Thursday, June 30, 2011

Yard Ecology in a Changing Climate

These parts have been getting hotter and drier over the last couple of decades. Well. Hotter for sure. Recently, like about the last four years, the fall rains that formerly cooled and refreshed these parts, have failed to materialize. How have these evils impacted the CB vegetation or yard?

OK. First, nobody knows anything about yard ecology. So anybody posing as an expert on yard ecology is a charlatan and/or crook. However, there are some that know a little something about turf management maybe. These turf experts have managed to assemble or construct (in the lab) an assortment of short grasses that, when constantly mowed, watered, fertilized and sprayed with a broad leaf herbicide, wind up looking like a putting green. Chances are, if you see what is being discussed here, it is a putting green. Course in these parts you still may have to do some mechanical weeding, on the putting green, just to make sure.

Golf courses are the typical melieu of the turf manager and indeed, most of the expertise available to the yard manager comes from the turf or golf course grass management crowd. Typically, the average yard manager settles for something less than the putting green look though. And in fact, nearly all the yards one espies in these parts feature an amalgam of Eurasian and African weeds with maybe a little St. Augustine holding on under the tree. These yards of the common man scarcely resemble a putting green at all.

So many may in fact know that the average yard ecologist or jockey is not fixing to spend the time and money required to have a yard that looks like an Irish putting green. Especially not in these parts. And that’s OK. Even an amalgam of weeds from foreign parts is better (less evil) than a yard comprised of one water logged cultivar. That is, better according to the White Goddess.

Now, here’s some of what Crumby feels like he knows about the CB yard. And have no doubt. Crumby knows plenty. OK. When Red ordered the lower ranking Druids to clear out the KR bluestem (Bothriochloa ischaemum)we did. We eliminated the KR. Easy that. You just need elbow grease or man power, whichever you have in good supply. But then we made a huge mistake. You see, what we aspired for was a meadow-like yard, filled with happy wildflowers, buzzing bees, etc., but in a grassy matrix of course. Duh! You have to have a grass matrix. Right?

So the huge mistake we made was replacing the KR with buffalograss (Buchloe dactyloides). Yikes! How stupid was that? Really stupid. But the excuse was, we did not realize at that time that buffalograss lawn maintenance requires more mowing and almost as much watering as a bermudagrass lawn. Then, if you don’t mow it every week, and water the Bejesus out of it, and fertilize it for Goddess Sakes, it goes belly up. Plus. The sod was expensive. And now it’s all dead. Dead, I tell you.

What replaced the sickly, retarded buffalograss? Gracious sakes alive! Speargrass replaced it. Speargrass is the white trash name for Texas wintergrass. The Latin name is Stipa leucotricha.

Goes to show, there are unintended reactions to any action. Well. But something besides the inherent ability of speargrass as a competitor versus the non-competitiveness of buffalograss is at play in the example of yard ecology we are now considering. Yes. Speargrass grows and puts out seed mostly in the spring. Thus, it takes advantage of a relatively favorable springtime growing conditions. (Spring rains have not been plentiful, but more so than the autumanl rains). Buffalograss grows and puts out seed later, mostly during summer and fall. Thus lately, the buffalograss has had scant moisture to work with relative to the speargrass. And as a result, the speargrass increases as the buffalograss declines.

Thus, what we espy in this yard ecology situation is, the replacement of one cespitose perennial grass by another with the buffalograss disaster as the transitional step or phase. But what does it all mean, many might fairly ask? Is speargrass good or evil compared to KR? Well. They are both cespitose. So neither one is an especially good yard grass in the traditional putting green sense. Both may be prone to a monocultural lifestyle which is possibly a positive or good attribute depending upon the average yard manager’s feelings on monoculture. However, KR is probably better at the monoculture lifestyle than speargrass. On the other hand, speargrass produces spears, a definite down side for anyone considering actually walking around it. Those dang spears get in your socks.

In summary, we are not especially happy that the dominant grass in the yard was KR bluestem, and now the dominant grass is speargrass. However, on balance, since speargrass is native to North America and is slightly less prone to monoculture, while KR is native to foreign parts and wipes out ever other living thing in its path, we feel slightly better off with the speargrass. Slightly!

By the by, additional increasers of late include side oats grama (Bouteloua curtipendula)and especially eastern gammagrass (Tripsicum dactyloides). These twain grasses also set seed primarily in spring or early summer.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hey Buddy! Shave Yer Laigs!


Often when some new taxon level is discovered at the CB, we share the associated BS via the venue. Well goodness gracious! Here we espy a fungus weevil of the previously unknown (to us) beetle Family Anthribidae. Yet also Crumby and Ray have recently pooled their meager resources. To what end? Many might ask. Well. We purchased PSP X2 Ultimate and a refurbished, small Wacom ( Wack”em) 4 tablet. Now, despite the well-known old dog conundrum, we are fixing to learn new tricks.

Like here is the dern fungus weevil Toxonotus cornutus. But look. We have added a cartoon in the LR corner. How about that?

So. Though progress is slow. We are learning new tricks, gradually.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Keep the Faith

Night before last, these parts finally got a respite from the Hell-like weather that afflicts us. Yes, with temperatures running 20 degrees above “normal” for weeks on end, the WG finally took pity on the faithful that keep hope alive in these parts. But you know, it’s a mixed blessing. True, the CB got a nice rain shower, but so did the evil doers. Yes. The evil doers who are responsible for the terrible dry years still get the benefit of the scanty rain. It’s enough to make Crumby question his faith.

But then Crumby remembers the little, relatively innocent ones. The seedlings that clap their hands for joy. The tiny, cute vermin that gleefully wave their drenched antennae. The varmints that frolic or gambol, then head over to a puddle for a refreshing drink of cool water. Thus and so, Crumby keeps the faith.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lancasters, Yorks, Games and Songs of Zombies (A Special TV Show Review)

If you are the same difference as Crumby, you may have watched most of the HBO series, A Game of Zombies, also titled, A Song of Zombies. That’s what Crumby alternately calls the series because he has skipped ahead to find out what happens. How did Crumby skip ahead? Easy that, Crumby read a synopsis of the books the TV show is derived from on Wikpedia. Praise the Goddess for Wikpedia.

Of course, Crumby can’t take any credit for first noticing all the zombies. Most all the other reviewers have noticed and commented upon the zombies too, before Crumby. It’s human nature to notice zombies. But who cares about anybody else’s reviews anyway? We are now discussing Crumby’s review. So it is Crumby who shall provide the lowdown on all the zombies.

OK. We know from what was presented on TV that the mysterious Others may be responsible for turning the miserable Wildlings into a type of zombie. The Wildlings are apparently a tribe of white trash trapped on the wrong side of the mysterious Wall with the cruel yet malicious Others. Mercy! Once turned into Zombies the only thing that will stop the zombies is fire. In other words, they need to be burned up. This is different from regular zombies that need to be shot in the head. Course the particular zombies we are now discussing couldn’t be shot in the head because the ignorant civilization afflicted by these zombies lacks firearms. Too primitive.

Then another type of zombie we get to see on the TV in the first season of the HBO series is zombie Khal Drogo. Zombie Khal Drogo is kept sort of functioning by witchcraft. However, zombie Khal Drogo is inanimate. So he’s like a zombie in a coma, or maybe a paralyzed zombie. What the heck good is an inanimate zombie? Even the beautiful Daenerys Stormborn (what a moniker, what a gal) can’t get a rise out of zombie Khal Drogo. However, in common with the white trash zombies, zombie Khal Drogo winds up getting set on fire. Just to make sure.

That about covers the zombies featured in the TV series so far. But the extant books, that is the four published Games or Songs of Zombies feature more of the ambulatory dead. And Wikpedia does a good job of covering the rest of the zombies too, so you don’t have to read the books to find out about the zombies.

OK. Who are the additional zombies? The first upcoming zombie we may meet on TV next season is zombie Beric Dondarrion. Zombie Dondarrion is accidentally on purpose resurrected during a religious ceremony. Next, a major character gets killed off but is soon resurrected as zombie Catelyn Stark. Lady Stark is resurrected via an extended religious ceremony. Zombie Dondarrion confers zombieness on Lady Stark. (Surely the swarms of Christian literary critics parasitizing fantasy literature have noticed the similarities between Dondarrion and Jesus). Later, we may learn that the totally evil Mountain that Rides, Gregor Clegane, also known merely as the Mountain, is also a zombie, re-animated by the de-frocked Maester, Qyburn.

Besides these obvious or probable zombies, there are various other possibly resurrected types running around. For example, the character Cold Hands, who rides an elk, may be dead. Although, one must wonder about what kind of elk would let itself be domesticated by a zombie. Yet the fact is, in Games and Songs of Zombies, most may rise again. Some have speculated that Cold Hands may be Benjen Stark, born again. You just can't keep a good Stark down. Others agree with Crumby that Cold Hands is a Gentleman Bronco.

Another example, Eddard York, I mean Stark, is espied down in the crypts below Winterfell the very night of the very day his head gets chopped off. Could be ghost Ned. Could be zombie Ned. We don’t know. Because in this one instance Wikpedia spells out few details. We don’t even know if ghost or zombie Ned has its head.

Here are all the ways you can get turned into a zombie in A Song or Game of Zombies.

1) The Others get you.
2) A Priest of R’Holler (sp) gets you.
3) Someone that is already a zombie gets you.
4) Maester Qyburn gets you.
5) A witch gets you.
6) You drown and someone present knows CPR
7) Totally unknown

All righty then. Now for a few interesting features of A Song or Game of Zombies that have only a little bit to do with zombies.

Besides zombies there is a plenitude of supernatural, biologically unlikely or extinct creatures featured. Crumby shall attempt to list all these alphabetically. He may miss some.

Children of the Forest (Brownies or Pygmys?)
dire wolves (domesticated)
dragons (semi-domesticated)
elk (domesticated)
gods (lots)
mammoths (domesticated)
Others (?)
raven (three-eyed)
shadows
warlocks
witches

The only actor Crumby recognized in the TV series, Games or Songs of Zombies, as having been in other movies or TV shows, besides Boromir and the dwarf, is the gal who plays Osha. (Isn’t Osha a disfunctional federal agency?) Anyway, Osha is the same difference as Nymphadora Tonks of Hairy Pooter, I mean, Harry Potter fame, and a welcome relief from many of the other characters in Songs or Games of Zombies.

Progress at Last

The book series has been chugging along since the 90s. But recently, progress has been slow. Like for example, zombie Lady Stark may be the longest running zombie in all of civilized literature. And fans of the book series need to figure out what’s fixing to happen to zombie Lady Stark plus the rest of the zombies. So thank goodness for a new book release next month on July 11. How long will it take for a synopsis of the new book, A Dance with Zombies, to appear on Wikpedia? Crumby can hardly wait.

A Related Doggerel

Oh the Yerks and Lancasturds
they was restless Ainglish lerds.
Jumpin’ in and out of bed
even after they were dead.

Summer Solstice

Today, as many know, is an important Druid holiday. Many take off work, or should, to celebrate. What’s to celebrate? Easy that, after today, the part of the Earth the CB is situated on is fixing to tilt away from the direct stare of Ogma Sunface. This means the days gradually get shorter, and conversely, the nights get longer.

Some recognize that Earth, the home planet of many, orbits Ogma Sunface. At Summer Solstice, the Earth has made it half way around Ogma. But that’s only if you consider where Earth was about 180 days ago as the starting point. Which only makes relative sense.

Here’s a paradox for those in these parts troubled by the Demon Heat. Earth is closest to Ogma Sunface in January. That should make y’all feel cooler.


Today concludes the most Hell-like Spring of Crumby’s experience, ever. All spring the CB received two inches of rain. The plants are dormant. The bugs are dormant. Crumby is dormant. Only the hoofrats gambol about, thriving on handouts.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Big and Loud

Last night the cat wouldn’t come in. So Crumby had to go outside to find the cat. You may know that on full moon nights, your cat may not come in. Your cat may stay out, possibly all night.

But Crumby, while fixing to find his cat, got distracted by an incredible racket. Crumby thought to himself, That is maybe the loudest insect racket I have ever heard. Yes. There were twain insects counter-singing nearby. Turns out, one of them was easily espied in the top of Carolina buckthorn (Rhamnus caroliniana).



Here it is, Paracryptophyllus robustus. Crumby found a recording of its song on the www. That’s how he identified it to species. It’s supposedly a Texas endemic katydid.

Oh. The cat came in. It’s too hot for Crumby’s cat to stay out for long, even at night.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Infested by Natas

For the many who may not know who Natas is, He is Satan, a horned God of the Jews, Christians or Mussallmen. Whichever, it’s the same difference.

Anyway, we Druids are as ecumenical as the next boy over when it suits us. Plus, Druids feel like we need to give credit where credit is due. So when we have a lightbulb infested by Natas, that qualifies as a miracle.

Consider the evidence for a dern miracle. Almost from the nonce this particular lightbulb behaved crazily. Nay. This lightbulb seemed insane. Like it was possessed. It would like behave independently of its controlling switch, turning itself on and off randomly. An average person never knew what it would do, on/off. So actually an average home owner like Crumby was never safe in the garage if safety depended upon a lit environment out yonder. Thanks be due to the crazy antics of this demonic lightbulb.

Also, this evil lightbulb deceived Crumby. Yea verily. You may have heard tell that Natas is the Great Deceiver. Well. Here’s more proof. This lightbulb, by its antics, convinced Crumby there was a short in the socket. See. Deception is one of Natas’, uh, big powers.

Yet Crumby is a parsimonious creature. So when the lightbulb in the garage door opener ceased lighting up, Crumby decided to switch the Natas bulb over to the garage door opener. Goodness! Mercy sakes alive! Me oh my! The crazy, Natanic lightbulb we are presently considering behaved the exact same way in its new location. That was the final proof. Proof that this particular lightbulb was possessed by Natas, the Horned Demon/God of the Christlike, etc.

Mercy! Yet what shall happen to this demonic force of a lightbulb now that its cunning wiles have been revealed. Uh! On the one hand, frugal Crumby feels like it can still shed light, albeit intermittently. But on the other hand, it is totally unreliable, same as anybody or anything too crazy to hold a job or posessed. Hmm. Crumby may need to send this one back to the manufacturer. Let those capitalist roaders deal with their Natas infested light bulb.


Also, if you don’t much like midget cicadas, you need to put out some sugar for your acrobat ants.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Acrobat Ants

One of the most commonly encountered ants at the CB is the acrobat ant (Crematogaster laeviscula). They are commonly espied on trees, tending aphids on Vernonia baldwinii or Verbesina virginica or wandering around in the house. Generally Crumby has an acrobat ant or two on this very desk where he now sits typing.

Fortunately, these acrobat ants are little concerned with people and don’t seem to bite. Anyway, they have never bitten Crumby despite some rough handling. Alas though, they may nest in the frame of the house, probably not excavating themselves much, but taking over from termites. Mercy!

Your average acrobat ant looks a little like a fire ant, with a red head and thorax plus a black abdomen. But note the pear-shaped abdomen. Then too, it has two prominent spines on the thorax. Crumby reckons they are called acrobat ants because they can elevate the abdomen or rare it up into odd postures.


One of the best places to observe these ants at the CB is in the Texas ash (Fraxinus texensis), especially at night. During the stygian hours thousands if not hundreds of these particular ants can be found marching all over the ash. Here we espy a group of them eating sap. Last night, the Texas ash exhibited these spots of sap and the ants were taking advantage. Crumby does not know if the ants abraded the tree to cause the sap flow. If they did, those ants are ashholes.



Here are some of these same ants on ironweed sucking up to yellow aphids. Crumby has also espied them on the verb virgin with red and black aphids, also sucking up.

Now we all know more about the acrobat ant than we did a while ago.

Monday, June 13, 2011

How to Stay Round Chested in Forked Parts?

Yes. Even though these parts are forked, there are things an average person can do to keep entertained. For example, insects are entertaining and persist as objects of wonder or speculation even when the parts are forked. Now it’s true that there are few insects out in the daytime, under Ogma’s fierce gaze, but the night is a different story or tale. Well. There aren’t actually a lot of insects even at night, but there are a few and they are diverse. That is, Crumby never sees very many on a given night, but there are nearly always a few, and generally they are different than the ones Crumby espied on preceding nights. In a way, perfect! All righty. Here we shall present two of the more interesting yet diminutive insects from last night.


This one is a little cicada and is the first documented live cicada of this species for the CB. The other one was found in the house, deceased, in a spider web.






This one is a very small, ca 6mm, long-horned beetle. It is, in fact, the littlest longhorn Crumby has espied, ever.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

These Parts are Forked

This is, if Crumby is not off, the Year of the Julian, 2011. Most of us, even the rotting dead, have made it just over halfway around Ogma again. Did any escape the trip? Maybe! Remember the Rapture may have wafted some away.

Yes. A lucky few may have been chosen. Chosen to go off to Heaven in place of a Jewish Virgin. Er. Crumby has not precisely figured out how that works. But it could be that at the actual time and location a Rapture Event needs to occur, there are no Jewish virgins handy. But somebody needs to get Raptured so in that event a worthy Gentile is shanghaied. But like, Crumby is far less certain about the substitution of a gentile for a Jewish virgin part of the Official Rapture than he is about the importance of tornadoes.

During the Year 2011 of the Julian, the CB has received about 3.5 inches of precipitation. And now, predictably, with no soil moisture, diurnal temperatures hover around 100, daily. Mercy!

Well. One good thing about a dry year is very few baby deer, that some call fawns, get processed. Better yet, none got processed at the CB. So at least the does are not attacking Crumby when he ventures out in the back yard. (Huh-huh. Crumby likes to catch the baby deer. Once he catches them, he likes to put them in cardboard boxes. Huh-huh). Naturally, the does know that Crumby is up to no good, so they attack him.

Yet the vast herds of wild deer need to do something to make up for the necessity of boxed fawns. What do they do? They drink up all the water in the bird bath. Then, if Crumby is not constantly on the alert, the poor little birds of Class Aves get nought.

Achtung dumbkopf! We are in like stage fire engine red alert for “drought” caused wild fires. Everywhere Crumby is fixing to head to, the people cry out, “Crumby are we fixing to experience a fire on our property.” No. Crumby explains. The humidity is too high. You have nought to fear unless you also have teenagers or drunks on your property.

However, getting back to the deer, you must know that during fire engine red droughts, the government only allows the people to fill birdbaths once a week. Furthermore, the birdbaths can only be filled up on a specific night, precisely at midnight. Also, the responsible party that fills up the bird bath has to stand on one leg while hosing the birdbath. Additionally, that same person who is in charge of the birdbath must also cover up the right eye with the right hand while standing on the left leg and vice versa.

Is there sufficient water for all the thirsty? Yes. But the humans are saving it up for flushing. So many shall perish from thirst. But probably not this one, wild deer #30.

Monday, June 06, 2011

The Imperial Magic Formula

Crumby, like most regular adults humans, was once trapped in the body of a child, helpless and defenseless. But even back in those scary times, Crumby knew that whoever got to be the elected president would soon undertake imperialist adventures abroad, no matter what the presumptive president said regarding imperialist adventures abroad before he got elected. Yes. American imperialism has always been a sure bet at the crap shoot some call our precious foreign policy.

Anon, Crumby’s tiny head grew larger. Pretty soon, as Crumby’s head grew larger, encouraged to eventually reach its present gargantuan proportion, by his immature brain, forever straining against a restraining dermal skull roof, Crumby figured out that the ruling class, or some responsible party amid the ruling class, must have a mechanism or magic formula for turning all the presidential electees into imperialists. Plus, given that our precious ruling class has never been all that bright, lately especially, Crumby deduced that the magic formula had to be something really easy to operate, similar to fairy dust.

In ancient times, pre-Crumbian, rumor has it that the Booblican Party was anti-imperialist. Or, more specifically, the Booblican segment of the ruling class didn’t like to pay taxes. Sound familiar. So for sure they didn’t like to pay mass quantities of taxes to support the troops on foreign soil. (This was before the Booblican section of the ruling class was shown how to support the troops on foreign soil with other people’s money).

So Crumby is fixing to decide what would happen if one of our twain modern crusaders against imperialism, Rep. Paul or Rep. Kucinich, somehow got elected president. But that’s not much fun. So let’s assume that a hybrid of the twain with like super anti-imperialist powers got elected. But right before he takes the oath, he gets an e-mail from the Pentagon.

“Mr. Presumptive President, you need to come over to the Pentagon for your foreign policy briefing”.

Off he goes. But like as soon as he goes through the door of the Pentagon, a bucket of fairy dust that was suspended above the front door to the Pentagon gets dumped on him.

You may wish to know who operates the bucket. Easy that. They take turns. But on this particular occasion, Chitlin Cheney got the ceremonial honor of operating the fairy dust bucket. That’s right. Old, fat Chitlin got to pull the rope. He got so excited, transforming the newly elected into an imperialist, that right after he had to go in for an artificial heart tune up. Mercy!

OK, mi Americanos. A dreadful fact of life has just been brought to the attention of me, the incumbent president. The dreadful fact of life is, a billion Hindus are refusing to eat their meat. How can they have any pudding, if they don’t eat their meat?

So we need to force them, for their own good, but also for the sake of our national interest, plus the global economy, to eat their meat. Therefore, I have decided to cluster bomb the bejesus out of the Indian subcontinent. Then, if they still won’t eat their meat, we shall by God send in our brave contractors plus the military. And our brave contractors, plus the military, shall stick their noses in their meat. After that, they shall damn for sure, eat their meat. OK. Buenos noches, mi Americanos.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

A New Order for the CB

Well. The poor old venue has languished of late. That’s because Ray injured himself at work. Then Ray had to go to the doctor. The doctor prescribed pain pills and muscle relaxers for Ray. But Ray decided those pills weren’t any count. So Ray switched to whiskey.

Crumby says, It aint fair that my bosom companion should enjoy all that whiskey while I get naught. So that’s why the venue has languished. The responsible parties have been fixing to cure Ray’s pinched nerve.

Did you know that the main duty of the government in America is to protect monopoly capitalism and imperialism? Course you did. Everybody knows that.


But what about the New Order at the CB (documented). Well. Last night, while alternatively viewing Messier objects via the Great Red Tube and checking out the insects at the window screens, we happened to espy this tiny, 4mm body length, vermin. Turns out it’s a subimago, small minnow mayfly in the Family Baetidae. So the New Order for the CB is Ephemeroptera.

Why in the heck has this character turned up at the CB in the midst of a scorching dry year? Can they make do with a birdbath?