Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 13
In the late hours of the stygian darkness and neon glow, pre-dawn, Ray attended to his usual ablutions and dressed as usual, but in mostly fresh garments from his suitcase. Then he packed up and deposited all his belongings in the Crown Vic. Then he went door to door at the tourist court knocking everyone of his retinue up so that they should depart anon. But Chitlin could not be found and Sleeza was not adorned satisfactorily, and only Rumpler was all set. Rumpler was indeed, up and at em, instructing a minion on how to affix undears to the radio antenna of his limousine, so that all who espied the passage of Rumpler in that particular limousine should then get the shivers over the power and majesty of Rumpler.
“Dad gum it. This bunch is generally no account.” thought Ray. “All righty then. Rumpler, I, Ray am heading out. The rest of this bunch can follow along as best ye may.”
“But the Kinglet instructed us to help you Ray, on your quest. You should not abandon us, altogether, for we are a great help even if you do not believe it. However, if you must depart anon, before Chitlin can be found and before the final adornment of Sleeza, let me first have a tailing device affixed to the Crown Vic so that we may catch up later on.”
“All righty then, Rumpler.”
So Rumpler had a minion or two a-fix a tailing device to the Crown Vic so that Ray’s retinue should catch up with Ray anon, maybe, or at the least know where Ray was, maybe.
Ray headed out and made good progress for the Crown Vic knew which direction to take automatically and all Ray had to do was drive, drive, drive. Ray drove, drove, drove and had a delicious breakfast and a delicious dinner out of his magic sack and kept on driving for Ray was fired up and scarcely distracted from the quest and only stopped a few times along the way to perform ablutions and never thought about anything but the quest except when an interesting tune was on the radio or when he had to identify birds on the phone lines or botanical wonders on the back slopes of the highway. Nonetheless and despite these distractions, Ray made good progress and the Crown Vic throbbed along expeditiously.
Ray was driving along expeditiously when he chanced to espy a great black man up ahead on the shoulder trudging along in the same general direction as the Crown Vic and this particular great black man was afflicted with burdens, not only the mighty hump on his back, but also with a swine under each arm. Then too a tiny white dog with red ears accompanied the black man and the tiny white dog with red ears was also burdened for she carried a great swine in her jaws also. Ray‘s genetic proclivities pronounced that he should either honk the horn at the black man or toss a horse apple at the black man, but Ray overrode his genetic proclivities and the Crown Vic and Ray slowed somewhat to equalize momentums with the great black man and the tiny white dog with red ears.
“Want a lift, fer I espy that ye and yer little dog er afflicted with great burdens.” Ray hollered once momentums were generally equalized.
“Yeah. These wayward swine is mitey afflictin', both fer me and Tiny. So we may get in if we all fit, fer ye must give these big swines a lift also. These here swine may not be left on account of all the trouble we had roundin’, em up.”
“Get in then. Put them swine in the back seat though.”
So the black man and Tiny put the swine in the back seat of the Crown Vic in such fashion that there in the back seat set the three great swine and in the front seat was Ray driving and Tiny beside Ray and the black man ridin’ shotgun. Then onward they all progressed in the same general direction they had all been headed, but soon Tiny wanted to look out the window so they re-arranged a mite so Tiny could stick her head out the window.
“So,” says Ray, “where are y’all headed with those swine and why might ye be totin’ such great beasts along the roadside.”
“True it be that they no rest fer the weary. Fer I be Swineherd to the terrible great giant Upyeraholes, Chief Justice and many are the swine I be doomed to herd and most all of em be wayward as these three herein yer Crown Vic that were most lately run off from the herd.”
“Yer Upyeraholes Swineherd, fer sure? This is my lucky day and moment then. For I seek the castle of Upyeraholes, Chief Justice so that I may have sexual intercourse with his daughter, Olwen.” exclaimed Ray excitedly.
“No, no, no. Ye don’t want to go there. Many a young gentleman such as yerself has fooled with Upyeraholes and all that have fooled around as ye describe wound up as swine chow. Upyeraholes has em delivered to me, dead er mostly dead, and I must grind those poor boys up fer a component of the swine chow.”
“Jeez Louise, really?”
“That’s so.”
“Whoa! Er, nonetheless that’s where I am headed fer my mommy says I caint have sexual intercourse with nought but Olwen first.
“Yer mommy told ye that? How old are ye, boy?”
“Three and a half.”
“Well I swan. But ye been warned and this is where we get off. Espy that great expanse of parlors yonder. That is where we are headed and no roads leads yonder. So Tiny and me and the swine must get out here fer to proceed there too. But if ye got to go visit Upyeraholes, ye must needs to go visit with my wife where we stay a-fore ye go to visit Mr. Upyeraholes. Fer Delilah, my old lady, may have some valuable information fer ye.”
“But how do I get there and how will I know this Delilah, yer wife?”
“Just follow this here road. It will take a while to get there. Tell ye whut. Gimme that steerin' wheel knob and I will arrive before ye and speak of ye to Delilah so everything will be fixed up fer yer arrival.”
“All righty then, but I may need this here steering wheel knob back once all this is settled.”
So Ray halted the momentum of the Crown Vic and presented the black man with the steering wheel knob. Then the black man and Tiny extricated the three swine from the back seat and Ray watched them for a minute or two as they all made good progress in the direction of the vast expanse of parlors.
“See ye anon, maybe,” hollered Ray at the departing black swineherd and at Tiny and at the three great swine they were toting. Then all Ray had to do was drive, drive, drive.
“Dad gum it. This bunch is generally no account.” thought Ray. “All righty then. Rumpler, I, Ray am heading out. The rest of this bunch can follow along as best ye may.”
“But the Kinglet instructed us to help you Ray, on your quest. You should not abandon us, altogether, for we are a great help even if you do not believe it. However, if you must depart anon, before Chitlin can be found and before the final adornment of Sleeza, let me first have a tailing device affixed to the Crown Vic so that we may catch up later on.”
“All righty then, Rumpler.”
So Rumpler had a minion or two a-fix a tailing device to the Crown Vic so that Ray’s retinue should catch up with Ray anon, maybe, or at the least know where Ray was, maybe.
Ray headed out and made good progress for the Crown Vic knew which direction to take automatically and all Ray had to do was drive, drive, drive. Ray drove, drove, drove and had a delicious breakfast and a delicious dinner out of his magic sack and kept on driving for Ray was fired up and scarcely distracted from the quest and only stopped a few times along the way to perform ablutions and never thought about anything but the quest except when an interesting tune was on the radio or when he had to identify birds on the phone lines or botanical wonders on the back slopes of the highway. Nonetheless and despite these distractions, Ray made good progress and the Crown Vic throbbed along expeditiously.
Ray was driving along expeditiously when he chanced to espy a great black man up ahead on the shoulder trudging along in the same general direction as the Crown Vic and this particular great black man was afflicted with burdens, not only the mighty hump on his back, but also with a swine under each arm. Then too a tiny white dog with red ears accompanied the black man and the tiny white dog with red ears was also burdened for she carried a great swine in her jaws also. Ray‘s genetic proclivities pronounced that he should either honk the horn at the black man or toss a horse apple at the black man, but Ray overrode his genetic proclivities and the Crown Vic and Ray slowed somewhat to equalize momentums with the great black man and the tiny white dog with red ears.
“Want a lift, fer I espy that ye and yer little dog er afflicted with great burdens.” Ray hollered once momentums were generally equalized.
“Yeah. These wayward swine is mitey afflictin', both fer me and Tiny. So we may get in if we all fit, fer ye must give these big swines a lift also. These here swine may not be left on account of all the trouble we had roundin’, em up.”
“Get in then. Put them swine in the back seat though.”
So the black man and Tiny put the swine in the back seat of the Crown Vic in such fashion that there in the back seat set the three great swine and in the front seat was Ray driving and Tiny beside Ray and the black man ridin’ shotgun. Then onward they all progressed in the same general direction they had all been headed, but soon Tiny wanted to look out the window so they re-arranged a mite so Tiny could stick her head out the window.
“So,” says Ray, “where are y’all headed with those swine and why might ye be totin’ such great beasts along the roadside.”
“True it be that they no rest fer the weary. Fer I be Swineherd to the terrible great giant Upyeraholes, Chief Justice and many are the swine I be doomed to herd and most all of em be wayward as these three herein yer Crown Vic that were most lately run off from the herd.”
“Yer Upyeraholes Swineherd, fer sure? This is my lucky day and moment then. For I seek the castle of Upyeraholes, Chief Justice so that I may have sexual intercourse with his daughter, Olwen.” exclaimed Ray excitedly.
“No, no, no. Ye don’t want to go there. Many a young gentleman such as yerself has fooled with Upyeraholes and all that have fooled around as ye describe wound up as swine chow. Upyeraholes has em delivered to me, dead er mostly dead, and I must grind those poor boys up fer a component of the swine chow.”
“Jeez Louise, really?”
“That’s so.”
“Whoa! Er, nonetheless that’s where I am headed fer my mommy says I caint have sexual intercourse with nought but Olwen first.
“Yer mommy told ye that? How old are ye, boy?”
“Three and a half.”
“Well I swan. But ye been warned and this is where we get off. Espy that great expanse of parlors yonder. That is where we are headed and no roads leads yonder. So Tiny and me and the swine must get out here fer to proceed there too. But if ye got to go visit Upyeraholes, ye must needs to go visit with my wife where we stay a-fore ye go to visit Mr. Upyeraholes. Fer Delilah, my old lady, may have some valuable information fer ye.”
“But how do I get there and how will I know this Delilah, yer wife?”
“Just follow this here road. It will take a while to get there. Tell ye whut. Gimme that steerin' wheel knob and I will arrive before ye and speak of ye to Delilah so everything will be fixed up fer yer arrival.”
“All righty then, but I may need this here steering wheel knob back once all this is settled.”
So Ray halted the momentum of the Crown Vic and presented the black man with the steering wheel knob. Then the black man and Tiny extricated the three swine from the back seat and Ray watched them for a minute or two as they all made good progress in the direction of the vast expanse of parlors.
“See ye anon, maybe,” hollered Ray at the departing black swineherd and at Tiny and at the three great swine they were toting. Then all Ray had to do was drive, drive, drive.
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, March 31, 2006
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