Crumby in the Wilderness - Delirium

Yep. Soon I shall shuffle off this mortal coil, maybe, and the WG will do what’s best, fer me. No more standing in long lines to get commodities for my poor old kin folk. Who shall cue up for their butter and cheese now?

Off I shall go to make good progress elsewhere, maybe. Ha! That milkmaid’s boy friend shall trouble this world no longer either. For he has preceded the Crumby Ovate to his just rewards, that Mammonite scum.

Crumby, wake up Crumby.

Ah ha! This must be the WG now, come to summon Her faithful Druid.

Crumby, wake up, I have your supply sack.

Yes, I espy that Your Majesty, beautiful White Goddess that you are, wants me to have plenty of supplies to take along on my new iteration.

Crumby. Wake up.

The Lovely Druidess Rayetta, noting that Crumby is wide-eyed, but dreaming, shakes Crumby to rouse him. But to no avail.

WG, you look just like Rayetta. Somehow I had pictured You as somewhat paler than Rayetta and naughtier.

Crumby it is me, Rayetta. I have some apricot pies and some ear medicine for you. Crumby, wake up! Darn it. Yikes!!!! What’s that head doing here? Crumby wake up this instant and explain where you got that head. That looks like one of the neighbor’s heads. Mercy! Ray, come here Ray. Crumby’s got someone’s head in here.

Whoa! I guess he’s been head-hunting. Not to worry though. Olwen can haul it off. Reckon what he did with the rest of it?

Who knows? Ray, help me wake him up. He’s delirious.

All righty then. Sit him up and I’ll shove some fried pie in his mouth. That ought to do it.

Rayetta hauls the recumbent ovate to a sitting position. Ray breaks off a piece of fried pie. Then seizing Crumby by the jowls Ray forces the delicious morsel into Crumby's mouth which is open anyway because Crumby is discussing his eminent trip to Etain’s fairly land with the WG. The apricot fried pie brings Crumby around.

Ray, my bosom companion, I know you. Have you perished also?

Noper. Crumby you are here in the shed in the Wilderness, eating fried pie and I am here with you, my bosom companion.

What?

He can’t hear you Ray. His ears are stopped up.

What? I know you too. You are Rayetta and here I am in the Wilderness still. Can I have some more pie?

First we have to doctor your ears, Crumby. Then you can have some more pie.

All righty then.

So Rayetta and Ray doctor Crumby’s ears so that he can hear somewhat. Then while Crumby dines upon apricot fried pies, the Lovely Druidess explains to Crumby that she is fixing to get him back in the house, but that the head doesn’t help matters.

Ray and Lleu Llaw are going to stay with you Crumby, out here in the Wilderness, to make sure you take your ear medicine and don’t get into any mischief. Do you understand all that?

Yepper. I shall be glad for my bosom companion and my servant to await with me the arrival of the WG.

Crumby, nobody dies from ear aches!

Maybe, but I am not nobody, Rayetta, and I could be the very first mere mortal to pass from this plane of this sphere, spirited off by the cruel torments of an ear ache. Isn’t that so, Ray?

Maybe Crumby. We’ll see. Meantime we need to get you presentable. Lleu Llaw and me are fixing to get you all cleaned up. You get fresh undears and all. Won’t that make you feel better? Here, have another pie.

Thanks Ray. These pies are delicious. Yepper Ray. I could use a change of undears, all righty then. Mmmmm.

The Lovely Druidess draws her Sun God Trainee brother aside.

Ray, when Lleu Llaw gets here with the ablution accouterments, get him cleaned up. And don’t let him out of your sight until further notice. Also, Olwen has to haul that head off somewhere. And have Lomo scout the property to see if he can find the rest of it, whatever went around under that ghastly head. Olwen may need to haul the rest of it off, too. Do you understand all that, Ray?

Yepper.

Ray, it’s very important that we keep Crumby up to snuff until we can get him back in the house. Do you understand?

Yepper.

Good. Now I have some other important work to do. So you take care of Crumby until I can bring Red around to my way of thinking regarding the Crumby Ovate. OK?

Check.
______

Later, after Crumby is all cleaned up and has some fresh undears and some fresh, vermin free hides, he reflects on a perceived inequity.

Lleu Llaw, Lion of the Steady Hand, you should bring out the Great Red Tube that is in the house. For I have been assessing nightly many of the naked celestial bodies, but greatly wished for more aperture. And now that you must keep me company until Rayetta gets me back in the house, you may as well guide the Great Red Tube, fer me, also.

We’ll see Crumby. I’ll ask Red if it’s OK for you to have a bunch of equipment.

All righty then, Lleu Llaw. Ask Red. Certainly, more aperture should help out on M 79. Now I need to take a nap.

Sleep tight, Crumby.

Don’t ferget to ask Red.

I won’t.

Ask him before it gets dark.

OK.

Don’t forget.

All righty then.

Snore.