Functional Endoscopic Sinus Surgery (FESS)

I just had this done to me Tuesday. I have only had to take two pain pills so far, following surgery. The first pain pill was for the dern breathing tube down my throat. The second was for general miserableness as opposed to actual pain. My nose, post operation does not hurt much at all. However, it bleeds every now and then.

My worst post-surgery woe was constipation. Yes. Because I was denied fluids on the morning before the surgery, and I was already a bowel movement behind, I knew I was fixing to wind up constipated, either that, or I would shit all over the place during my operation. Well, apparently I didn’t shit all over the operating room. I got the alternative. It’s like one of those Druid Dichotomies people are always talking about. Which would you rather have, constipation, or shit all over the operating table?

Praise the Goddess, I was spared the embarrassment and probable expense associated with shitting on the operating table. Man, I bet patients shit, fart and piss practically all the time during every operation. And, I bet when that happens, the cost of the operation goes up. Yes. I bet they hire a special team to clean up the mess or suction out the gas. It’s like a hidden, shameful cost of surgery that no one likes to talk about in polite company.

So I have been stressed out over being stove up since before the operation. About the first thing I did when I was fixing to wake up from the anesthesia was check my undears for pay dirt. I was relieved to find no pay dirt and no peepee in my undears. But the flip side was, I was overdue.

Tuesday night I went to bed fully loaded. Stupidly I ate big bowls of Grapenuts cereal with milk and raisins and popcorn, separately, thinking all that might loosen me up. They didn’t. By Wednesday afternoon I was getting desperate. I know what you better do Crumby, I thought to myself. You better drink three cups of coffee in rapid succession.

The three cups of coffee got me going finally and I enjoyed a much-needed ablution. However, during my ablution I strained so hard that a great quantity of blood squirted out my nose. Dang. Fortunately it was just one good squirt, like a horny toad does, or did, when there were horny toads.

Now it is Thursday. The main aggravation now is, I am not allowed to blow my nose. That means clumps of dried blood and snot doogles are infesting my trills. Not only can I not blow my nose, I can’t use my trusty squirt bottle either to clear all the bloody snot doogles out of my trills. I can’t use my trusty squirt bottle until Sunday and I can’t blow my nose until Tuesday. Boo-hoo-hoo. Snort.

All I can use on my nose to try and break up some of the bloody snot doogles is saline nasal spray. It does not help much. Boo-hoo-hoo. Sniff.

As I lay helpless on the operating table, a blue norther blew into Austink bringing about 0.25" of much needed precipitation to the Cow Barn. Now, the sky is clear. The Moon is full and up all night. Yet I wish to espy NGC 4361 in Corvus and M68 and M83 in Hydra tomorrow morning about 5 AM as the Moon shall then be hard upon the western horizon. Trouble is, I am not supposed to lift anything heavier than a milk jug. That would include the Great Red Tube and the Lomo.

Dern it! I won’t have another decent chance at those naked splendors until that greatest of all the Mammmonite holidays, Christmas. Yes. All the Mammonites celebrate the triumph of the Baby Demon Mammon over Baby Jesus on December 25 of the Julian. But I can't wait that long to espy those naked splendors.

OK. I think I am well enough to try for those naked splendors if I dress warm, wear a pollen mask and make sure my head never gets below my heart when I lift what not. Hark. I have decided. I shall try.

Another year, DY 3 is upon the Druids. That's correct. The Solstice is not far off now. Praise the Goddess!