Well Diggers and Witches

What do they have in common, well diggers and witches? Easy that, cold. They have cold asses and tits in common. Now Crumby knows that Americanos living north of the Red River just find it hard to believe that Tejanos can cry about the cold weather. But hey! Even an Okie like Crumby gets to where, if he lives in these parts long enough, he loses his pre-adapted, cold adaptation.

Mercy! The weather in these parts is too. Too cold, too hot, too wet, too dry and especially, too windy. That’s right. The wind blows practically all the time. It’s terrible. Plus, it’s an ill wind that blows no good or count.

Speaking of no account or, shortened, no count, the Mormons tried to get at me yesterday. That’s right. Immediately following a nice nap in my orgone box, I heard a rapping at the front door. Correct. We have installed a dragonfly door knocker for the convenience of the pestiferous.

And there they were. Pests! Good Goddess! Have those Mormons learned nothing from the chainsaw type cinematographic efforts renowned in the Republico Booblico? Probably not.

Anyway, there they were, Mormons, also called Latter Day Saints. Huh-huh.

Can we come in and visit with you about Jesus Christ? Huh-huh.

Well do you know anybody around here that would like to visit with us about Jesus? Huh-huh.

Off they went, headed south.

The obstacle those Mormons face is that most of the houses in these parts are set back a ways from the road and many have fences and/or dogs. I don’t know how your dogs feel about Mormons, but my dogs generally hate their guts. Dogs may confuse Mormons with marmots.

All these important facts amused Crumby as he watched the departing Mormon bohines rhythmically pumping off in a southerly direction.

One of the best things about the Druid religion is that ecumenical or evangelical activities are entirely optional. Consequently, few Druids are liable to go door to door, spreading the news, good or bad. Yet Crumby, a former Christian, sometimes yearns for the traveling, evangelical lifestyle or way of life.

Have you heard the good news, neighbor? If ye repent from your lying and gluttonous ways, you may eventually metamorphose into a fairy, complete with Ephemeroptera wings and a super ding.

Almost everyone wants to fly on their own without the aid of an airplane. That’s why the Christians promise wings. So to outdo the Christians, Druids offer the super ding in addition to the wings.

One thing Crumby is always asked is, Do ladies also get a super ding? Yes they do. Ladies also get super dings.