Ray’s Round Table - #6, Special Guest, King Arthur, Again

All righty. This time, I Ray Pistrum, Sun God Trainee, since this is my program, have changed up the format. Today, I am having a one-on-one parley with King Arthur. Last week, as some may recall, King Arthur got sick on the air. He almost had a panic attack. I figure that was because he got over-stimulated by the crowded conditions in the laboratory and close contact with my regular guests who were undoubtedly using up too much of King Arthur’s potential oxygen. That’s right. Over-stimulation and low oxygen levels probably are what combined to mess up my program last week So this week, just the two of us, me and King Arthur, are on the program.

King Arthur, I know that Culwuch is your cousin and all, and I am certainly appreciative of the fact that you are only on my program because Culwuch begged you to come on. What I don’t fully understand is, Why do you keep doing favors for that asshole Culwuch, every single time he asks for a favor? Besides, that asshole, Culwuch, tried to steal my beautiful Moon Goddess girlfriend, Olwen White Track, away. Uh. Also King Arthur, if you feel that you are getting yourself over-stimulated, take a drag on that Oxygen bottle.

No Oxygen is coming out, Ray.

You have to turn that dang knob.

OK. Now it’s working.

Breathe in slowly, King Arthur.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. There. That’s better. What was your question again Ray?

My question is, Why do you keep doing favors for that asshole Culwuch, every time he asks for a favor?

Oh yes, Culwuch is my fairly worthless young cousin. Well Ray, compartmentalized family values is why. You may know, Ray, that in my hey day, the Golden Rule, was controversial. Yet in general, I was fixing to enforce the Golden Rule, relying upon my kingly assets to do just that. Pretty soon though, I perceived that the Golden Rule needed to be reduced in scale, from a general to a more specific application. That’s where compartmentalized family values came in handy. Hold it. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Anyway, what did you call Culwuch, Ray?

He’s an asshole.

That’s right. I would pretty much agree that Culwuch is an asshole. Yet Culwuch is kinfolk to me, King Arthur. Culwuch, might even be my son. So you see Ray, I am obliged to do him favors. The Golden Rule applies to Culwuch, even though, as you say Ray, he may be an asshole.

In fact, looking back on past events, the behavior of my family is why I needed to change the scale on the Golden Rule. I figured that since all my family were assholes, if I could apply the Golden Rule just to them, that would be a Kingly accomplishment. So I treat all of that bunch like I would like for them to treat me. Every one of them gets treats. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Plus Ray, as a former orphan, you should show some sympathy for Culwuch. After all, Culwuch was a poor little orphan bastard, just like you. Yet here you are, calling him an asshole on TV.

Yeah but, he’s not my cousin.

He might be Ray. Do you know for certain, that Culwuch is not your cousin?

Uh? Dang it. He’s not my cousin.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. So anyway, once I got the Golden Rule reduced in scale to just about cover extended family members, I set about using my Kingly assets to provide favors for everyone in my extended family that might need a leg up or helping hand. For example, my possible brother, Kai, got a job in my administration as Sun God Trainee. And actually, Kai got that job on merit. Kai is one of the assets I keep referring too.

I know all about Kai, King Arthur. He sneaked up on my cousin, Dillus the Bearded, while poor Dillus was sleeping off his supper. Then he plucked out Dillus’ beard. Then he slew Dillus outright. I’d like to meet up with Kai in a dark alley.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Let’ not go there, Ray. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Sorry King Arthur. I didn’t mean to get personal on the program.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. So, as you can see for yourself Ray, the scale of the Golden Rule is all important. It’s tough, just ruling your kinfolk, much tougher, a bunch of strangers and foreigners.

All righty. King Arthur, the actual reason you are on my program is to plug your new book, Kin Selection Among the Ancient British. I must admit, King Arthur, I have not had a chance to actually read your book, but I did look at some of the pictures. What’s Kin Selection Among the Ancient British, all about?

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Uh oh. Home viewers, King Arthur may have used up all his Oxygen. That dang Crumby must have forgot to fill up the bottle. Oh well, maybe next week King Arthur can come back and tell everyone what’s in his new book, Kin Selection Among the Ancient British.

Watch out for the Wickerman!!!!