Ant Day, DY 3, or 2009 of the Julian

Today is Ant Day, our most important secular holiday. Yesterday, naturally, was Ant Day Eve. However, Red has officially decided, we are not fixing to poison our ants this year. The termite threat is too great. We may have dry land termites, the worse kind.

So all we get to do for Ant Day is join the festivities at city hall. My bosom companion Ray is the designated liar. That’s right. Ray is fixing to go to the festivities and lie about how the CB is fixing to poison our ants. That way, nobody in these parts shall think we are unpatriotic or slackers or unusual.

With President Obama in the White House, the urge to appear completely average is, well, less urgent. Nevertheless, on important occasions like Ant Day, the urge to appear average is, for average white people, like a biological imperative, hard to overcome.

Mercy! I don’t know what I am fixing to do with myself after Ant Day. Night after night the sky is cloudy. That rules out average amateur astronomy. And since the rain falleth never, my diurnal hobbies; botany, entomology, ornithology, community ecology and deer management are likely to be of less than average interest. I may have to get a futher mucker job just to stay average. Futher mucker!

But we need to put off fretting about the future until post Ant Day. Yes. That’s right. We need to live every moment to the fullest so we can enjoy Ant Day to the max. Here I go, fixing to dress up for Ant Day.