Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 14
The hump back swineherd and Tiny made short work of the journey to the parlor area and deposited the stray pigs in the parlors where those three particular swine were wont to stay when they were not traipsing around. Then the swineherd pronounced, “Tiny, go around and count all the swines in all the parlors that we may espy if any more have strayed while we were corralling those other three, and I shall go up to the house and show Delilah this steerin’ wheel knob that portends the arrival of that young boy.” So Tiny set about counting the swine in all the parlors. For the nature of Tiny was such that she was the greatest of all the swine enumerators that has ever been among the dogs of this sphere of this globe. Moreover, Tiny would remember all the numbers of swines per parlor for some several hours after she enumerated them so that she could inform the swineherd and all else who wished to hear tell, the numbers of swines per parlor. Her enumeratin’ ability made Tiny the Countin’ Swinehound famous in those parts.
Up towards the house went the swineherd. Now at a facility catering to swines it is often true that those most active in caring for the needs of the swine and toting the stray swine hither and yon, become much saturated with the odor of the swine and their garments also and even much of the skitters of the swine and/or swine pee may afflict those garments. And so it was the custom of the swineherd to strip off his garments and shower outside where he had a facility with both hot and cold running water and a matched set of a Sears washer and dryer. And it was the custom of Delilah, his wife to come out of the house and visit with the swineherd while he cleaned himself up properly and to make sure her husband washed properly each garment in its own temperature of the water and the correct cycles and what not. For Cleanliness gets next to Godessliness, maybe.
“Whut’s this here then husband? Where’d ye find this here artifact as is here bestowed atop the dryer?”
“That be a custom knob off the steerin’ wheel of a Crown Vic and I did first espy that particular knob on the steerin’ wheel of a particular Crown Vic. And I says to myself, Samson, the lady on that knob much favors my Delilah of yore, a-fore she waxed big and fat.”
“Hmmm. I do believe the one there depicted upon that knob is me, Delilah. Though how my likeness of yore came to reside upon a knob I have plumb fergot. Did this Crown Vic have anyone in it when ye espied the knob?”
“Yep, a boy of great size for his tender years.”
“All righty then, husband, spill all that ye may recall of this boy and how ye glommed onto his knob.”
So then Sam told all that he could recall of his time with Ray and how Ray had proffered a ride and thereby saved Sam and Tiny a step or two and also how Ray was on a quest to have sexual intercourse with Olwen, daughter of Upyeraholes, Chief Justice.
“Mercy! There is much to this tale ye tell husband, that I know of, and much more that I can guess at, such that it gives me the shivers, fer sure. It come to me long ago that a hero might make an appearance one day and deliver us from Upyeraholes, Chief Justice. I, alas, always surmised that this hero should be one er another of mine own sons, and much sorrow that way of thinkin’ has brought on this house and swine facility. Perhaps this hero is the rightful possessor of that knob. Fer intuition apprizes me that the rightful possessor of that knob is none other than mine own dear dead baby sister’s son, that is the departed Jezebel’s boy, Ray.”
Then lo a great throbbing of glass packs was heard and both Sam and Jezebel espied a beauteous automobile arrive miraculously. And it did stop upon the lawn in front of the house where they stayed and out of the beauteous automobile emerged a boy arrayed all in white cotton and blue denim and the boy did stoop then somewhat so that he might espy his visage reflected in the driver’s side mirror which gleamed with chrome and he did then wave an ivory handled comb in the near vicinity of his head so that every hair distributed on his head did then wax perfect. And when the boy turned her way Delilah did espy that this boy was the very spittin’ image of her own dead baby sister, Jezebel, and her heart did swell within her and she made for Ray for to clasp Ray to her ample bosoms and Delilah hollered out as she gained momentum and made progress, “ Ray, sugar, I’m yer Aint Delilah. Give yer Aint Delilah a big hug.”
Of a sudden Ray found himself enveloped, smothered, incapable of speech or action and a-feared that his very intestines might soon come spurting out his lala hole from the great hugging of his Aint Delilah that obviously loved Ray very much and was right glad to see him. But just when Ray was about to conk out, Aint Delilah let up and held Ray up and out at arm’s length. Ray sucked some oxygen and Aint Delilah says “Just let me espy ye Ray. Big fer yer age, aint ye, and handsome as any of mine own poor sad sons. Ere ye hungry? Come on up to the house fer there be some nice ice tea with plenty of lemons and mints, fer ye, and ye can have that ice tea and visit with yer Aint Delilah while I fix us up a nice supper.”
Then the three of them, that is Ray, and Ray’s Aint Delilah and Ray’s Uncle Sam, lately re-attired in some fresh laundered overalls, all happily headed up to the house to visit and drink ice tea and get ready for supper.
Up towards the house went the swineherd. Now at a facility catering to swines it is often true that those most active in caring for the needs of the swine and toting the stray swine hither and yon, become much saturated with the odor of the swine and their garments also and even much of the skitters of the swine and/or swine pee may afflict those garments. And so it was the custom of the swineherd to strip off his garments and shower outside where he had a facility with both hot and cold running water and a matched set of a Sears washer and dryer. And it was the custom of Delilah, his wife to come out of the house and visit with the swineherd while he cleaned himself up properly and to make sure her husband washed properly each garment in its own temperature of the water and the correct cycles and what not. For Cleanliness gets next to Godessliness, maybe.
“Whut’s this here then husband? Where’d ye find this here artifact as is here bestowed atop the dryer?”
“That be a custom knob off the steerin’ wheel of a Crown Vic and I did first espy that particular knob on the steerin’ wheel of a particular Crown Vic. And I says to myself, Samson, the lady on that knob much favors my Delilah of yore, a-fore she waxed big and fat.”
“Hmmm. I do believe the one there depicted upon that knob is me, Delilah. Though how my likeness of yore came to reside upon a knob I have plumb fergot. Did this Crown Vic have anyone in it when ye espied the knob?”
“Yep, a boy of great size for his tender years.”
“All righty then, husband, spill all that ye may recall of this boy and how ye glommed onto his knob.”
So then Sam told all that he could recall of his time with Ray and how Ray had proffered a ride and thereby saved Sam and Tiny a step or two and also how Ray was on a quest to have sexual intercourse with Olwen, daughter of Upyeraholes, Chief Justice.
“Mercy! There is much to this tale ye tell husband, that I know of, and much more that I can guess at, such that it gives me the shivers, fer sure. It come to me long ago that a hero might make an appearance one day and deliver us from Upyeraholes, Chief Justice. I, alas, always surmised that this hero should be one er another of mine own sons, and much sorrow that way of thinkin’ has brought on this house and swine facility. Perhaps this hero is the rightful possessor of that knob. Fer intuition apprizes me that the rightful possessor of that knob is none other than mine own dear dead baby sister’s son, that is the departed Jezebel’s boy, Ray.”
Then lo a great throbbing of glass packs was heard and both Sam and Jezebel espied a beauteous automobile arrive miraculously. And it did stop upon the lawn in front of the house where they stayed and out of the beauteous automobile emerged a boy arrayed all in white cotton and blue denim and the boy did stoop then somewhat so that he might espy his visage reflected in the driver’s side mirror which gleamed with chrome and he did then wave an ivory handled comb in the near vicinity of his head so that every hair distributed on his head did then wax perfect. And when the boy turned her way Delilah did espy that this boy was the very spittin’ image of her own dead baby sister, Jezebel, and her heart did swell within her and she made for Ray for to clasp Ray to her ample bosoms and Delilah hollered out as she gained momentum and made progress, “ Ray, sugar, I’m yer Aint Delilah. Give yer Aint Delilah a big hug.”
Of a sudden Ray found himself enveloped, smothered, incapable of speech or action and a-feared that his very intestines might soon come spurting out his lala hole from the great hugging of his Aint Delilah that obviously loved Ray very much and was right glad to see him. But just when Ray was about to conk out, Aint Delilah let up and held Ray up and out at arm’s length. Ray sucked some oxygen and Aint Delilah says “Just let me espy ye Ray. Big fer yer age, aint ye, and handsome as any of mine own poor sad sons. Ere ye hungry? Come on up to the house fer there be some nice ice tea with plenty of lemons and mints, fer ye, and ye can have that ice tea and visit with yer Aint Delilah while I fix us up a nice supper.”
Then the three of them, that is Ray, and Ray’s Aint Delilah and Ray’s Uncle Sam, lately re-attired in some fresh laundered overalls, all happily headed up to the house to visit and drink ice tea and get ready for supper.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, April 01, 2006
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