Anxiety Dreams

An average person would think, Goddess damn it, that anxiety dreams would never plague an Ovate of Crumby's seniority and high status.  Also, many might assume that an important Druid like Crumby would dream about important future events or suchlike.  But no.  Crumby, tormented lifelong by the beautiful yet merciless WG, needs to dream silly anxiety dreams that wake him up at 5 am.  Where's the fairness in that?

So Crumby is dreaming that he is fixing to go on a bird trip with a multitude of other old geezers.  But first, we all need to take a multiple choice test.  Jeez Louise!  Really!

The first question on Crumby's test reads,  Why mya if schirz?  No, no, no.  But instead of skipping that dumbass question and going on to the others, Crumby, in his dream state fixates on, Why mya if schirz?  Pretty soon all the other old geezers finish their tests.  They are all going outside, fixing to depart on an interesting bird tour.  Yet Crumby has not answered the first question.  Anon, an old crone or hagling arrives at Crumby's side.  Have you finished Crumby?  We are fixing to depart.  She asks.

No.  I need a little more time.

You are out of time.  We have to go.

Just let me finish. Please.  I shall employ the Indian or Choctaw technique and quickly draw patterns on the test paper, making sure that each row of circles after each question has at least one or two answers.

But it is too late.  Crumby finds himself furiously filling in all the circles on every question.  Even, Why mya if schirz? has five affirmatives.  Mercy!  Does this mean I don't get to go on the bird tour?

Crumby's Only Elinox

Crumby's newest sak is this Victorinox Elinox.  The actual common name of this model is the Handyman 7236 maU.  It has a tool,  that screwdriver sticking out of the left end, that is a new tool for Crumby's sak tool collection.  It also features the oldest iteration of the Vic 91mm metal saw known to science maybe.  Anyway, the metal saw iteration we are presently discussing is also new to Crumby's collection.  Then there are a couple of cosmetic features Crumby never owned before.  These are the Elinox stamp on the main blade and the three-sided shield.  Nice to have acquired all these new features on only one knife.  Saves space.

This knife also features several blemishes.  The tip is broken off the main blade.  The toothpick and tweezers are missing.  Too bad about the tweezers because they were doubtless aluminum headed.  The metal saw was covered with rust.  Crumby got most of the rust off though.  The corkscrew was all cattywampus.  Crumby bent it back into a proper configuration employing his trusty vice.

All in all, Crumby is very happy with this newest acquisition to his newest and most sedentary hobby.

Water Swing

Multitudes may recall how the lesser goldfinches at the CB learned to drink out of beer cans strung on wire from watching the migratory Baltimore orioles. The beer cans were strung on the wire over hummingbird feeders to deter ants.  The holes in the bottoms of the cans where the wires went through were glued with gorilla glue.  Eventually, after a year or two,  they all started leaking.  So gradually, Crumby or Ray stopped filling them up.  Cause the water leaked out.

The lesser goldfinches liked to drink out of those beer cans.  Pissed off that they no longer had any water, the goldfinches stopped hanging around.  We missed them.  So Ray fixed up a water swing.  It's taken a spell, but now the goldfinches are fixing to come back.  Here's one working his way down the swing wire to the beer can.

The water swing is made by drilling holes in a slim board for the ends of the wire, and gluing four half beer cans to the board.  Those are two Tecates, a Foster and a Modelo Especial.  Larger beer cans are superior in every way.

This is a terrible quality picture taken with an Olympus e620 before sunrise.  Those Olympus cameras are still comparatively worthless in low light.

Weather Report

We take time out from our important sak hobby to report on the weather.  Since before the last weeks of July we have had no rain and not much before then either.  The afternoon temperature has reached a hundred and better every day.  Apparently, only the lessening day length will eventually bring relief.  Needless to say, the growing season is long over.  Which also means the insects have generally disappeared.  And the migratory birds give this place a quick, disdainful glance before heading for green pastures of plenty somewhere far away.  Mercy!  No wonder we collect sak whistles.

Just put your lips together and blow!

Crumby already had two, nice, relatively sanitary Wenger whistles.  Relatively sanitary because the Wenger whistles are like sort of separate from the rest of the tools in the knife.  So when an average person blows on the Wenger whistle, only the whistle goes in his or her mouth.  Not the whole dang knife, like with this whistle.

Mercy!  Yes.  Crumby finally lost all sense of perspective.  That's right.  Driven insane by tool lust, Crumby purchased a used Victorinox whistle, thus violating most of his sak collecting guidelines and all the laws of personal hygiene.

Well.  Maybe not all the rules of personal hygiene.  First thing Crumby did after unwrapping the whistle was to examine it meticulously under a hand lens for bite marks.  Any bite marks or toofer sign, back it goes.  Crumby vowed.  Luckily the knife or whistle was as the vendor described,  only perhaps some shelf wear? on one end of the bottom scale.  The meticulous exam concluded Crumby swabbed the outside of the new arrival with  an alcohol/vinegar solution on a cotton ball.  After that, Crumby applied the same solution on a Q-tip as for as he could get into the interiors of the whistle holes.  Only later, after the disinfecting chemicals had dried, did Crumby  blow this whistle.  Then, he cleaned it again and put it in a plastic bag where it shall reside until Crumby figures out what to do with it.

This picture is done with a Rokinon 8mm fisheye.  A strange lens for a strange sak.

Another Success Story

Many fail where the Crumby Ovate easily succeeds.  That's right.  Most of humanity contents itself with one or two or even no 58mm combo tools.  Pitiful failures.  Yet what good is it to fail, when with a little effort or what not, even an average person can succeed.  So without further ado, here they are, the entire set or threesome, emblematic of yet another Crumby success story.

Sak Fingers

Yesterday Crumby was staring at his Trek bicycle fingerless gloves which, when not in use,  he keeps on an empty herbaria shelf out in the garage with other assorted bicycle paraphernalia.  What do you reckon Trek does with all the fingers they take off those gloves?  Crumby thought.  I should email the Trek Company to see if they will send me some free fingers.

Alas, the Trek Company isn't fixing to send Crumby any free fingers, ever.  So Crumby cut the fingers off an old, wore out, work glove.  See result below.  That's a 58mm Minichamp in a little finger.  With the variation available in glove sizes, Crumby feels like an average sak hobby enthusiast could make pocket fingers for all the sak sizes 91mm and smaller.

Nose Hair Shootout

Ha!  I bet nobody in these parts trims nose hair with a firearm.  Nobody more than once, that is.  So instead, what we are fixing to discuss is the best sak scissors for trimming up that unsightly nose hair.  Recall that nose hair grows worst and fastest in the nostrils of the old or slow witted.  It's like presto magic.  One minute your nostrils are ok and the next those nose hairs are like old growth forest twining down into and tangling up with your moustache.

Moustache!  (Pronounced moose' stash).  Did you know that moustache is a French word?  Many in these parts feel like they can't or won't learn a foreign language.  Just like they can't or won't work.  Yet they may already know some French.

OK.  Nose hair apparently afflicts tall people more than short people.  This is because a short person may easily espy a tall person's nose hair.  On the other hand, a tall person would need to get down on his or her knees and peer up to see a short person's nasal or nose hair.   Few tall people are likely to do that in polite society.  But it could happen.

It's not just yer nose hair that needs a trim.  It's your nose hair and your moustache considered simultaneously due to the propensity of those twain to tangle or their close proximity of growth.  And what's more,  a lady's moustache is just as likely to get in with her nose hair as a gentleman's.  That is,  if a lady has a nose hair problem,  she is going to have a mosutache problem too, maybe. Therefore, the particular scissors we are now extolling tend to work, or should tend to work, on your moustache as well as your nearby nose hairs of both sexes plus hermaphrodites.

Down below is a picture of the six candidates for our important scientific investigation.  However, the two candidates on the right didn't actually get in the test.  No why?  They are too large and cumbersome for delicate nose hairs.  Which leaves the four candidates to the left.  Those four are, from left to right, the Victorinox 58mm,  an older Wenger 65mm, a newer Wenger 65mm and a Victorinox 74mm.  All these four official candidates were recently rescued from either the dollar bin or the three dollar bin at the State Surplus Store.  All Crumby did to prepare them for this test is wipe them down with a paper towel and vinegar and slightly remove some sak gum with steel wool, but only where necessary.  A paper towel  with vinegar gets shut of most of the Ebola germs.

The actual test turned out to be less scientific than Crumby had originally hoped.  That's because Crumby ran out of nose hairs and moustache before he could fairly test all the candidates.  Some got more opportunities than others.  So the test was not fair.  However,  despite the negative experimental results,  Crumby's nose hairs and moustache never looked better.

The Swiss Outdoorsman

A couple of days ago, Crumby's Wenger LL Bean Swiss Outdoorsman arrived.  Crumby felt like he needed this particular sak for his collection.   Why?  Because this model houses a lock blade, a flat Phillips screwdriver and the mysterious fish scaler with line guide or line-guide.    Alas,  the line guide or line-guide flaunts Crumby's collecting guideline, "use or theoretically would use" because Crumby has no clue regarding the function of a line guide or line-guide.  Nevertheless, with the acquisition of these three tools,  Crumby's 85mm Wenger sak tool collection is probably complete.

The three new tools are OK except that the flat Phillips is slightly boogered up, featuring a small tool use notch.  Course the mysterious line guide or line-guide may be boogered too.  Who would know?  Yet all is not well with the sak in general.

It arrived well packaged,  but took a beating some time before it got wrapped up.  The tweezer was stuck in its slot so tightly that Crumby levered off a piece of the scale while digging it out.  That's the larger piece of scale above the tweezer (upper left).

Alas also, the tooth pick was crammed about 3mm  into its slot.  Crumby had to partially remove the scale to get the toothpick out.  Turns out the head of the toothpick is missing.  Which is why the toothpick was able to root down so low. The smaller piece of scale, also upper left above, came off during the toothpick retrieval procedure.

Meantime,  Crumby heated a cup of water in the microwave to facilitate the loosening of the scale for the toothpick operation.  The idea is to immerse the knife in hot water.  The hot water softens the scales, allowing for their removal with minimal damage to the parts of the scale affixed to the pins or liners.  Yet, Crumby was shocked when he noted that the water in the cup was turning green.  Yes.  The green paint on the scales was dissolving into the water, for goodness sake.  There's some of the green water spilled on the paper towel.  This had never happened to Crumby previously with Victorinox saks.  Guess Wenger scales are different.

Oh well.  Despite all these adventures, Crumby is happy anyway.  Happier with this hobby sak than with his Omron blood pressure tester anyway. And one final remark.  The flat screwdriver features an engraved Phillips screw,  thus informing many what the flat screwdriver may be good for.  Crumby really likes those Wenger tool engravings.  Too bad there's no similar engraving for the line guide or line-guide.

This Week at the State Surplus Store

Today Crumby visited the State Surplus Store for the second time.  Pickings were slim, but amid the hoards of Classics in the dollar bin Crumby pulled out a Rogue and an old Flash missing its usb drive.  Crumby required the Rogue for the flat screwdriver tip at the distal end of the combo tool.  The flat screwdriver combo tool completes Crumby's collection of 58mm Victorinox regular (not in the scales) tools.  It's an easy tool collection,  since all the tools may found on just two knives, a Minichamp and a Rover, Rogue or Vagabond. However,  there are probably some within tool variations to collect.  For example, Crumby knows that the flat screwdriver combo tool comes with or without a wirestripper.  Goodness!

Addendum*  In fact, there is another 58mm tool, the divot repair tool.  But the divot repair tool does not meet Crumby's collecting guideline, "use or would use theoretically."  Divots!

The Flash is a more problematic buy, even for a dollar.  Its pen worked in the store, but quit when it arrived at the CB.  Seems to be a pattern with surplus retractables.  The tab that pushes the pen in and out is broken off, making the back scale unusable. On the plus side, the light works and the three tools are in good shape. And, to house the relatively gigantic old timey usb drive,  Victorinox had to splurge on copper pins.  So there is some mod fodder for someone with a plan.

Incidentally,  while pawing through the knife bins Crumby noted how gross those knives felt.  Like they were really dirty.  Like Ebola dirty.  Like Ebola germs could easily be fornicating in those bins with the saks. Crumby wonders if the employees of the State Surplus Store would be offended if he wore surgical gloves and a mask or maybe an astronaut suit, on his next visit.

Rogue on right with combo tool upper left

Swiss flash minus the flash with defunct pen at center bottom

Do Bicycles Promote Immortality?

Just today the Druids made an historic addition to the official Druid Guidelines.  The new Guideline is, "Riding a bicycle extends a person's lifespan by approximately the time spent actually riding on the bicycle.  Which is the same difference as spelling,  "Time on a bicycle counts not."  So theoretically, if you could spend all your time on your bicycle. you would live forever.

A few naysayers objected that plenty of humans get killed riding bicycles.  But in the end a majority of the conclave agreed that in general, one is knocked off the bicycle and run over, or one topples off the bike of ones own accord, prior to ones' demise.   So technically, no one probably actually dies while seated on or pedaling the bicycle.

The bicycle Guideline accepted,  the Druids then held forth on the relative benefits to longevity that might be derived from the unicycle and tricycle respectively.  In the end, rationality prevailed. The unicycle was rated at 0.5 and the tricycle at 1.5 as compared to the bicycle.

Yet Another Sak Tool Collectors Cornucopia

First off, Crumby needs to allow that nobody else bid on the sak we are now discussing.  Nobody.   Possibly, many might have bid if the vendor had better described its virtues.  But who knows.  The Bay can be confounding.

Crumby bid on this knife because the EBAY photos appeared to feature a Phillips with a square corner and an old style fine screwdriver .  He also hoped that the fish scaler was magnetized, but he had no way of knowing that.  When the sak arrived at the CB, Crumby discovered that it did indeed feature an old Phillips with can opener slit, an old fine screwdriver and a magnetized fish scaler.  But that wasn't all.  Check out the nail nick location on the metal file and the curly q teeth on the saw.  Then too, there is no tang on the backside of the main blade.  Also, this knife has the aluminum tweezer.  Wow!  Plus,  the tools, though very dirty, are almost unused.  The model name is probably Craftsman maybe.

Phillips

old fine screwdriver

magnetized scaler/ruler

nail nick completely enclosed by file surface

weird saw teeth

no tang stamp on back of main blade

Sak Ink

Ever since Crumby started collecting saks, he took for granted that some saks featured ink pens and some didn't. But what Crumby didn't think about was the color ink in the various pens. That is until a newly acquired yet used sak pen, the little black sak seen below, ran out of ink. Specifically, it ran out of blue ink. 

Crumby does not write much with the saks so he was surprised when this one's pen quit working. Evidently, the previous owner(s) wrote lots and used up nearly all the ink. So naturally, Crumby wondered if the pen was replaceable or refillable. Turns out, it's replaceable. But Crumby wanted to replace blue with blue for the obvious reason that if you sign a legal document in the Rebooblic, you need to use blue ink. Nobody actually knows why of course, but the penalty for not using blue ink is a good horse whipping.  Better use blue.

 However, when Crumby went to purchase a retractable sak pen replacement, he discovered that the pens came in black or blue and that many vendors were loath to specify which color ink their pens contained. One particularly annoying vendor stated that his product was black and blue simultaneously, much like the character in the song, Bill Brown. Finally, after a long search, Crumby espied a vendor that stated unequivocally that the pens had blue ink.  We shall see, anon.

Meantime, in a panic,  Crumby needed to check all his saks to see which color ink the pens held.  The depicted Compact has blue and the Voyager has black.  Yet all the rest,  two Champions Plus, a Cybertool 29, and a Trail Guide, are blue.  Whew!  Got to remember not to sign my will with that dern Voyager.