Save the Spider Monkeys

What’s this then? Jeez Louise, monkeys again. All righty. Lomo! Stop foolin’ around up there . Ye need to climb down and get the camera set up. We are doing a public service announcement.
La-dee, la-dee, la-dee.. Now put the camera on me. There, that’s better.

This is Rayetta Pistrum, the LDR of the Druid News Service speaking to you from Austin, Texas, a horribly crowded, polluted and crime-ridden location that you should never think of moving to, ever. What you should do instead of moving here is donate some money to the Druid Spider Monkeys’ Fund. For today, at this very moment, somewhere in Costa Rica, a spider monkey, down on its luck, is stealing sugar from a restaurant like a common criminal. You see, spider monkeys find white sugar, the kind that goes into sugar bowls at fine Costa Rican restaurants, to be delicious and irresistible. This puts the poor spider monkeys in conflict with the humans and proto humans at these gustatory facilities. For we moderns of the Order Primates, forgetting our long happy sojourn a chattering in the trees, are resentful of this thievery and wary of catching a disease or something. Moreover, the very gluttonous among we humans and proto humans of the Order Primates, those who would keep the white sugar all to themselves, are vowing vengeance on the poor spider monkeys which could lead to the total extermination of all the spider monkeys.

So. We just can’t allow that scenario, total spider monkey extermination, to come to pass, can we? No, course not! So Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn is taking the lead to provide white sugar to the spider monkeys so they won’t have to steal any more. But the CB can’t do this alone. We need your help to save the spider monkeys. Here’s what we need.

1) A large ship to transport the sugar to Costa Rica

2) Large amounts of white granulated cane or beet derived sugar

3) Porters to tote the sugar to pre-selected spider monkey habitat areas

4) And/or lotsa money to finance all the above

Please, please, please be generous with your donations. Remember, if all the spider monkeys are brutally murdered and eaten by the gluttons, it will be your fault.

So send the above items to Ray Pistrum c/o RGVECB, Sugar to Save the Spider Monkeys, P.O. Box 7-come-11, Austin, Texas 4444. All righty then.

This is the LDR bidding you, be sweet.

Cut Lomo. Apparently my dear brother Ray, judging from the text above, the spell “delicious and irresistible” providing a clue, has infiltrated the DNS.

____

Thanks be to Glen Rose on this one.

The Arkdruid