Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes
Were you ever baptized? I was. And now, no matter what wickedness I get up to, if I ask forgiveness of my wickedness, I will get to go to heaven. When I repent, I may need to be genuinely sorry, maybe. But that's debatable. The thing is though, I don't want to go to heaven. If I go to heaven, I'll have to spend a very long time, an eternity maybe, with Christians. Noper, heaven's not for the Crumby Ovate. I've been with the liars and gluttons enough, thank ye kindly.
What made me think of my baptism festivities occurred twain nights past when I was working up a lather espying Nepture and Uranus. (Is it possible for mere mortals to converse high-mindedly about Uranus?) Anyhow, first I espied what I took to be Neptune and it appeared to have a very close attendant celestial body. Then I looked at Uranus. Lo and behold, it did too, have an attendant.
I was doing my espying on these wonders with a 10" Newt equipped with a Televue 3x barlow and a 12.5 mm UO ortho. That's 300x plus, but with lousy seeing, lots of light pollution, haze and high humidity. So now I need to espy those twain again, tonight maybe, and determine if I was indeed espying those particular planets or not, and what I was espying if not those planets, and then espy the planet type objects for sure, both Neptune and Uranus, if I wasn't epsying them afore.
Some inquisitors asked me after I was baptized if I felt different. They didn't mean, like wet, as opposed to dry. They meant, I surmise, did I feel the spirit. But I was just 12 years old, and overburdened with being manipulated for other's entertainments, gratifications and hopes, so I didn't know how to respond. If I lied, and said the spirit had seized upon me and Noah had appeared to me and told me about how the different animals had behaved on the Ark, then I knew there might never be an end to making up lies about who was appearing to me. Plus, hardly anyone would believe me.
Alas, I told the truth. "No, I don't feel any different."
My inquisitors took that in stride though, and agreed that I was probably too young to get baptized. They were pretty sure, if they had waited until I was 13 to baptize me, I would have got the spirit. Then an inquisitor remarked on how he (me) couldn't read a word of English until far into the third grade. He's slow, they reasoned.
What made me think of my baptism festivities occurred twain nights past when I was working up a lather espying Nepture and Uranus. (Is it possible for mere mortals to converse high-mindedly about Uranus?) Anyhow, first I espied what I took to be Neptune and it appeared to have a very close attendant celestial body. Then I looked at Uranus. Lo and behold, it did too, have an attendant.
I was doing my espying on these wonders with a 10" Newt equipped with a Televue 3x barlow and a 12.5 mm UO ortho. That's 300x plus, but with lousy seeing, lots of light pollution, haze and high humidity. So now I need to espy those twain again, tonight maybe, and determine if I was indeed espying those particular planets or not, and what I was espying if not those planets, and then espy the planet type objects for sure, both Neptune and Uranus, if I wasn't epsying them afore.
Some inquisitors asked me after I was baptized if I felt different. They didn't mean, like wet, as opposed to dry. They meant, I surmise, did I feel the spirit. But I was just 12 years old, and overburdened with being manipulated for other's entertainments, gratifications and hopes, so I didn't know how to respond. If I lied, and said the spirit had seized upon me and Noah had appeared to me and told me about how the different animals had behaved on the Ark, then I knew there might never be an end to making up lies about who was appearing to me. Plus, hardly anyone would believe me.
Alas, I told the truth. "No, I don't feel any different."
My inquisitors took that in stride though, and agreed that I was probably too young to get baptized. They were pretty sure, if they had waited until I was 13 to baptize me, I would have got the spirit. Then an inquisitor remarked on how he (me) couldn't read a word of English until far into the third grade. He's slow, they reasoned.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, August 03, 2006
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