Fat Suckers in the Courts
Perhaps the only place where some Americanos still get a fair shake is in the courts. That’s because the hated jury system is fairly democratic. Yes. The juries like to treat corporations as corporations, but people as people. That’s why anti-democratic forces that wish the corporations to be treated as people have to use politics to circumvent the will of the people in the courts. The anti-democracy crowd calls this, tort reform.
One of the ways evil doers try to bring down heroes like Fatty Arbuckle and Hopalong Cassidy is to accuse them of fooling around with children. But actually, a lot of times it is not children depicted in those lurid or doctored photos, frolicking with our favorite stars. No. It is not children. It is fat sucker vampires. That’s right. Your youthful fat sucker vampire may be small or child-sized.
(Let me ask you, good citizens on this jury. If you were a busy movie star, wouldn’t it make sense to keep a fat sucker or two handy. After all, a movie star has to look good or slim practically all the time. Even a fat movie star has to be sane about it. So what makes more sense than keeping a small fat sucker or two in the trailer? You know yourself. Trailers don’t have much space so a movie star needs little fat suckers).
The fact is, the size of the average fat sucker vampire is positively correlated with the number of feeding events and frequency. At first, the fat sucker is little. And it only gets bigger by feeding. So obviously the little ones can pass as children.
Sometimes a little fat sucker may be lazy or lack ambition or just have bad luck. Given that sad situation, a particular lazy or luckless fat sucker may stay fairly diminutive into ripe old age. Yes.
Like one time there was a Mexican restaurant over on Oltorf. But mainly the restaurant was a front for money laundering. Anon, the restaurant closed with a bunch of young fat suckers trapped inside. With no access to fat, those fat suckers never got any bigger while they were locked up in the closed restaurant. They would have stayed little forever if they hadn’t been accidentally rescued by Karl the Tracker Druid.
How long does a fat sucker live? Well. That depends on what you mean by live. A fat sucker is only really alive when it is sucking fat. Hold it. It is also alive when it is reproducing. OK. When a fat sucker is not feeding or replicating, it may seem dead. But no. It is not dead. It has entered into a torpid state similar to a coma. There it shall rest up until its noggin senses a nearby fat source.
The bottom line is, thus, your average fat sucker is almost immortal. Only a hot fire or a very high temperature can kill a fat sucker. For example, young and experienced fat suckers may get lured to a deep fat frier, then fall in. Mercy!
No hold it. The vacuum of outer space can also kill a fat sucker. What does that tell you regarding your average astronaut or cosmonaut?
One of the ways evil doers try to bring down heroes like Fatty Arbuckle and Hopalong Cassidy is to accuse them of fooling around with children. But actually, a lot of times it is not children depicted in those lurid or doctored photos, frolicking with our favorite stars. No. It is not children. It is fat sucker vampires. That’s right. Your youthful fat sucker vampire may be small or child-sized.
(Let me ask you, good citizens on this jury. If you were a busy movie star, wouldn’t it make sense to keep a fat sucker or two handy. After all, a movie star has to look good or slim practically all the time. Even a fat movie star has to be sane about it. So what makes more sense than keeping a small fat sucker or two in the trailer? You know yourself. Trailers don’t have much space so a movie star needs little fat suckers).
The fact is, the size of the average fat sucker vampire is positively correlated with the number of feeding events and frequency. At first, the fat sucker is little. And it only gets bigger by feeding. So obviously the little ones can pass as children.
Sometimes a little fat sucker may be lazy or lack ambition or just have bad luck. Given that sad situation, a particular lazy or luckless fat sucker may stay fairly diminutive into ripe old age. Yes.
Like one time there was a Mexican restaurant over on Oltorf. But mainly the restaurant was a front for money laundering. Anon, the restaurant closed with a bunch of young fat suckers trapped inside. With no access to fat, those fat suckers never got any bigger while they were locked up in the closed restaurant. They would have stayed little forever if they hadn’t been accidentally rescued by Karl the Tracker Druid.
How long does a fat sucker live? Well. That depends on what you mean by live. A fat sucker is only really alive when it is sucking fat. Hold it. It is also alive when it is reproducing. OK. When a fat sucker is not feeding or replicating, it may seem dead. But no. It is not dead. It has entered into a torpid state similar to a coma. There it shall rest up until its noggin senses a nearby fat source.
The bottom line is, thus, your average fat sucker is almost immortal. Only a hot fire or a very high temperature can kill a fat sucker. For example, young and experienced fat suckers may get lured to a deep fat frier, then fall in. Mercy!
No hold it. The vacuum of outer space can also kill a fat sucker. What does that tell you regarding your average astronaut or cosmonaut?
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, February 06, 2010
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