Brutal Heat Wave Afflicts Republic of Tejas Capitol

That’s correct. Yesterday the heat soared into the triple digits for the 66th day this year. We’re having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave. Tra-la.

Most everybody with common sense is now rooting for more heat so the old record of 69 days of triple digit heat can be broken. How crazy is that? The many who have declaimed against the terrible heat are now rooting for more heat. Just so, later, those many may cry out, I lived through the year with the most triple digit heat ever, Druid Year 3, or is it 4?

Well. Actually, rooting for more heat, after having suffered so much, for so long, is probably OK or not sinful. You may see or know yourself that this heat has been good for nothing. But a new record could make the terrible, Beelzebubberific heat, good for something, sort of. Besides, the damage is mostly done for this growing season. Only the irrigated and air conditioned prospered. Everything else died, went dormant, or never came to fruition. Mercy!

What else besides the terrible heat is good for nothing? Easy that, dry northers. Yepper. Now we get to look forward to frosty north winds with no rain neither. Mercy!

Yet today, I, Crumby the Ovate shall address the many fire ecologists and Republicans who believe fire is (was) an important component of the central Texas ecosystem(s).

So, fire ecologists. How about all those fires we have had in these parts lately? Yes. Many have burned up or were likely to be burned up except for the handy intervention of foam laden aeroplanes that constantly flew important fire dousing missions so that the many would not burn up, totally. Yeah verily, many were spared from getting the hair singed off their red necks. This is assuming, yeah verily, that any were werkin’ in the sun when the terrible infernos broke out.

Yes. In these times of high temperatures, high fuel loads, and relatively low humidity, we should all be fixing to get burned alive, maybe. Burned alive! Like right here in this example. Any fire ecologist or Republican, espying this picture, shall nod sagely at yet another example of how fire literally just determines almost every facet of nature or human nature in these parts. Just look how fire singed this Bothriochloa-Chloris-Cynodon community is. See how those little trees barely escaped a fiery death? How many chigger eggs were needlessly destroyed in this particular fire? Jeez Louise! What Chloris was that? Leachmannii?

OK. What if an average motorist had been actually driving along in a great vehicle down South Lamar toward Ben White as the fire was raging? Man alive! I am surely glad I was in Puerto Rico when this inferno cut loose. Good Goddess, I might have been so distracted, fixing to drive by this conflagration, that I might have become inattentive and wound up in Del Valle or Waco. The fact is, approaching this particular intersection, fire or no fire, an average distracted motorist could wind up in Del Valle or Waco, anyway. No. Don’t relax for a second at this intersection. Relax for a second. Then, you are fucked.

OK. What plants do great without any water? Yes. These are the plants a xeri-scapist should cream his or her britches over. Look closely at the photo. Do you espy the Solanum eleagnifolium? That’s the one you want for your yard. Don’t settle for anything else. That’s right. The nursery fuckers will try to trick you. They shall try to sell you something besides Solanum eleagnifolium. But fuck those fuckers. Just say, I want Solanum eleagnifolium. If you fuckers don’t have any, I shall take my trade elsewhere.