Crumby Talks to Himself about Cameras

Here’s a couple of typical 35mm point and shoot film cameras. The bigger one was a good camera until it broke. Then, after that camera broke, Crumby replaced it with the littler one. The littler one never worked right. Crumby hates it.

Just look at those two. The big one is clunky, but it worked until it broke. The littler one is littler yet has a longer zoom. Sadly, the littler one never worked right. Pentax probably took out the parts that made the camera work properly when they miniaturized the product line. Crumby hated the Pentax 110. That camera wasted lots of Crumby’s time and money.

Before Crumby had the twain depicted he actually owned an slr. But even then, Crumby was only interested in the tiny plus far away. So, stuck with inadequate lenses and unable to afford more lenses, Crumby traded his Canon slr for some marijuana cigarettes.

OK. Currently Crumby has two cameras that both work. They are the C 5060WZ and the E 330, both manufactured by the Olympus Corporation out of Japan. (Though located primarily in Japan, Olympus is actually an American or maybe a Greek company. Therefore, patriotic Greek Americanos can be proud they purchased a digital camera manufactured somewhere on or near Earth). Anyway, those twain are the only digital cameras Crumby has ever owned and the only cameras Crumby ever used that produced a satisfactory picture taking experience for Crumby. (Film, even in the semi-satisfactory Pentax 105, was like a total bummer).

The C 5060WZ and the E 330 can take some pictures. But neither camera can take all the pictures Crumby would like them to take. Or, they can take the pictures, but Crumby, for his part in the process, has to work really hard, which is not good. No. Crumby, considering his advanced age and bad temper does not need to have to work hard to take pictures. Those pictures need to come easy. It’s a hobby for Goddess Sakes!

All righty. Crumby shall keep and use the C 5060WZ until it breaks. Once it breaks, that’s it. Olympus no longer fixes the C 5060WZ because it is discontinued and they have run out of parts.

Announced in September ‘03, Crumby got his C 5060WZ some time in ‘05. The only problem Crumby had involved the infamous mode dial. The mode dial broke. The mode dial on lots of C 5060WZs broke. But Olympus never officially recognized the mode dial problem as a camera defect. So if your C 5060WZ mode dial broke after the camera was out of warranty, you had to pay to get if fixed. Now, if it breaks, it can’t be fixed again ever. Mercy! Sept. ‘03 is less than seven years ago. Totally obsolete!

Besides the ridiculous mode dial, the most irritating aspect of the C 5060WZ is the tiny catch on the on/off switch. This catch and associated on/off switch is located directly under the infamous mode dial. The catch is tiny. Consequently, Crumby has to apply a thumb or fingernail to the catch to turn the camera on and off. Often, while fixing to turn the dern thing on or off, Crumby simultaneously nudges the mode dial. Alas, the added nervousness created when the camera is constantly switched on or off may contribute to the infamous mode dial problem. But other than the odious mode dial, the C 5060WZ is a great camera, especially for its time and place. Oh yeah. The on/off switch also sucks.

However, even with the C 5060WZ operable, Crumby allowed himself to be convinced that he required a dslr. Here’s why. The only way to focus the C 5060WZ is either through a totally miserable optical viewfinder or the LCD. That means that anything moving, far off or little is really super hard to find and focus on. Actually, the focus is not totally hard, but finding the subject is. So really, the C 5060WZ can only easily take pictures of static objects that are relatively close or big. However, if you can get really close to the subject, even when it’s little, then the camera focuses OK if you happen to be patient.

Crumby, desiring to take pictures of the tiny or far away, wasted a bunch of money buying telephoto adapters for the C 5060WZ. Yes. Crumby acquired both the TCON 1.7and TCON 3.0. What the teleconverters do is make sure you seldom find the tiny or far off subject due to the narrow field of view imposed by the teleconverter on the picture taking experience. The 3.0 is especially useless. Here’s what it does if you don’t go to full zoom. This is called vignetting.

Yet with due diligence and much luck, one can sometimes barely take a picture of a butterfly that is fairly far off or tiny, employing one of the TCONS. You can do it sometimes. But it is really hard work

In hindsight, Crumby should have got the WCON which is a wide angle converter. That would have worked better. Lots better. But Crumby wasn’t interested in taking pictures of wide angles.

Thus, because Crumby wanted a camera with a proper viewfinder and faster focus, Crumby convinced himself to get a dslr. On the other hand, Crumby really liked the twist and swivel lcd of the C 5060WZ. So Crumby wanted a dslr that also featured a motile lcd. Crumby also liked the live view of the lcd and wanted that too, for taking pictures of relatively inert subjects inconveniently disposed. For example, taking a lateral view of a tiny short plant in its natural habitat.

Or here’s another example where a tilt swivel lcd with live view can come in super handy. Like one time Red was afflicted with a rectal itching and burning sensation. But Red was short handed because Ray had run off with the carnival and Crumby was confined to his orgone box. So there was no way Red could take off and go to the doctor. So what Red did was take a picture of his anus. Then Rayetta sent Red’s picture over to the doctor by email. The doctor was able to espy from the picture that Red had one of those almond shaped hemorrhoids poking out. So the doctor prescribed a soothing ointment for Red. Rayetta picked that ointment up that very day at the People’s Pharmacy. Red never had to leave the CB.

In those days long past when Crumby decided he needed a dslr, the only dslr camera that almost met the tilt swivel plus live view lcd criteria was the E 330. The E 330 lcd did not swivel, but it did bob up and down. Crumby figured tilt was better than non-tilt even without the swivel. Unfortunately, the E 330 was way out of Crumby’s price range. But then, when hardly anybody on this globe, Earth, excepting Crumby, wanted an E 330, the retail price plummeted. Eventually, Crumby got one off EBAY for about $450. Then Crumby got the kit lenses for $200. Then Crumby induced the camera to malfunction twice. Both times following the malfunctions the E 330 needed to go to California for repair. That jacked up the actual cost another couple of hundred. Turned out to be a butt fuckin’. Crumby thought, Reckon how many marijuana cigarettes I could get for this?

Yet, despite the high cost, ever since March 2007, Crumby has plugged along with the E 330. Along the way Crumby has acquired more lenses. These are the Zuiko 35mm, 14-54mm, 70-300mm and the Sigma 150mm macro. Crumby is very happy with the macro and close up capabilities provided by these lenses when the sun shines brightly. Yikes though. That’s another $1300 hundred invested for pictures of bugs in broad daylight.

So what are we up to now. Let’s see. Must be around $2150. Toss in an extra battery or two and that rounds out to about $2200. Plus about $800 on the C 5060WZ plus useless teleconverters makes about $3000. Spread that over about five years and the cost is about $600 per year. That’s more than a year’s supply of snuff which for Crumby would run about $460. Man alive! Considered like that, owning cameras is seriously depressing. Drugs may be a better deal.

Looking on the sunny side, maybe, just maybe, cameras are not as bad for an average person as snuff. Mercy though! Crumby forgot additional costs including adapters for the microscope and telescopes and a macro focusing rail. Also, there was the cost to replace the mode dial. Goodness! Turns out, digital photography is a worse habit than snuff. Far worse.

It’s like this story Karl the Tracker Druid told Ray and then Ray told Crumby. Seems like Karl sometimes takes on charity work because he feels sorry for a lady whose husband has disappeared with the rent money. Like a certain particular lady showed up at Karl’s office. This lady was tearful yet beautiful. But she didn’t have any money.

Afterwards, Karl took the job. Finding the errant husband was child play for Karl. That’s because Karl learned the husband was an amateur photographer. In fact, the beautiful young wife told Karl, I fear lest he should spend all the rent money on camera gear.

Knowing the husband’s hobby, Karl realized there were only a few places that shiftless husband could be, due to the paucity of brick and mortar camera stores in those parts. Karl tracked that miscreant down in no time or practically immediately. There the rascal was, cued up, fixing to pay for a new ball head with the rent money.

Stop! Karl cried out. Stop in the name of the Goddess! Drop that ball head!

Yes. Karl cornered that miserable bastard of a husband. Karl also explained to everyone in the store what was going down. After that, the store clerk said to the wicked husband, We don’t need your trade here mister. You need to take that rent money on back to your wife.

Huh-huh. Crumby had trouble believing the last part, but Ray swore it was true.

So in the end, the husband and the rent money were both restored to the beautiful wife. And Karl promised the wife. Maam, I am now, and in the future, ever at your service. So call on me when he runs off with the rent money again. See. Karl does a certain amount of charity work.

Yes. Photography is a very bad habit. Expensive too. Too expensive.

Even Crumby is nowhere close to figuring out how much money he has spent per photo. Pennies. Pennies per photo. How many pennies? Alas.

But really. Can we mere mortals actually put a monetary value on the memories those pictures may facilitate?. How can we commercialize something like that? Boo-hoo. I’m sorry it’s just too much. Waaaaaaaaah!

Good Goddess! Crumby has blubbered in public again. It’s his white blood kicking in.

Let’s see here. Now that we have all gotten emotional over the pictures and had a good cry, it’s time to calculate Crumby’s future photographic desires. Luckily, Crumby is old and cheap. So those desires may be relatively modest, middle of the road, mainstream, or average.

In the time that has elapsed since Crumby purchased the E 330 off EBAY, Olympus the Corporation and home of the Greek deities has released ten 4/3 dslrs and 2 micro 4/3 things. None of these 12 cameras are fixing to replace the E330. The only one that even comes close is the E 30. Yet the E 30 is way too expensive. Crumby would never pay more than $500 for a brand new E 30. The E 30 was outclassed by the competition on the day it was released. And now it is super outclassed. Super!

Like for a mere $500 Crumby could purchase a new, recently released Pentax Kx in Crumby’s choice of black, white, blue or red. The Pentax Kx shoots movies in the dark. The E 30 can’t shoot stills in the dark, yet costs $300-400 more.

Then there is the Nikon D 90 which shoots movies in the dark, fast. The D 90 can be had for about the same price as the E 30. Trouble is, Crumby’s lenses won’t work on the D 90 or on the Pentax. However, Crumby does have two K mount film lenses that might work OK on the Pentax, maybe.

All righty. What, besides few or no lenses, holds Crumby back from a switch to Nikon or Pentax?

Well. Crumby hates home movies. Hates them. So movies are no selling point for Crumby. Although, Crumby shot a movie of his cat last night with the C 5060WZ. That was stupid, and the only time Crumby has used the movie feature on that camera. Crumby only did the movie to see how it worked.

Those swell sensors that allow the D90 and Kx to shoot pictures in the dark are made by Sony. Crumby mistrusts that situation. That kind of bullshit seems like a sort of horizontal monopoly so far as Crumby is concerned. Nikon and Pentax could be Sony fronts. That’s what Crumby thinks.

Crumby could never spend more than say, $700 for a D 90. So Crumby’s D 90 would need to be used or refurbished. Also, there is the cost of a telephoto lens for the dern D 90. Because Crumby would need a long telephot lens to shoot birds and other small or swift vermin in the dark.

The Kx is cheap now and shall be cheaper anon. Crumby likes cheap. On the other hand, the Kx is probably not quite as good at shooting vermin in the dark as the D 90. It’s probably slower. And Crumby would still need an expensive telephoto lens. Plus, that Pentax seems to have battery and focus problems. Who knows what else may be wrong with the Kx? Those Kxs may be programmed to all explode at once, next VJ Day. Also, Crumby has never forgiven Pentax for the totally shitty 110 Zoom.

Finally, Crumby is happy with his Olympus close up capability so long as there is plenty of sunshine avaialble. So he would have a hard time trading in all those lenses and replacing them with Nikon or Pentax equivalents. That would be hard to do. And really expensive.

Dang it. Crumby may be locked into Olympus. But if that is so, then Olympus needs to help Crumby out a little with shooting birds or tiny vermin in the dark. How about clean ISO 800-1200 on a decent body? Body doesn’t need to be water sealed. Doesn’t need a great OVF. Just high ISO and decent focus. How about a f4- f5.6 300-400mm or bigger telephoto? Fuckers!

It aint gonna happen. Crumby needs to bite the bullet. Crumby needs a Canon 7D and a 100-400 Canon lens. That’s what Crumby needs. Yikes! But that’s $3500. Mercy!

Which brings up an interesting point. Why didn’t Crumby purchase a camera from a reputable company in the first place. Canon and Nikon are reputable. For example, Crumby knew that Nikon makes a great binocular, the 10x42 Elite. Olympus binoculars, pshaw! So why didn’t Crumby transfer that knowledge and purchase a Nikon camera. Or Canon. Why not Canon? Crumby’s film Canon took great pictures, a smidgen image of a bird smack dab centered in the 4x6 every time.

Oh well! Anon, Crumby shall know what he decides, maybe.