Asteroid almost Kills Dozens

Yesterday a big asteroid zoomed past the earth at a high rate of speed. Praise the Goddess it just zoomed by. If it had hit Earth, dozens might have perished including me. Actually though, if you think about it, wouldn’t it be pretty cool to know an actual person that was killed by an asteroid. That would be practically unique. Like what if one of my friends, say Karl the Tracker Druid, or Nancy, or Mary the Virgin, or, Goddess forbid, Rayetta, or Ray, or maybe one of Ray’s girlfriends, or Red or somebody I know was actually killed dead by an asteroid. Good Goddess, if that happened I would have the option of appearing on TV to explain my opinion of what happened. Then, if I was a big hit on the nightly news I might get my own book contract and a TV show. Good Goddess Man!

Alas, the asteroid in question entirely missed Earth. Too bad. Many would have survived. Yes. Many would have survived to tell the tale of how they were spared during the great asteroid attack on Planet Earth.

Who or what is sending these fierce asteroids against our tiny defenseless planet? Oh, I know what most of you shall answer. Most of you believe Upup the Hermaphroditic Lord or Lordette of Gravity is afflicting Earth with these pesky asteroids. On the other hand, some of you believe Jesus may be responsible. Others blame this strange heathen God or that strange heathen God or even Goddess. And some of you, yes, some of you blame whatever earthly scapegoats come to mind. Like for example, the Sissies. Yes. Undoubtedly, all of us variously innocent Earthlings are afflicted with asteroids because of the Sissies.

Ha! Have you ever heard someone say, Shit man, I need to go see the doctor about this asteroid. It itches like crazy. Futher mucking Sissies!

Ha! You never heard anyone say that!