Lancasters, Yorks, Games and Songs of Zombies (A Special TV Show Review)
If you are the same difference as Crumby, you may have watched most of the HBO series, A Game of Zombies, also titled, A Song of Zombies. That’s what Crumby alternately calls the series because he has skipped ahead to find out what happens. How did Crumby skip ahead? Easy that, Crumby read a synopsis of the books the TV show is derived from on Wikpedia. Praise the Goddess for Wikpedia.
Of course, Crumby can’t take any credit for first noticing all the zombies. Most all the other reviewers have noticed and commented upon the zombies too, before Crumby. It’s human nature to notice zombies. But who cares about anybody else’s reviews anyway? We are now discussing Crumby’s review. So it is Crumby who shall provide the lowdown on all the zombies.
OK. We know from what was presented on TV that the mysterious Others may be responsible for turning the miserable Wildlings into a type of zombie. The Wildlings are apparently a tribe of white trash trapped on the wrong side of the mysterious Wall with the cruel yet malicious Others. Mercy! Once turned into Zombies the only thing that will stop the zombies is fire. In other words, they need to be burned up. This is different from regular zombies that need to be shot in the head. Course the particular zombies we are now discussing couldn’t be shot in the head because the ignorant civilization afflicted by these zombies lacks firearms. Too primitive.
Then another type of zombie we get to see on the TV in the first season of the HBO series is zombie Khal Drogo. Zombie Khal Drogo is kept sort of functioning by witchcraft. However, zombie Khal Drogo is inanimate. So he’s like a zombie in a coma, or maybe a paralyzed zombie. What the heck good is an inanimate zombie? Even the beautiful Daenerys Stormborn (what a moniker, what a gal) can’t get a rise out of zombie Khal Drogo. However, in common with the white trash zombies, zombie Khal Drogo winds up getting set on fire. Just to make sure.
That about covers the zombies featured in the TV series so far. But the extant books, that is the four published Games or Songs of Zombies feature more of the ambulatory dead. And Wikpedia does a good job of covering the rest of the zombies too, so you don’t have to read the books to find out about the zombies.
OK. Who are the additional zombies? The first upcoming zombie we may meet on TV next season is zombie Beric Dondarrion. Zombie Dondarrion is accidentally on purpose resurrected during a religious ceremony. Next, a major character gets killed off but is soon resurrected as zombie Catelyn Stark. Lady Stark is resurrected via an extended religious ceremony. Zombie Dondarrion confers zombieness on Lady Stark. (Surely the swarms of Christian literary critics parasitizing fantasy literature have noticed the similarities between Dondarrion and Jesus). Later, we may learn that the totally evil Mountain that Rides, Gregor Clegane, also known merely as the Mountain, is also a zombie, re-animated by the de-frocked Maester, Qyburn.
Besides these obvious or probable zombies, there are various other possibly resurrected types running around. For example, the character Cold Hands, who rides an elk, may be dead. Although, one must wonder about what kind of elk would let itself be domesticated by a zombie. Yet the fact is, in Games and Songs of Zombies, most may rise again. Some have speculated that Cold Hands may be Benjen Stark, born again. You just can't keep a good Stark down. Others agree with Crumby that Cold Hands is a Gentleman Bronco.
Another example, Eddard York, I mean Stark, is espied down in the crypts below Winterfell the very night of the very day his head gets chopped off. Could be ghost Ned. Could be zombie Ned. We don’t know. Because in this one instance Wikpedia spells out few details. We don’t even know if ghost or zombie Ned has its head.
Here are all the ways you can get turned into a zombie in A Song or Game of Zombies.
1) The Others get you.
2) A Priest of R’Holler (sp) gets you.
3) Someone that is already a zombie gets you.
4) Maester Qyburn gets you.
5) A witch gets you.
6) You drown and someone present knows CPR
7) Totally unknown
All righty then. Now for a few interesting features of A Song or Game of Zombies that have only a little bit to do with zombies.
Besides zombies there is a plenitude of supernatural, biologically unlikely or extinct creatures featured. Crumby shall attempt to list all these alphabetically. He may miss some.
Children of the Forest (Brownies or Pygmys?)
dire wolves (domesticated)
dragons (semi-domesticated)
elk (domesticated)
gods (lots)
mammoths (domesticated)
Others (?)
raven (three-eyed)
shadows
warlocks
witches
The only actor Crumby recognized in the TV series, Games or Songs of Zombies, as having been in other movies or TV shows, besides Boromir and the dwarf, is the gal who plays Osha. (Isn’t Osha a disfunctional federal agency?) Anyway, Osha is the same difference as Nymphadora Tonks of Hairy Pooter, I mean, Harry Potter fame, and a welcome relief from many of the other characters in Songs or Games of Zombies.
Progress at Last
The book series has been chugging along since the 90s. But recently, progress has been slow. Like for example, zombie Lady Stark may be the longest running zombie in all of civilized literature. And fans of the book series need to figure out what’s fixing to happen to zombie Lady Stark plus the rest of the zombies. So thank goodness for a new book release next month on July 11. How long will it take for a synopsis of the new book, A Dance with Zombies, to appear on Wikpedia? Crumby can hardly wait.
A Related Doggerel
Oh the Yerks and Lancasturds
they was restless Ainglish lerds.
Jumpin’ in and out of bed
even after they were dead.
Of course, Crumby can’t take any credit for first noticing all the zombies. Most all the other reviewers have noticed and commented upon the zombies too, before Crumby. It’s human nature to notice zombies. But who cares about anybody else’s reviews anyway? We are now discussing Crumby’s review. So it is Crumby who shall provide the lowdown on all the zombies.
OK. We know from what was presented on TV that the mysterious Others may be responsible for turning the miserable Wildlings into a type of zombie. The Wildlings are apparently a tribe of white trash trapped on the wrong side of the mysterious Wall with the cruel yet malicious Others. Mercy! Once turned into Zombies the only thing that will stop the zombies is fire. In other words, they need to be burned up. This is different from regular zombies that need to be shot in the head. Course the particular zombies we are now discussing couldn’t be shot in the head because the ignorant civilization afflicted by these zombies lacks firearms. Too primitive.
Then another type of zombie we get to see on the TV in the first season of the HBO series is zombie Khal Drogo. Zombie Khal Drogo is kept sort of functioning by witchcraft. However, zombie Khal Drogo is inanimate. So he’s like a zombie in a coma, or maybe a paralyzed zombie. What the heck good is an inanimate zombie? Even the beautiful Daenerys Stormborn (what a moniker, what a gal) can’t get a rise out of zombie Khal Drogo. However, in common with the white trash zombies, zombie Khal Drogo winds up getting set on fire. Just to make sure.
That about covers the zombies featured in the TV series so far. But the extant books, that is the four published Games or Songs of Zombies feature more of the ambulatory dead. And Wikpedia does a good job of covering the rest of the zombies too, so you don’t have to read the books to find out about the zombies.
OK. Who are the additional zombies? The first upcoming zombie we may meet on TV next season is zombie Beric Dondarrion. Zombie Dondarrion is accidentally on purpose resurrected during a religious ceremony. Next, a major character gets killed off but is soon resurrected as zombie Catelyn Stark. Lady Stark is resurrected via an extended religious ceremony. Zombie Dondarrion confers zombieness on Lady Stark. (Surely the swarms of Christian literary critics parasitizing fantasy literature have noticed the similarities between Dondarrion and Jesus). Later, we may learn that the totally evil Mountain that Rides, Gregor Clegane, also known merely as the Mountain, is also a zombie, re-animated by the de-frocked Maester, Qyburn.
Besides these obvious or probable zombies, there are various other possibly resurrected types running around. For example, the character Cold Hands, who rides an elk, may be dead. Although, one must wonder about what kind of elk would let itself be domesticated by a zombie. Yet the fact is, in Games and Songs of Zombies, most may rise again. Some have speculated that Cold Hands may be Benjen Stark, born again. You just can't keep a good Stark down. Others agree with Crumby that Cold Hands is a Gentleman Bronco.
Another example, Eddard York, I mean Stark, is espied down in the crypts below Winterfell the very night of the very day his head gets chopped off. Could be ghost Ned. Could be zombie Ned. We don’t know. Because in this one instance Wikpedia spells out few details. We don’t even know if ghost or zombie Ned has its head.
Here are all the ways you can get turned into a zombie in A Song or Game of Zombies.
1) The Others get you.
2) A Priest of R’Holler (sp) gets you.
3) Someone that is already a zombie gets you.
4) Maester Qyburn gets you.
5) A witch gets you.
6) You drown and someone present knows CPR
7) Totally unknown
All righty then. Now for a few interesting features of A Song or Game of Zombies that have only a little bit to do with zombies.
Besides zombies there is a plenitude of supernatural, biologically unlikely or extinct creatures featured. Crumby shall attempt to list all these alphabetically. He may miss some.
Children of the Forest (Brownies or Pygmys?)
dire wolves (domesticated)
dragons (semi-domesticated)
elk (domesticated)
gods (lots)
mammoths (domesticated)
Others (?)
raven (three-eyed)
shadows
warlocks
witches
The only actor Crumby recognized in the TV series, Games or Songs of Zombies, as having been in other movies or TV shows, besides Boromir and the dwarf, is the gal who plays Osha. (Isn’t Osha a disfunctional federal agency?) Anyway, Osha is the same difference as Nymphadora Tonks of Hairy Pooter, I mean, Harry Potter fame, and a welcome relief from many of the other characters in Songs or Games of Zombies.
Progress at Last
The book series has been chugging along since the 90s. But recently, progress has been slow. Like for example, zombie Lady Stark may be the longest running zombie in all of civilized literature. And fans of the book series need to figure out what’s fixing to happen to zombie Lady Stark plus the rest of the zombies. So thank goodness for a new book release next month on July 11. How long will it take for a synopsis of the new book, A Dance with Zombies, to appear on Wikpedia? Crumby can hardly wait.
A Related Doggerel
Oh the Yerks and Lancasturds
they was restless Ainglish lerds.
Jumpin’ in and out of bed
even after they were dead.
posted by ray pistrum at Tuesday, June 21, 2011
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