Ray's Thought for the Day - The Wages of Sin
Sun gods are uncompromising fellows, untroubled by sin and deriving no wages from sin. Take Cu Chulian for example. For Cu Chulian, the worst sin he could commit was to eat a dog. He knew, if he ate a dog, the Goddess would kill him. So after Cu Chulian ate a dog, the Goddess killed him and that was that. No muss, no fuss.
Cu Chulian derived no benefit, no wages, from his wicked sin, dog eating. He didn't even have time to digest that dog. And that particular dog didn't even taste good. But the rest of us, expect wages from our sins. A glutton counts on getting fat, one way or another. A liar counts on favorable opinions regarding itself and its actions. And both, the glutton and the liar, count on plenty of time and leisure to enjoy their sin derived wages in a safe environment.
In the Homeland, no limit on gluttony is quantified, save one. What one is that? Spouse. One can have only one spouse. If you have more than one spouse, you are identified by your gluttony and arrested if you can be found. Everything else besides spouse, you can have as much as you can glom on to, or none. How ridiculous is that? An example: Gimme 50 spam sandwiches on white bread with plenty of margarine and salad dressing. Coming right up, sir. Now, give me a marijuana cigarette. No sir, you may not have, even one, of those. See, ridiculous!
Wait a minute. What about Muslim immigrants to the Homeland. I’ll bet some of those gentleman have more than one spouse. Should they be arrested? The Mormons get arrested.
Shouldn’t all gluttony be limited and quantified, so that everyone has a set maximum goal. An example: All righty then, at any one time the maximum number of underwear I can have is ten. If I get more than ten, I’m an underwear glutton.
The punishment for underwear glutton is death by drowning. According to Druid Law, death by drowning is the generic punishment for all sin. Sin is a crime. Note: Death by drowning is an environmentally friendly form of execution because the execution medium and the executed are easily recycled, and execution by drowning doesn’t produce a bunch of heat energy and is unlikely to contribute any calories to global warming.
In addition to 10 underwear per, all maximums could be easily quantified. Caloric intake, cars, hats, telescopes, children, costume jewelry, land, books, everything. You only get a quantified amount and if you exceed that amount, you are ceremonially drowned on TV, along with many other gluttons who couldn’t control their appetites, either. Imagine that! How cool would that be, mass executions by drowning on TV!!!! Plus, there’s already plenty of indoor facilities, in case of bad weather, available. These include not only indoor swimming pools and hot tubs, but also dunker church baptismals, awaiting dual use.
While gluttony is obviously susceptible to evaluation in terms of detectable quantified limits, lying, the other sin/crime, is not. Plus, lying is an integral part of Homeland Culture these days. How the heck do we punish lying if everyone’s doing it? Long have the Druids pondered this dilemma. Now, at long last we have a solution.
At first, only the worst liars will be executed. Who are the worst liars? Easy that, the liars who make it on to TV are the worst liars. They are such accomplished liars that they have gone international through the media. So all that needs to be done is to set up an independent non-partisan commission of liar detectors. Their job shall be to monitor for liars on TV. Once they catch a liar, that liar is hauled off and drowned along with the gluttons. Whoa! Do you reckon lying on TV would soon become rarer?
Gradually, once lying on TV is damped down, the Commission of Liar Detectors could extend its operations into other areas needing liar detection, which is most everywhere unfortunately, so the commissioners might have their work cut out, rooting out the liars who were unmoved by the public drowning of the TV liars. But maybe not, a great many liars are probably cowards that would be moved to repentance by the public drowning of the TV liars and thus cease their lying ways, voluntarily.
Yepper. Eventually, the Homeland shall become the very first industrialized society freed from the wages of sin derived from lying and gluttony. Closet space will increase. The cars will fit in the garages. Foreigners, for example, the Pygmies, won't have to worry about US gobbling them up.
Cu Chulian derived no benefit, no wages, from his wicked sin, dog eating. He didn't even have time to digest that dog. And that particular dog didn't even taste good. But the rest of us, expect wages from our sins. A glutton counts on getting fat, one way or another. A liar counts on favorable opinions regarding itself and its actions. And both, the glutton and the liar, count on plenty of time and leisure to enjoy their sin derived wages in a safe environment.
In the Homeland, no limit on gluttony is quantified, save one. What one is that? Spouse. One can have only one spouse. If you have more than one spouse, you are identified by your gluttony and arrested if you can be found. Everything else besides spouse, you can have as much as you can glom on to, or none. How ridiculous is that? An example: Gimme 50 spam sandwiches on white bread with plenty of margarine and salad dressing. Coming right up, sir. Now, give me a marijuana cigarette. No sir, you may not have, even one, of those. See, ridiculous!
Wait a minute. What about Muslim immigrants to the Homeland. I’ll bet some of those gentleman have more than one spouse. Should they be arrested? The Mormons get arrested.
Shouldn’t all gluttony be limited and quantified, so that everyone has a set maximum goal. An example: All righty then, at any one time the maximum number of underwear I can have is ten. If I get more than ten, I’m an underwear glutton.
The punishment for underwear glutton is death by drowning. According to Druid Law, death by drowning is the generic punishment for all sin. Sin is a crime. Note: Death by drowning is an environmentally friendly form of execution because the execution medium and the executed are easily recycled, and execution by drowning doesn’t produce a bunch of heat energy and is unlikely to contribute any calories to global warming.
In addition to 10 underwear per, all maximums could be easily quantified. Caloric intake, cars, hats, telescopes, children, costume jewelry, land, books, everything. You only get a quantified amount and if you exceed that amount, you are ceremonially drowned on TV, along with many other gluttons who couldn’t control their appetites, either. Imagine that! How cool would that be, mass executions by drowning on TV!!!! Plus, there’s already plenty of indoor facilities, in case of bad weather, available. These include not only indoor swimming pools and hot tubs, but also dunker church baptismals, awaiting dual use.
While gluttony is obviously susceptible to evaluation in terms of detectable quantified limits, lying, the other sin/crime, is not. Plus, lying is an integral part of Homeland Culture these days. How the heck do we punish lying if everyone’s doing it? Long have the Druids pondered this dilemma. Now, at long last we have a solution.
At first, only the worst liars will be executed. Who are the worst liars? Easy that, the liars who make it on to TV are the worst liars. They are such accomplished liars that they have gone international through the media. So all that needs to be done is to set up an independent non-partisan commission of liar detectors. Their job shall be to monitor for liars on TV. Once they catch a liar, that liar is hauled off and drowned along with the gluttons. Whoa! Do you reckon lying on TV would soon become rarer?
Gradually, once lying on TV is damped down, the Commission of Liar Detectors could extend its operations into other areas needing liar detection, which is most everywhere unfortunately, so the commissioners might have their work cut out, rooting out the liars who were unmoved by the public drowning of the TV liars. But maybe not, a great many liars are probably cowards that would be moved to repentance by the public drowning of the TV liars and thus cease their lying ways, voluntarily.
Yepper. Eventually, the Homeland shall become the very first industrialized society freed from the wages of sin derived from lying and gluttony. Closet space will increase. The cars will fit in the garages. Foreigners, for example, the Pygmies, won't have to worry about US gobbling them up.
posted by ray pistrum at Sunday, November 12, 2006
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home