Ant Day Approaches
Mercy! Time is associated with many metaphors and similes. Yes. And Ant Day, the most important of all the secular holidays in these parts, is nigh. For the many ignoramuses and retards out there who may not know about Ant Day, I, Crumby the Ovate, shall explain.
Ant Day is when the regular people plus retards unite to poison the ants all at once, simultaneously. Some might argue, poisoning ants is akin to animal sacrifice; therefore, Ant Day, is actually a religious holiday, not merely a secular holiday. But that line of thought is incredibly stupid, scarcely worth rebuttal. Obviously, retard participation in Ant Day, implies secular, not religious.
OK. Since the termites have apparently eaten most of the out building at the Cow Barn, we may go light on Ant Day this time around. Whatever, we are in the holiday spirit, nevertheless.
Now here’s Ray for some important weather bullshit. Bosom companion, what’s the weather bullshit up too?
Crumby, bosom companion, the weather bullshit situation is dire. This Polar Bear we have been afflicted with one dry norther after another. The rain scarcely fell. The ground is bone dry. Bare ground increaseth apace. Many suffer and die. The temperature yesterday, in anticipation of another dry norther, reached 91, a blistering hot and untimely record. Hold it!
Hold it! Crumby needs to be in a trance for this part. Crumby, are you in a trance? I think he’s in a trance. OK.
What dost these several aforementioned signs portend, Crumby Ovate?
Oooooooooo! Evil times are ahead, Ray. Evil times and wicked. The retards have us by the short hairs. Yesterday, a big fat retard in a Hummer passed me twice as I walked the dog. To and fro the retard drove along. Then also, the great outdoor lights are on every night. Every night, Ray! Evil times. Evil times and wicked. Hear the wind howl. See the dust blow. Wake me when the Retards have been deported. Ooooooooo!
No Crumby. You need to wake up now. We can’t wait for the retards to be deported. You have to wake up now. Please Crumby, wake up now! Oh alas, shall my bosom companion sleep for eternity, his enchanted noggin forever ensconced upon the Ample Bosoms.
Later.
You know yourself Crumby that the retards could just as easily undergo rapture as get deported. That’s two possibilities for getting shut of them at last. That’s not bad. There’s always hope.
Scant hope, bosom companion. Scant hope indeed. Hope is a scantily attired mistress.
Yes but Crumby, some of the retards are threatening to immigrate. And some of them are threatening insurrection. Insurrection could thin them out. See Crumby, more hope.
OK Ray. Now, since you have come up with four possibilities, I shall stay awake. That’s four for the Crumby Ovate.
So Ray, Nature needs to be our inspiration. Here’s an item from your sister, Rayetta. It spells, something for those who enjoy seeking portents in nature, to contemplate. Anteos calinde on Gelsimium sempervirens. Not unusual maybe, except the date is, February 27 of the Julian.
Ant Day is when the regular people plus retards unite to poison the ants all at once, simultaneously. Some might argue, poisoning ants is akin to animal sacrifice; therefore, Ant Day, is actually a religious holiday, not merely a secular holiday. But that line of thought is incredibly stupid, scarcely worth rebuttal. Obviously, retard participation in Ant Day, implies secular, not religious.
OK. Since the termites have apparently eaten most of the out building at the Cow Barn, we may go light on Ant Day this time around. Whatever, we are in the holiday spirit, nevertheless.
Now here’s Ray for some important weather bullshit. Bosom companion, what’s the weather bullshit up too?
Crumby, bosom companion, the weather bullshit situation is dire. This Polar Bear we have been afflicted with one dry norther after another. The rain scarcely fell. The ground is bone dry. Bare ground increaseth apace. Many suffer and die. The temperature yesterday, in anticipation of another dry norther, reached 91, a blistering hot and untimely record. Hold it!
Hold it! Crumby needs to be in a trance for this part. Crumby, are you in a trance? I think he’s in a trance. OK.
What dost these several aforementioned signs portend, Crumby Ovate?
Oooooooooo! Evil times are ahead, Ray. Evil times and wicked. The retards have us by the short hairs. Yesterday, a big fat retard in a Hummer passed me twice as I walked the dog. To and fro the retard drove along. Then also, the great outdoor lights are on every night. Every night, Ray! Evil times. Evil times and wicked. Hear the wind howl. See the dust blow. Wake me when the Retards have been deported. Ooooooooo!
No Crumby. You need to wake up now. We can’t wait for the retards to be deported. You have to wake up now. Please Crumby, wake up now! Oh alas, shall my bosom companion sleep for eternity, his enchanted noggin forever ensconced upon the Ample Bosoms.
Later.
You know yourself Crumby that the retards could just as easily undergo rapture as get deported. That’s two possibilities for getting shut of them at last. That’s not bad. There’s always hope.
Scant hope, bosom companion. Scant hope indeed. Hope is a scantily attired mistress.
Yes but Crumby, some of the retards are threatening to immigrate. And some of them are threatening insurrection. Insurrection could thin them out. See Crumby, more hope.
OK Ray. Now, since you have come up with four possibilities, I shall stay awake. That’s four for the Crumby Ovate.
So Ray, Nature needs to be our inspiration. Here’s an item from your sister, Rayetta. It spells, something for those who enjoy seeking portents in nature, to contemplate. Anteos calinde on Gelsimium sempervirens. Not unusual maybe, except the date is, February 27 of the Julian.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, February 28, 2009
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home