Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen Part 2-4

As Red noted, a fractional component of the CB Druidry did depart, at last. This is the manner of that departure:

Hmmmm. The gear is fairly well sorted. But Lomo, you need to move that particular gear into the cargo area. And Crumby you need to move that gear to the fourth bench seat where you Crumby are going to be seated. Won’t that be nice Crumby? You and that gear will have a whole seat all to yourself way in the back.

But Rayetta, I want to sit closer to the front so I can see better and do plant community ecology while we go along.

No Crumby, you don’t. That theory relies excessively upon a potential safety topic environmental hazard issue and is the same reason you don’t get to drive. Now go sit in the back and talk to yourself quietly, or as quietly as you can manage.

All righty then, Rayetta. But I aint ridin’ back there the whole time. I wanna see out.

Perhaps Crumby, if you’re fairly quiet and don’t annoy me excessively, you can move up to third seat eventually, maybe. Now then. Hope you shall sit in the second seat, Lomo shall drive and I shall ride shotgun.

But Rayetta. Goodness gracious sakes alive, I must be the first to espy Ray so I should sit up front with Lomo.

No Hope. You shouldn’t. For being the first to espy Ray is the duty of Ray’s family, and that is me. Besides, I get car sick if I have to sit in the back. So everyone get in their places and put their seat belts on, and away we shall go.

Away they went. But the CB Druidry had not gone far before Hope the Extra Alert spotted someone she knew heading in the opposite direction.

Goodness. There goes Bill the Practical Nurse from the Joke Factory. I wonder what he’s doing in these parts. Yoohoo, Bill. What are you doing in these parts?

But Bill, the Practical Nurse didn’t hear Hope very well, so Bill just grinned and waved back and kept going.

Away they continued. But after a while Rayetta looked upon Lomo and Lomo’s great brow ridge sticking out and Rayetta decided she had some advice for Lomo. “Now Lomo, I have some very important paper work for the nonce so I won’t be keeping track of where you are going. So if you are not sure where you are going, stop the vehicle right then in a safe place and spell, “Lovely Druidess Rayetta, Lomo don’t know where he’s going,” and I will interrupt my very important paper work and help you. Do you understand, Lomo?”

Yepper, Lomo understand.

Good.

Away they continued on the quest to save Ray. And for awhile they had a quiet pleasant trip. But anon a terrible groan emanated from the general direction of the fourth seat and the terrible groan rose in volume and urgency until Hope could stand it no longer.

Goodness gracious Crumby. What is the matter with you?

It’s Red. Somethin’ terrible has happened to Red. Turn around. We got to go hep Red.
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There is a little known fact, so little known, that this particular fact almost rises to the level of a Druidic mystery, but not quite that high. So we may discuss this little known fact, openly, after all. Remember, Crumby was a difficult student and it took Crumby a few years longer than average to matriculate to the Druidry and learn how to be an Ovate. Over all those years, spanning two decades and more, Red was Crumby’s constant companion and teacher. That is why it sometimes appears these days that Red and Crumby share the same thoughts and ideals and even use the same grammar lots of the time and often seem to share a common vocabulary. Or another spelling of this same difference would be that Crumby and Red spent so much time together that they gradually became more and more alike. But the relationship goes even deeper and more sinewy. Over many moons, this kind of really intense Druidic relationship of a teacher like Red and a student like Crumby can get so involved and tedious that they begin to feel for each other, literally. So if one of these twain felt a really rousing emotion, the other would feel it too. An example, once when Crumby felt a terrible agonizing affliction, like when the time the Goddess smote Crumby with a lawnmower because she was aggravated with Crumby’s slow, indeterminate progress and back-sliding, Red felt that lawnmower smack into himself too, as if Red was Crumby and Red was the one not making any progress. So that’s what was happening now. Practical Nurse Bill had just explained to Red, “If you don’t behave yourself and stop that cussing and hollering, I’m going to have to give you a nice enema. “ So Red let out a groan of despair, from having his newly won freedoms snatched away before he had hardly any chance to enjoy them or even have a single solitary Dolmen Stout. So Crumby, also feeling all that angst and sense of loss, groaned along with Red.
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Lomo! Don’t you dare turn the vehicle around. Crumby! Hush up. As I, the LDR predicted and took appropriate counter spells against, Red was fixing to backslide into those twain wickedness-es and wastes of time, wine bibbery and TV demon baiting. So I arranged with Nancy, the Goddess of Practical Jokes to send Bill over to look after Red while we were off on our quest to rescue Ray. It’s as simple as that. Do you understand, Crumby?

It aint fair, Rayetta. He’s gonna give Red a enema.

No he’s not Crumby. Bill’s only threatening to give Red an enema. That’s not the same difference.

I aint convinced. But I’ll let it lie fer the nonce, fer Red seems to have calmed down a mite. But I swan, if Bill gives Red an undesired enema, then Bill’s got the Crumby Ovate to deal with.

Hmmm............Hmmm........ Lomo could you pull over and stop the vehicle in a safe location. I need to get out and make a private cell phone call.

Yepper. Lomo stop in safe spot.

Thank you Lomo. Practical Nurse Bill is that you? - Raymone. - Go get Practical Nurse Bill. Jeez Louise. - La-de-da. - Well take your time! - Hmmmmm. - Practical Nurse Bill? - Yes. This is the Lovely Druidess Rayetta. - Yes, yes, I’m hunky-dory. - But listen up. You are not to do anything, repeat anything, to Red to rile him up. - Irrelevant, Practical Nurse Bill. You urgently need to keep Red calm and happy at all times. - I don’t care what he’s up too, you keep him calm and happy or I shall have the Crumby Ovate to deal with and he’s right here in the back seat of the same vehicle with me. - That’s tough Nurse Bill. You better keep Red calm and happy or you will have the LDR and the Crumby Ovate to deal with.- Stop that sniveling. - Stop it.- There, that’s better. And remember, Practical Nurse Bill, if Red get’s riled up, I’ll know it instantaneously, almost, and I’ll have to come back to the Cow Barn and then you will have both Crumby and me to deal with in addition to Red. - Do you understand? - All righty then. - Yes, he can have some Dolmens. - Just try to keep him away from the TV. - Good Goddess man, I don’t know, you’re the Goddess lala nurse. - Just do it. - Bye. The Lovely Drudiess Rayetta then sighed forlornly. Jeez Louise. I should probably make Crumby walk back to the CB. But then there’s no telling what would happen to Practical Nurse Bill. Oh well.

So then Rayetta climbed back up into the front seat of the big vehicle. But.as Rayetta was climbing up and in and was temporarily faced backwards in the general direction of Hope and Crumby further back, Rayetta chanced to espy the happy, even enthusiastic countenance of Hope, and Hope’s bright eyes.

Hope dear, you wouldn’t by any chance have One of These, would you?

Why yes Rayetta, I have an inexhaustible supply?

Hmmm. Then give me two, and give Crumby four. No. You don’t get any Lomo. You’re driving. There now. That’s better. Now I shall buckle up and away we go.

Away they went. Pretty soon all the Druids except Lomo decided to have a sing-a-long and then the quest to rescue Ray proceeded along merrily, indeed. And these particular Druids were all good singers and enthusiastic.

“Ye know I love ye baby, but don’t ye think that maybe
the way ye talk down to me, sends a chill right through me
white trash. Don’t call me that!”*

And Crumby got to move up into the third seat.
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Olwen and Ray were having a swell time too, sight-seeing. For Olwen, like Ray had an affinity with the Crown Vic and all Olwen had to do was visualize a sight and pretty soon the Crown Vic would drive right up on the lawn of that visualized sight. But it was getting late and Ray and Olwen had promised to go see Upyeraholes, Olwen’s daddy. So after enjoying sexual intercourse, off they headed to the Castle. This time, unlike last time, the gate was wide open so they drove on in and parked on the lawn in the neighborhood of where Ray parked the last time.

Out the twain of them hopped, both Olwen and Ray, from the relative safety of the Crown Vic and off they hopped through the familiar labyrinth hallways right in the general direction of the tell-tale signs of the elevator that eventually fetched down on B-665.

Sure is quiet in these parts.

Preternaturally quiet.

Sure smells musty.

Preternaturally musty.

Look, there’s our heart.

Let’s enjoy sexual intercourse.

All righty then.

Whoa! This place is a mess.

Goodness. What has daddy been up to?

Jeez Louise.

Mercy.

Sure is purrt in these parts.

Ray, could I borrow your, bandana, please?

Yep. I’ll hold my breath.

So Ray and Olwen proceeded a very, very, very short distance in the general direction of Upyeraholes, Chief Justice. But anon, Ray and Olwen had similar thoughts regarding the relative attributes of penny loafers and gold lamee‘ high-heeled sandals versus galoshes.

Ray sugar, this is too icky, baby.

Yer right Olwen darlin’. We are liable to ruin our shoes.

So Ray and Olwen backed off. But Ray hollered out as loud as he could. “Me and Olwen have come back to see ye, like we promised, daddy rabbit. But it’s too icky down here. So we’re backin’ off. But we’ll see ye anon, maybe.”

Ray and Olwen didn’t know if Upyeraholes heard them or not, for it was a very great distance from the elevator to Upyeraholes throne, but they had to get the heck out of there right then so that’s what they did do.

“Whew.” “Whew.” This time they didn’t enjoy sexual intercourse in the elevator, but hopped it mighty quick to the Crown Vic where they took turns snorting the combo fuzzy dice and car deodorizer and rubbing it on one another.

Whut are we gonna do now, Olwen?

Daddy may be dead Ray. It sure smelled like he is.

Yeah but, whut are we gonna do now, Olwen?

We got to get the place cleaned up, Ray.

Well don’t look at me.

Well don’t look at me, neither.

Whut are gonna do now, Olwen?

Ray, dang it, stop sayin’ that?

Whut Olwen?

That!

Whut?

Boo-hoo-hoo.

There, there Olwen. Don’t cry. Whut are ye cryin’ fer Olwen? Let’s enjoy sexual intercourse.

No Ray. Not until we get the place cleaned up.

Well, don’t look at me.

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Er. All righty then Olwen dear, sweetie pie, honey. sugar, darlin’. I’ll get the place cleaned up, maybe.

You will, snuffle?

Yepper.

Good. Then I have a plan. We’ll get the retinue to clean up the place.

All righty then. You sure are smart Olwen.