Bob White

Long have I, Ray journeyed round and about and also here and there with the cheerful whistle of Bob White ringing in me ears. But as with much else cheerful, that cheerful whistle is heard less often these days in these parts.

Bob White (Colinus virginianus)is a quail, and humans like to eat quail, or hunt quail, or both sometimes. So Bobwhite is an upland game bird because it generally habitates above sea level and because it gets hunted fer sport and food. So Bobs game if you are. I, Ray et up a fair number of chicken fried Bob White myself, in my youth. Bob was delicious.

But if Ray likes Bob White, and reflectin' on Ray's refined taste, everyone else does too. And the list of Bob White eaters is indeed long: possum, coon, coyote, wildcat, petcat, ant, skunk, pig, hawk, weasel, owl and cow. Actually, cow, except for the most potentially evil cow, don't normally eat Bob, but they do step on the presumptive baby Bobs.

So Bob has a tough time cause everone is out to eat em and his life is generally short, but merry. Bob don't live long so Bob and Lady Bob spend most of their short lives fornicatin', the merry part, or in activities directly related to, or resultin' from, fornication. This bein' the case, Bob and Lady Bob need to be stealthy with all their fornication so they are dressed up in such fashion that they are hard to see, stealthy. Ye have probably walked right by Bob while he was fornicatin' his little self silly, only a few feet away, and not known what was goin' on because Bob was so stealthy in his raiment.

Because Bob and Lady Bob spend most of their short, merry lives fornicatin', they produce lots of little Bobs and Bobbies, or would if the little ones didn't get et. This is the way of Bobs and its what Bobs have taken upon themselves, to be delicious, prolific and stealthy.

Bob's biggest problem these days is findin' someplace to do all his Bobbin. He can't be stealthy in a bemudagrass pasture or a parking lot. And with all the brushy areas with native forbs and grasses intermixed diappearin' under the roaring tide of pavement, rooftops, King Ranch bluestem, bermudagrass and the like, poor Bob has fewer and fewer locales where he can comfortably habitate/fornicate.

But there's always Hope. Because Bob is delicious and lotsa fun fer some to hunt, much thought and even some money has gone into savin' Bob. Fer example, many Bobs are now reared in captivity and then released into what passes fer the wild in these parts. Also, some thought has been given to providin' Bob with a semblance of his natural haunts, the mixed woodland, savannah, brushland, grassland with native forbs and grasses that Bob and Lady Bob ridiculously specialize in fer co-habitation. Ha! I love ecological satire.

Anyway, to sum up, do they sell 28 guage shotguns at the Mall Wart? Did my tax dollars hep pay fer Chitlin' shotgunnin' Harry? Did I pay fer the 28 guage shotgun and the very pellets that took poor Harry down? Can ye whistle, BobWhite?