I’m Skeered II
One way to avoid being skeered out of yer wits 24/7, and still watch TV, is to distract yourself by inventing a personal movie rating system. Ray and I have been working on our system since we decided on the need for such a system last night. Yes. We have worked pretty dang hard on our movie rating system except for when we were asleep.
This is the movie rating system we have come up with.
***** - The movie may be watched lots of times.
**** - The movie may be watched twice.
*** - The movie may be watched once.
** - The movie may be partly watched.
* - The movie is not fixing to get watched ever again after about two seconds.
Our system should be good for many average TV movie watchers hoping to avoid the scary TV news. For example, let’s say you don’t wish to fully concentrate all your intellect on a movie. What you need in that situation is a ** movie like Gods and Generals which is currently featured on some of the cable movie channels. Gods and Generals is one of the most boring movies ever made. That’s right. Not only is Gods and Generals especially boring, it is around four hours long, a perfect example of a ** star movie.
Be warned though, the only reason Gods and Generals gets ** stars as opposed to * star is the cast, which includes Robert Duvall representing General Lee. Robert Duvall plays General Lee as if General Lee just snaps out of a deep coma immediately prior to uttering any lines. Hey! Some of you men there, sit General Lee on Traveler. Then wake him up. He has some lines.
Now remember, the Ray and Crumby movie rating system only works for movies viewed in the comfort of one’s own home or domicile. Obviously, a movie like Gods and Generals would not be two stars at a movie theater or drive in. No. Gods and Generals would receive a lower rating out in the public arena.
What about those ***** movies though? Is there an upward limit on how many times an average person can watch those ***** movies? Ray and I believe there is. For example, Ray and I can no longer watch Braveheart. For the twain of us, me and my bosom companion, Braveheart has gone from being a ***** movie to a *movie. So you may be able to discern from this example that our rating system may be afflicted with an upward limit problem. That’s why our movie rating system shall never be approved as official Druid Doctrine. It lacks universality. Yes. It lacks universality and underlines the fact that we mere Earthlings understand so little about the actual Universe.
You know, the potential demise of the free press, anon, is pretty scary just by itself. What shall happen to everyone once the freedom of the press is curtailed by the inability of the press to make a profit? What shall happen when the freedom to own the press is an inconsequential, worthless, profitless pile of dung or major elephant shit? What shall that be like, once the freedom to own the press is worthless? Egad!
Ray and I have thought about this problem quite a bit over the last couple of days. What we have thought is, Could Ray and me step into the actual news vacuum at some point? How could Ray and me bring the news to average Amercanos and still make the outrageous profits due a jet-set lifestyle?
Would we actually ever go over to the Tejano do yer Zipper Up Capitol and listen to the debatos over Peekture Ids fer Voteros? Ha! Unlikely that. Not even for the outrageous profits due a jet-set lifestyle. However, considered seriously and in the absence of honor, in the Tejano tradition, Ray and I work cheap. So we might come to an arrangement.
This is the movie rating system we have come up with.
***** - The movie may be watched lots of times.
**** - The movie may be watched twice.
*** - The movie may be watched once.
** - The movie may be partly watched.
* - The movie is not fixing to get watched ever again after about two seconds.
Our system should be good for many average TV movie watchers hoping to avoid the scary TV news. For example, let’s say you don’t wish to fully concentrate all your intellect on a movie. What you need in that situation is a ** movie like Gods and Generals which is currently featured on some of the cable movie channels. Gods and Generals is one of the most boring movies ever made. That’s right. Not only is Gods and Generals especially boring, it is around four hours long, a perfect example of a ** star movie.
Be warned though, the only reason Gods and Generals gets ** stars as opposed to * star is the cast, which includes Robert Duvall representing General Lee. Robert Duvall plays General Lee as if General Lee just snaps out of a deep coma immediately prior to uttering any lines. Hey! Some of you men there, sit General Lee on Traveler. Then wake him up. He has some lines.
Now remember, the Ray and Crumby movie rating system only works for movies viewed in the comfort of one’s own home or domicile. Obviously, a movie like Gods and Generals would not be two stars at a movie theater or drive in. No. Gods and Generals would receive a lower rating out in the public arena.
What about those ***** movies though? Is there an upward limit on how many times an average person can watch those ***** movies? Ray and I believe there is. For example, Ray and I can no longer watch Braveheart. For the twain of us, me and my bosom companion, Braveheart has gone from being a ***** movie to a *movie. So you may be able to discern from this example that our rating system may be afflicted with an upward limit problem. That’s why our movie rating system shall never be approved as official Druid Doctrine. It lacks universality. Yes. It lacks universality and underlines the fact that we mere Earthlings understand so little about the actual Universe.
You know, the potential demise of the free press, anon, is pretty scary just by itself. What shall happen to everyone once the freedom of the press is curtailed by the inability of the press to make a profit? What shall happen when the freedom to own the press is an inconsequential, worthless, profitless pile of dung or major elephant shit? What shall that be like, once the freedom to own the press is worthless? Egad!
Ray and I have thought about this problem quite a bit over the last couple of days. What we have thought is, Could Ray and me step into the actual news vacuum at some point? How could Ray and me bring the news to average Amercanos and still make the outrageous profits due a jet-set lifestyle?
Would we actually ever go over to the Tejano do yer Zipper Up Capitol and listen to the debatos over Peekture Ids fer Voteros? Ha! Unlikely that. Not even for the outrageous profits due a jet-set lifestyle. However, considered seriously and in the absence of honor, in the Tejano tradition, Ray and I work cheap. So we might come to an arrangement.
posted by ray pistrum at Monday, March 09, 2009
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