Druid News Service Newsflash! Republicans to Colonize Middle East

In a speech today on TV the Kinglet announced that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east to save the middle east from middle easterners who have all converted suddenly to Islamic Fascism and are the greatest peril to our culture and way of life to come along since the Teletubbies. According to the Kinglet, the first big colony will be set up in Sadr City, Iraq as soon as somebody gets the air conditioners running. Then, when the air conditioning is up and running in Sadr City and a few more places, there will be lots of Republican colonies set up and plenty of air conditioning and opportunities for all the immigrant Republicans.

"It is our patriotic duty as the only real patriots left, to go forth and save the middle east by moving there." announced the Kinglet. "Therefore, since the unpatriotic Americans don't believe in us anymore, we are all leaving America to subdue the Islamic fascists on their home territory, which will then be our home territory. Once all the colonies are set up we will hold elections and vote out the Islamic fascists and have a genuine Republican Christian republic or monarchy perhaps all through the middle east. And, we will have all the oil we could ever hope to want, almost."

Goodness gracious sakes alive. This is Ms. Hope Remains of the Druid News Service. Let's get some reactions to the Kinglet's announcement that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east.

Sir, what do you think of the Kinglet's speech today?

What speech, Missy?

Goodness gracious sir, you haven't heard, all the Republicans are moving to the middle east.

Whoa! We are. Christ All Mighty, have they got the ACs up and running yet?

I don't know sir. You better get in touch with the Kinglet to see when your colony will have air conditioning. Excuse me, maam, maam, have you heard that all the Republicans are moving to the middle east?

Yes I have. Isn't it wonderful news! Honestly, I think the Republicans will be much happier over there with those other fundamental people who think like they do. The Republicans need to be with people who will agree with them on fundamentals. Perhaps general agreement on fundamentals will bring them true happiness at last.

Thank you for those interesting comments, maam. Oh my goodness,its senator what's her name from Tejas. Senator, senator what do you think about moving to the middle east?

Well now, as yall know, I support the Kinglet no matter what, so I am heading right on home to begin packing up the cargo containers for the big move. I sure do hope we have plenty of cargo containers. That said, we'll make do with what cargo containers we do have. I'm sure that all the patriotic Republicans view this as a grand opportunity and we are all looking forward to having plenty of oil in our new, air conditioned homes in the middle east.

All righty then, that sounds swell senator. Now back to the Lovely Druidess Rayetta reporting on the reaction to this good news at Red's Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn. Here's Rayetta.

All righty then Hope sweetie, you take care out there and watch out for the Wicker Man. Hmmm. Does anyone around here want to comment on the days news, besides Crumby?

Me, me I want to comment, Rayetta?

I spelled besides you, specifically, Crumby! Who else wants to comment?

I do Rayetta.

All righty then, here's the CB's lovely moon goodness, Olwen White Track, with a comment on the Republican migration off continent. Take it away, Olwen.

Thanks Rayetta. You know, I am really happy the Republicans are going off continent. Maybe now, Ray and Hope and I can live normal happy lives without all the carping about fornication and living in sin and what not. Maybe now we can grow Cannabis as a cash crop and for medicinal use. Certainly, Red could use a toke or two instead of all those Dolmens. Maybe we can have direct democracy instead of filtering everything through the ruling class first. Maybe we can just pay taxes for programs we support. Yep, I'm happy for lots of reasons. Maybe we can have parks in Tejas. Maybe the sky will clean itself up when all those Republican move off. Maybe there won't be so much pollution and lying and gluttony and heat. Maybe science will get to be science again.

Thank ye Olwen sweetie. I'm sure all of us share those happy hopes. And I, the LDR have one thought to add, good riddance.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Lleu Llaw Makes a Hand

Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand has, thanks to the maggots, recovered from his accidental gunshot wound and is all set to assist Crumby with Telescope Tomfoolery. The casual intellectual may wish to know how we pronounce Lleu Llaw’s name. All righty then. The twain ll’s are both slightly aspirated. The eu is like eye. The aw is like ow. The ff is like the v in guv, guvner. There now, that’s better. All righty then, Lleu Llaw, you’re all set to head out to the east pasture and help Crumby. Remember, on your journey to the east pasture, holler out loudly, “I am Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand and I have come this way to assist Crumby with the Telescope Tomfoolery.” Can you remember to do that, Lleu Llaw?

Yepper, Rayetta.

Good. That’s swell Lleu Llaw, because if you don’t remember to holler all that, Crumby may accidentally shoot you again. Now run along. I’m busy.
_____

Lleu Llaw heads out into the forbidding stygian darkness of the east pasture, hollering at the top of his lungs, the very spell that he was coincidentally instructed to holler out by the Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
_____

What’s all that dang hollerin’? Er. Oh, it’s Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand, headed this way. A welcome before ye, Lleu Llaw.

Thanks Crumby. What are we up to?

All righty then, what we are fixing to do is test your steady hand out on some celestial bodies I wish to espy. Are ye up to it?

Yepper. Many have remarked on the steady hand of Lleu Llaw Guffes, that it is remarkably steady and never shakes the least bit.

Excellent. Now here’s what you need to do. Er, lay your steady hand upon that large red tube while I espy through this attached peephole.

All righty then, Crumby.

Whoa! Lleu Llaw that celestial body I am espying in the peephole appears flabbergastingly frozen in time and space.

I told you Crumby, I am the Lion of the Steady Hand.

Yepper, you are greatly steady handed all righty then, Lleu Llaw. Er. Now we need to teach you how to guide the tube from one celestial body to the next. Hold it, I need to think a minute. Er................., all righty then, when I holler up, Lleu Llaw, you move the tube down and when I holler gee, you move the tube haw. You got all that?

Yepper, I, Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand, shall follow the directions of the Crumby Ovate, unperturbed by perturbations.

All righty then, Lleu Llaw. Here we go then, in expeditious pursuit of Pizza’s Flying Star.

Ray's Thought for the Day - A Heat Respite

Yepper, no rain, but the last couple of days have been fairly cool. And fortuitously that, for I was spared another chafing event from "werkin' in the sun." Thanks to Crumby's preventitive salve, my inner thighs have made a recovery, and are, for the nonce, merely calloused, a condition common to at least one ancient profession, plus those who travel routinely on the backs of Perissodactylas.

The cultivar pecans of the pecan orchard are weak sisters. I hasten to add that my sister, Rayetta, is not a weak sister. However, those cultivar pecans are weak sisters. Actually, maybe they are just apparent weak sisters, afflicted by environmental hazards they are not prepared for, genetically. Nevertheless, they are still weak dang sisters because their limbs are always breaking off.

The very biggest limb on the very biggest cultivar pecan broke off when the hot winds blew gustily three nights ago. Red just got around to making Crumby and me fix up the mess. Naturally, the limbs, when they break, never break clean off. Part of them is always attached way up high in the tree. That means one of us has to saw it through with the dang dreaded miserable pole saw. Praise the Goddess, it was Crumby's turn to use the pole saw.

Now we have that big old limb all sawed up and brush piled out in the north pasture. Praise the Goddess. Eventually, in a short while, those cultivar pecans shall succumb to the warm breath of the Wicker Man. Then we won't have to mess with them anymore.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Giuseppe Piazza's Flying Star

Did you know that Piazza' Flying Star has the fifth highest proper motion ever recorded. I myself, Crumby the Ovate, only just found that out. Many times I have noted this star on the Cygnus page of my star charts, but all those many times I just reflected on how silly of me it was to think originally that its name was Pizza's Flying Star. Wasn't there a Dodger baseball player named Piazza? I bet, if there was, he may be related to Giuseppe.

Anyway, since I need to spend some time with Cygnus before that swan disappears off west on its annual migration over these parts, I intend to peruse, like tonight, the aforementioned Piazza's Flying Star. In addition to roaring around at the fifth highest speed ever recorded by a star, the Flying Star is also a double star. Plus there are several other binaries I need to espy in that general vicinity, anyway.

We had a safety meeting today at the Cow Barn. The main subtopic was Potential Safety Topics - Environmental Hazards. As is well known, I, the Crumby Ovate am the first line of defense against the Cow Barn getting hit by a heavenly body. But some of the other Druids wanted to scale up fatter babies and Islamic Fascists as comparable threats, and cut my funding. Fortunately, wisdom prevailed and my funding persists untouched by the panic stricken fear mongers. However, fatter babies appear to be a potential long term threat to my funding so I need to keep informed on the fatter babies environmental hazard, especially global wobbles. I'm fairly certain that I can incorporate global wobble as a byproduct of fatter babies into my Defense against the Cow Barn Getting Hit by a Celestial Body, Plan, though.

Er, yepper. Here now, I'll just spell out some notes for the Celestial Body Avoidance Plan as fatter babies pertain to the Plan, maybe.

The fatter babies could not only wobble the global orbit, the wobbled orbit could cause our trajectory to go off on an adventure, thereby increasing the possibility that we could suddenly inhabit the orbit of another celestial body, and get run over. What do you think about that? Would not you, my funding sources appreciate being warned before such might come to pass, and being forewarned, begin to think about it beforehand, so if such comes to pass, er, it will not be quite so unprecedented.

Did you know that one of the stars, not Ogma, is only six light years away, approximately? We could get run over by that star because it moves around a lot anyway and six light years is pretty close.

Please, please don't cut my funding. I've already been working on the fatter baby problem so you need to increase my funding to help out with all the work I've done on the fatter babies already and in addition to my many other underfunded responsibilities.

Hmmm. These are all excellent notes.

Ray’s Thought for the Day - An Analysis of Yesterday’s Druid Dichotomy

The rain, the Kinglet and the Kinglet’s Evil Ministers all stayed away from these parts. So yesterday’s dichotomy was semi-useful. The Evil Ministers were fairly busy elsewhere though, apparently, maybe. What were they busy doing? Easy that, the Evil Ministers were busy comparing our U.S. colony in Iraq to the occupation of Germany. The venues chosen to make that comparison available to the public were the usual semi-public venues.

Because just about everyone hates fascism, and almost no one knows what fascism is, fascism is a good label to pin on rowdy Muslims in the colony. So that’s what the Evil Ministers were up to, spelling the rowdy Muslims in the colony, as fascists.

Er, I must not forget that because we pay taxes, we support the colony in Iraq, perhaps directly, or maybe our tax contribution is laundered in Beijing first. Whatever.

In Germany, and Europe in general, west of the last hope of the white race, Crumby’s recent nostalgic reference to the former Soviet Union, there was a plan. What was that dern plan spelled? Er, oh yeah, the Marshall Plan. Now we have a new plan, the Chitlin, Rumpler and Sleeza Plan. Hark, all you Muslim fascists in the colony, we have a plan, fer ye. Stop all these fascist shenanigans or we shall almost certainly drop a very expensive bomb fairly close to you, or on you, maybe. Also, how about Abu Grab Ass? Would you like to spend some time in Abu Grab Ass with some of Rumpler’s underwear on your head?

What are the details of the Chitlin, Rumpler and Sleeza plan? How much will it cost? Who will get the money? How many Iraqis are as fat as Chitlin? These are all serious questions that an interested party, like maybe the Democratic Party, should do some research on, maybe.

Ha! According to Red, it’s great to be old and worn out in the service of the Goddess.

Ray's Thought for the Day - A Druid Dichotomy Training

Let's see now, what would I want today, if dreams came true, rain, or a visit from the Kinglet or one of his Evil Ministers, maybe? Ha! Easy that, rain, of course.

Here's another one.

Let's see now, what would I want today, if dreams came true, a delicious cinnamon bun, or an inner thigh chafing event.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Celestial Bodies Come, the Celestial Bodies Go

Yepper. They come and they go, for appearance sake. But we all know that’s not what’s really happening. Right Kinglet?

As the little globe upon which most of us find ourselves situated whirls around Ogma, the celestial bodies appear to come and go. That is one reason why I, the Crumby Ovate comfortably seated on a double decker lawn chair between two barns in the east pasture, pay almost nightly homage to the celestial bodies, both the seen and the unseen. Almost, sans the methodology more lately developed, our little globe has whipped along back to its approximate original Telescope Tomfoolery coordinates. That is, those approximate coordinates as recognized by me, the Crumby Ovate, situated upon the comfortable double decker lawn chair between the two barns.

The unseen trouble me a tad. I have kept record of the unseen and the seen and I know, yea verily, that the unseen shall remain unseen from my perch upon the comfortable double decker lawn chair between the two barns. So to expose the unseen, I must move the comfortable double decker lawn chair to an alternative location. I have been putting that potential necessity off, first familiarizing myself with the seen, but a day of reckoning is approaching, maybe.

Dang it though, humans and proto humans need to stay where they belong, so moving the double decker lawn chair engenders many troubling thoughts touching upon the grim realm of Potential Safety Topics - Environmental Hazards. If I move the comfortable double decker lawn chair, I will have to take into account all the Potential Safety Topics - Environmental Hazards that may afflict me on the journey to the alternative location, plus all those that might afflict me at the alternative location. Dang it.

Addendum

Yikes! I just banged the Newt's finder on the barn roof again. When I do that, it always seems to bang the Meade brand modified achromatic eyepiece that fits the finder diagonal. You may recall that I was fooling around with all that telescopery gear just mentioned not long ago. Then, that very night I had trouble getting the finder scope to focus. So between the banging and the twisting and what not I have finally succeeded in stripping the threads on the metal cylinder that attaches the Meade diagonal to the rest of the finder. I may be the world's greatest thread stripper.


Right away, after I discovered the stripped threads, I was fixing to throw a temper tantrum. But the WG said to me, Crumby, cast your eye upon the that little screw. That little screw may afix the metal cylinder inside the proximal end of the finder optical tube assembly.

Praise the Goddess. Once I located my Husky hex wrench set I was able to determine that indeed that screw did afix the aforementioned cylinder precisely as the WG described. So I was able to extract that cylinder and examine it more closely.

I am in the habit of measuring the dimensions of many objects with a metric ruler. You may recall that Ray measured his chafes using a ruler. That was my ruler Ray used to measure his chafes. In any event I noticed that the distal end of the stripped metal cylinder has the same approximate diameter as the insertion end of a seldom used erect image prism diagonal I just happen to have lying around the CB. I once surmised, full of pride and ignorance, that an erect image prism might come in handy in the telescopes because the images appear correctly oriented, very similar to what one may espy relying upon only naked eyes plus spectacles. While the correct orientation part is correct, the balance of the view of celestial bodies obtained, leaves much to be desired.

Well, the dang thang has just been laying around the CB all this time because I haven't been bird watching with it cause its been too dang hot for birds anyway. Birds are what else I figured it was good for, prideful and ignorant. But hark, now that rascal may come in handy.

This randomly chosen and unedited photograph shows the fancy 45 degree compression ring prism diagonal fixed to the finder scope. The broke one is next to my Husky wrench set in the foreground. If I can get this rig to focus on infinity, I shall have a mighty fine finder set up indeed. The dang prism diagonal cost more than the whole finder.

All righty then. That totally didn't work. However, the modified achromatic eyepiece will focus in my Lomo diagonal which is what's on the finder now. But none of my other eps will focus in it when it (the Lomo diagonal) is in the finder. I need to figure all this out. Seems like I read something about this very subtopic somewhere. Well, back to the drawing board.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Internet Cafes!!!

The incumbent Republican Tejas Land Commissioner and current Republican candidate for Tejas Land Commissioner has raised 200 grand. What for? Easy that, the 200 grand is start up chump change for internet cafes in Iraq. Our incumbent Republican Land Commissioner candidate is actually going to Iraq to set up internet cafes, resplendent with satellite connections, on September 20, maybe, if the Goddess doesn’t smite him down between now and then. Praise the Goddess.

What strange news, on so many levels!!!

As you probably know yourself, the British empire, upon which the sun never set, devised a stratagem to keep beer from spoiling on long trips across the oceans deep and wide. The stratagem, as you probably know, is called high hopping. High hopping saved the empire for awhile.

I sure hope the miserable Iraqis enjoy their nice new internet cafes. Perhaps they will have delicious cinnamon buns at the cafes.

Let's see now. What does a Tejas Land Commissioner do on the job besides TV appearances? Oversees Tejas largely imaginary public lands. Oversees gas and oil leasing, largely ceremonial. Ha! No wonder the Tejas Land Commissioner has plenty of time for colonial uplift activities in Iraq.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Hunter

Last night at 9 PM it was 90 degrees hot and the wind was gusting to 28 mph according to the weather robot voice. Therefore, two simultaneous circumstances led me to eschew the Newt and pick the Lomo as the telescopery gear of choice. One of these was the 28 mph wind gusts and the other was Lleu Llaw's maggots which had to be applied to his minor gun shot wound. So the Lion of the Steady Hand was not up to helping out with the Newt and I didn't want him getting maggots all over the telescopery gear, anyway. That Lomo on its big German Equatorial Mount can withstand high wind, maybe, hurricane force wind.

But why would a man of any experience at all choose to hunt bunnies with a sword? Yet there hangs the evidence, the sword, at Orion's belt. At least that's what everyone thinks, almost. Actually, that's not Orion's sword. It's his weiner sock. And he's not going hunting, dressed up only in his weiner sock. He's taking the dogs for a walk. The bunny just gets spooked.

Boring Technical Details

Sometimes I like to just pick out a star or group of stars in the Pocket Sky Atlas and hop along. That's what I did last night because conditions were really lousy due to lots of intermittent clouds and haze. One of the stars I hopped to was Kappa Lepus, a double just right of Rigel. I had not looked up any of the information on K Lepus before I hopped. So I didn't know what to expect. I looked at it and looked at it, but I could only see one star, not two. Oh well, I thought, perhaps it's too tight for the Lomo or maybe the secondary is very high magnitude, meaning very dim.

Just now I looked it up. The separation is 2.4 arcseconds and the secondary is Mag 8. That should have been easy pickings in the Lomo at the range of magnifications I was using. Whut the heck happened? Wrong star!

Ray's Thought for the Day - Nature Communion

Yep, the day's are shortening up. Here it is nigh 7 AM, yet Ogma abides below the horizon. I like to get up early for lotsa reasons occasionally, especially when it's too hot the rest of the time. Why just this morning I attended on the tail end of Crumby's telescope tomfoolery session, Orion the Hunter and Lepus the Bunny. Then later there was Venus, Saturn and Mercury, plus plenty of bats and a nighthawk or two zipping around. Lots to see, all righty then. Praise the Goddess.

Also, yesterday evening, four broad-wings kettled over the CB. There were probably a great many more than four, out of sight, maybe.

Here's something scary though. "People who criticize child pageants probably haven't attended one." I bet that's right, the dern hypocrites. Attendance at child pageants should be mandatory for child pageant critics. Not only that, the critics should have to attend each and every one of the child pageants they criticize. There's no way they should get to make generic criticisms. All the criticisms should reference specific child pageants. But alas, there is so little justice on this plane of this little globe that such shall proabably not come to pass, that is, mandatory attendance at child pageants. Praise the Goddess. And my wishing shall not make it so. Praise the Goddess.

Boy howdy, can you imagine the reaction of the Media Liberal, if the Islamic Fascists, terrorized a child pageant. Good Goddess and three fifties of red headed orphans in a giant peach basket, we'd never hear the end of that event. And among the Media Liberal much changing of underwear should occur throughout the commercial breaks.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - The Lion of the Steady Hand

Dang it. Holding this red Newt steady in a high hot wind is no easy trick. Look at that, Antares, “rival of Mars” looks like a roadside emergency flare going off. Dang it. Whoa! Some evil doer, cloaked in the stygian darkness is sneaking up on the Crumby Ovate. We shall see about that!

Bang! Bang!

Yikes! Stop shootin’ at me. I’m innocent. I’m helpless. I’m Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand.

Lleu Llaw, is that really you and not some local evil doer, liar or glutton?

Yepper, it’s me Crumby. Rayetta told me you were back here in the east pasture. And now you’ve shot me.

Sorry about that Lleu Llaw. Lemme see that. Ha! You’re only grazed. Say Lleu Llaw, do you really have an unusually steady hand?

Yepper, the steadiest ever known among mere mortals, Crumby.

Is that so?
_____

Has Crumby found the perfect Newtonian-Dobsonian telescopery companion? Maybe, maybe not.

the Arkdruid

Ray's Thought for the Day - Hooray, for Cinnamon Bun Day

Yepper, it's time for a cinnamon bun. I need to get over to the Promenade for Produce, early. Not because the Demon Mammon may get my cinnamon bun, but to avoid another chafing event. The longer I tarry, the hotter shall the globe wax, particularly, the asphault expanse upon which my cinnamon bun resides, and the hotter it gets, the more likely a chafing event.

Let's see, here's an interesting question. Do the local hard-working, tax-paying Republicans have the right to assemble at an expensive dinner venue and pay over lots of their hard earned money to Karl Rover without being pestered by demonstrators? Easy that, noper. But they do have the right to keep their venues secret.

That must be somebody's job, keeping the venue secret, but simultaneously insuring a sell out. Whom do I tell? Whom do I tell?

Jeez Louise, what a stressful job. Er, all righty then, I need a good turnout at say three grand a plate. All the hard-working, tax-paying ones that can afford that are fairly tight lipped except when they're chewing. So I'm Okie Dokie on the guests. But what about the cooks and serving minions? Ha! Easy that, no English speakers need apply. Or better yet, deaf mutes. Then there's the dang Media Liberal. What shall I do about them? Hector Protector, we need someone to bear witness to this gustatory event. Hark! The freedom of the press is the freedom to own a press. Surely, among the Media Liberal there must be some hard-working, tax-paying press owners that shall show up unobtrusively at the last minute to cover the most important post gustatory, burps and pontifications. Yepper, I know some of those in the Media Liberal, fer sure.

Ha! That wasn't so hard after all, plus, I didn't chafe myself from, "werkin' in the sun."

Whoa! I forgot about Islamic fascists. Islamic fascists could get us. We need security. No. We need a security firm. No. We need a couple or three security firms. No. We need three security firms plus the police, and the Rangers, and the FBI, and the CIA, and Rover's guards, of course, and maybe the Army. Jeez Louise! Will all those security participants want to eat?

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Shade Relief

Neptune and Pluto share orbits, in part. Therefore, Neptune is a planet, but Pluto isn't?

Here's my personal reason Pluto isn't a planet. It's too hard to find even in the 10" Newt, and once found, so what. So send that sucker to Hades where it belongs. Then, once Pluto is in Hades the place, Hades the person, may decide to run all the lovable cartoon dog cartoons, sequentially, for eternity. That should provide a nice diversion for the shades.

In my former life as a wicked Christian I used to think about cosmic issues pretty much 24/7, except when I was focused on biological issues, including personal ablutions. Most people who do that, think about cosmic issues 24/7, are crazy; the definition of crazy being, can't compete entrepreneur like, or sell labor in the Darwinian market economy. That is why, even as a wicked Christian, I was more tolerant of socialism, and yes, even communism, than the average wicked Christian. My logic ran, "All righty then, I may be too crazy to be doing this or that, so society needs to support me." This logical train of thought eventually led me to conclude that the Soviet Union was the last hope of the white race.

Praise the Goddess. Mr. Red Ears came along and saved me from all that wayward cosmic thought.

So lately, the focus has been on boring technical details like what can I see of the celestial bodies assisted by my brand spanking new 1.8x Apogee barlow that I acquired recently on E-Bay. The clever E-Bay vendor of this particular telescopery gear advised that he had bought up all the 1.8x Apogee barlows at one fell swoop and that the one I was interested in was indeed the very same Ortho barlow formerly vended by Apogee.

The ignorant spell, “You get what you pay for!” has been adequately debunked in this venue, so I don’t need to repeat all that here. Suffice to say, that this new barlow is now my favorite barlow, out of four, including two much more expensive slightly previously used ones. Surprisingly, due to boring technical details that I don’t fully comprehend, it even works outstandingly in the Newt.

Which gets me back to the Demon Mammon. Oh well.

Crumby, do you think you should have four barlows?

It's not my fault. Put the blame on Mammon.

Crumby’s Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Is it Always Darkest Before the Dawn?

Easy that, no.
_____

Ray, how come astronomers get to vote on stuff?

Yeah Crumby, and how come, in this latter time and place, are they voting on, what’s a planet, fer heaven’s sake?

Beats me.

Beats me.

Beats us. Let’s go ask Rayetta.

The bosom companions, both Ray and Crumby, exit the laboratory and head on out to the east pasture where the Lovely Druidess Rayetta (LDR) is watering the cows.

Say Rayetta, Crumby and me want to know how come astronomers get to vote on stuff.

Crumby and I, Ray.

That’s right Rayetta. Both of us bosom companions want to know.

Hmmm. All righty then. Crumby, take this hose and hose down that cow. No, not that one, the red one. There that’s better. Look, she likes it. She’s such a good cow. No, not an evil cow at all.

Er, Rayetta, about the democratic astronomers?

Well now boys, they just vote on definitions. Crumby, stop hosing that cow. It’s had enough for Goddess’ Sakes. Look, you got water up its nose, the poor thing. Hose that other one. No, not that one, the brown one. There, that’s better.

Yeah but, how come botanists don’t get to go off to a nice location like Sweden and vote on stuff. Yeah, and how come it took those astronomers until now to vote on, what’s a planet, fer heaven’s sake. Yeah and how come.....

Calm down boys, you especially Ray, you’re liable to chafe yourself again.

Yeah but......

Now both of you calm down. Crumby, hose Ray and then hose yourself and then hose off Luciferetta.

All righty then, which one is Luciferetta?

Focus on one hose event at a time Crumby. First do Ray. There that’s better. Look how calm Ray is now. Now, do yourself Crumby. There that’s better. Now do that black cow, that’s Luciferetta. She may be an evil cow, so be careful.

Whoa! Nice cow, nice Luciferetta, here’s some nice water, fer ye.

Crumby, go around and hose her under her tail.

Er, I don’t know about that Rayetta. She might not like it.

Crumby!

All righty then. Mercy. Ray, pull up Luciferetta’s tail, dang it.
_____

Obviously, Ray and Crumby have their hands full, hosing Luciferetta. The insatiable curiosity of the bosom companions regarding the democratic astronomers should await the anon, maybe.

the Arkdruid

Ray's Thought for the Day - Pluto Homework

All righty then. Pluto, Pluto, Pluto. Er. Pluto. Pluto is the same difference as Hades. Whoa! That's Okie Dokie, maybe.

Also see Dis. Dis! Yikes o-rama and triplet red-headed orphans in a yellow picnic basket!!!

Crumby, Crumby, come hither fer the nonce.

Ray, my presumptive Sun God bosom companion, why are you so animated?

Look at this Crumby.

Uh, oh. We better not go there in this venue.

Noper. That's what I surmised also. Shall we change the subtopic?
____

Ray just realized his homework intersects one of the Druidic Mysteries. Praise the Goddess.

the Arkdruid
____

Yepper Ray. Let's change the subtopic. How about Hades, place or person?

Or how about this subtopic Crumby; if you take the s from the hind end of Hades and put it up front, you spell shade.

Shades of Hades, Ray, shades of Hades. Or how about this one; all the Christian sinners are going to Pluto.

Serves 'em right Crumby. The only company they shall have is a lovable cartoon dog.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Pluto

Let's see. I can't seem to recollect. Who or what was the first Pluto? Was it a crumby little pseudo planet or the lovable Disney cartoon dog?

Ray, you are such an idiot. We just went over Pluto at the Sun God Academy.

We did? I don't remember hearing about Pluto at the Sun God Academy, Rayetta.

That's because your tutors used an alternative name for Pluto. You were supposed to look up all the alternative names for Pluto. Homework, Ray, homework.

Er, I don't recollect that particular assignment Rayetta.

Look Ray. To get to be a Sun God you have to be more intuitive than you are presently. You have to be capable of realizing what people are requesting of you, telepathically.

I do?

Yes Ray, you do.

Jeez Louise. All righty then Rayetta, I shall proceed to discover all about the etymology of Pluto, anon.

That's correct Ray. If you wish to matriculate, that is precisely what you shall do.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes and Addendum

As Red Schoendienst (sp?) once spelled on the TV, "You win some. You lose some. Some get rained out." That's pretty much universally true when it comes to baseball. The same goes for telescope Tomfoolery except for the winning and losing parts. Er, also the rain out part isn't especially applicable.

Out I went into the stygian darkness a short while ago. It was hot outside, hot and close. Yet the clouds obscured all but one celestial body. So right on back inside came I, the Crumby Ovate.

This long stretch of Wicker Man weather reminds me of those days when I earned my keep as a metaphorical shoat skitter wrangler, that some also spell, environmental consultant. The weather these last many weeks, both hot and dry, is perfect shoat skitter wrangler weather. The shoat skitter wrangler has only to speculate on environmental elements rather than actually identify any of them. (The dearth of the identifiable may be attributed to the weather). Thus, best professional judgement holds sway and the shoat skitter wrangler, reporting, is obliged only to make the details of the report, up.

In the arcane lingo of telescope Tomfoolery, a little telescope is referred to as grab and go. We have one er two of those at the CB. With a grab and go scope, a little imagination also comes in handy. Perhaps I shall grab and go anon and see what may be exposed for this nonce in addition to the previously referenced nonce.
____

Addendum

Yet again I assayed the stygian darkness. Hark! Many celestial bodies are apparent in their naked splendor, garbed only in pollution. Yikes! I must set up the grab and go expeditiously. Ha! There's Meissa and assoicates. Let's check something out. Yepper. Works great!

What works great Crumby? What are you hollering about? Jeez Louise, you've started the dogs barking again.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

It’s not just your lawn that’s no longer green

Noper, That’s right, it aint just the CB lawn. The headline of the lead editorial in what passes for a daily newspaper in these parts got that right on the date of the Julian, August 21. The editorial scribenoid goes on to inform us that two ruling class types use up preposterous amounts of water on the grounds of their mansions. They even give the names of these evil water guzzling ruling class types. Both of the ruling class type water guzzlers habitate somewhere in, north Texas. Those evil ruling class type water guzzlers may not be subscribers.

The scribenoid goes on to bemoan all the monetary losses the state has suffered due to the latest drought. The inference the scribenoid wants me to make is that this drought might be as bad as previous droughts, even as bad as the drought of the 50's or of the 30's, if we hadn’t learned how to dig really deep wells and suck out the Ogalalla Aquifer. So the Ogalalla Aquifer has kept us from having another dust bowl? What disingenuous hogwash.

The daily rag has never heard of a local water guzzler land broker it didn’t just love. To prove how deep the love goes, the daily rag universally advocates tax breaks, at the behest of local land brokers, attracting new development from hither and yon. Yepper, the daily is making it hotter. Heat is good for the economy.

Have you seen the Wicker Man? Praise the Goddess.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Ha! Stay the Course or Use the Newt

Ha! Crumby spelled, "stay the course or use the Newt." He's starting to spell like Chitlin or Rumpler or the Kinglet. It must be the oppressive heat getting to the CO. Er, however, Crumby did have the presence of mind to concoct some inner thigh salve, fer me. I need to remember to annoint myself, preventitively.

Ooooh. I just thought of a spell a man of action like Crumby can appreciate. How about, "The Wicker Man shall reap what the Demon Mammon hath sown." Praise the Goddess for that spell.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes and Addendum

All righty then, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta is correct. Addressing simple tasks sequentially, while focused on each task, has a soothing effect and is entirely beneficial for those afflicted by nervous conditions or by the Demon Mammon.

Crumby, stop that.

Yepper, I'm just pulling all the gentlemen's middle legs about the Demon Mammon

Crumby, I'm warning you.

Er, that's right, a soothing effect, especially the nap. Praise the Goddess.

Anyway, taking a cue from Rayetta's list methodology I have made up a list for tonight's espyization of celestial bodies. The short version of the list, excluding the boring technical data, is Struve 3062, AR Cassiopeia, 78 Ursa Majoris, 37 Pegasi and 78 Pegasi. I shall espy these one at a time, and not worry about the next one until I'm all done with the current one.

These five celestial bodies have much in common. They are all binaries, they are all near fairly bright stars and therefore fairly easy to find, their respective twinks are narrowly separated and they are all colored pink in my personal copy of Pocket Sky Atlas.

Now I need to go collimate the Newt.
_____

Addendum

Boy howdy, it was hot out in the stygian darkness all the night until 3 AM. Further along than that I can not bear witness. But of the winged insects there were none. Truly also, the oppressive heat and lack of mercurial water has stifled the growing season. Naught but the irrigated and somewhat of the long rooted persist in their cycles.

It is well known that the Big Dipper, in common with some of the other celestial phenomena appears to rotate around the North Star. These days, that means the Big Dipper is not visible from the CB for the nonce, except for a short interval following Ogma's setting. Then, lo and behold, off the Big Dipper rotates behind the pecan orchard.

This for the nonce habit of the Big Dipper necessitated action from a man of action. The espyization location of the Newt is between two barns so that pollution may be less apparent. But this location is not good for espying the northern or western skies due to the visually intervening pecan orchard where no pecans will come to fruition again this turn of the wheel. But the Newt was already set up and collimated at its usual location. But Alioth and 78 Ursa majoris were already amid the pecan leaves from that perspective. What's a man of action to do?

Well, I was not going to move the collimated Newt cause when you move a Newt you are liable to bang the optical tube assembly against the Dobsonian mount and knock the collimation out of whack. So that was out. Then I remembered the bigger Lomo was handy. So I set up the bigger Lomo further off east in the east pasture where it could get purchase on 78 Ursa majoris. Alas, action does not always lead to much and I could not split 78 Ursa majoris into its component parts. But I almost did despite the great pollution. I bet I can, someday. I must stay the course, or alternatively, use the bigger aperture Newt on it.

After that it was Newt city, looking generally east, Pegasus the Flying Horse, and later, northeast, Queen Cassiopeia. It took me a great while to split 37 Pegasi. Almost as long as it took to make specimen skins out of some blind cave rats I collected in a coal mine back when I was an evil Christian. Ever try threading a needle in a coal mine with no light and only a canary for company? But split it I eventually did. Note: Hand guiding a 10" Newt employing a 3x barlow and a 4mm Ortho is not for the flat chested or the easily aggravated.

The sky was hazy with pollution, but I was not dismayed, only frazzled. Anon, 78 Pegasi lay naked and exposed to my gaze for a nanosecond and yet I was still merely frazzled. On to Struve 3062. Ha! Easy that one. 0.3 arcseconds is a lot. After that I was worn out with tight ones and enjoyed some easy ones for the balance of time, enveloped in the oppressive heat of the semi-stygian darkness. Aries has some nice ones. Oops, anon the Ample Bosoms beckoned.

Newsflash! Druid Ovate Blames Mammon for Fatter Babies, Jonbenet and Pluto

Yepper, that's correct. Mammon is directly responsible for fatter babies, Jonbenet and Pluto. Put the blame on Mammon.

How come? Easy that, er, why not? But just for the heck of it, let's go to specifics.

The Demon Mammon, who has apparently absconded with my Galileo Gravitator, is a greedy cuss. And now that he's learned to ride humpback on the Christian fundamentalists, there's no stopping the Demon Mammon. Just yesterday he terrorized my bosom companion Ray at the cinnamon bun vendors. So it's easy to espy that fatter babies, Jonbenet and Pluto, all are products of Mammon's interference in human affairs.

Take fatter babies for instance, a growing threat to orbital stability. Do you think Mammon, the greedy cuss, likes slim babies? Easy that, not a chance. He likes big fatter babies cause big fatter babies eat more. What about Jonbenet? Er, that one's personal. He did the Jonbenet thing just to annoy me. And how about Pluto?

Say, "put the blame on Mammon" would make a catchy tune.
_____

Crumby, have you totally lost it?

Maybe Rayetta. It's this infernal heat. My scanty Injun blood, that I have long relied upon as a coolant, similar to antifreeze, appears to have give out.

All righty then Crumby, what you need to do is get control of yourself mentally. Focus on easy tasks one at a time to the exclusion of all else.

Whut easy tasks, Rayetta?

Hmmmm, I shall make up a nice list for you. Let's see:

1. Put in two new light bulbs in the laboratory overhead lamp.

2. Water the curly mesquite.

3. Concoct a preventive ointment for Ray's recurrent inner thigh chafing problem.

4. Take a nap.

There now, that's four easy tasks for the Crumby Ovate.

Yepper. I shall apply myself to those four tasks expeditiously. Hark, I feel better already. Can I do the nap, first?

Ray's Thought for the Day - Support the War

All righty then, all of us that pay taxes, support the war on the miserable Iraqis, maybe, if any of our tax money actually goes to support the war and does not go directly to Beijing, alternatively. We can't forget all that due to the incessant reminders. But there is tangenital relief on the far horizon maybe. The Texas legislature is fixing to make it easier for property owners to kill people on their own property; people who wander on to their private property and threaten their private property or who are behaving in such fashion that the private property owner has reason to surmise that he or she is being threatened with a life or death situation or extreme aggravation or loss of property or personal injury or extreme annoyance.

The CB supports all that 100%. Why? Easy that, every once in a while a political minion wanders on to the property soliciting Red for a contribution. Since these politicians are trying to kill us off, one way or another, we interpret the presumptive action of the Texas legislature as a license to shoot these certified political swine minions on sight. Praise the Goddess. So bring 'em on and make my day.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Cloudy Today and Addendum

The dirunal high topped out at only 99 at the CB today thanks to clouds. Now, those clouds are apparent yet as high smudges squished up by the impenetrable high pressure generated by the Kinglet's many minions in these parts. So anon, I shall go to repose upon the Ample Bosoms, but then I shall be fixing to arise Phoenix-like around 3 AM when those clouds are likely to have dispersed. Cetus the Sea Monster has received short shrift so I shall visit with Cetus. Maybe I can determine Cetus' taxonomy. Also, I just discovered that one of the alternative names for Denib Kaitos is Rana segundo, or, number two frog. Where the heck is the number one frog? Is Cetus an amphibian, fer heaven's sake. Maybe Cetus sent the frog plague against Pharoah What's His Name. Why would anyone be upset if it rained frogs? How's that a plague? Plenty of us would like to see lots more frogs. Praise the Goddess.

Er, Eriadnus? I need to make some charts.

Many of the botanical little wonders habitating at the CB appear to be expiring from the great heat and dearth of moisture. Perhaps they are merely resting up for better days. But Red has instructed us that enough is enough and we are watering select ones to make sure representives of all the different kinds survive, temporarily. Alas, I wonder if many of them have a future in these parts.
_____

Addendum

Ah, hum. While it's true, ovation wise, that the skies cleared, the 3 AM part didn't quite come off. Try 4 AM. Then the finder on the Newt, which I had played around with yesterday, mysteriously malfunctioned, refusing to focus. It took a while to fix that. Then, once that little problem was fixed, there was the vast expanse of sky off to the south and southeast, devoid of stars visible to the naked eyes plus spectacles. Helpfully, about when I noticed the vast expanse of apparently starless sky, my spectacles steamed up, a prognotication that the telescopery optical aids were fixing to also steam up. "Great!" I hollered at the surronding stygian darkness, but only dogs and screech owls answered back.

"Jeez Louise, I need to see something!" I hollered at the barking dogs and whinnying owls. Quelling the urge to panic, I set about following the methodology. Following a methodology always seems to allay panic even when panic is the more rational option. So I patiently set about employing the methodology for finding stars located generally to the right of Aldeberan, with the general goal in mind of figuring out the different parts of the constellations Cetus, and Eriadnus. But alas, I could not concentrate on the methodology. For I was distracted, most of all by the impending rising of the moon, and Ogma, the fickle friend of the Druidry rising up after that. I kept looking nervously off toward the east where the ecliptic intersects the horizon these days. Then my spectacles steamed up again and all the telescopery was steaming up. "Dang it. I want to see something!" I hollered at the crescent moon. "Bark, bark, bark....bark, bark."

"Dang it, stop that barking." I hollered.

"Bark, bark, bark."

"Stop that dang barking er yall er going to have to go in the house."

"Bark!"

"There now."

Then I espied Orion the Hunter. "Hark, bright stars, easy to espy stars through steamed up spectacles." So I kept company with Orion, awaiting Ogma's rising. It may be a while before I get back to Cetus and Eriadnus.

Ray's Delicious Cinnamon Bun, Saved Again

Whew! That was close. Mammon almost got my delicious cinnamon bun, maybe. But I beat him too it. Boy howdy, it was a close call though, maybe. When we began the Promenade for Produce I immediately noticed that the throng of large white people was throngier than usual. "These excessive ones among the throng are bound to be agents of Mammon the Hump," I surmised. But lo and behold, when I arrived at the cinnamon bun vendors, there were plenty of cinnamon buns, less the three the lady in front of me purchased. So now I think Crumby may have exaggerated the threat Mammon poses to my delicious cinnamon bun.

One thing you have to know about Crumby is that he sometimes only pretends to ovate. And it's hard to tell sometimes when he's really ovating or just pretending to ovate. With regard to Mammon getting my cinnamon bun, I now surmise that Crumby was only pretending to ovate. Hark, here is my bosom companion now.

Que paso Ray?

De nada Crumby. Er, I got my delicious cinnamon bun, all righty then.

Yepper. I knew you would. I cast a spell that kept Mammon the Hump away from your cinnamon bun, maybe. All you needed to do was get to the Promenade in the nick of time.

No way dude. There were plenty of cinnamon buns left after I got mine.

Nevertheless Ray, I happen to know that right after you departed with your cinnamon bun, a great throng descended on the remaining cinnamon buns and no prisoners were taken. Alas for those cinnamon buns.

All righty then, Crumby. I need to show you a letter I received just this very nonce. Check this out.
_____

Mr. Ray Pistrum, Trainee
Ray's Sun God Academy


Dear Mr. Pistrum:

Thank you for ordering the Galileo Gravitator. I am certain you would be very happy in having your own personal one of these very interesting artifacts or maybe you would like to present this wondrous artifact to a loved one or bosom companion perhaps, but unfortunately, all the Galileo Gravitators we once had in stock suddenly disappeared in a blinding flash of light. Those who witnessed the blinding flash of light took a couple of minutes to fully recover, and when they could see again, all the Galileo Gravitators were gone. Everyone looked high and low for the disappeared Galileo Gravitators, but alas, none could be found high or low. So regretably, your Galileo Gravitator order is on hold until we can round some up.

Sorry if this news causes you lotsa stress,

D. Mammon (the Humpster)
President
Avarice Ltd.
____

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
_____

The moral to this story is, sometimes the dish is take out.

the Arkdruid

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Lacerta is the Latin spell for lizard, maybe. Modern taxonomy of the herpetological variety has alas, bounced the generic spell Lacerta in favor of Hemidactylus or Eumyces for the formerly titled Lacerta in Tejas. It's one of those, the more you know things, maybe.

The great lizard of the CB skies is spelled Lacerta though, to this day, thanks again to Hevelius. Hevelius knew, though he didn't actually communicate this interesting information to anyone during his lifetime, that the Turks, on their way to plunder Vienna, were picking up all kinds of loot, slowing their progress. Perhaps the most prized loot of all was lizards. The Turks prized lizards above all other biota and maintained a flourishing trade in exotic pets in the Istanbul markets. So the Turkish soldiers were exhausting themselves on the way to Vienna catching lizards for the pet trade. By the time King Scutum, er, I mean King Sobieski, intercepted the Turk's march, the Turk's were encumbered with so many valuable pet lizards that they were more concerned by that time with protecting their valuable lizards than with the tedious march to Vienna. So when King Sobieski attacked, the Turk's beat a hasty retreat, thus saving their lizards.

Hevelius named the Constellation Lacerta then, Lacerta, in tribute to the presumptive pet lizards that helped save Vienna from the Turks. But as Hevelius aged, and burdened with the grief of his burned up telescope, he sometimes mixed up Lacerta with Stellario, a type of newt.

There are some interesting multiple stars in the neighborhood of 8 Lacerta and also around nearby 8 Andromeda.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Mammon the Hump

Whoa! Crumby spelled something I never heard of before, Mammon the Hump, a new potential threat to my delicious cinnamon bun. So I asked Crumby, "Crumby, is this Mammon the Hump who is riding the backs of the Christian fundamentalists liable to get my delicious cinnamon bun today, and keep it from me?"

"Easy that," ovated the Crumby Ovate, "if Mammon the Hump has a mind to gather all the delicious cinnamon buns up fer himself, he might do it."

Yikes! I better expedite the Promenade for Produce, fer sure.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Fixing to depart into the stygian darkness, alert for all sorts of Potential Safety Topics - Environmental Hazards in the Constellation Lacerta, yepper, all righty then, Okie Dokie, I shall depart anon. But first, I just watched a Christian on the TV that didn't aggravate me. That's a fact worthy of note. The lady Christian calls herself Mary Gordon. She is, according to the TV, famous, but she was fresh, to me. Red watched her too. Red didn't get aggravated either. Maybe the WG will show mercy to Mary Gordon. Praise the Goddess.

The important and interesting Preface to the Golden Skyguide starts out, "The sky is a part of nature available to all people,". The spell fragment starting out the preface is not a truth, for there are many exceptions, but I get the point the authors' were trying to make. The spell fragment was truer in 1990 than now and shall be less true as the wheel turns. Who would have thought, many moons ago, that even the sky would become, commoditized?

Bounding froglike hither and yon, there is no way the Christian fundamentalists can outdo the Muslim fundamentalists, burdened as the Christians are by Mammon, the great hump on the Christian fundamentalist back. Praise the Goddess.

Now let's see. It's time almost to depart into the great lingering heat of the stygian darkness. But first, I must allude to my present. I was asked to name what I wanted for a present, so I did. And guess what, a Galileo Gravitator is on its way to the CB. I am plenty excited about that Galileo Gravitator winging and rolling its way this way, you betchum.

Now I realize that I have been carrying on about Mammon the Hump and here I am getting a Galileo Gravitator for a present. Not exactly aesthetic having ones own personal Galileo Gravitator. But you have to remember that I have only been a Druid for a fairly short time, geologically speaking, so allowances have to be made. Besides, Ray can use it at the Sun God Academy when I'm not playing, er, using it for scientific or religious purposes.

Also, Ray and I talked it over and we have decided that we shall get some new Druid outfits to wear when we play, er, I mean include the Galileo Gravitator as one of the mystery icons of the Druid scientific and religious rituals which we practice fairly often.

Roaring Announcement

Having thrown out the old phone book, we are obliged to put this here in the semi-likely event that an interested party might read there of.

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT), also known as the World's Most Over Funded State Agency (WMOFSA) is expeditiously hiring a biologist and a separate merperson this month. See their website for details. These are not the same jobs that were posted a while back. They are new vacancies that need to be filled expeditiously. The NEPA documents are piling up.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Yikes! We Need More Wars on More Fronts

Yikes! We are setting all sorts of protracted meteorlogical records for heat in these parts. Plus, the celestial bodies are fixing to kill us all. Help us Kinglet! We're burning up! Please Kinglet, declare a War on Heat! Also, we need a War on Celestial Bodies that are Fixing to Kill Us All, maybe!

Ha! This particular Kinglet shall pass along the War on Heat to his successor. This Kinglet likes the heat. Heat is good for the economy.

Everyone that likes lotsa heat should move to these parts. Bring your own water.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - As Usual, We're all Gonna Die

From what passes for a daily newspaper in these parts, Asteroid watchers step up the search for incoming objects

"Astronomers are stepping up the global effort to scan the skies for asteroids and comets on a potential collision course with earth and big enough to pack a deadly punch."

"Experts say there are about 1,100 such bodies in the inner solar system that are at least a half-mile across, and that any one of them could unleash a global cataclysm capable of killing millions in a single blinding flash."

In addition to this traditional "We're all gonna die" astronomical article, a series of articles has been running on the great Pluto dispute. Because the CB, led by me, the Crumby Ovate, is in the front line of defense against getting killed by a celestial body, and because we are Safety Concious, we have developed a methodology for escaping destruction. Here's what we do. Most nights I am out in the east pasture on the alert for odd celestial body behavior. That's why I got attacked a while back by Jovian Angels. Following that incident, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta advised that I should always take my cell phone when I go out to the east pasture. That way I can call in if something attacks me or if we are fixing to get hit by an asteroid. Once I call in, and warn everyone that we are fixing to get hit, everyone crawls under some of the furniture and waits for the all clear signal, me again, the Crumby Ovate, doing a barred owl imitation on the cell phone.

The ones under the furniture are not merely cowering, however. They are focused, focused on employing their Druidic powers to make sure the asteriod hits the neighbors, and not us.

Now getting along to the planetoid series of articles which purport to relate information on scientific questions like, How many planets have we got in the solar system?, and What's a planet? For many weeks now, I, the Crumby Ovate have been observing the skies in both Capricorn and Aquarius for the purpose of detecting the presence of Neptune and Uranus respectively. I also took a gander or two at Pluto, maybe. Since I am now fairly certain that I have espied Neptune and Uranus (motion against a starry background), and could replicate those espyizations this very night given the requisite seeing conditions, I am content with the notion that they are both planets, maybe. Pluto though, since it is very little and very far away, and very difficult to reliably espy, well, I don't much care what the scientists say about Pluto.

I don't care what they say about Pluto.
It's so little and far away.
Call it planet or planetoid.
Either way, I shall feel OK.

See, that's a little song in honor of the scientific dispute over Pluto. The scientists debating Pluto, planet or planetoid, need to start arguing about whether Pluto is going to kill us all, and we're all gonna die on account of Pluto; always a good to go for perking up the old funding.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Lost in the Menagerie

Ray, my bosom companion, is suffering from a prodigious inner thigh chafing. I feel his pain. For it is the nature of Druidic bosom companions to share everything, telepathically speaking. Because I too, feel Ray's chafes, the double decker lawn chair in the east pasture was not the comfortable perch that I have grown accustomed to. Rather, I had to be careful how I adjusted myself when seated.

The previous night or two prior to last night, and last night also, I have been perusing about in constellations with names like Equuleus, Vulpecula, Lepus, Cetus and Camelopardalis. The common denominators of these constellations are zoological nomenclature and stars requiring high magnitudes for espyization.

You may recall that the naked Princess Andromeda was once chained to a rock out in the sea and all set to be eaten by a giant sea creature of undetermined taxonomy when she was snatched from the very jaws of this sea creature by Perseus and his flying horse, Pegasus. Cetus is this very same sea creature of undetermined taxonomy. According to the out of print Golden Skyguide, the stars in this general configuration figured in heathen Babylonian religion as a great serpent. (Note: Casual research into heathen Babylonian religion recommended pertaining to great serpent.) Maybe, the great serpent is a water snake. Anyway, there's a naked eye plus spectacles star, Deneb Kaitos, in Cetus, down and left of Fomalhaut that I can use to find my way around a little, out there. But it's tough going, out there.

Roaring off to the north at supersonic speed, approximately, we come to the great constellation Camelopardalis, the giraffe or camel-leopard. Turn left at Perseus. The literate may recall the very famous King's Cameleopard episode in Huckleberry Finn. All these zoological consellations are requiring my utmost in navigational skills and I am frequently lost amid the faint stars. Plus, Ray's chafes are not helpful.
______

Later

I have completed my cursory research into Babylonian religion. Actually, I didn't have to do much research at all for I was instantaneously reminded upon espying the name Gilgamesh, of the sungod bullshit that permeates that region of the globe and has thus permeated that region for so long that the WG has utterly forsaken that place, meaning no disrespect to Ray's Sun God Academy. So it's no wonder that the relictual evidence for Babylon sports a US Marine heliport.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Inner Thigh Chafes

George Wallace the late TV personality exclaimed often that he was proud to be a redneck, because rednecks derived "frum werkin' in the sun." Well, the WG has George now, so his redneck is lily white, maybe. Praise the Goddess. However, today's thought is the related to redneck subtopic, inner thigh chafing. Yesterday, I succeeded in achieving a personal high for an inner thigh chafing event.

Personally, and my bosom companion, the Crumby Ovate, backs me up 100%, I think inner thigh chafing rises to the top of the list of Potential Safety Topics - Environmental Hazards, and that the present condition of my chafes should be presented in this venue pictorially. Alas, the Arkdruid, not to mention my sister and the girlfriends, forbade a nice photolog of my present inner thigh chafing condition. I shall keep Raymone's interesting photos handy though, and perhaps vend them to interested parties at a later date.

For the present, the garment that best accouters the condition is my nice green bathing suit. The bathing suit is a little big, fer me, and it has a very soft liner. These attributes of the bathing suit are mitigative.

The chafes are of prodigious size as measured with a see-through metric ruler. The twain chafe ellipse shapes, one on each inner thigh in the scrotum vicinity, measure about 11cm in length x 4cm at the widest parts of the ellipses. Like George's neck they are bright red "frum werkin' in the sun," even though the thighs were not exposed directly to Ogma's wrath. Rather, the chafes resulted indirectly, Ogma's 103 degree wrath engendering the copious inner thigh moisture, which wetted the undears. The great friction of the wet undears chafing each alternative thigh was like unto badgers having a territorial dispute, maybe.

I tried various ointments out on the chafes with a view to easing my suffering. The only one that did any good is Triple Antibiotic Plus First Aid Antibiotic and Pain Relieving Ointment. The rest of those lotions and ointments made the chafes hurt worse.

Since I am fairly certain of periodic "werkin' in the sun" events up coming, and since Ogma is becoming more and more ferocious, I need to figure out a pre-emptive practice that will nix inner thigh chafing. For the nonce I am considering boxer shorts and a waterproof lubricative pre-applied.

Ray's Thought for the Day

Crumby! We have lost a turn around Ogma, entirely. Did you notice?

Noper Ray, I don't recollect that kind of significant passage of time having taken place. What happened reckon?

Er, perhaps we have been enchanted into nonchalance by the terrible heat.

Yepper. That's it, maybe. We better go do our watering chores.

Yepper.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

All righty then, pictures of prime Wicker Man habitat. And looky there, one of my favorite light poles is identified. All righty then. Way to go, Ray and Raymone.

Last night's Tomfoolery was pre-empted by the Cloudy Curtain. I shall try again tonight. My intent tonight, as last night, is to peruse objects in constellations occurring near Aquila. Two of these constellations, in case you never heard of them, are named Vulpecula and Equuleus, the fox and the colt. I did get started last night, but all I got to do was fix to set up, set up and look at the Dumbell Nebula, which may now be espied in the evening sky, obviously, as opposed to the sky of the wee hours, where and when I had espied the Dumbell, previously.

Vulpecula, like Scutum was named by Hevelius. According to the Golden Skyguide, Hevelius originally called it the Fox with the Goose, Vulpeculae cum Anser. Ha! Cum was about the first Latin spell I learned. In fact, it was about the only one I learned as a schoolboy. Wait a minute. I learned agricola too.

I reckon foxes do get geese. But geese seem pretty big and dangerous prey for such a small carnivore as a fox. In any event, I can not discern any of the zoological characters in this constellation that Hevelius imagined.

Perhaps the drawing of the cloudy curtain was fortuitous, directing me to the Ample Bosoms to save me from some awful fate that would have intercepted me had I persisted in the east pasture, longer. Some awful fate having to do with the mysterious star, Eta Equuleus, more reliably known as 1 Equuleus.

Th Golden Skyguide surmises that Equuleus was contrived by some unspecified contriver to fill up the space between Pegasus, the Flying Horse and Delphinius. It has no mythology associated and one looks in vain for any connect the dots facsimile of a pony or baby horse. But Eta???? Equuleus could prove interesting because it may be a 0.9 arcsecond separation double, maybe.

I wonder what duties devolved on Hevelius as a court astronomer. I need to look that up.
_____

Later

The clouds are patchy, but more patches than not, boding no good for telescopery. Nonetheless, there's always hope, so I set up the big Lomo anyway. I also did some research on Hevelius. Hevelius, it turns out, was not a bad fellow. At least from the accounts I perused. He was a brewer, to start with, and no brewer can be all bad. Then too, he built his own 150 foot focal length telescope on top of his houses. He had three houses, two of them provided by his second rich wife. Alas, the telescope and the houses, which were adjoining, burned up in a fire. Hevelius died not long afterwards, broken hearted that his telescope burned up.

Actually, it might be wrong to say that Hevelius was King Scutum's court astronomer. Whoa! Dang it. The king's name wasn't Scutum. I can't remember the king's name. Anyway, Hevelius may not have actually spent much time at court. But the king gave him money to help out with astronmical expenses, so that's why Hevelius named Scutum in honor of the king and the king's victory over the Turks, maybe.

Hevelius' second wife was one of the first lady astronomers. Her name was Elizabeth, maybe. Hevelius spent a lot of time fussing with English astronomers over the precise location of stars. He also made a map of the moon. However, Hevelius picked out long Latin names for the different features of the moon. These terms fell into disuse because they were long and tedious, maybe, or because Latin is a dead language outside Romania. So that's what I learned about Hevelius doing research today. There's a facsimile of a portrait of Hevelius on one of the sites I visited. He appears slightly stove up, and even though the picture is black and white, it's not difficult to imagine that Hevelius had a reddish nose.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Handy Hot

High temperatures at the CB ran above 100 all last week and the same promises for this week. South of the river, where there has been no rain worth spit for four months the unirrigated are crispy. So just to really challenge my natural good humor, Raymone and me took a few photos of the historic johnsongrass pasture at the southeast corner of Brodie Lane and Hwy. 290 west. There are four photos, in honor of the absent Crumby Ovate, four being Crumby's number.

Photo one is from the Kohl' parking lot looking south. Photo two is a little to the west. Photo three is fairly west, maybe, and photo four may be north of west.

Brodie Lane is famous for shopping these days and the shopping affords Red some tax relief. However, all the asphault and the 24/7 inching along of thousands of automobiles does tend to make it hotter in this neck of the former woods and johnsongrass cropland. All the lighting makes the night, brighter, too. Photo four has some text added, indicating Raymone's precise location when he took that picture.

The hundreds of acres of asphault references the adjacent Hwy. 290 west corridor and more automobile temporary parking (for the automobiles) areas. Hundreds of acres may be a tad, conservative. Alas, the CB sits amid prime habitat for the Wicker Man.

On the sunny, happy side, look how sunny, happy and green those irrigated plants are, next to the parking lot.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Continuing a highly scientific perusal of those celestial bodies in the vicinity of the Constellation Aquila and its bright star, Altair, I put on my new watch and erupted forth into the stygian darkness, swelling with pride as I pushed the button located at two o'clock on the rim of the dial. The suddenly illuminated watch face revealed the time to be a 9:08. Praise the Goddess. Then, of a sudden, I espied a large round thermometer affixed to a post, but I could not enumerate the temperature indicated by the thermometer, or even espy any of the decorative pansies painted upon its face due to the stygian darkness. "Hark! What do I have here handy that might allow for a determination of the temperature and a perusal of the decorative pansies? Whoa! Lo and behold, I have forgot my new flashlight. Dang it." These were among my many utterings as I fixed to view the celestial bodies in the vicinity of Altair.

At last, all was fixed up. The sky though was not cooperating. The sky was very bright, almost silvery and the stars were faint by comparison. But no helicopters were circling overhead. Wouldn't it be terrible if that helicopter crashed, smiting everyone on board to death, even the innocent on board? But no helicopters were circling overhead, so despite the bright sky I counted my many blessings and carried on with the methodology.

Sagitta was the prime subject for perusal, a little constellation left of Altair. Because the arrow, sagittae, which this constellation resembles, maybe, has been a big deal over the ages, there has been much dispute over the ownership of the arrow. Some say it's Cupid's, some say it's Hercules's, some say it's Apollo's, some say it's Geronimo's, some say it's the very dart that slew Lleu Llaw Guffes.

According to Night Sky how to identify, Crotus, son of Pan, invented archery, maybe. So it may be Crotus's arrow. Raymone, take a picture of this book cover. I really like it. It shows id expanded under a pismire immolator. There now. See the silvery part of the book cover? That's how the sky looked last night, but with way less stars. Silvery, like I spelled above.

But the reason I like the book cover so much is the focus on id. id is magnified, emphasizing the importance of proper nouns. Right, Ms. Merriam? Oops, I forgot. Never mind, please, Ms. Merriam.

Anyway, I eventually got to espy Zeta sagitta at 10:04 PM and Theta sagitta at 10:50 PM. I did little drawings of the results immitative of the view provided by a 9mm UO ortho ensconced in the 133.5mm Lomo. Theta is a visual triple. I shall require better seeing and/or the Newt, to do any good with the clusters and nebulae in Sagitta. Maybe we shall have a blackout one of these nights. A blackout would be a happy event for the astronomy minded. Taking a cue from bosom companion Ray, I am looking on the sunny side. Praise the Goddess.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Fidel

The Media Liberal, especially Reuters, is sure being sarcastic about Fidel getting sick. One would think lots of the Media Liberal hate Fidel and want him to die so capitalism and organized crime, maybe, can settle in happily again in Cuba. Of course, having such a thought is a tad wayward, fer me, but my sun god training commends that I occasionally look on the sunny side and contradict all those negative spells of the Media Liberal. Let's see, what's sunny about Fidel from a capitalist/organized crime perspective. Well, there's the Florida immigrant boom. Whopping numbers of Cubans got to come to the land of the free and make new happy lives for themselves. The U.S. got to keep Gitmo going all these years which has come in really happy handy lately. James Lileks (sp?) spells that the Gitmo prisoners eat better than the Cubans. I bet the Cubans cue up outside Gitmo, doing imitations of Arab terrorists, so they can get arrested and have three squares a day.

"Ola, you Yanquis come get me. Me burro totes la bomba. Praise Allah."

See, that's sunny. Manuel/Mustaffah shall get three squares a day and live happily ever after in Gitmo.
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Ray's Afterthought

Hallelujah! In 1689 some of the ancestors got saved from James II when the seige of Londonderry was lifted. You see, once some of the Welsh working class learned to read they were converted to Methodism. Surplus numbers of the literate got shipped off to Ireland to help the ruling class despoil their Catholic Goidelic cousins of land and property. But then there was a big war and they got beseiged. The Protestant descendants of the seige survivors plus descendants of the seige orphans marched 15,000 strong in Londonderry yesterday amid much pomp and rioting. Christians, Muslims and Jews, they'll be at it to the end. Praise the Goddess.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

The Golden Skyguide, apogee and perigee notwithstanding, is chock full of interesting information, cleverly presented. For example, John Sobieski III, King of Poland defeated the Turks in a battle on the date of the Julian, September 12, 1683. The Turks were marching on Vienna, but King Sobieski saved everyone from the Turks, including his court astronomer, Hevelius. Hevelius was so greatful that King Sobieski saved him from the Turks that Hevelius decided to name a constellation in honor of King Sobieski. So Helvelius picked out a little group of stars that looked vaguely like a shield illustrating King Sobieski's coat of arms and dubbed those particular stars, Scutum sobiescianum. Too bad Hevelius didn't decide on the Latin ending -anus, instead of -anum, but what the heck.

Anyway, modernity recommends that the name of the constellation be shortened up to, Scutum. These days, Scutum is a pretty funny sounding proper noun in its own right. The correct pronunciation, by the way, according to the Golden Skyguide, features a long u followed by a short u.

Not having much time, pre-moonrise, last evening, and Scutum being a little constellation at an easy declination to the southeast at that time of the early evening, I decided to spend all my alloted espyization time on Scutum or right close to Scutum. Since I am foresighted, that's exactly what came to pass.

Seeing was good. I espied the Wild Duck Cluster, again, plus M26 and 6664. Then I also did a double take on nearby 15 Aquila. I espied some other stuff too, but I forgot my new watch and didn't bother taking notes, so I can't remember those other wonderful objects right now. Up came the moon and after sequestering the bigger, properly collimated Lomo in its usual diurnal location, off I went to the Ample Bosoms.
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Crumby, why didn't you follow the methodolgy last night? Your observations are meaningless if you don't follow the methodology.

I already spelled that I forgot my new watch, Rayetta.

Hmmmm.

Ray's Thought for the Day

Hark! It's only 80 in the shade this fine early, sunny morning. I need to eat my delicious cinnamon bun before it gets too hot, the diurnal temperature, not the cinnamon bun. Those cinnamon buns don't need to be hot for me to enjoy them maximally.

Ray-ay. It's time to Perambulate for Produce. Do you want to go-oh?

Yepper. Count me in. Mmmm. My delicious cinnamon bun awaits.

I'm Hungry, Whut's fer Supper, Ray?

Tonight I am preparing an easy supper. Take some chicken parts and broil them in a skillet with olive oil. In a separate skillet, saute some onions and bell peppers. When the chicken parts are browned on both sides, throw the other skillets' cooked vegetables in with the chicken. Then throw in canned black beans, canned tomatoes and canned green chiles. Cover with a lid and simmer it all together. Also make a big pot of rice to go with it. Some cornbread is good too.

Expedite Those Cluster Bomb Deliveries

As most everyone probably knows, the US has a tiny little bit of a trade deficit. So I got to wondering, what categories of stuff are we in the black in, global trade wise. I need to look that up.

Later

Whoa! The government keeps statistics on trade. How about that! So I looked some stuff up. We are running deficits in every major trade category. But in advanced technology, we have big surpluses in three subcategories. These subcategories are: aerospace, almost 3-1, electronics, almost 2-1, and weapons, almost 3-1. We also have a huge trade surplus in hides and skins.

Although I couldn't find any sub-subcategory for bombs, I bet bombs are an important part of weapons for export. When you think about it, since bombs can only be used once, they are a great item for export.

Boom. Uh oh. I need to order another bomb since my bomb exploded.

Bombs must be the ultimate in planned obsolescence. The only drawback, from an export perspective, is that the bombs probably blow up potential customers for other exports. But hey, maybe that doesn't matter. Certainly it's no matter to the bomb manufacturer and to the local economy where the bombs are manufactured.

Popular bombs for export these days are cluster bombs. These may carry a safety warning, "Not expressly for use in areas of high population density."

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Dirunal temperatures have been running above one hundred this week. So by 9 PM when I ventured forth in the general direction of the east pasture, the great heat, escaping from all the asphault off north in the general vicinity of the CB, was very much apparent. A hot wind was blowing too. One might even say the hot wind was gusting. By 10 PM, with the moon shining at the wilted hackberries along the east fencerow, I figure the general temperature was around 90 degrees.

For a long while, a helicopter circled around. The perimeter of the circle included the east pasture within its arc, with the balance of the arc circle going off east. That helicopter circled around long enough to piss me off before it finally departed. Here's how pissed off I got. I wished I had a Stinger missile handy.

After the helicopter finally wandered off, I espied Chi Cygni for awhile, barely naked eye plus spectacles visible last night, noting how bright it appeared relative to the surronding star field. Perhaps, I shall check up on Chi Cygni periodically for it allegedly varies its brightness, markedly, periodically. Then, though celestial body observation conditions were waxing intolerable, I did some low power ep tests on some clusters off Sagittarius way. Anon, the moon glow and the cloudy curtain terminated all that and off I went, at the behest of the Ample Bosoms.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Comfort Station Flies

As our little globe orbits along through space and time, seasonal patterns erupt upon the globe and tiny organisms time their activities respective to that same global orbit, co-incidentally. Thus, for the nonce, the comfort station flies have arrived, co-incidentally with the lesser goldfinches and the ripe sunflower seeds all in a timely fashion respective to the orbit.

I have checked with the several regulars who enjoy their ablutions in the CB Boy's Comfort Station, and all of those authorities, even Red, state unequivically that they have never observed a Comfort Station Fly outside our Boy's Comfort Station.

The Comfort Station Flies are mighty cute little flies, only about 3mm from stem to stern. They have pretty little tear shaped heavy veined wings. Their facial expression is clever but inoffensive. Indeed, they are nowise pestiverous, simply abiding in the sink or toilet until such time as the sink or toilet is employed by a human or proto human for an ablution activity. At such time they fly around a bit, but with no great alacrity. They are easy going flies.

Perhaps one of these flies would be willing to sacrifice the remainder of its short life to pep up Raymone's photo log of important organisms inhabiting the CB. We'll see.

Islamic Fascists!!!!

What, one reckons, are Islamic fascists? Ms. Merriam, what's a fascist, please.

Stop pestering me Crumby. Look it up yourself.

All righty then, Ms. Merriam. Thanks too much.

Er. Here we go. a political philosophy, movement or regime that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation and forcible suppression of opposition

Ms. Merriam, what's an Islamic, please.

Stop bothering me Crumby. Can't you see I'm busy.

Um, yes I can, Ms. Merriam, see that you are busy. But could you just look at this spell, Islamic fascists, for the nonce and give me some clues as to what it means?

All righty then Crumby. But you have to promise that you will not speak to me again for a week.

All righty then, I promise.

Then here's a clue, Crumby. Islamic is used in an adjectival sense to qualify fascists.

Thank you very much Ms. Merriam. That is very helpful indeed.

You are most welcome Crumby. Now go away.

All righty then. Let's see, what does Islam spell? Um, Allah is the sole deity and Muhammad is his prophet. Er. Islam is a civilization erected on this belief in Allah and the teachings of Muhammad. Uh oh. That sounds too familiar and hearkens me backwards to my wicked Christian past. But there's no spell for Islamic. Except like Ms. Merriam says, Islamic is an adjective.

Er. Let me subject the spell Islamic fascists to a Druid memory test. Let me concentrate for a minute.............. Noper, can't do it. This spell, Islamic fascists engenders too much cognitive dissonance in my noggin. Therefore, it may be a bullshit spell cast to rile the ignorant. It does sort of make sense though, if Allah is the dictatorial leader.

How about this though for a subtopic query, Is Islam a fascist style religion? Or how about this, Is globalization fascist?

Ray's Epazote Seed

Here's a picture of some of my epazote seed. Those two in the middle, the brown ones, are no longer enveloped by their calyces. These seeds are very tiny, especially considering the great big weeds that spring up from them.

Besides gas attacks, epazote is good for aroma therapy. I'll demonstrate.

Hey Crumby. Come in here for the nonce.

All righty then Ray, I shall come hence. Whoa! I can smell. What's that smell? Ah, the aroma of epazote. Praise the Goddess.

See, aroma therapy for the nasally challenged. Even Crumby can smell epazote. So if you know someone who can't smell, get them some epazote. Olfactory thrills await.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Whoa! The moon was really bright this morning at 4 AM, putting a damper on the methodology. The moon was at perigree. I need to figure out what perigree is. Er.
Peri generally spells around or flower. What the heck is gree? Hold it! It's spelled perigee, not perigree. So I bet perigee means it's at one slice off the old pie.

No, that can't be right either. Cause the reverse of perigee happens to be apogee. And apogee is the telescopery equipment company that vends those Galileo gravitators. Er! No, that's mixing stuff up. I can't think. I can't think. I can't think.

Hold it. What did Ray think about? Fatter babies! Fatter babies are making it hotter! Yikes! That's not helping. Got to get back on task. I know. I'll look perigree, I mean perigee, up. Such an important term is bound to be in the Golden Skyguide.

Noper. Not there. Time to consult with Ms. Merriam Webster.

Oh Ms. Merriam, what does perigree, I mean perigee, mean, please?

Look it up yourself Crumby.

All righty then. Thanks a lot.

Er. Uh oh, it's not the phase of the moon. It's the distance of the moon from the center of the earth. So the moon at perigree, I mean perigee, is when the moon is closest to the earth during its orbital period. So apogee spells when the moon is furthest away during that same orbital period.

No wonder the moon was so dang bright this morning. It was practically on top of me.

Er. Here's two more spells of the same difference, perihelion and aphelion. They reference the globes position relative to Ogma Sunface. Yepper, one needs to know these spells, spelling astronomically.

Er. Maybe one of the fatter babies will get named Aphelion. That would be a pretty name for a fatter baby. Have another economy pack of Hostess Snowballs, Aphelion, you need to keep your mass up.
_____

Newsflash!!!! Earth's Orbit Altered by Fatter Babies.

Scientists have discovered that the huge number of fatter babies may be altering the earth's orbit around the sun. According to Dr. Rayetta Pistrum, "All these tubby tots have made North America top heavy. As a result, the globe is wobbling and this top heavy in North America induced wobbling has wobbled the planet out of its usual orbit." When asked if we shall all perish as a result of the perilous wobbling, Dr. Pistrum replied, "That's for me to know, and for you to find out."

But not to worry, the Kinglet says Jesus told him fatter babies are yet another sign of the second coming. Then, just to be on the safe side, the Kinglet commissioned some lawyers and civil engineers to look into whether the fatter babies are a problem. The report released by the Kinglet's commission concludes, "Fatter babies are indications both of God's Bounty and progress. Fatter babies are good for the economy. The wobble, even if there is a wobble, and there is no conclusive scientific evidence that there is a wobble, can in no way be attributed to all these cute, fatter babies."

And what do the fatter babies think about the controversy? Well, "Goo, goo, slurp, munch." Isn't that cute!

Ray's Thought for the Day - Fatter Babies, Great!

Attempting to navigate the perilous sea of pseudo-science, what passes for a daily newspaper in these parts reports that babies are, on average, born fatter than ever. Also, a fat baby is liable to stay fat all its life, if it continually engages on a pattern of guzzling up more food energy than it expends. These new babies could eventually grow too big for houses. They'd have to be ensconced under circus tents and hosed down like elephants for sanitation. Praise the Goddess. Will there be a fat baby boom? Gee, I hope so!

Let's see. Will fatter babies make the globe hotter? Easy that, you betchum Red Ryder. Everyone knows that fatter babies are naturally hotter. Great!

Ray's Thought for the Day - A Plant for Everyone - Epazote

Everyone has a gas problem sometimes, right! So who wouldn't like to have epazote Chenopodium ambrosioides growing handy near their habitation. Plus, epazote likes shitty conditions. No rain, searing heat, epazote doesn't care. Epazote likes that.

So today I collected a bunch of epazote seed. I need to find a nice spot for that seed, so anyone interested may espy the beautiful epazote plants from afar.

What else? Oh my goodness. A verbally progressive bourgeoisie won the Democratic Primary in Connecticut. Does this mean the ruling class has not abandoned us after all? I sure hope they have not abandoned us entirely. We need some ruling class types that want to help cool us off.

Maybe Joe, if he loses in the fall, can get a nice position with the Israel lobby. Or maybe the Kinglet will give him a job. He certainly deserves a job, minioning for the Kinglet up front. Maybe he could have Rumpler's job. I'm not sure about whether Joe would be willing to wear underwear on his head as a sign of his great patriotism like Rumpler does, though. Do you think soon, that all the Secretaries of Defense, will wear underwear on their heads in tribute to Rumpler?

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

It's I am a Hare for Hoppin' Mad month so off of the Ample Bosoms I hopped at 5:30 AM. Now is the time for all good rabbits to hop out early on for there is much to see of the celestial bodies and their spatial relationships. Hark! Triangulum is at the apex. Pegasus is headed west. The east morning sky, anticipating Ogma the Fickle Friend of the Druids, is a sight to behold with Perseus, Taurus, Orion and Capella competing with all the light pollution off that way. Perseus is above it.

Obviously, hopping out this morning indicates another change of rhythms. For a while, the rhythms indicate, early to bed, early to rise, star hopper. Let's see. For the rest of this week I shall hop out in the neighborhood of 4 AM. Then if I need to, I can adjust that hopping out time depending on ever changing circumstances.

Last night I star tested the 95mm Lomo with the 4mm Ortho. It's out of whack. All the rings are skewed to one side of the disc. I need to fix that. But I don't know how. Also, its image shift is getting worse. I need to fix that too. But........

Fortunately, that particular Lomo has plenty of screws, indicating that a man of my experience may take it apart.

Ray's Thought for the Day - I am a Hare for Hoppin' Mad Month

Jeez Louise! It's aleady a new month that runs from August 5 to September 1 of the Julian. I am what? Shit, I don't know. What's the CB plant for this month? Shit. I don't know that either. All the plants are near dead from lack of rain. Notice I did not say drought. What we are in now is not a drought. The weather is going to be this way from now on. So this new calendar entry may have to wait a day or two until we can re-calibrate.

The rain came Sunday and left Monday leaving two tics in the guage. We have not received sufficient rain this year to support short grass prairie. Bring on the Wicker Man. Praise the Goddess.
_____

Later
_____

Here's the plant of the month. It's a fig tree going dormant because it hasn't gotten enough water. It could die from lack of water, maybe. Later in the month Raymone shall take another picture of it, if it dies.

So this month is, I am a Hare for Hoppin' Mad and the CB tree is this Ficus for the days of the Julian August 5 - September 1.
_____

Ray, this be a pretty shitty month you got us into. Are ye grouchy and nervous?

Yepper Crumby. It's a shit eater all righty then. Yepper Crumby, grouchy and nervous.

Ray’s Thought for the Day - Happy Evolution

Evolution happens when some genotypes get preferential treatment by the environment as compared to other genotypes. The reward for the preferred genotypes is lots of offspring littering the landscape. But the environment does not prefer one genotype over another up front, usually. Instead, the environment interacts with phenotypes, those corporeal manifestations of the genotypes that we are all familiar with.

A happy phenotype is one that gets its way often enough to feel, well, happy. I am not sure if feeling happy most of the time confers a selective advantage, but it might. Assuming that happy feelings do confer a selective advantage, the happy phenotypes are more likely to litter the landscape with offspring than sad phenotypes. A sad phenotype is one that hardly ever gets its way.

But what if a phenotype can convince itself that it is getting its way, regardless of mounting evidence to the contrary. That phenotype would be happy and more likely to litter the landscape than a sad phenotype and just as likely, maybe, to litter the landscape, as a phenotype that actually gets its way most of the time and has lots of genuine reasons to be happy.

Continuing with the original premise, to whit, feeling happy confers a selective advantage, then the ability to delude oneself about what is going on in the human environment could confer a most serious, and happy at the same time, selective advantage. Now, one thing that is very important to phenotypes in the human environment is other human phenotypes. Most phenotypes are reassured and happy when other phenotypes seem in accord with their phenotype. Thus, one phenotype may say to some others, “So, we are all agreed.” The other phenotypes nod happily and away they all go, littering, reassured that their phenotype is on the right track.

Evolution wise, this all works great, happy phenotypes seeming to get their ways, leaving lotsa litter. But as everyone knows, big disasters, natural or man-made, don’t waste time selecting one phenotype over another. Big disasters select against all the phenotypes at once. That tsunami is an example. In some locations, all the phenotypes got wiped. The genuinely happy, the deluded happy and the sad, all perished simultaneously as did their litters.

For the nonce then though, let’s examine some harmless mass delusions that have made lots of phenotypes happy over the ages. First, the earth is flat. Everyone was happy with that one for many moons. Second, the sun orbits the earth, another happy harmless delusion that was unlikely to cause a disaster or even get one selected out. Er! Er, that’s all the harmless ones I can remember.

But there are lots of delusions that made many phenotypes happy over the ages that have turned out to be dangerous due to their potential to cause local or even global disasters. The big one in this category is, the sun god prefers my phenotype. And since he prefers my phenotype, he talks to me and provides me with endless amounts of nice stuff that the other phenotypes are trying to keep away from me. The sun god says its Okie Dokie to smite those other phenotypes, all righty then.

Meantime, here comes the Wicker Man. Praise the Goddess.

Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes

Ha. The almost new 4mm ortho arrived yesterday and I tried it out last night. It has the tiniest peephole of all the CB eps. A really tiny peephole, but it works fine. I am adapting well to tiny peepholes for espying celestial bodies. I forgot to try it out on a planet though. That was an oversight on my part. I did use it on the Little Gem, a planetary nebula in Ophiucus. For a wonder, I could espy the Little Gem with the moon as bright as it was. The reason I espied the Little Gem though, was because it's in the neighborhood of 54 Ophiucus and is real easy to locate from that vicinity. What else? I wanted to see if I could barlow the 4mm. Oh, I tried to split Pi Cepheus (0.7 arcseconds), but all I could ever get was a bowtie. Seeing was bad, due to the moon and high clouds. I think it will barlow under the right conditions, but 600x may be pushing the Newt.

What the heck is Barnard's Galaxy?, just a little bitty galaxy right next to the Little Gem? Beats me. I never saw it.

Now in addition to the 4mm ep I got another treat yesterday, a twenty dollar wristwatch that lights up for three seconds when I push a button located at two o'clock. It came from Target.

The telescopery methodology recommends that I make a note on the time when I espy a celestial wonder. But I have been slack on recording the time because I lacked a time piece. Now, however, I have a time piece so I may record the times as demanded by the methodology.

In case you don't know what a twenty dollar wrist watch looks like, here's a picture of mine. I have identified three of its features. 67% of the identified features are confusing, to me.

Alas, the ample bosoms are beckoning. They spell, "Come along Crumby, it's time fer yer nap." Perhaps the Merciful Goddess will explain the confusing elements of my new watch as I dream.

Ray's Thought for the Day - Another BCP Crisis

Periodically, what passes for a daily newspaper in these parts puts an environment article on the front page. The articles are never big picture intelligible, but are always semi-entertaining. Today's article semi-describes a COA presumptive water treatment plant, proposed for location on a parcel of land set aside for endangered species, naturally. Apparently, studies promulgated by water engineers, ooooooo, show that these same engineers need to have some work between now and 2013, when, according to the study, the COA will need another water treatment plant to lath its ever thirsting gullet. More water, I need more water, my Escalade has spots.

Let's see, on one side of the dispute are the land brokers, developers and happy believers in the notion that natural resources, like water, are infinite, because all the waters are pissed out by Jesus and he won't let us run short. In other words, the local rulers and their brainy minions. In short, this side believes human population growth in the Austin area is not only inevitable, but sustainable, forever, or at least until the rulers and true believers can cash in and move somewhere else. Er, or maybe they just like asphault deserts.

There is no other side of the dispute, not really.

So the dispute turns on whether the water engineers, ooooooo, told everybody they were supposed to tell, about what they were up to, before they contracted out a bunch of the preliminary work. They didn't. So that pissed off some of those in the government that should have been told. But now they know, so everything's hunky dory, maybe.

The "proposed" water treatment plant would be erected on occupied black-capped vireo habitat in a preserve set up to protect the black-capped vireos. But that's OK. Lot's of expert biologists were contacted by the newspaper and are quoted as having a diversity of opinions with regard to the dispute. No doubt, the bioligists were all quoted accurately. Scientific incertitude promotes progress.