Ray's T for the D - Ant Day - Let the Festivities Commence
If you assumed, like me, that the most important secular holiday in these parts has arrived at last, you would be correct. Today is Ant Day. Once fickle Ogma actually rises, all the responsible citizens in these parts shall sashay forth unto the lands round about all their domiciles on their own properties, inspecting for ants. Should those ants get detected, and they shall get detected, then the responsible property owner is fixing to poison the Bejesus out of those ants all across these parts. Once everyone performs their civic duty, and allowing a while for the poison to work, these parts shall be ant free, maybe.
Yes. Among the ants, only the most cunning shall survive. Only those ants that mounded their cities in inaccessible locations, perhaps inside an impenetrable thicket, shall persist. Well, maybe some other ants shall skate by too. Perhaps those ants dwell on properties where the responsible property owner is too old or infirm to properly inspect for ants. Or, maybe the responsible property owner is near-sighted and can’t find his spectacles in a timely fashion. Or maybe those ants dwell so close to the no-man’s lands bordering these parts that, fearful of encounters with foreigners or terrorist school bus drivers, the responsible party owners shall not carefully inspect those scary borders lands for ants.
Yet many among the ants shall perish anyway. Yes. I must still my natural predisposition to soft-heartedness. On previous Ant Days, the ones I actually remembered to celebrate, once the festivities commenced, I began to feel sorry for my ants. Then, once I began to feel sorry for my ants, I started making up excuses for sparing their tiny lives. Like, these ants reputedly eat ticks and fleas. Anybody that eats ticks and fleas, can’t be all bad. Trouble is, the fact that these ants eat ticks and fleas may be an opinion. They may only eat baby horny toads. But that may be just an opinion also. But what about all this dirt they move up. This ant dirt is nice and friable. That’s not an opinion. Course this dirt is also full of ants, so being friable, does not make this dirt more useful. Sigh!
Anon, my natural predisposition to soft-heartedness would lead me to start thinking too much. What if I was a handsome young ant fixing to enjoy sexual intercourse with a beautiful ant princess? Then, right before I got to enjoy sexual intercourse, I picked up some ant bait and poisoned myself. How would I feel then?
Yes. Life as we know it may be complicated, too complicated for the soft hearted. Hark! Fickle Ogma has not yet arisen. I must cease all this foolishness lest I wear myself out ere the festivities commence. I wonder if my ants like cinnamon buns.
Crumby Spells Ray
Crumby, could you take over for the nonce? I am wearing myself to a frazzle ere the festivities commence. Here’s my list of additional facts I was fixing to spell.
Sure Ray. I am raring to go. I shall take on over.
All righty. Here I am. It’s me, Crumby. All righty then.
Whoa! Tucker Carlson has been cancelled. How could our rulers do that? Those rulers must be in ideological hell. What confusion, what lack of ideas led those rulers to cancel, Tucker? Er. Let me consider a possibility. I know, ratings. Tucker’s rating were low or getting lower, or somebody among the rulers speculated that a Tucker replacement might get better ratings than Tucker. That means that the Tucker audience, consisting of the smarmy, must be getting smaller or spending less money. Less smarmy Tucker fans spending less smarmy money must Scare the Dickens out of the rulers. So they had no choice, but to cancel Tucker. How sad!
Meantime, in these parts, the human environment suffered through another record breaking high temperature day. The wind howled and the humidity plummeted, if that’s possible. Anyway, our yearly precipitation for DY 2 to date, probably evaporated yesterday. So all you utheadsba fixing to arrive for SXSW need to bring your own water.
What else? Oh yes, crime is increasing among the Mammonites. Hearsay has it that the RNC has been looted. I sure am happy about that. Because not one plug nickel of that loot, was my loot. Turn that thief loose, and let him keep his ill gotten gains. Those ill gotten gains are trickle down, and good for the economy. As for the Mammonite contributors, they got what they deserved.
Yes. Among the ants, only the most cunning shall survive. Only those ants that mounded their cities in inaccessible locations, perhaps inside an impenetrable thicket, shall persist. Well, maybe some other ants shall skate by too. Perhaps those ants dwell on properties where the responsible property owner is too old or infirm to properly inspect for ants. Or, maybe the responsible property owner is near-sighted and can’t find his spectacles in a timely fashion. Or maybe those ants dwell so close to the no-man’s lands bordering these parts that, fearful of encounters with foreigners or terrorist school bus drivers, the responsible party owners shall not carefully inspect those scary borders lands for ants.
Yet many among the ants shall perish anyway. Yes. I must still my natural predisposition to soft-heartedness. On previous Ant Days, the ones I actually remembered to celebrate, once the festivities commenced, I began to feel sorry for my ants. Then, once I began to feel sorry for my ants, I started making up excuses for sparing their tiny lives. Like, these ants reputedly eat ticks and fleas. Anybody that eats ticks and fleas, can’t be all bad. Trouble is, the fact that these ants eat ticks and fleas may be an opinion. They may only eat baby horny toads. But that may be just an opinion also. But what about all this dirt they move up. This ant dirt is nice and friable. That’s not an opinion. Course this dirt is also full of ants, so being friable, does not make this dirt more useful. Sigh!
Anon, my natural predisposition to soft-heartedness would lead me to start thinking too much. What if I was a handsome young ant fixing to enjoy sexual intercourse with a beautiful ant princess? Then, right before I got to enjoy sexual intercourse, I picked up some ant bait and poisoned myself. How would I feel then?
Yes. Life as we know it may be complicated, too complicated for the soft hearted. Hark! Fickle Ogma has not yet arisen. I must cease all this foolishness lest I wear myself out ere the festivities commence. I wonder if my ants like cinnamon buns.
Crumby Spells Ray
Crumby, could you take over for the nonce? I am wearing myself to a frazzle ere the festivities commence. Here’s my list of additional facts I was fixing to spell.
Sure Ray. I am raring to go. I shall take on over.
All righty. Here I am. It’s me, Crumby. All righty then.
Whoa! Tucker Carlson has been cancelled. How could our rulers do that? Those rulers must be in ideological hell. What confusion, what lack of ideas led those rulers to cancel, Tucker? Er. Let me consider a possibility. I know, ratings. Tucker’s rating were low or getting lower, or somebody among the rulers speculated that a Tucker replacement might get better ratings than Tucker. That means that the Tucker audience, consisting of the smarmy, must be getting smaller or spending less money. Less smarmy Tucker fans spending less smarmy money must Scare the Dickens out of the rulers. So they had no choice, but to cancel Tucker. How sad!
Meantime, in these parts, the human environment suffered through another record breaking high temperature day. The wind howled and the humidity plummeted, if that’s possible. Anyway, our yearly precipitation for DY 2 to date, probably evaporated yesterday. So all you utheadsba fixing to arrive for SXSW need to bring your own water.
What else? Oh yes, crime is increasing among the Mammonites. Hearsay has it that the RNC has been looted. I sure am happy about that. Because not one plug nickel of that loot, was my loot. Turn that thief loose, and let him keep his ill gotten gains. Those ill gotten gains are trickle down, and good for the economy. As for the Mammonite contributors, they got what they deserved.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, March 15, 2008
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home