Druid News Service Newsflash! Republicans to Colonize Middle East

In a speech today on TV the Kinglet announced that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east to save the middle east from middle easterners who have all converted suddenly to Islamic Fascism and are the greatest peril to our culture and way of life to come along since the Teletubbies. According to the Kinglet, the first big colony will be set up in Sadr City, Iraq as soon as somebody gets the air conditioners running. Then, when the air conditioning is up and running in Sadr City and a few more places, there will be lots of Republican colonies set up and plenty of air conditioning and opportunities for all the immigrant Republicans.

"It is our patriotic duty as the only real patriots left, to go forth and save the middle east by moving there." announced the Kinglet. "Therefore, since the unpatriotic Americans don't believe in us anymore, we are all leaving America to subdue the Islamic fascists on their home territory, which will then be our home territory. Once all the colonies are set up we will hold elections and vote out the Islamic fascists and have a genuine Republican Christian republic or monarchy perhaps all through the middle east. And, we will have all the oil we could ever hope to want, almost."

Goodness gracious sakes alive. This is Ms. Hope Remains of the Druid News Service. Let's get some reactions to the Kinglet's announcement that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east.

Sir, what do you think of the Kinglet's speech today?

What speech, Missy?

Goodness gracious sir, you haven't heard, all the Republicans are moving to the middle east.

Whoa! We are. Christ All Mighty, have they got the ACs up and running yet?

I don't know sir. You better get in touch with the Kinglet to see when your colony will have air conditioning. Excuse me, maam, maam, have you heard that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east?

Yes I have. Isn't it wonderful news! Honestly, I think the Republicans will be much happier over there with those other fundamental people who think like they do. The Republicans need to be with people who will agree with them on fundamentals. Perhaps general agreement on fundamentals will bring them true happiness at last.

Thank you for those interesting comments, maam. Oh my goodness,its senator what's her name from Tejas. Senator, senator what do you think about moving to the middle east?

Well now, as yall know, I support the Kinglet no matter what, so I am heading right on home to begin packing up the cargo containers for the big move. I sure do hope we have plenty of cargo containers. That said, we'll make do with what cargo containers we do have. I'm sure that all the patriotic Republicans view this as a grand opportunity and we are all looking forward to having plenty of oil in our new, air conditioned homes in the middle east.

All righty then, that sounds swell senator. Now back to the Lovely Druidess Rayetta reporting on the reaction to this good news at Red's Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn. Here's Rayetta.

All righty then Hope sweetie, you take care out there and watch out for the Wicker Man. Hmmm. Does anyone around here want to comment on the days news, besides Crumby?

Me, me I want to comment, Rayetta?

I spelled besides you, specifically, Crumby! Who else wants to comment?

I do Rayetta.

All righty then, here's the CB's lovely moon goodness, Olwen White Track, with a comment on the Republican migration off continent. Take it away, Olwen.

Thanks Rayetta. You know, I am really happy the Republicans are going off continent. Maybe now, Ray and Hope and I can live normal happy lives without all the carping about fornication and living in sin and what not. Maybe now we can grow Cannabis as a cash crop and for medicinal use. Certainly, Red could use a toke or two instead of all those Dolmens. Maybe we can have direct democracy instead of filtering everything through the ruling class first. Maybe we can just pay taxes for programs we support. Yep, I'm happy for lots of reasons. Maybe we can have parks in Tejas. Maybe the sky will clean itself up when all those Republican move off. Maybe there won't be so much pollution and lying and gluttony and heat. Maybe science will get to be science again.

Thank ye Olwen sweetie. I'm sure all of us share those happy hopes. And I, the LDR have one thought to add, good riddance.