Achtung Migrants, Bring Your Own Water
Everyone knows that the carrying capacity of these parts is shot. Could these parts produce enough food to feed just the local fat people, much less everyone else? The answer is obviously, course not. No. These parts must import mass quantities of food to keep everybody fed, overfed, or fed up.
One reason these parts can not keep everyone fed is the unreliability of the dern rainfall. The unreliability of the dern rainfall means dry land farming is risky, too risky. So when it comes to farming, only the irrigated prosper.
The fact is, only the irrigated prosper in general. A reflection of that is the mass quantities of water the rich get to put on their yards and into their swimming pools via irrigation. That’s plenty of irrigation water. Me too. I irrigate as much as I can afford. How else are the flora and fauna around here fixing to get a nice drink?
Plus, everyone knows it’s getting hotter. The heat is terrible. That terrible heat combines with ridiculous late spring frosts to shorten the growing season in these parts to about six weeks. That’s right. If you dry land farm in these parts, you have from about April 7 to May 20 to get your crop in.
The terrible heat increases the demand for irrigation water. Yes. The hotter it gets, the more cool water everyone wants. Me too. You too. That’s why, on a hot summer day, I worry that my portion of the cool water may be evaporating. Sorry Mr. Ovate. Your portion of the cool water, evaporated.
No wonder then, considering the necessity of irrigation, that the Lower Colorado River Authority (LCRA) felt obliged to weasel out of their deal with the San Antonio Water Systems (SAWS). The LCRA had to weasel out of that deal. Yes. Had to. Why? Everybody with a lick of sense knows there is fixing to not be enough cool water to go around. Everybody knows.
The fact is, almost everybody knew that back when the feasibility study for off loading my cool water onto some rich bastard lard ass migrant’s future yard in Boerne first got proposed. Everybody knew that except water engineers. Water engineers talk to Jesus. Jesus talks to water engineers. And Jesus told the water engineers, I Jesus, shall provide plenty of water. All you water engineers need to do is locate or dig out some new holes to store all the plentitude of water, I, Jesus, shall miraculously provide.
Yes. Jesus promised the water engineers that precipitation was fixing to increase in these parts. So LCRA could easily, as a consequence of a projected supernatural increase in precipitation, provide all the water a rich bastard lard ass migrant to Boerne might wish to dump on his yard or golf course. Yes. Jesus proclaimed to the water engineers, all these holes or pits you find or dig out shall be filled plumb full of cool water. I, Jesus, advise ye, hire the Mexicans to start fixing to lay pipe.
Meantime, I, Crumby Ovate, actually got a little chump change for expressing my opinion on the feasibility. As usual, prior to expressing my opinion, I asked the WG for guidance. Please WG , I asked, is this project, feasible.
No Crumby. This project is not feasible. This project is a ring dub for water engineers.
When asked my opinion, alas, I could only repeat the words of the WG. This project is not feasible. This project is a ring dub for water engineers. I might have got a little more spare change charge time for some other opinion. But for the most part, not entirely, but for the most part, consequent of that opinion, I was spared the aggravation of mucho association with Christian water engineers. Praise the Goddess!
One reason these parts can not keep everyone fed is the unreliability of the dern rainfall. The unreliability of the dern rainfall means dry land farming is risky, too risky. So when it comes to farming, only the irrigated prosper.
The fact is, only the irrigated prosper in general. A reflection of that is the mass quantities of water the rich get to put on their yards and into their swimming pools via irrigation. That’s plenty of irrigation water. Me too. I irrigate as much as I can afford. How else are the flora and fauna around here fixing to get a nice drink?
Plus, everyone knows it’s getting hotter. The heat is terrible. That terrible heat combines with ridiculous late spring frosts to shorten the growing season in these parts to about six weeks. That’s right. If you dry land farm in these parts, you have from about April 7 to May 20 to get your crop in.
The terrible heat increases the demand for irrigation water. Yes. The hotter it gets, the more cool water everyone wants. Me too. You too. That’s why, on a hot summer day, I worry that my portion of the cool water may be evaporating. Sorry Mr. Ovate. Your portion of the cool water, evaporated.
No wonder then, considering the necessity of irrigation, that the Lower Colorado River Authority (LCRA) felt obliged to weasel out of their deal with the San Antonio Water Systems (SAWS). The LCRA had to weasel out of that deal. Yes. Had to. Why? Everybody with a lick of sense knows there is fixing to not be enough cool water to go around. Everybody knows.
The fact is, almost everybody knew that back when the feasibility study for off loading my cool water onto some rich bastard lard ass migrant’s future yard in Boerne first got proposed. Everybody knew that except water engineers. Water engineers talk to Jesus. Jesus talks to water engineers. And Jesus told the water engineers, I Jesus, shall provide plenty of water. All you water engineers need to do is locate or dig out some new holes to store all the plentitude of water, I, Jesus, shall miraculously provide.
Yes. Jesus promised the water engineers that precipitation was fixing to increase in these parts. So LCRA could easily, as a consequence of a projected supernatural increase in precipitation, provide all the water a rich bastard lard ass migrant to Boerne might wish to dump on his yard or golf course. Yes. Jesus proclaimed to the water engineers, all these holes or pits you find or dig out shall be filled plumb full of cool water. I, Jesus, advise ye, hire the Mexicans to start fixing to lay pipe.
Meantime, I, Crumby Ovate, actually got a little chump change for expressing my opinion on the feasibility. As usual, prior to expressing my opinion, I asked the WG for guidance. Please WG , I asked, is this project, feasible.
No Crumby. This project is not feasible. This project is a ring dub for water engineers.
When asked my opinion, alas, I could only repeat the words of the WG. This project is not feasible. This project is a ring dub for water engineers. I might have got a little more spare change charge time for some other opinion. But for the most part, not entirely, but for the most part, consequent of that opinion, I was spared the aggravation of mucho association with Christian water engineers. Praise the Goddess!
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, May 29, 2009
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