin D is lick the fur of that husband or your prime boyfriend fornicator. That fur is oily and in that oily fur is plenty of Vitamin D; all the Vitamin D required to survive the winter, and to keep you ladies from eating your babies. Even if you don’t have babies, that oily fur can help you survive. Yes. Your spirits shall remain high all winter, but only if you lick plenty of oily male fur. Lick that fur and you shall not be Vitamin D deprived. Instead, you shall be invigorated, full of pep, like wishing to take dancing lessons. Plus you shall have so much going for you this winter, you can make your oily male counterpart take you to dancing lessons and even dance, himself. Mercy!
Course you have to watch out and not choke on the oily fur. That’s what happened to Karl the Tracker Druid’s second wife, Berenice. She forgot that Karl sheds periodically. All Karls' fur came off in Berenice's mouth.
OK. That takes care of the Vitamin D requirements of the fair sex during winter. But what about all you he men. Could be that your lady or lady fares or fairs, which is which, or what if you happen to be a Mormon, Arab, or unabashed fornicator or adulterer....... What if? Hold it! Stop all this foolishness!
The lady or ladies you he men associate with may lack the integumentary follicles or oil glands necessary to assure your survival. Well, there is no shame there. No shame! So temporarily, and just for the sake of survival and to avoid baby cannibalism, you dudes could like lick the fur of one another, ugh, man. You know. It’s like a temporary seasonal solution implying no long term commitments.
What the heck are you ovating about Crumby? Easy that, there was like a 70% chance of snow yesterday, for today, and a 60% chance today, and it did snow, minutely, but only after Ogma came out, putting the lie almost totally to the forecast.
How does Crumby know all this? Because, Crumby set forth into the wilderness with only his faithful dog for company. Off the twain of them went, on a walkie. While on the walkie, Crumby noted Ogma plus snow. Fancy that! Simultaneous snowflakes and sunshine.
Snowflakes and sunshine make my weenie hard.
Yes, but the cold wind makes it soft again.
Then when Crumby don’t get any Vitamin D,
All the winter long he could go crazy! Mercy!
Huh-huh.
All righty then. Huh-huh. White people and even people that are only mostly or maybe slightly white can go crazy during the winters at this latitude. Yes. Many people, mostly white people shall go crazy this winter, probably. What shall they do once gone crazy? Mercy! Many shall eat their babies or other people’s babies. Goodness! It is always the babies, the most innocent among everyone, that could easily suffer the worst fate of all, the brunt of cannibalism during these long winter months when Vitamin D is scarcely available. Boo hoo. The worst part is those babies don’t even contain much Vitamin D. What a waste!
You know, seriously, of the major religions, White Goddess Worshiping Druids of the Old School are the most likely to make sport of Ogma Sunface. Yet, when push comes to shove, we Druids are just as dependent on Vitamin D as the average lazy white dumbass Republican secesh pseudo-Christian moron inhabiting this latitude, especially Tejas. So right now, before Winter Solstice, before Ogma wanes to insignificance, I, Crumby Ovate, would like to apologize to Ogma for all the bad juju bullshit I have spelled over him. Mercy! Not only that, I would like to extend my hand, a hand of friendship to that often maligned provider of sunshine, plus Vitamin D, Ogma Sunface, the best friend or source of Vitamin D any may have.
Besides Ogma, animal fur is a good penultimate source of Vitamin D. Like maybe, ladies, your husband or fornicating boyfriend is hairy as a coon or possum. OK ladies, all you got to do in the winter to get your Vitamin D is lick the fur of that husband or your prime boyfriend fornicator. That fur is oily and in that oily fur is plenty of Vitamin D; all the Vitamin D required to survive the winter, and to keep you ladies from eating your babies. Even if you don’t have babies, that oily fur can help you survive. Yes. Your spirits shall remain high all winter, but only if you lick plenty of oily male fur. Lick that fur and you shall not be Vitamin D deprived. Instead, you shall be invigorated, full of pep, like wishing to take dancing lessons. Plus you shall have so much going for you this winter, you can make your oily male counterpart take you to dancing lessons and even dance, himself. Mercy!
Course you have to watch out and not choke on the oily fur. That’s what happened to Karl the Tracker Druid’s second wife, Berenice. She forgot that Karl sheds periodically. All Karls' fur came off in Berenice's mouth.
OK. That takes care of the Vitamin D requirements of the fair sex during winter. But what about all you he men. Could be that your lady or lady fares or fairs, which is which, or what if you happen to be a Mormon, Arab, or unabashed fornicator or adulterer....... What if? Hold it! Stop all this foolishness!
The lady or ladies you he men associate with may lack the integumentary follicles or oil glands necessary to assure your survival. Well, there is no shame there. No shame! So temporarily, and just for the sake of survival and to avoid baby cannibalism, you dudes could like lick the fur of one another, ugh, man. You know. It’s like a temporary seasonal solution implying no long term commitments.
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, December 04, 2009
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