Should Pop Quizzes be Allowed in Church?

OK. Everyone take up a pencil and a piece of paper. You shall discover plenty of pencils and paper in the rack on the back of the pew in front of you. Now that I have finished my sermon, we are fixing to have a pop quiz. Print your name and the date at the top of your piece of paper. Then number down the left hand side of your piece of paper. Double space the numbers.

Now I can tell from the many groans arising to High Heaven, that many of you do not wish to take a pop quiz in the Sight of the Lord. So tell you what. Anyone that actually passes, answers 7 out of 10 questions correctly, is excused from the tithe this month. How about that!

Are there any questions before we begin?

Can I go to the bathroom?
Do we have to write down the question?
What’s the date?
Is this pop quiz, optional?
May I be excused? I have a note.

Oh ye of little faith, oh ye of muddled and possibly irreverent thoughts, oh ye that do not listen and understand, this could be the very situation you find yourself in, verily, this upcoming Sunday. For all the churches have made an ecumenical decision to give a pop test in all the churches this Sunday to determine if anyone is paying attention to, and understanding, at least 70% of the Sunday sermon.

This was supposed to be a top secret, pop quiz, but we Druids found out about it. Since we found out, pity for the average church goer has welled up in our hearts. For we ovated the results of the pop quiz and discovered that almost all of you flunked, miserably. In fact, even after the ecumenical council lowered the minimum passing score to 50, most of you still flunked, miserably.

So to save all you average church goers from flunking the pop quiz, we decided to give you fair warning. Stay away from church this Sunday. If you go to church, you shall almost certainly, flunk. Or, if you do go, despite this warning, for Goddess’ Sake, try to pay attention to your pastor or pastorette.