Ray’s Round Table - #5, Special Guest, King Arthur

All righty. Today we are fixing to have a round table parley similar to those on Sunday morning TV. In the best tradition of Media Liberal TV, and Media Conservative TV, all my guests, plus me, have incestuous relationships. Today’s round table guests, just like last Sunday, are, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, Druid News Service; Dr. Rayetta Pistrum, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta; and my bosom companion, Mr. Crumby Ovate.

Plus we have a special guest, King Arthur. King Arthur is so dang famous that after the show we are fixing to have a picnic for King Arthur out in the pecan orchard. All the Druidry in these parts are assembling out in the pecan orchard at this very nonce, eagerly anticipating getting to hang with King Arthur. To keep that bunch from mischief until the picnic commences, Red has them picking pecans on the shares.

All righty. The stage is set for King Arthur. Er. I can easily see that all my regular guests are eager to ask King Arthur a bunch of questions. Yet I am in charge of the venue, so I, Ray Pistrum, Sun God Trainee, get to ask the first question. King Arthur, everyone assumes that given your past performance in your last iteration, the WG cut you some slack on your current iteration. How about that?

That is correct Ray. The merciful White Goddess judged me and I now reside in a very nice spot in Annwn. As you know Ray, my downfall was young blonde ladies. Some of those young blonde ladies were close relatives. But how the heck was I supposed to know that. No, no, no, whoa!, I am so sorry. I did not mean to spell that. Course I knew that one of the young blondes was my sister. Anyway, once the Merciful Goddess figures I have gotten that pitfall out of my system, I may get to come again, somewhere on this plane.

Yeah but King Arthur, and here I am anticipating a question from my bosom companion, Crumby, Is Annwn, where you habitate, interesting? Do you, for example, have pets?

Yes Ray. Annwn is very interesting. Plus all my pets are with me. All my horses, falcons, white dogs with red ears, pigs and everyone are right there with me in Annwn. Course they are. Plus those pets never get old or lose control in the house. Why would Crumby want to know that?

Crumby used to be a wicked Christian, so he frets over the afterlife of pets.

Oh!

OK. I espy that my sister and my beautiful girl friend are sticking out there bosoms, four. King Arthur, this is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the Druid News Service. Then over there is my only known sister, Dr. Rayetta Pistrum, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta, LDR. Previous to the program, Crumby, Hope and Rayetta played rock, scissors, paper, so the order in which they each get to ask a question is pre-ordained. Stick out your arms, regular guests, so King Arthur may espy the logical progression of what is to follow.

Ah! Ms. Remains, I see your arm is blemish free. Yet the Lovely Druidess has but a single whelp. While yet the worthy Ovate has twain whelps. Now I perceive the order of my interrogation. Please proceed.

Goodness gracious sakes alive, I’ll swan. Oh my goodness, King Arthur. Ooops! OK. When, King Arthur, did you realize you had let down the Goddess, Gwenhwyfar, resulting in all the subsequent unhappy troubles that subsequently were visited upon your kingly noggin?

Dern it! I knew that marriage was a bad deal from the get go. I was too dern old, old and feeble. Yet I had to go through with it. So I made the best of it. I figured that if Gwenhwyfar had access to a Frenchman, then I could stay busy on other matters with none the wiser. Yet as you know, Ms. Remains, there are a great many busy bodies, plus tongues wag. Then there was my dern sister Goddess with her boy. Dern it! All I wanted to do, ever, was establish some peace and prosperity for all. Yet it’s too much, too much of a burden for the old and weary. That’s why these days, I espouse the dispersion of decision making, widely. Everybody that’s interested and capable should take some responsibility, not just me, King Arthur.

Hmmm. So King Arthur, do you keep up with current events on this plane? How do you think we are doing?

I fret for you, Dr. Pistrum. Yet there is always hope. In my day, for example, popular sports included badger in a bag and chicken on a stick. At least you don’t play those games. Well, at least those games are not played on TV. So there is always hope. Yet there is your deteriorating relationship with the Great Goddess. So hope is scanty, maybe. The Great Goddess, once pissed off to the max, shall show no pity. Mercy! Is there, no hope? No hope at all. Boo- hoo- hoo!

Dang it, Rayetta. You have upset King Arthur.

No, I most certainly did not upset King Arthur, Ray. I certainly was not the cause of this effect. Was I, King Arthur?

No, Lovely Druidess, it is not you. Cough. It is just, well, everything in these parts is just too busy and nasty. I’m not used to it. Snuffle. Sneeze. Cough-cough.

Crumby! Go get King Arthur an oxygen bottle. I bet it’s the air getting to him. He needs better air.

But Ray, I didn’t get to ask a question.

Never mind that Crumby. Can’t you see King Arthur is strangling in his own snot. Go get him some oxygen. Dang it! All righty then. King Arthur, you’ll feel better once Crumby gets back with the oxygen. Then we shall all go outside for a nice picnic. Everybody! Watch out for the Wicker Man!!!!