Ray's Thought for the Day - You Got to Watch, What You Say, Dude!

Yepper. If you are in the ruling class, dude, the dudes pay attention to whut you say on the TV, man. If you say something man, on the TV the other ruling class dudes will jump your shit man. Like they may not even get what you said on the TV, man, and jump your shit anyway. Am I right?

Yes, as usual, I am. Check out the made for TV fascism conjured up for the Homeland today. Here comes the Wicker Man, lickety split.
_____

Yes it's true. Some among the inbred ruling class have soared to political potency within the Democratic Party. One of these is, Senator Kerry.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Moon

It's fun to look at the moon right now while it's still light. Today the moon appeared a tad over half full. The moon is waxing. The moon is hurtling along the ecliptic at a pleasant declination at around 5:30 PM, CST, DST. These are all certitudes respecting the moon.

Lleu Llaw set up the Great Red Tube. Then out I went to the telescopery area to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and employ the Great Red Tube on the moon. The moon is very easy to locate in the Great Red Tube. So I picked out a nice crater or two on the moon and began to study that crater with 4, 5 and 6mm Ortho eps. That was interesting, but I won't go into why it was interesting in this venue.

Then I happened to notice that the sky was bluer than usual for these parts and that the moon, looked like it was in an ocean so that the sky seemed to be lapping at the various craters and what not other features on the moon. Lotsa fun!!!!

Ray's thought for the Day - Strange Recurrent US Culture Events

Current events recur. That's for sure. Lately, before elections, we are, as part of our cultural whoop te do, supposed to get fired up over state-sanctioned same sex monogamy in its sodomy iteration. The Kinglet, I'll have you know, is agin it. Goddess Bless Me, but giving a shit about this issue is more than a tad hard, fer me. But to the extent that I give a shit, I'm fer it. Yep. I'm going on record as being in favor of sodomy, especially if sodomy cuts down on lying and gluttony. Though, probably, the impact sodomy has on lying and gluttony is statistically irrelevant considering the sheer volume of lying and gluttony that's operative in the Homeland.

As everyone who cares to know, the CB is voting this election. We are voting it Yellow Dog democratic despite knowing that the Democratic Party leaves a few items to be desired. That said, that's as for as we go. We're not going to give the Democrats any money or help them in any way because the money needs to be spent exclusively on Druid Programs. Plus, we don't trust them. Given our experience with them, we have good reason not to trust them.

Yet we are voting for all of them. Confusing, isn't it!

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Messier 33

All righty then. I have tried out a great many strategies, but the Pinwheel Galaxy is another one that can't be espied from the east pasture. All I got from my efforts was warbler neck, a serious aggravation of the spine where it hooks up with the noggin. About the only way to avoid warbler neck is to transmigrate yourself into a male great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus). The male grackle is pre-adapted with a noggin that can point straight up and even a ways back over his shoulder. But because his eyes are affixed to the side of his noggin instead of in the front, the male grackle can't actually see straight up, so that particular transmigration aint the solution, either. So probably, espying M 33 from the east pasture is impossible, maybe.

However, the south horizon offers more natural viewing opportunities. Even those too ignorant for transmigrations may espy the naked celestial wonders of Piscis Austrinus, comfortably. Plus, for the nonce, one may also comfortably espy the stars of Grus, the Crane, including Al Na'ir and Beta Grus.

Anyway, and despite the moon shining right down the Great Red Tube almost, we espied several of the interesting double stars that habitate in Piscis Austrinus yesterday evening, those ones being; Beta, Gamma, Delta 241, Upsilon, h5311 and Eta. Due to the ornery conditions, Eta was a tad vague from the cleanly separated perspective.

As Ray pointed out yesterday, we are back on Goddess Time. Last night, as a consequence, the skies appeared to darken sooner. Confusing!!!!

Crumby Performs an Ovation

Paraphrasing Republican Congressperson Boner,

If we don’t keep fighting the Iraqis in Iraq, pretty soon we will be fighting them on every street corner in America.

Congressperson Boner is actually a big shot Congressperson too, some kind of leader in the Homeland Congress.

What sort of citizens would elect Congressperson Boner to Congress so many times that he managed to get seniority?

Easy that, the same citizens who would have us believe that fighting the Iraqis in Iraq keep the Iraqis from attacking us on every street corner in the Homeland. Apparently, a great many citizens believe that, or say they believe that.

Pitiful. Pitiful. Pitiful. Pitiful. I pity the poor Homeland that has such citizens. No Homeland with a citizenry thinking like that has any chance of evading the Wicker Man. So I shall do a foretelling. Anon, we shall be fighting on every street corner in the Homeland, but not with Iraqis.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Mercy, Fall Back

Yesterday, I enjoyed my last delicious cinnamon bun prior to the biennial clock and watch adjustment event. Yep. We have undergone a time change and the time is now one hour back from where it was at this same time yesterday and once again wholly consistent with pre-FDR time. Confusing, isn't it.

Daylight Savings Time is an FDR program, and therefore socialist inspired, plus confusing. Yet the Kinglet and his ministers have failed to do anything about Daylight Savings Time. Why is that? They have busily virtually unraveled or fixed to unravel all the other FDR programs, but not Daylight Savings Time, a clearly communist program.

I bet all the communists are laughing at the Kinglet because they slipped Daylight Savings Time right by him. How do you feel about that Homelanders? Do you like it that communists are laughing at your Kinglet behind his back? You know what those communists are doing right now? They are holding parties, celebrating the triumph of Daylight Saving Time over the Kinglet. There those communists are in their dingy state subsidized apartments. The intermittent sickly glow of a solitary unshaded Chinese made light bulb exposes what they're up to. All of them are sitting around totally naked, smoking Turkish cigarettes and hashhish, drinking Vodka, and celebrating Daylight Savings Time. Let's listen in on the communist's party.

Ha! We have triumphed, or will eventually triumph for certain. The Kinglet and his ministers have totally accepted our most important program, the one program that is certain to bring on global communism, Daylight Savings Time. See, I told you the Kinglet was stupid.

Ha - ha - ha - ha!!!!

Yes, the hideous communists have probably triumphed after all. Confusing, isn't it.

A Behind the Scenes Look at US Culture Today

Rayetta. I know you’re really busy. But I could use some help with this.

Hope honey, any girl friend of Ray’s that can keep Ray distracted and out of trouble can get my help any time. What’s up?

Well Rayetta, the Media Liberal is all over this story about the relationship between fatter drivers and gas mileage for Goddess Sakes. And well, you know how the DNS has to compete with the Media Liberal for viewers. Goodness gracious. And now I’m supposed to do a special on fat motorists and gas mileage. What’s the news in that for goodness sakes?

Yep. This is a good example of why I got out of the news business. Well bless your heart. Let’s see what we can come up with that might not be too exasperating. Hmmm. I have an idea, maybe.

______

The Six O'Clock News, In the Homeland


Hello viewers at home in the Homeland. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the DNS, with yet another intermittent episode of US Culture Today. Recently, our competitors in the Media Liberal discovered that the more mass you load into your personal vehicle, the worse your gas mileage will be. Goodness gracious sakes alive! What a remarkable discovery that is, ho-hum. Guess what? If you are the proud parents of fatter baby triplets and as an immediate consequence you now own the Triplet Tubby Tots Car Seat, your gas mileage is headed south. How about that?

But what’s the flip side of the mass versus mileage coin? Let’s flip it over and see. Today’s special guest is the well-known radio talk show host, Mr. Lush Rimjob. Mr. Rimjob, please explain to the viewers at home, in your own words, what happened to you because you were fretting about transporting excess poundage in your personal vehicle.

Ahem. Thank you Ms. Remains. Yes, as the viewers at home in this wonderful Homeland of ours can see for a change, given that they can’t see me in my usual media venue, but they may notice that since I’m on TV right now, that I am a robust man of large size. So it’s no wonder that I was disgusted by the Media Liberal’s lame attempt to make me feel guilty about gas mileage. Perhaps the Media Liberal would like it if I shook around like I was pretending to have Parkinson’s Disease. All that shaking around would take the weight off. The Media Liberal would like that. They always like that kind of phony behavior.

But anyway, the constant carping of the Media Liberal about this and that must have gotten to my sub-conscious because here I go driving along and I’m trying to help others like I always do. You know, help others that are less fortunate than me. So I’m driving along looking for someone to help and there’s this big fat guy standing on the road shoulder with his thumb out. But down the road a little further along I see a petite young lady with her thumb stuck out.

Now here’s where I went all wrong in my thinking due to the pressure the Media Liberal constantly exerts on me. I thought to myself, Lush, if you pick that fat boy up, your gas mileage will go down dramatically. But if you pick up that petite young lady, you will still do some good in the world and your gas mileage won’t suffer as much. So I picked up the petite young lady, pressured you understand, to pick her up instead of the fat boy by the Media Liberal. You know, all those sinister liberal innuendoes eventually can get under even my thick skin.

So I’m riding along with this young lady and I happen to notice how trim she is. So I say, you are certainly a trim young lady. How do you keep your figure so trim? And she says, prescription diet pills, would like to buy some?

Now again, here I am worried about my weight solely because I am constantly subject to personal attacks by members of the Media Liberal. So in a weak moment and without considering all the possibilities and mostly just to help this young lady out, I purchase a few thousand dollars worth of the pills.

But of course, as you might suspect, this young lady turns out to be an undercover policewoman the Democrats secretly put out on the road that day. As anyone with common sense would suspect, the democrats and liberals have studied my comings and goings so that they pretty well knew I’d be going that way that day. In fact, I have proof that the judge in that area is a liberal democrat.

So Ms. Remains, and you home viewers in our Homeland can see, I hope, that the moral of all this is that you should stick to your principles and not worry about your gas mileage or any of that other liberal claptrap.

Goodness gracious sakes, Mr. Rimjob. Are you going to jail for purchasing those drugs?

No, Ms. Remains, Fortunately I’m not. So long as certain friends of mine, I won’t name any names, but certain friends of mine have provided me with a get out of jail free card because they are aware of all the temptations the liberals strew in my path and the constant pressure I am constantly under due to the constant personal attacks on me and the constant sinister innuendoes. So I have a get out of jail free card.

Well all righty for you then, Mr. Rimjob. And thanks for sharing your side of the mass versus mileage coin with US. That’s all the time we have today, but join me, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, for the next intermittent episode of US Culture Today. Bye now and watch out for the Wicker Man!!!!

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Pie in the Sky, II

To the naked eye plus spectacles the night sky appeared promising last night. But upon closer inspection with high-powered additional visual aids, the many celestial wonders proved visually elusive. Invisible forces in the upper atmosphere of our tiny globe that most of us share with varying degrees of enthusiasm must have been furiously engaged. For despite the Steady Hand on the Great Red Tube, nought would come to focus. For example, we could only espy four stars in the Great Orion Nebula, not six. And Meissa looked like a bowtie from Hades.

Yep, the invisible forces of the upper atmosphere must have been ripping around like maniacs, whipping up germs and other tiny particles to all the upper levels of the atmosphere. Then the far off stars, shining their kindly light my way, had their kindly light diffused by all those germs whipped up into the upper atmosphere.

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky, when you die.

So Joe Hill satirized the great Christian dilemma. “Mercy! We Christians can't keep telling these proletarians they'll get some pie when they die. We need to promise them some pie now.” Thus, was born again the Mammonite branch of the Christian church. Actually, the Demon Mammon had previously had some influence with the various churches, but a new interpretation of the Bible was needed to provide a common sense scriptural basis for Mammonite Christianity.

The church leaders thought and thought. They brainstormed. They encountered one another in sessions. They powered through many lunches together. They learned to read each others facial expressions and body language. But alas, upon a time they all despaired of a solution to the dilemma. So one cried out, "Let us go out into the wilderness, even as Elijah went out into the wilderness, and while we are suffering in the wilderness, maybe an angel will explain something to us. Or perhaps Elijah himself shall come to us."

All the church leaders agreed that this was a great idea. They would all go to a nice enviropreneur camp and learn what to do about the dilemma from an angel or Elijah dressed up as an angel. Off they all went.

Mercy! First thing at enviropreneur camp they had to suffer through a ropes course. That ropes course, in terms of suffering, was like what Elijah went through for 40 days and nights, but condensed into 40 minutes. But at the end of it, all the church leaders realized what they could accomplish if they all worked together as a team instead of going it alone, maybe. Then the stern but kindly enviropreneur camp counselor who had provided stern but kindly instructions to the church leaders so that they might learn teamwork, spoke to the born again team player church leaders.

Here you are. The terrible wilderness surrounds you. Who knows what hideous beasts and poisonous fruits lurk nearby? The nearest convenience store is at least two miles away. The plumbing in the cabins could go off line any minute. Yet you have braved the ropes course together, putting all these evils out of your minds so that you might learn teamwork. And believe me, you are one of the best teams I have ever counseled, the best, maybe.

The stern but kindly words of the enviropreneur camp counselor seemed agreeable to the noggins of the born again team players. “Perhaps this is the one we seek, the very angel, in the guise of our enviropreneur camp counselor, that shall solve our dilemma,” they brainstormed.

Yep. They had found their angel, all righty then. For the enviropreneur camp counselor was actually the Demon Mammon, not merely Elijah, dressed up as an angel. And the Demon Mammon saw into the hearts of the team players and felt sorry for them and had pity for them and determined then and there that he would help them with their dilemma.

By now you may have probably forgotten what the dilemma is so I shall remind you. The dilemma is, How do we get the pie here and not just there, maybe?

So the Demon Mammon instructed the church leaders thusly:

Team players, use your common sense. God meant for you to have all this stuff. Right! Why would he put it here if he didn’t want you all, created in his image, to have it and use it up? Obviously, God wants you to multiply yourself and acquire all the stuff, then use everything up and once you use all that up, he will provide more. All you have to do is follow instructions, like multiply yourself, acquire stuff, and use stuff up as fast as you can, and the ones that do that shall have more provided to them, more stuff provided exponentially in fact, because they are just following God’s orders. Right! That’s common sense. Plus, all that’s clearly stated in the Bible which, as we all know, is how God communicates with us indirectly, by having his advice written in the Bible.

Now some of you may be doubting Thomases about all this because there may be some passages you have read in the Bible, or heard about, that don’t seem to agree with your common sense modern notions of property rights and personal safety. But use your common sense and you’ll realize that those passages were put in the Bible by God to test you. Ha! How could turning the other cheek or giving the shirt off your back possibly help you multiply yourself or acquire more stuff? Your common sense answers that question for you, doesn’t it! Yep. All those passages are God’s tests to see if you have wicked tendencies that might interfere with God’s real work that he has cut out for you. Plus, look what happens to the wicked ones who are deceived on those tests. Consider them with your common sense. They’re just suckers. Right! Dopey, whiney failures that flunked one or another of God’s tests.

Now that you are reassured of God's plan for you, and have a solid scriptural basis for your personal beliefs, and because you are team players, there's no reason you shouldn't take over the government. Take over the government and use the government to help you acquire all the stuff you need to carry out God's plan. See! All this is just common sense.

All righty then. Now that I have solved the dilemma all you team players were fretting over, I have one more agenda item to discuss with you. Most of you are sleeping over at enviropreneur camp tonight. Due to a funding shortfall that is entirely the fault of the dopey suckers and failures dragging down the economy, all of you will have to share rooms. To help prevent those rare instances of heterosexual fornication that might occur, you will partner up with a same sex partner. You all know what that potentially means. Ask God to help you with that if you have a problem. Also, I should remind you that going blind in the wilderness is a bad thing. So please recall Onan’s Limit. Finally, we have installed secret camera devices that can usually detect devious sexual activities that most of you would regret seeing yourself doing on the monitors in the lobby tomorrow.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Pie in the Sky

Lleu Llaw! You will need to transport the Great Red Tube to its designated spot in the shed this evening. It can stay in the shed until I say otherwise. I espy, pie in the sky. Yepper. Since the upcoming virtual border fence is a major federal action liable to impact the human environment, the so-called government is supposed to document the border fence before the virtual fence is virtually erected. 700 miles of fence should require multiple documents possibly, that is, more than one Environmental Impact Statement (EIS). Mercy! Do you reckon the Alternatives and Environmental Justice sections of those EISs will be hoots?

Doubtless the contracts for the EISs will be awarded to consultants based in places like Montana or Guam. So their efforts to identify any cultural or biological phenomena extant on the border will be amusing. Actually though, the virtual fence may be such an important potential new feature of the human environment that the so-called government of US will cut through all the red tape. Perhaps, they won't fund for an EIS. Too bad! An EIS for a border fence would be a very funny document.

Yep. If you have an emergency it's lots easier to cut through all the red tape and if you do that, avoid all the red tape, the major federal action won't need an EIS. Too bad, the Potential impacts to sheep getting sheared in Texas section alone would be worth the massive weight of the document in recycled paper. Let me guess somwaht at some of the potential content. What will the preferred option do?

Preferred Option - Keeping the illegal aliens out will allow Texans to learn a new trade and, in the long run, be good for the economy. Although, a short term problem may arise from the sheep getting to hot during the summer time for a few years. Many ancillary businesses, such as sheep shearing, enviropreneur camps will be required to jump start the sheep shearing industry in Texas. Texans who learn how to shear sheep will eventuall become rich, beyond their wildest dreams.

What will the no build option do?

No Build Option - The illegal aliens will continue to shear all the sheep in Texas. Texans may never have the opportunity to become self-sufficient sheep shearers.

Yep, I foretell that would be the tone of the EIS if there was to be such a tome.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Everyone Survived Supper

Yes they did survive both the leftover tuna casserole plus raw spinach in the salad. It's good to know that the raw spinach has been tested and found safe for this nonce because there's some more of it still in the refrigerator.

Crumby remarked lately that the weather robot may be calming down. I see no evidence of that. Yesterday early, we had a rainless tropical depression pass through followed by a dry norther this morning. The goofy weather robot cited an 80% rain probability. That weather robot needs to be subtracted from our shrinking list of reliable outside information sources until some real scientist recalibrates it.

The wind is whipping around this morning with great alacrity.

So much for the weather and potential food poisoning.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Rainfall Update

All righty then. We had 16.3 and we got 1.15 so that makes 17.45 inches so far, year of the Julian, 2006.

Like many of my favorite dishes, tuna casserole is better the second time around. Why is that? Crumby, why is my tuna casserole better the second time around?

It's the friendly bacteria working on it Ray. The friendly bacteria improve its flavor. But then if any is left over again, the unfriendly bacteria go to work on it, so that to the human or proto human palate it seems to deteriorate after the first leftover session. Yepper, it remains edible, but it loses a lot of its once delicious flavor and begins to change color. Also, eventually it grows a crust. But even then, a pig will relish it.

Druid News Service, Newsflash!!!! Is There an Intergalactic Terror Connection?

Oh my goodness! We’re all going to have our property rights taken away! Yes that’s right. This is Ace Reporter, Ms. Hope Remains. I’m standing outside one of Minister Chitlin’s secret locations, blind-folded. All of us members of the generic Media Liberal have been brought here to this location blind-folded, so that we will be incapable of later revealing the location of this particular secret hideout. Goodness gracious sakes! I may be the only member of the press corps assembled blind-folded at this secret location that can actually understand this encrypted message. I may have a totally exclusive scoop. Goodness!

Yes, Minister Chitlin has sent us all out copies of an encrypted message, but the message is in braille and is spelled out in Pig Latin. Only I, among the assembled throng of reporters shall be capable of informing you home viewers upon the contents of this important, yet tragic, coded message. Because I, Ms. Hope Remains, am skilled at reading braille and thoroughly conversant in Pig Latin as well. Hold on a jiffy. Let me finger the coded message one more time before I share its import with you, the home audience. Goodness! Goodness! Goodness gracious! Yikes!! Goodness! All righty then. I’m all set.

His Majesty, the Minister Chitlin, says he’s not sorry to see us all standing out here blind-folded and attempting to decode his message because we are all a bunch of traitors who deserve to be tortured. However, the Minister Chitlin goes on to spell that he has acquired some brand new intelligence from an impeccable source that proves conclusively that space aliens are aiding the worldwide terrorist or fascist- terrorist movement. Specifically, he knows for sure that hideous aliens are headed this way from their home base near Nebde Aitoska. Hmmm. Make that Deneb Kaitos. Sorry.

Anyway, the hideous aliens have great big space ships. Minister Chitlin spells, You fools think you’re so smart, making jokes about how the terrorists are going to get transported to the Homeland and take away our property rights. Well now, as you blind-folded fools can see, maybe, they shall be arriving soon, delivered into our midst, hoards of savage bloody thirsty terrorists hungering for our property and women, swarming out of huge alien spaceships into the defenseless Homeland. They actually have modern weapons too, ray guns the aliens gave them and goggles that allow those terrorists to see through our clothes and into our liquor cabinets.

However, I, Minister Chitlin may decide to save you from this certain menace. I can use my brain waves, which are attuned to the engines of the alien spacecraft, to make those engines rev up so much they explode. Then you shall all be saved if I do that. But I will only do that if you all vote Republican in the upcoming election. If you don’t vote Republican, the terrorist fascist-terrorist evil foreigners, aided by their space alien Deneb Kaitosian allies, will get you and your property for sure. Better do what I say. Signed, His Majesty, Minister Chitlin.

Goodness gracious sakes alive!!!! That’s the end of the Minister Chitlin’s message. Home viewers, I’m not sure what’s happening now, but I think they’re herding us all back into the press buses. Merciful heavens! I’m all right, Ray, sugar. But if you don’t see me on the six o’clock, come find me.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Rainy

These notes are delayed from yesterday evening.

The rain falls. That means I don’t get to indulge my telescopery indulgence. So instead, I have to keep myself occupied with seeding parties and thinking. Tonight, I am thinking that Ray needs to sum up the 1.1 inches of rain that I found in the guage today in the yearly total. I’ll leave a note to that effect for Ray.

Ray! Be sure to add 1.1. inches to the total for the Julian year, or go read the guage again since it’s rained more since the 1.1 inches fell into the guage, whichever.

I have also been thinking about a leaflet I found on the front porch of the CB last Saturday. I am keenly interested in one of the articles contained within the leaflet entitled, “How will false religion end?” The article portends that the politicians will eventually turn on the churches and destroy the churches. But that’s OK, because, according to the article, the churches are no account anyway. I liked that part.

Then too, some very interesting artwork goes along with the article. The interesting artwork is of the before and after genre. The top, before, picture shows a lady riding on a seven-headed Felis, while holding on to the scruff of its neck(s) with one hand and toting a goblet in the other hand. In the lower, after, picture the Felis has the lady on the ground. One of the Felis heads is lifting up her dress for Goddess’ Sakes and one of its paws is on her right bosom or nearly so. What’s the seven-headed Felis up to? The text of the article explains that the Felis is fixing to “make her devastated and naked, and will eat up her fleshy parts and will completely burn her with fire.”

The Felis, besides having seven heads, is also described in the article as having ten horns. You may be certain that I carefully counted all the horns in both pictures to make sure the number of horns on the Felis heads summed to ten in both pictures. I liked that part, too.

But one of the reasons the WG had such an easy time getting me away from the Christians is tired metaphors. Here we have another dang harlot, this time serving as a metaphor for the churches. Why not have Pope What’s His Name astride the Felis? Why not have the Reverend Falwell’s chubby, well worn thighs straddling the Felis, or our ignoramus Kinglet riding along for that matter? Mercy! But easy that, the Christians never get tired of blaspheming the Goddess with their redundant harlot metaphors. And their payback from the WG is everlasting separation from nature. Yikes! Those Christians are so ignorant, they think it’s good to be everlastingly separated from nature.

Meantime, Tropical Depression Paul is bearing down on the CB. No matter how long a time, possibly until the end of time, I shall never get used to masculine names for tropical depressions or hurricanes, whichever. Masculine names for these events get on my nerves.

According to our weather robot, who by the way has waxed uncharacteristically restrained during this latest wet weather event, I am not going to drown and the skies are supposed to clear tonight. I like that too. Maybe the weather robot is calming down.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Hanging for the Trickle Down

As you yourself may know, free enterprise is the unhampered pursuit of riches by the already rich, primarily. Free enterprise is the same difference as democracy, primarily. (Note: In times past, free enterprise and democracy had slightly different meanings and were not exactly the same difference, but these days, they are the same difference, primarily).

So now that you have established in your own mind that free enterprise and democracy are the same difference, let's examine how free enterprise and democracy operate in one of the colonies, Miserable Iraq. About the first thing that follows from establishing free enterprise and democracy in a new colony is the flat tax. A flat tax is the only fair way for the new puppet government to get some operating revenue. So lots of recent Homeland business college graduates are in the Green Zone working hard to get the flat tax system up and running. But since it's too dangerous to collect taxes in Miserable Iraq, the heroic theoretical effort of the recently matriculated flat tax experts is, so far, limited to office discussions around the swimming pool.

But wait, since the flat tax is not providing revenue for the operating expenses of the puppet government, what source of revenue is providing for those operating expenses? Well, just maybe, some of those are operating expenses are coming from US, reckon.

All righty then. Now I, Ray Pistrum, dual Druid and Sungod Trainee shall do a transmigration and become a recent Homeland business college graduate happily working away in the Green Zone.

All righty then. Here am I comfortably ensconced in the Green Zone with all the comforts of home and I would be happy as a pig in a poke except for the annoying Miserable Iraq puppet government refusing to stand up. So I need to give someone that can speak English a contract. Dang it. Where's my secretary? There she is faunching around out by the swimming pool. Miss, yoohoo, miss, can you put some clothes on and then get over here and type up a message to the miserable Iraqis for me, please. Come on, I haven't got all day. I got to go play golf. Here! You need to retype all this and put it on some US letterhead and then make a million copies so we can drop them out of helicopters. Type this on up and get to work on those copies!

Yessir!
_____

US Contracting Opportunity
Green Zone
Miserable Iraq

Wanted! The US needs a miserable Iraqi or group of miserable Iraqis that can read this. If you can read this and get into and out of the Green Zone without quitting on US, you have a chance to handle a big contract for US. What you need to do is show up here in the Green Zone and prove you can speak some English. A business background is preferred, but we can work around that requirement if we all can communicate together in English.

Here's what you'll need to be able to do with your English skills. You will need to talk with me in English and be able to write your name and be able to read some selected parts of the contract out loud and then discuss those selected parts briefly with me. This is so we will all know what's in those parts of the contract. The miserable Iraqi with those English skills is liable to get the contract which is for a billion dollars US, give or take a few hundred million dollars including miscellaneous expenses.

Generally speaking, what the contract is for is procurement of items required by the miserable Iraqi police. Whatever, the police need, like badges for example, this contract will cover the procurement of those items, badges for example, and any other items the miserable Iraqi police may require in order to stand up.

So all you English speaking miserable Iraqis that can read this, need to apply for this opportunity to manage this important contract for US so that your miserable Iraqi police will have badges. I am headquartered in the big palace next door to Saddamorama Land. You'll need to come here so I can verify that you speak understandable English. Then we can talk aout the billion or so dollar contract. Once you get past all the security checkpoints and get your clothes back on, climb through the tank trap in front of the palace. Watch out for land mines! Once inside you'll see a bunch of US soldiers. Just ask any of those soldiers for the "Bachelor of Business" and you'll get yourself directed my way. Handling this contract for US could make you rich, beyond your wildest dreams. Good luck! We are an equal opportunity employer.
_____

Yes, that was a fine chip shot your majesty, Prince Doowah. One of my better efforts. But let me tell you about this fish I once caught. It was a 400 pound catfish that I caught on a fly rod out in in the middle of the mighty Mississippi. What a tussle that catfish gave me as I reeled it in. And when I cut the monster open, it was full of babies. Mercy, some of those babies I recognized from pictures I had seen on milk cartoons. You are lucky Prince Doowah that you have no such mighty rivers as the Mississippi capable of harboring such monstrous catfish.

Ra-ay! Ray! Snap out of it. It's raining hard and Crumby needs you to help him with the seed as soon as the rain lets up.

Excuse me Hope, but I am informing his majesty, Prince Doowah on the perils freshwater aquatic life may present to the babies of North America. What's more imporant, that, or seed?

Ray. Get your butt out to the shed this instant, or I shall tattle on you to Rayetta.

All righty then. But imagine how surprised Prince Doowah will be when his golfing buddy suddenly vanishes. He'll probably think the event, my vanishing suddenly, unprecedented, or miraculous even.

That's OK Ray. I'll fix it up with Prince Doowah. Look the rain's stopped. Crumby will be getting nervous already. And I'm fixing to holler, Ray-et-ta. Ray won't go help Crumby, ex-pe-di-tious-ly. Like he's supposed to!

OK, OK. Jeez Louise. I'm headed on out to the shed, all righty then.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Yep, Me Too

Count me in with my bosom companion, Ray. I am also another anarchist planning to vote a straight Democratic ticket. My justifying hypotheses for potentially wasting my time voting is that the Republicans are purposely growing the government so that there will be more of it for them to loot. The Democrats did this too, but not as egregiously and with more consideration of the needs of the needy.

Meantime though, I was fearful of taking the Great Red Tube out due to the weather robot forecast so I continued perusals of the naked heavenly splendors with the rock solid Lomo. So I didn't do any replications except on that variable star in Perseus. What was its name, Cleteus? Nope, here 'tis. Algol. Yep. That's the one. But I was also interested to see if I could discern any of the odd shape purported for the Saturn Nebula in Aquarius. Also, I may have espied the Peacock star off on the south horizon. I need to climb up on top of the barn to verify that astounding discovery.

Planetary nebulas, like the Saturn one, are interesting because unlike most other celestial itmes that have nebula in their names, I can actually see the planetary ones. However, the only ones I have felt really gee whiz about are the Ring and the Dumbbell. The Saturn Nebula showed some signs of being fairly interesting in the Lomo though, so it might be even more interesting in the Great Red Tube.

Crumby!

What Ray?

It's raining!

Good! Somebody need to go clean out the guage, maybe.

Send Lleu Llaw.

Lleu Llaw, go clean out the rain guage.

Yessir.

Ray's Thought for the Day - The Potential Virtual Voter

Pretty soon, I, Ray, shall have the opportunity to vote in the upcoming, electrically. My intention is to vote a straight Democratic ticket. If I actually do go vote, rather than just intending to vote, my vote should be counted somewhere and all the Democrats I voted for should get my vote. So after I actually vote, if I do actually vote, I am going to check and make sure that all the Democrats I voted for got at least one vote in the final vote tally. If one of them doesn't get one vote, then I'll know the election was a fraud, fer sure.

Or, I could write in Ray Pistrum and see if I get my vote tabulated. Could I do that, vote for myself and find out later if I got a vote? Maybe, maybe not. I shall have to delve into that with the responsible parties at the voting facility. If it turns out I can't vote for myself and have my name recorded on a list somewhere, then I shall know the election was fraudulent.

Mercy! Goddess help US! Times are so hard, virtually, that an anarchist, me, is fixing to go vote for Democrats.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Gee Whiz, Andromeda and Perseus

For many moons and nights when the moon was elsewhere I have been frustrated in my efforts to espy M 33, the big galaxy between Alpha Triangulum and Beta Andromeda. So last night I decided to try for it with my best optics, 10x42 Superior E, Nikon binoculars, while occasionally inserting an Ultrablock filter between the right ocular and my eyeball. No go. I still couldn’t see it for sure. Just maybe if I wait until it’s higher up, nearer the zenith, I might espy it. Course if I try that, I’ll get a dose of warbler neck.

To the usual light pollution in these parts, a carnival has arrived for its annual contribution. One of the rides adds excitement by shining a spot light heavenward. I had forgotten about the annual carnival visit until last night when the carnival suddenly penetrated my awareness. Taken by surprise by the spotlight flashing across the sky, I seized up my carbine, ready to slaughter any terrorist paratroopers that landed in the east pasture. But then I remembered the annual visit of the carnival Fortunately, and amazingly, the carnival is required to cease operation by 10 pm.

But onward through the pollution. Last night the focus was, What’s gee whiz in the constellations Andromeda and Perseus on a clear night from my location in the light polluted east pasture using an F10, 5.25 inch Maksutov Cassegrain telescope?

1) The Andromeda Galaxy, M 31, is gee whiz due to its marvelous great size at low magnifcation.

2) Gamma Andromeda, Almach, is gee whiz due to the great colors of the stars. Last night the primary was gold and the secondary was periwinkle.

3) The Double Cluster in Perseus, NGC 869 and NGC 884 are superb at around 30x using a goofy old 40mm plossl. Both clusters fit in the FOV.

4) Eta Persei is another beautiful double star, gold and blue.

What else can the Mak detect in these constellations that may not be gee whiz, but interesting nevertheless. The Blue Snowball is sort of interesting. At 125 x one can discern a glowing disc and espy that it’s a planetary nebula and not something else. Beta Persei, Algol, is also pretty interesting, but you have to check it on successive nights to espy its variability. There are two other bright stars in the FOV at low power for handy comparison. Also, if you want to get excited about M 34 in Perseus, look at it before you look at the Double Cluster.

That’s about it except for multiple star systems one can hunt down. The California Nebula, for example, is not apparent. If it’s clear tonight I shall replicate this activity with the 10" Newtonian

Crumby' Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Helpful Outdoor Lighting

As the trees and shrubs start going deciduous the neighbors' 24/7 outdoor light pollution becomes more annoying, proportinately. Something has to be done. I need to think rationally about what I can do, so those jerk off coward lights off in the distance won't be glaring at me and constantly constraining me to a location between the barns. Also, the neighbors need to be punished for their wastefulness and cowardice. Hold it. That's not rational, even when it is, true.

Let's see here. What has my bosom companion Ray been spelling about? Er, whoa! My old buddy Onan. Did you know that a brand of electric generator is named after Onan? Yep, it's so named for two reasons. First, because it's stand alone, and doesn't need any outside energy source other than some gas to keep it going. Second, it eliminates the need to find you know what in the dark once the Onan is hooked up to the Winnebago. Onan chases away the stygian darkness, all righty then. I think, naming an electric generator after old Onan is an apt tribute.

Why is Onan such a great Biblical Hero that he got a generator named after him? Easy that, he showed great restraint and perseverance; two qualities widely viewed as heroic. First, he restrained himself from molesting children and livestock that he desired to molest, and second; in defiance of the one god, he kept after it even when he went blind. Of course, one might argue that Onan was something of a glutton, too. But hey, most everybody you hear about has a weak spot. You have yours, Onan has his. And think of all the good Onan has accomplished as a role model for the rest of us. How many of us would be self-motivated without Onan's courageous example?

Consider this also. You have heard of Onan. How many of his contemporaries have you heard about? Not hardly any. None probably. Onan is famous and they're not. He's a hero, and they're not.

One thing I have long speculated on is, What would human culture be like these days if we could all, not just a lucky minority of us, CENSORED!!!!

I bet the little globe we find ousrsleves on would be lots different, and better. But that's neither here nor there, this or that, is it? Because many of us evolved in a different direction, all righty then.

Well, I need to leave off on all these great specualtions and take a nap. For the skies have cleared up for the nonce and I need to be well rested ere Ogma departs on off to China or where ever he's headed next. Yep, for the skies may be clear a while tonight for a change.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Can Sodomy Save the Homeland from the Republican Mammonites?

Maybe, maybe not. The Homeland is pretty strange these days. The Media Liberal is full of stories about Homelanders potentially not voting because their Congressperson, or the Congressperson’s clerk, may be a sodomite. Pretty strange, from a Druid perspective, that a Mammonite Homelander can embrace lying and gluttony, but not sodomy. Oh well, sodomy is their worst sin, not ours. So if they want to give up on state power and all the lying and gluttony they enjoy just because of a little sodomy in the ranks, that’s Okie Dokie with us.

On the other hand, we foretell that most of the Republican Mammonites, on election day, will recognize that sodomy isn’t as bad as they originally may have surmised publicly, and vote to protect their very important privileged and state sanctioned sins, lying and gluttony. After all, what kind of a Homelander would turn down a lucrative government contract just because a sodomite may have handled the contract? Consider that! And what about torture. Now it’s OK to torture the usual suspects in secret. Would the Mammonites want to give up on that privilege? We don’t foretell so.

So sadly, in summary, sodomy, is probably not going to save US from the Republican Mammonites. Onan might save US though. As you may recall, Onan is the Old Testament Hero who went blind from committing unnatural acts on himself. But even after going blind, Onan continued with his unnatural acts because he could find it in the dark. How could Onan save us? Well, it’s a long shot, but maybe the Mammonites could be enjoying themselves so much on election day that they forget to vote. Or perhaps, feeling guilty about enjoying themselves and feeling sorry for all the wasted eggs and sperm that never had a chance to unite and go through meiosis and mitosis together as the one god intended, they feel too guilty to go vote. Or, perhaps, election day will be the day when they reach Onan’s limit, and go blind before they go vote. Then, surmising that they are being punished for some unimaginable wickedness, they decide to stay home instead of going to the polls. Or they go to the eye doctor instead of to the polls.
______

Goodness Doctor, I have reached Onan’s Limit and gone blind as a consequence of self lust. Is there anything you can do for me?

Noper, I hate to tell you this. But once you have exceeded Onan’s Limit you are blinded, forevermore. But here now, let me help you, find it in the dark.

No, no, no, doctor. Don’t touch me. If you touch me, I shall hire a frivolous lawyer.

Mercy, a frivolous lawyer! Well, in that case you can find your own way out. And don’t forget to vote.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Handbooks Have Arrived!!!!

Praise the Bountiful Goddess! My three volume, hardback set of Burnham's Celestial Handbook has arrived in like new condition. Praise also to the excellent vendor and USPS and to the mailman. Praise them all with Great Praise!!!! Oh! I forgot EBAY. Praise them too.

Volume I is very interesting. Plus, not once in the parts I've read already, have I been threatened with imminent destruction. How refreshing is that for an astronomical work? Then there's all the tables that go with each constellation. Mercy! I'm all set.

This has been a good day all round. Ray and me liberated some bulbs and those bulbs are all safe at the CB. And while we were out liberating bulbs, we found Cynanchum unifarium, that some call C. racemosum, in fruit. You don't see that every day.

This follicle is depicted here somewhere. Ray and I enjoyed some ribald humor referencing this follicle, but we can't go into that in this venue.

Raymone's Plant du Jour - Helianthus maximiliana

Hi there. I'm Max, the Million Sunflower. Though my common name makes little sense, I am nevertheless an important perennial herbaceous component of true prairie in these parts, or would be, if there was any true prairie still abiding in these parts. I am very common though at the CB. The first picture of me adjacent is a close up of my infloresence. I grow great big and sometimes my flowers are so heavy that my stem flops over. That's what I'm doing here, flopping over. See one of my pollinators there in the middle. That's a fly.

The Crumby Ovate has some commentary on the second picture of me. Take it away, Crumby.

Thank you there Max de Million. Yes, I do have somewhat to elaborate on. Here in this second picture the casual observer may espy Max in the foreground demarcating a transistion from native vegetation to weeds. The principal weed in the background is St. Augustine grass. As you may also espy, a lot of the St. Augustine grass has not quite recovered from the great heat and paucity of rain. There you may also espy my telescopery furniture. That's my double decker lawn chair on the left. On the right is my highly portable two shelf temporary gear storage facility that I found a few years ago at the dump. That temporary gear storage facility is very light and portable plus it temporarily affords plenty of space for all my gear. And the floor of the top shelf is recessed and has a wall around it, so that if I knock gear over in the stygian dark, the gear doesn't roll off and smack the ground. I can put bins, and books, the good for 10,000 years flashlight and all manner of eps on that top shelf. I love that free plastic furniture. It could use a paint job though.

Ray's Thought for the Day - 1066

For two Saturday's of the Julian running,, events have conspired together to keep me separated from my delicious cinnamon bun. So today, I am taking lots of precautions in advance to make sure I get my delicious cinnamon like I'm supposed to. And anon, if all my extra precautions come to fruition, I shall be enjoying my delicious cinnamon bun. Praise the Goddess.

The number of missals current in this venue prior to this one is 1066, which is the same number as the year of the Julian, 1066, when King Harold succumbed to an arrow in the eye and the Normans conquered England. William, who conquered England, and became known as the Conquerer, or Conqueror, was Harold's cousin.

Harold's brief reign as King of Merry Old England was remarkable for family troubles. Besides cousin William, Harold was also afflicted with a troublesome brother, Tostig, who was prone to revolting. Harold spent so much time constraining brother Tostig's antics that he wasn't precautious regarding the potential antics of cousin William.

William spoke a primitive French lingo. Many of the words he used in conversation eventually trickled down to the conquered English peasants. After a few generations, upwardly mobile English peasants began using French words like French fries instead of chips. But pretty soon all those upwardly mobile English peasants, got themselves shipped over to these parts to take advantage of the seemingly boundless natural resources and free African labor the new land offered. But they brought many of their customs and language peculiarities with them, including French fries, short for French fried potatoes. The ignorant English peasants that stayed behind though, in Merry Old England, kept calling them chips.

The hard-working Homeland Congress, during several of the 94 days they were in session this year, debated furiously, and finally decided that fried spuds consumed in the Homeland needed a new nome de guerre. So they started calling them freedom fries in all the Congressional dining facilities and the menus were edited to include freedom fries. Sadly, the new name, freedom fries, didn't catch on and they had to change all the menus back to French fries. But at least they tried. Almost getting French fries changed to freedom fries was their greatest achievement during the year of the Julian, 2006.

Crumby’s Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - What’s Up, Lately?

The weather is messing with my Telescope Tomfoolery a lot. But that’s OK, cause I’d rather have it rain than see stars. However, I get aggravated when it’s cloudy, but doesn’t rain much either. But even those twain conditions are not entirely lose, lose. High humidity helps too, especially dew, helps the botanical. But dew doesn’t help with the astronomical. Noper, it doesn’t help at all with the astronomical.

So lately, with all the dew, plus the still insufficient showers, and plenty of clouds, I have only been out in the east pasture a couple of times including most of last night. And I have not required the services of the steady hand at all, since the great red tube stays inside during inclement weather. Rather, all the viewing of the naked splendors has been accomplished with the 133.5mm Lomo and its accouterments.

Last night was interesting. There were meteors zipping around for one thing. You can tell meteors from airplanes because they go much faster. Then there’s some interesting celestial wonders in the Big Dog and in the Twins as well. They are are both fairly handy for the Lomo and Gem telescopery gear around 3 AM. But the dew is bad ,so generally I have to move on under the shed roof by 4:30 AM to keep the dew from getting me too bad and look south where the Big Dog is gravitating toward anyway along with Orion . At 4:30 AM it was 43 degrees Fahrenheit according to the pansy thermometer, which I examined due to the belief that I didn’t have sufficient clothes on at that time.

Tonight though, I shall be out earlier for the Chairoteer, The Bull and associates around mid-night, arising off east. Plus I’m gonna wear more clothes. Tomorrow though, I’ll have to take those extra clothes off, maybe.

Actually, I may go on out now, and see how long I can stand the noise pollution outside. Maybe a meteor will hit the noise polluters. That sure would be too bad if they were hit by a meteor and killed dead and I didn’t get to witness such an interesting event.

Scary Karl - Will He Save the Election, Again? Mass Psychology, Maybe Baby

Ooooooooo! Karl Rove, or Rover, for short, is pretty scary, all righty then. He’s a virtual, Potential Safety Topic - Environmental Hazard, all righty then. But looking at pictures of him, you’d never guess how scary he is. How could a pinched up fat boy be so scary? Easy that, Rover is a student of mass psychology and uses mass psychology to scare the bejesus out of those that are prone to getting the bejesus scared out of them anyway, that is the intellectually and ethically challenged among US, plus all the natural born cowards. This is quite a large crowd of US, believe it or not.

So make believe, as I know you do, that a swarthy but suave terrorist, (let’s call him Ahkmed), who speaks perfect English with a French accent, sneaks a nuclear device among US. Who knows how he got the dang big thing over here ? But he keeps the nuclear device in a private railroad boxcar that he rented using funds slyly diverted from Lebanese Christian orphanages accidentally cluster bombed by the Israelis. Besides using the railroad car to store his nuclear weapon, the boxcar doubles as a porn palace and Ahkmed enjoys gay trysts with most of the Democratic presidential candidates in his boxcar. Did you wonder why the Democrats are so indecisive? It’s because Ahkmed has videotapes of all of them shot in the rear of the boxcar enjoying anal sex. The videotapes are not only gay, but the motif is all US with the fornications occurring on US flag bed sheets. Imagine that, US Democratic presidential candidates fornicating gayly with an Arab or French terrorist on the American flag. Mercy!

But it gets worse. Ahkmed has another boxcar rented on the same train. You know what goes on in that boxcar? In that boxcar, Mrs. Clinton and Mrs. Pelosi enjoy fornications with young boys kidnaped from Baptist academies all around the Homeland. After Mrs. Clinton and Mrs. Pelosi sate their lust with these helpless young boys, the sullied but experienced youngsters are sold as sex slaves in ghettos the train happens to pass through. Nobody ever hears from those young boys again. Sadly, many of those boys were destined for the ministry.

But it gets worse. Ahkmed has another railroad car rented on the same train. You know what goes on in that boxcar? In that boxcar ecoterrorists fornicate with gorillas and grizzly bears hoping to create a new species of super ecoterrorist - part human, part animal - that will eventually take over the whole planet. Once they create a new species, either by fornication or gene splicing, they intend to kill all the men and old ladies and then make sex slaves out of the young women, boys and children. Once they tire of abusing all the young women, boys and children they will eat them or sell them to the Arabs or Africans or Hugo Chavez. Then they will ban air conditioners except for themselves. The new half-animal leaders of US will also be the only ones that have cars.

But it gets worse. Ahkmed has another railroad car rented on the same train. You know what goes on in that boxcar? In that boxcar kidnaped and plump, Christian white men, once rich land brokers mostly, are forced to assemble leaf blowers from parts made in Red China, 24/7. Then, when the train stops in the ghetto, they are forced to give the leaf blowers away to illegal aliens, for free!

As you can easily see, Ahkmed is about to get US. So vote Republican and none of this will happen. Or if some of it does happen, it won’t be our fault. Or if it is our fault, we will have an investigation that takes so long, all US will forget about it.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Changeable Weather -Updated Rainfall Report

Yesterday, if you worked outside in these parts, you noticed how hot it was, and close. But this morning the pansy thermometer indicated 58 degrees Fahrenheit. The rain guage held 0.5" of rain water. So the latter means we are now up to 16.3" of rain for the Julian 2006, to date. And the former means we are enjoying a norther and the AC won't be cycling 24/7 for a day or two, maybe.

Yippee! Some more environmental refugees are immigrating to these parts from California. As you may know, the human environment in California has become too stifling for the most expansive human phenotypes. They need room to expand themselves, but in California, there's no room left, to do cost effective expansions. So they need to immigrate to an area where they can expand themselves.

So here come the California environmental refugees to these parts. Pity the poor refugees of Dimensional Fund Advisers. Yep, these particular environmental refugees, unlike the Central American environmental refugees down the street, got plenty of pity and attention from the Austin Chamber of Trickle Down Commerce and the local land brokers. For example, these refugees already have a place to stay, half a new office complex that will be built just for them out on the Capital of Tacky Highway. The new office complex has been dubbed, Palisades West. Plus, at the meetings with locals, set up to arrange a place for them to stay, they got cocktails. Imagine that! How many environmental refugees get cocktails?

What does this type of California environmental refugee look for when it's scouting out new habitat? Easy that, it looks for areas with no income tax, an affordable cost of living for millionaires, handy air transportation and toll roads. Yep, the habitat in these parts includes those features.

However, like all immigrants to these parts, the Dimensional Fund Advisers should bring their own water. Perhaps the goofy mayor of most of the human environment in these immediate parts, who says things like, "The irony is, the better we are at preserving our natural spaces, the better we'll be at attracting people.", should advise them to bring their own water.

Meantime, on the botanical front, the twain Aesculus pavias at the CB produced a record fruit crop, 26 fruits. What might this interesting fact portend? Two of the fruits are depicted around here somewhere. My yoyo is included for scale.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Weather Synopsis

Whoa! Yesterday, my thought was to do a weather summary for these parts, but I got distracted. So I shall continue with that today. After a very brief respite from the heat, the heat the Kinglet is promoting so effectively, the temperature roared up to 91 degrees Fahrenheit. I narrowly avoided another chaffing event, Praise the Goddess. Today, the hypotheses of the weather robot is that it shall be even hotter than yesterday, indicating renewed precautions against another chaffing event. So the emerging weather pattern for this fall is hot spells interspersed with dry northers or scanty rainfall northers. Anon, maybe, we shall have a frost, terminating the growing season. The middle of the big city surrounding these parts may continue frost free. Those parts are generally too hot for frost.

Yep. Who said we can’t do anything about the weather. We make the weather, hotter. Considering just the rapidly increasing number of fatter babies and their gaseous emissions, we are making the weather, hotter.

Now, back to my distraction, Why did Dr. Swineherd turn the Demon Mammon loose after he went to all the trouble of sacking that demon up? Well, my Sun God training indicates that if Dr. Swineherd had kept the Demon Mammon sacked up, there would be no sinners for the Sun God to save from the Demon Mammon. That’s my hypotheses.

I shall look forward to my sister’s proclamation of Crumby’s epiphany, so that I may compare my hypotheses to that epiphany.

Rain Yesterday - 0.35", Rain to Date for the Julian '06 - 15.80"

Crumby, as soon as you finish your exercises come hither at that nonce.

All righty then.

Crumby, how many of those push ups do you have to do?

200.

Well then your done. You already counted past 200.

Yepper Ray. These 50 I'm at now are self imposed abuse.

Well, whatever. Hurry on up though.

249-250. There now. I have suffered enough for the nonce. What's up there, my bosom companion?

Why do you reckon Dr. Swineherd released the Demon Mammon from that feed sack?

Beats me Ray.

So Dr. Swineherd didn't spell to you on why he turned that imp loose.

Noper.

Interesting. He didn't spell Hope anything along those lines either, apparently. Hope says, "Gracious sakes, how was I to know that horrid little demon would be so cute?" Then she told me to drop it.

Noper. That's curious. Maybe he forgot. After he got back to the Parlor from turning little Mammon loose, he was busy sorting Hope and me out for embarrassing ourselves and Druidry in general in front of a national TV audience. Possibly he meant to tell us why he loosed the demon, but forgot because he was so aggravated with us. Er! Come to think on it, that's why we got in trouble, wanting to turn the demon loose in the Parlor, and then Dr. Swineherd goes and turns it loose outside. Mercy! Er! Let me ovate on this a minute Ray.

Crumby ovates for a minute, but just a second after a minute falls asleep; that some call a trance.

Dad gum it! Wake up Crumby. Wake up, I'm trying to hold a conversation with you. Wake on up!

Ray shakes Crumby awake.

Huh! Yepper Ray,the Goddess just spelled me what Badgemagus was up to.

So what was he up to then?

Can't spell you on that for the nonce Ray. The WG says I'm only allowed to spell Rayetta on my epiphany for the nonce, and Rayetta is to make a general proclamation from my epiphany after first discoursing upon my epiphany with Red. Sorry Ray, but I am out of the loop as soon as I discharge my epiphany to the Lovely Druidess. Normally, since you Ray, are my bosom companion, I would tell you my ovation, as you know I would, but this time, I won't.

All righty then Crumby, I shall use my Sun God Trainee status to figure this out on my own.

All righty then. Anon, I am off to visit with Rayetta regarding my most recent epiphany. A Welcome Before Me.

Yepper to that. Later Crumby.

Aterla Ayra.

The Druid News Service (DNS) Presents - US Culture Today - An Exclusive Interview with a High Power

Goodness gracious sakes alive! This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, with another intermittent newsy news feature, provided almost exclusively to US Homelanders by the DNS. This is a really scary one so we have had to take unusual precautions. In fact, home audience, the location for this exclusive newsy news feature, wherein you now see me seated comfortably in this pretty, little blue, Lazy Boy recliner, is one of our safest locations, the Parlor of the Goddess at the Druid Tabby Lab, our bucolic college where we train up young Druids. Badgemagus Swineherd, Ph. D. and president of the college, assisted by the senior Druid faculty, personally warded the parlor in preparation for this upcoming scary event which we shall get to in just a little while. But first, before we visit with the High Power, here’s the Crumby Ovate, Junior Ovate for Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn, with a testimonial. Hi there, Crumby. Have a seat in the adjacent Lazy Boy. Make yourself at home

Hi Hope. Er. Thank you very much . Now if I can just get this Lazy Boy cranked back to a proper declination. Ha! There we go.

Are you all set now for your testimonial, Crumby?

Yepper.

Some dead air time escapes.

Crumby, the home audience is ready for you to begin your testimonial.

All righty then, Ms. Hope.

Some more dead air time escapes while Crumby, fishes around in various pockets, not easy while declined upon a Lazy Boy.

Crumby, are you all set to begin your testimonial or not?

Yepper. Here they are, Ms. Hope. I have some notes. Praise the Goddess. Er. Could the camera over yonder please zoom in on these notes I am upholding? Er. Ms. Hope where do I look to see that my notes are visible to the home audience and right side up and all?

Right there Crumby that big monitor over there. See, the notes are visible to everyone.

All righty then. Er. Ms. Hope and home audience, I can’t actually read these notes because I am too nervous to read my own hand writing, so I shall go over the salient features of these particular notes from memory. The notes you may see on the left side of your screen, hold it, no that’s right, the notes you may see on the left side of your screen are a spelling of all my personal telescopery gear. As you may see those notes fit on one page of notes because I wrote real small. On the right you see a 3" x 4" pocket notebook, chock full of notes, indicating all the telescopery gear I would have, given an absence of personal temperance and moderation. Look, I’ll flip through the notebook to show everyone how chock full of spells it is. See there, chock full! There are a great many items I would now possess, personally, if I was intemperate or immoderate, whichever.

Goodness Crumby, that is an impressively long list. However, did you curb your desire to possess all those items? Many of those items must be very expensive and desirable?

It wasn’t an easy thing to eschew many of those desirable, expensive items, Ms. Hope. I had to call upon my long Druid training on many occasions to quell an urge for this or that item. Then too, many of those items are so expensive and desirable that I would have exhausted all my funds upon them. Mercy, I might have resorted to thievery, or robbery, or extra work, or gambling to acquire those items. I might have sold myself to strange ladies, less virtuous than the ladies I already know. Then, having wickedly acquired those items, I should want still more items not even included in the notebook yet, and more, and more, and more. Mercy!!!! I would be spending all my time sorting my items instead of using them for their intended purposes.

Goodness gracious Crumby! Praise the Goddess, your Druid Training saved you from all that crime and sordid aggravation. Shall we together raise up our voices in Glad Cry to the White Goddess for sparing you all that? Come on home audience, join me, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, and Crumby the Ovate in Glad Cry to the Goddess for sparing the Crumby Ovate and curbing his avaricious ways.

Hope and Crumby chorus on up.

Yay, for Druid Training! Yip, yip, yip for the Triplet Goddess. She loves us a lot if we don’t make gluttons of ourselves. Yay, for the White Goddess! Yip! Yip! Yip! Harooooooooooooo!!!!

Mercy! All righty then. Thank you for that interesting testimonial, Crumby. Goodness gracious sakes alive! But now it’s time for a really scary interview with today’s high power, special guest. Dr. Swineherd, is today’s high power, special guest properly constrained and all set for his interview?

He is indeed, Druidess Hope. I have him here constrained in this burlap tow sack with nought but some residual chicken chow for company. Where do ye want him?

Oh, oh, goodness gracious, bring him over to the coffee table. Can we open the sack and have a peek at him, Dr. Swineherd?

Hope and Crumby extricate themselves from their Lazy Boys and meet up with the terrible, dark, tall and gaunt Dr. Swineherd at the coffee table, Dr. Swineherd toting an economy size chicken feed sack, it’s contents wriggling mightily.

Well, here he is safely ensconced in the tow sack. But he’s waxing a might feisty. Crumby, fetch me my wand and we shall play at badger in the bag.

Yessir.

Crumby fetches Dr. Swineherd’s Wand, a great Alder cudgel. Dr. Swineherd belabors the feed sack with five mighty strokes. Piteous wails issue from the sack. The wriggling ceases.

There now. Let me just haul him out of there so y’all may have a looksee at this particular demonic wonder.

Dr. Swineherd reaches into the feed sack and pulls forth the Demon, maintaining a firm grip on the scruff of its neck.

Oh my goodness gracious, look how cute he is! Home audience, look how cute he is. It's the Demon Mammon! Oh my goodness, he’s like the most precious little boy doll I have ever espied. And look at that! He’s been eating the residual chicken chow. Cameraman Lomo, pan in on the Demon Mammon’s sweet little mouth so everyone can espy how, despite his awful circumstances, he has crumbs all over his face from eating the chicken chow. Isn’t that cute! The poor little fellow was starving. Goodness! Isn’t he such a nice plump little fellow all dressed up in a silk suit and a satin shirt and white patent leather shoes with gold buckles. And look at that diamond studded Rolex and all those rings on his plumb little hands and espy those jeweled lapel pins would you. Gracious sakes he must be an Honorary Member of every single chapter of the Homeland Chamber of Trickle Down Commerce. Look, he has a gold Mammonite Cross too. Mercy! He’s so cute and so handsome and plump. And look at that hair and those eyelashes. I have never ever seen such perfect hair and eyelashes on a little boy before just now. He’s so pretty. He’s just perfect! My goodness gracious and look at that beautiful complexion. Perfect! Boo, hoo, hoo. How could you serve the little Demon Mammon so cruelly, Dr. Swineherd?

Yeah Dr. Swineherd, he is a cute little fellow, all righty then. You shouldn’t be whupping up on him and toting him around in a feed sack.

So then, you Hope Remains, and you Crumby Ovate would have me turn the Demon Mammon loose in the Parlor of the Goddess. Shame on you two, for you have fallen under his spell and he has only been out of the feed sack a minute or two. Noper, back in the feed sack he goes.

Please help me Hope! Please help me Crumby! If you help me you shall wax rich beyond your wildest dreams. You shall have more and more of whatever your hearts desire. More, more, more...............................

Here now you little demon, back in the sack you go. There now. And here’s some more wanding for you, Whack ! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! There now. I shall take this demon outside and release him. Meantime you two need to consider that you wanted to turn him loose in the Parlor. And when I get back, you twain better be on your best behavior.

Uh, oh. Mercy!

Uh, oh. Goodness gracious!

Badgemagus is aggravated with us Hope.

Yepper. We wanted to turn the Demon Mammon loose in the Parlor of the Goddess. What the heck we were we thinking?

I was thinking I could get a new eyepiece or two out of the deal. But now, all I shall get is a refresher course in fending off Demons. Plus, there’s no telling how many push ups Badgemagus shall make me do. Mercy!

Goodness Gracious! Well, that’s all the time we have today for the newsy news. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, signing off for the DNS. Next time you see me, I may be wearing a feed sack. Boo, hoo, hoo.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Burnham's Celestial Handbook

All righty then. Having noticed that the amateur astromony bunch I hang with, electrically, references Burnham's Celestial Handbook quite a bit, I, Crumby, ovated for a minute or two and now I may foretell that my like-new, 3-volume hardbound set shall be traveling along to its new home at the CB anon, maybe, Praise the Goddess.

However, as you may know, traveling artifacts, have a way of going astray so I will be fretting about my 3-volume set until it actually arrives. In fact, I need to sacrifice to the Goddess right now to increase the probability of the 3-volume hardbound set arriving safely. Excuse me.

Later

There now. Perhaps that particular sacrifice shall insure the safe arrival of my celestial handbooks. Praise the Goddess!!!! I also requested some rain since we still need about 10 inches of that (rain). It's time to put out seed for spring almost, but there's no point in putting out seed if there's no rain. Noper.

Anyway, now I am mulling over the consequences of a bifurcated request stemming from the sacrifice and invocation I just made. Ovates consider every possibility, no matter how remote. So what if, my like-new 3-volume set is almost to the CB when the vehicle it's riding in is suddenly overtaken by a flash flood and swept away. Mercy! The CB might be left without the like-new 3-volume set and 22 dollars the poorer counting postage. Surely the driver of the vehicle swept off in the flash flood shall think to save my 3-volume set along with him or herself. Praise the Goddess!!!!

Ray's Thought for the Day - Whut do we do now?

Whut do we do now?

Homer Simpson gets caught in do loops. Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!

So never mind what got Homer into the do loop. What does Homer do now? Doh!

OK, never mind all that. If we want to expand the Iraqi colony to include Syria and Iran, we need to have lots more armored vehicles patrolling around in those parts. Clearly, as usual, the miserable locals are quitting on us faster that we can stand them up or teach them how to drive over bombs in the armored vehicles. Besides, we can’t put them in the armored vehicles anyway. They might drive off somewhere and sell our armored vehicles. Doh!

No the only solution is to have lots more of US riding around in the armored vehicles while the miserable Iraqis quit on us and engage the Syrians and Iranians to quit on us too. Doh!

Do the Kinglet and Chitlin have a post-election plan for the colonies? Doh!

Crumby Mulls Over The Fear Factor

What are the worst things you can imagine that are really scary? Easy that, things that can get you. Even in the safe Homeland you are not entirely safe from all those things you can imagine that could potentially get you. Probably, if you have a lick of sense, you are most afraid of a criminal getting you and doing things to you against your will or afflicting your property. It’s easy to find examples of what those things might be, isn’t it?

Then there are worst things other than being got by a criminal. What are some of those things? Easy that, serpents, scorpions, spiders and other similar wild animals might get you. But there’s not much chance of that, statistically considered, or compared with the chance a criminal will get you.

You may be able to imagine yourself with a terrible disease. But that’s not likely until you are diagnosed, or someone you know pretty well is diagnosed. Then you have to imagine about insurance.

If you have a dangerous job, you can probably imagine what could happen to you if the rig or the coal mine blew up or a criminal attacked your convenience store. Then also, you can probably imagine that you could lose your job, followed by imagining lots of stuff that happens to people who don’t have any money.

You may imagine a motor vehicle accident getting you. But more likely, you imagine a motor vehicle accident getting someone else, probably a family member. Then there’s always airplane crashes to imagine.

Finally, I guess a great many can imagine a terrorist foreigner getting them here in the Homeland since we have one example of that.

But what if you were the Kinglet or Chitlin. If you were them, hardly any of the above scary things that you can easily imagine happening to you, could happen to them. Oh, they could get a fatal disease, maybe. But if they did, they’d get the best treatment money can buy and lots of sympathy. Plus they’d have insurance. The rest of the really scary stuff you can imagine, probably does not apply to the Kinglet and Chitlin. They have plenty of security for themselves and their families and the best airplane pilots and chauffeurs to ferry them about. And Chitlin has lots of secret locations to hide out in.

So what might spook the Kinglet or Chitlin? Easy that, loss of their way of life. What they have, and you don’t, is a way of life that frees them from all those scary imaginings you have. No wonder they are fiercely protective of their way of life. So protective that they make sure all the Homeland is aware of the need to protect their way of life.

You may see, however, that the Kinglet and Chitlin do imagine worst things getting them too. Just not the same ones you imagine. But wait! The Kinglet and Chitlin are the two most powerful duo on Earth. What could they possibly imagine that would spook them? Easy that, they imagine people who want to mess with their way of life.

Who are those people that spook the Kinglet and Chitlin? Easy that, anyone they consider a threat to their way of life. Since that list is a long one and includes some real fears and imagined fears that may be real, or not, or entirely fabricated fears, let’s consider the shorter list of those kindly, harmless people the Kinglet and Chitlin do not fear in order of decreasing importance to the maintenance of their way of life.

1) Defenseless third world laborers
2) Homeland Mammonites
3) Muslim royalty and Muslim puppets
4) Tony Blair

Other than these three groups, and Tony, everyone else is a fearful prospect for the Kinglet and Chitlin, filling them full of trepidation for the survival of their way of life. But whom, among everyone else, are the Kinglet and Chitlin most afraid will screw with their way of life? Not easy that! It’s not Saddam/Osama, or Kim, or the What’s It of Iran, apparently. Maybe it’s Nancy Pelosi or Mrs. Clinton. Do you think?

Ray's Thought for the Day - Jiggle the Handle!

Mercy! The dang commode in the boy's comfort station won't stop running becuase the stopper ball aint seating in the hole properly. This is an event related to the CB foundation shifting hither and yon in response to climatic conditions. If the house shifts, the ball seating apparatus may not fall straight down and seat itself properly. So you got to jiggle the handle. If that doesn't work, you got to lift the lid and manually insert the stopper ball in the hole. But after awhile, the ground shifts horizontal to the stopper ball apparatus again, and happily, the toilet goes back to behaving itself normally.

In some parts of these parts though, particularly just east of the Balcones Fault, the ground is so prevailingly shifty that people have to put up signs in their comfort stations that say, Jiggle the Handle!!! I have yet to see any signs that advised what to do if the jiggling didn't take.

There are worse things that can happen though, when you use other people's comfort stations. Once I did a mighty ablution and then the toilet wouldn't flush away the boomers, that some call temporary tails. There they all were in the toilet bowl. Mercy! And being a Druid I felt honor bound to bring those boomers to the attention of my hostess on whose hospitality I had shed those temporary tails. Mercy!

Today, I was too busy to go on the Promenade for Produce until way late. Guess what happened? The last delicious cinnamon got vended right before my eyes. Good Goddess! Nevertheless on that same trip, stumping along in my lead boots, I discovered some little Cooperia drummondia in bloom. They cried out to me, "Ray, Ray, come back when nobody is around and dig us up. We want to go live at the Cow Barn!"

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Clouds Prevail

Yessir, they do prevail. So the Tomfoolery may be on hold for awhile. Seems like lately, it's clear as a bell, as if Ogma is restraining the clouds. But when Ogma goes on off, here they come. I so desired to look at some naked celestial wonders in Aquarius this evening. Dang it!

A potentially interesting celestial event is upcoming on November 8 of the Julian. Mercury, the planet is fixing to pass in front of Ogma, the sun or star, whichever, at around 3:10 Tulsa time, in the afternoon. All this is according to the electric Orion newsletter.

I may be all set for that potentially interesting celestial event. I have a sun filter that after some extensive modifications to its original design fits on the front end of the C 90. This gear may allow for the safe viewing of Mercury's speedy journey in front of Ogma Sunface, safely, maybe.

However, previous attempts at viewing Ogma with that gear were especially aggravating. Some practice sessions with that gear may be in order. In fact, come to think of it, the C 90 may need to go on the big German Equatorial Mount for those practice sessions as opposed to its usual little lightweight alt az mount. That will be funny. A tiny little telescope on a great big heavy mount. But if I can get the GEM properly polarized with reference to the compass plant leaves I should be capable of tracking Ogma, all righty then.

Er. Looking at the sun with a telescope is a first order Potential Safety Topic - Environmental Hazard. You don't need to be liquored up or stoned or indulging yourself in horse play or grab ass, whichever, while you're looking at the sun with a telescope.

The CB Collective - Business Management Psychology and the Labor Theory of Value

The Business Schools across the Homeland, even at institutions of higher learning that are otherwise more or less credible in some subset of their academic proffers, are into psychology. The over arching goal of business psychology is bifurcated, that is, the horns of the bifurcation include the promotion of both harmony and increased productivity in the workplace.

Harmony in the politically correct workplace, the presumptive scholars at the business schools are taught, is engendered from the recognition that everyone is way different but the same anyway and that’s OK. Though the workers are all different, but fundamentally the same, each worker can, with a little psychology, get up to speed when it comes to teamwork. All the worker has to do is come to grips with those personal feelings and recognize that the other workers have personal feelings too. Once all the workers get in touch with their personal feelings and learn about the personal feelings of others and how all those personal feelings interact, harmony is established and teamwork can proceed, efficaciously. So the scholars are taught how to get in touch with their own personal feelings and how to become keen observers of others so that they will know how the other workers are feeling once they, the scholars, actually go to work, at a job, hopefully, at the minimum, as a middle level manager.

How do the scholars learn about their own personal feelings? Easy that, they take a bunch of tests, the results of which, inform them how they feel. How do they get to know about the personal feeling of others? Easy that, they are taught to become keen observers of body language plus facial expressions. Apparently, body language and facial expressions are invariable attributes of all humans because all humans are basically just alike. Or, as those possessed of common sense might aver, “It’s common sense that people are the same everywhere.”

But then there’s the increased productivity horn of the bifurcation. Increased productivity requires more productive work For example, Ms. Ample Feelings, newly matriculated from business school and thoroughly in touch with her personal feelings, and cognizant of the personal feelings of others, has a new exciting career at The Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy*. Ample’s job is to advocate for down trodden Republicans attacked by the environment. If Ample advocates for two down trodden Republicans daily she is being productive. But if she advocates for four of them, daily, and her pay stays the same or decreases, and her hours stay the same or increase, Ample has doubled her productivity. Also, Ample, if she can keep up the pace, is in line for a promotion maybe, teaching the other workers how she doubled her productivity, or even a managerial position. Goodness!

Alas, however, there may be a great many other workers at Ample’s level, furiously working harder and harder, increasing their productivity, protecting the infinite hoards of miserable down trodden Republicans against the environment. There could, for example, be some really obnoxious person working away in the cubicle next to Ample. And this really obnoxious person, Obno, is protecting five Republicans every day from ferocious beavers or whatever. Plus, Ample can tell from reading Obno’s body language and facial expressions that Obno is especially obnoxious, not a team player and needs a refresher class in sensitivity training.

Off they go to sensitivity training, Ample included. “Shucks, why do I have to go too, I’m not the obnoxious Obno. This is not helping my relative productivity after all!” opines Ample wistfully.

But teamwork saves the day. By the way, teamwork is division of labor times the number of laborers organized into a pyramid like structure everywhere except at sensitivity training At sensitivity training, and management training also, maybe, the emphasis is on how everyone feels about themselves relative to the pyramid. At sensitivity training Ample gets to find out why her obnoxious next door cubicle neighbor is so obnoxious. It turns out that Obno is an introvert, while Amber is an extrovert. “Oh, now I understand!” Ample opines excitedly. “We can work as a team to save the miserable Republicans from the beavers. I will do the extroverted work and Obno can do the introverted work” Then Ample and Obno fall in love and live happily together for about an hour.

The old fashioned, mired in their ancient ideologies, may wonder what any of the above has to do with work. What’s the value added? You have to have some value added to a commodity from your labor, one potato, work, two potato, work, three potato, work, four potato. Right!

And the old fashioned have a point. There is that sort of work still being done, by foreigners. So Ample and Obno, recipients of the much braided trickle down ultimately derived from all that foreign labor, can do their work and enjoy very competitive salaries without having to worry about necessities.

OK. Let’s reconsider Ample’s job, environmental advocacy, or protecting downtrodden Republicans from beavers. What work does Ample do for the downtrodden Republicans? Well, Ample cuts through red tape, Ample facilitates access to authoritative congresspersons, Ample recommends funding, Ample is a hostess at enviropreneur camp. Ample is a many faceted multi-tasker, saving that miserable downtrodden Republican from that beaver.

Then one fine day, after all the hard work, the value added from Ample’s labor becomes apparent. The once fierce beaver is a valuable hat and matching muffs. The beaver’s wetland is a nice high end development. A beautiful new road, only a 20 mile commute, connects the high end development to a quaint shopping area where cheap labor foreigners may be had for a song. Lots of value has been added by Amber’s labor. And happily, the once miserable downtrodden Republican that Ample saved from the beaver is even richer than before the beaver attacked. That Republican, enjoying all the value added, might even consider doing a little trickle down.
_____

* Believe it or not, this is a real, tax exempt, company, founded by the Abramoff criminal and some Mammonite Homeland virtual Whore of Babylon who later became Secretary of the Interior. We can’t remember the name of that particular Whore of Babylon.

Ray's thought for the Day - There's Been a Change in the Weather

Brrrr! The temperature in these parts has plunged. It got down to 58 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. It was too cold to venture outside, so Crumby made his servant, Lleu Llaw, set up the telescopery gear so we might espy the pansy thermometer from inside the cozy confines. By the time all that got rigged up, as you may espy, the temperature had already roared up two degrees.

All this rapidly accumulating weather data reminds me that a new month of the CB Druid calendar actually began on September 30th of the Julian. Which means I am tardy in my duty. The month we have been in for a while corresponds to the dates, September 30th to October 27th of the Julian. Er. This month shall be named, I am a happy, frisky pig for cooler weather and the CB tree for the month shall be Indiangrass (Sorghastrum nutans). Say Raymone, can you bundle up and go out to get a picture of the Indiangrass in the east pasture, tout suite?

Oui monsieur Ray.

No, no, no Ray. You can't send a sensitive artiste like Raymone here out into the terrible frigid cold of the east pasture when I, the Crumby Ovate, can actually espy some of those Indiangrasses from the cozy confines. Lleu Llaw apply your steady hand to the tripod legs so that the telescopery may be lowered. Lower, lower, lower, lower, Stop!!!!. All righty then. Now Raymone, as you may espy I have the camera all set up and focused. All you have to do is kill the flash, and fix the remote and away we go. Hark, a picture of the Indiangrass way out yonder in the east pasture while we are all cozily ensconced within the cozy confines.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Those Miserable Iraqis - The Happy Side

Yep. Times are hard in the colonies. Those miserable Iraqis won't stand up until at least 2010. Plus, there is much dispute regarding how many of those miserable Iraqis have quit, and had to be buried. Yep, a great many quitters have been buried, but no one knows precisely how many. In addition to the quitters getting buried, instead of standing up for Chitlin like they're supposed to, there's the AC problem. The ACs are still not up and running.

On the happy side though, there is happy Iraqi Kurdistan. The climate is cool, even Alp like, up in the beautiful mountains of Iraqi Kurdistan. You don't need ACs. And mercy! the trickle down is flowing like milk and honey. Here's a tip. All you Mammonite Homelanders need to invest your life savings in Iraqi Kurdistan. You'll get rich, beyond your wildest dreams!

Meantime, here near the throbbing Heart of the Homeland, we are all enjoying the low gasoline prices. Gas is so cheap everyone can afford to drive to the polls and vote, maybe. And if you are planning a long commute today, now's the time to take advantage of those low gas prices. Just fill her on up. Also, if you have been thinking of getting a bigger car, so you'll feel safer on those long commutes, now's the time to buy. Just remember, happy motorists, when you stop for gas, don't forget that wottled boter.
_____

Later

This is the new rainfall report format as ordered by my sister.

Rain today = 0.1 inches; Rain for the Julian year total to date = 15.45 inches

Ray's Thought for the Day - Heavy Dew

Yep. First fog a while back, now dew. The dew point was reached, amazing. Of course, the dew at the CB means Crumby's telescopery antics are constrained so he is wandering around mumbling, 84. Generally, when Crumby starts mumbling some number over and over, that number may have some ovational significance. The significance of the number, may, or may not, obviate the annoyance of the incessant mumble.

Actually, both Crumby and his servant, the luckless Llew Llaw Guffes, disappeared a while back, Praise the Goddess, but Ogma is hard upon us, so that Crumby should reappear here in the laboratory, anon. And a one, and a two,and a three, and a four,

Ray, my bosom companion. You may note how comfortably dry I am, despite the heavy dew. Yessir, two of the constellations, Orion and Canis Major, that I am studying intently may be easily espied from the cosy yet dry confines from under the barn roof that protects both Lleu Llaw and myself from getting ourselves wet. This is a helpful discovery and shall contribute overmuch to the ordering of my schedule for the time being.

That's wonderful news Crumby.

Yessir. But now Ray, I am off to perform an ablution or two, for I am feeling tardily deciduous relative to those ablutions.

All righty then Crumby. Go enjoy your ablutions, Praise the Goddess.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Tornado Watch!!!!

Good Goddess! The weather robot believes there may be some tornados in these parts. Mercy! Perhaps some rain shall fall on the parched CB, perchance. Hark! The rain falls. We shall see anon if this does us any good. We need about 10 inches.

Later that night

Well now. We got 1.35 inches of rain, bringing us up to 15.35 inches after all for the year of the Julian to date. We are greatful for any we get, Praise the Goddess.

Raymone's Plant du Jour - Bothriochloa barbinodis

Hi there. I am a presumptive Bothriochloa barbinodis var. perforata. That is, I am a spikelet, a sessile spikelet, in fact, and I contain a seed, that is, the makings of an adult plant.

The appearance of me and my relatives at the CB is a mystery. We simply, suddenly appeared. The Crumby Ovate, of course, has an untestable hypotheses to account for our appearance. "I must have come back from some other parts with these dang Bothriochloa barbinodis var. perforata seeds attached to my whereabouts."

Happily, we are doing well at the CB and increasing. Like our cousin, Bothriochloa laguroides, we don't mind almost no rainfall.

See that hole in my glume, maybe? That's the perforata.

Ray's Thought for the Day - What Do We Know, When Do We Know It?

Here arrives the Crumby Ovate. I see Crumby you are bright eyed and bushy tailed this afternoon.

Yepper. That I am, indeed. Listen up my bosom companion, I agree with you that Abram and Lot were probably pimps. All that strange behavior hollers, pimp! But, I think maybe also, Abram didn't realize, in the King James stated instances, that he was pimping until it was too late. Lot, on the other hand, was probably just a pimp. Lot probably pimped livestock when he wasn't pimping his "virgin married daughters".

OK Crumby, my bosom companion, what's your hypotheses on how come Abram was an unwitting pimp?

I can't spell it in this venue Ray.

How come?

According to Nancy the Goddess of Practical Jokes and Badgemagus Swineherd, Ph.D., my hypotheses regarding Abram's semi-unwitting vending of his "wives and concubines", may touch upon the Druidic Mysteries and is therefore inappropriate for this venue.

But Crumby, you can tell me, Ray, your bosom companion, this important hypotheses, right?

Correct Ray. You need to know. But you didn't hear it from me.

Not yet, I didn't.

Noper, you never, ever heard it from me. Understood?

Er. All righty then Crumby, I can keep a secret.

All righty then Ray, you see once upon a time, a great while back there was this tribal Goddess named (CENSORED)
_____

Later

_____

Dern it! I can too keep a secret, Crumby.

You better be able to, Ray. Or I shall be forced to have my servant here, the Lion of the Steady Hand, clamp onto that big mouth of yours.

Dern it. Get on out of here Crumby, I said I can keep a secret. Now dern it get on out of here so I can have my thought that got all interrupted.

All righty then Ray. But first, show him your calloused steady hand, Lleu Llaw, so that Ray should understand what might get clamped on his big mouth.

Okie Dokie. That's the final straw, Crumby, the one that crippled the camel. If you twain don't get the heck on out of here pronto, I'm going to tell Rayetta you been in here pestering me. Go on now.

All righty then Ray. Just remember, the Steady Hand, clamped down on you for maybe a week.

Rayetta! Crumby's in here pestering me!

Uh, oh. Come on Lleu Llaw. We better get, while the gettings good. See you at supper, Ray.

Yeah right. Dern it. Now where the heck was I? Oh yeah! From now on, when I first come to know some important fact, I shall spell that fact out with my name and the date. Then I shall hide that fact somewhere about the place. Then, when some event pertinent to that fact comes up, I shall go retrieve the spell regarding that fact from its hiding spot, and compare my fact to the current event. In fact, I can start doing that methodology right now. Here we go, Ray - 10-09-2006 -Crumby's hypotheses is........