New Bur-Clover Afflicts Cow Barn

With all the incredible changes going on as a result of the death of nature in these parts, it's not surprising that the Eurasian winter weeds have been chomping at the bit, fixing to invade the CB. Yes. Those winter weeds feel like they need to fill the holes formerly occupied by the grass which is now deceased.


Yes. Before nature gives up on Stinky Valley entirely, we need to go through the homogenization and simplification phase. That's where the few remaining plants left alive prior to the death of nature are the same everywhere. Which brings us to the new weed at the CB. This happens to be Medicago arabica. Swell!

Er. Seems like the specific epithet, arabica, might have caused someone at the Dept of Ag. to blink. But of course, this one was imported a long time ago. Mercy!

Google to Sell Souls to Satan

Wow! Hard on the heels of the big gov censorship deal that temporarily went bust, we get Google (Elgoog spelled backwards) fixing to sell many of our souls to Satan. Excuse me. Actually, Google shall be dealing directly with the Demon Mammon. But since the Demon Mammon works for the Demon Satan, it's the same difference, probably.

Mercy! Even Crumby has come to depend on Google for this or that. Yet everyone knows that Google keeps close tabs on Crumby's meanderings across the Internet. Spooky! Google knows where Crumby goes. Google knows what Crumby buys. Google knows all Crumby's likes, desires or potential transgressions. It's like a God or a Demi-God or a Robot God is a mouse click away.

Goodness gracious! An average internet accessor has no need for confession or redemption. Google can take care of those dire needs, no muss no fuss, automatically. Course many yearn not for confession, forgiveness, redemption etc. But are those many innocent? Course not. They are probably more guilty than average. So righteousness prevails as Google the Robot God parades those miserable, naked, squirming internet ridden souls before the Demon Mammon. And make no mistake. The Demon Mammon knows how to exploit those wicked, naked sinners. Yes he does.

Meantime, Crumby has taken another vow regarding the news. As everyone knows, the news is unhealthy. Plus, the news is redundant. Like this time all Crumby got from paying attention to the news was more confirmation that the Soviet Union was the last hope of the white race, and our precious ruling class is totally out of ideas. So Crumby has sworn off the news, yet again, Google allowing.

Damn! News is not healthy.

Mercy! A while back, Crumby had taken sort of a vow not to watch the news ever again. Because the news is not healthy. But then the Secesh Booblican antics, now focused on Dogpatch, that kept filtering into Crumby’s noggin via accidental osmosis proved irresistible. And when our own Tejas Jefe, Reek, got involved, Crumby was hooked. Mercy! Crumby started paying attention to the dern news again. Dang!

Crumby still believes that ultimately, Jefe Reek, shall win the nomination. Even though, Reek, has now officially withdrawn from the race-baiting. But who knows. Anyway, here is the likely winning scenario for Reek.

The Newtster and the Mittster wind up deadlocked at the convention. Then what? The miserable Booblicans shall perhaps then turn to Reek (duh! obviously) as the only viable alternative liable to out debate the incumbent. Who, the incumbent,by the way, is both a super monopoly capitalist and imperialist just like all the Booblicans. Mercy!

Here’s a cool way out for our Jefe still winning the super nomination, and eventually, the major election in November. Like our Jefe once recalled publicly that Reek Santorum is a Papist. Well. That memory could come back eventually to haunt the Newtster, who, despite his endorsement by our Jefe, is also a Papist. Yes! Our Jefe shall eventually remember that Papist Newtster is liable to sell us (US) out to the Pope in Italy, quicker than a dead Kennedy. And this current Pope, what's his name, is not even Italian. Consider that! Mercy on us and especially me!

Say! Didn’t the Newtsters latest wife formerly enjoy a career in the moving pictures. Crumby, whose memory is semi-eidatic, seems to recall that Canasta played the alien beauty that seduced Martin Short’s character in the film version of Mars Attacks!. Goodness gracious! That was quite a role for the lovely Canasta.

But inevitably, Crumby can’t figure out why the Secesh of Dogpatch are always hollering about how they are better Americanos than anybody else. After all, they took up arms against the Union in defense of slavery. And how about those Morminks. Most of them were super ready to take up arms against the USA in defense of plural marriage, also known as polygamy. Course, in defense of the Morminks, a great many of those olden Jews, Solomon for example, were also for plural marriage. So no wonder the Morminks were hot to trot against the Union. Which would you rather? The USA or multiple, hot, young virgins in the boudoir, I mean bedroom. Hey! Where do we draw the line? Where? Especially considering the important doctrine of redemption. Where? Dern! Dang! Does redemption go for Morminks,too?Goodness gracious sakes alive!

Dang! Dern! Indeed! Well. In the evangelical world of instant absolution for those that weep on TV, any wickedness is probable.

OK. No matter how the greatest potential debate of this date in time during this particular year turns out, and no matter who wins Saturday. Crumby would like to thank the candidates, plus the elderly inhabitants of Dogpatch. A good time may have been had by all, eventually.

Little Birdie Faces

Some birds have innocent or sweet looking faces. Others do not. Today we are concentrating on two of the more innocent or sweet appearing bird faces we enjoy at the CB.


Field Sparrow - Field Sparrows actually eat little bluestem seeds. Goodness!



















Red-Shouldered Hawk


Interestingly, the little avain ingrates that come to the bird feeders pay no mind to the red-shouldeed hawk. That is, everything littler than a house sparrow pays no mind. House sparrow or bigger? Yes they are spooked. Whereas, all the avian varmints scare away when a sharpie is about. All scare! Mercy! Merci!

The Secessionist

Many have speculated, what will Dr. Paul do once he loses the GOP nomination? Will he run as a third party candidate? Mercy! What would happen, then? Would we all die or become, like zombies? Yes. What then? What then? Uh. What then?

But consider this! What if Jefe Rick Perry actually fails to become the eventual nominee of the GOP. Now that’s unlikely, that Rick might actually lose, but it could happen. And if Rick loses out for the GOP nomination, he might take the third party route himself; just as easily as Dr. Paul could.

But what party besides the Republicans could Rick head up? Easy that, he could head up the Secesh Party ticket. That’s right. Rick could run for president of the US while at the same time advocating the secession of Tejas from the union. If our Jefe actually loses the GOP nomination, then sadly yet obviously, he will have failed to convince many possible voters that Tejas is a model for the rest of the US. But he could try again with the same theme, possibly with more success, as the Secesh candidate.

Yes. If elected president, our Jefe shall lead Tejas out of the union and into a new, exciting wilderness. Or, if he loses, just as good. Tejas still leaves the union. Running on the Secesh ticket is thus seen as a win-win option. Plus, the various other minor states could then easily follow the Tejas lead and secede too. Mercy! What a grand deal that would be. Like maybe Mississippi or South Carolina could become its own country. Goodness! How swell? Reckon any of the newly independent countries would change names. Like maybe some new Secesh nation could then change its official title to the True or Actual Capitalist Republic of Dogpatch.

Jon-Ron-Mitt-Newt-Rick-Rick

First names are super important. Yet first of all, how can a John be made more interesting or unique. Easy that, take out the h. What’s your name, honey? They call me Jon, without the h.

Or, you can take out the h, then substitute an R for the J to get Ron. Man alive! You could easily combine those first names. Jonron. Ronjon. Sounds like a great name for a big company that employs plenty of hard-working Americanos. Eh?

Mitt and Newt are mighty cute.
Newt and Mitt are full of shit.

Many wonder or speculate on, what the doubly popular name, Rick, is short far. Well. Rick is actually short for Ricktum, which is a corruption of the Latin, Rectum.

Bur Clover

Times are always evil in these parts. That's because the evil doers far outnumber the righteous or semi-innocent. But thanks to climate change, evil is more evil than ever before, maybe.


Here's an example of how all this evil plays out. These parts are often brown in the summer and green in the winter. But last summer, not only did lots of the grass turn brown, it actually died. This picture shows a bunch of dead buffalo grass, proving once more, that buffalograss, like all living things, needs a little water. But it didn't get a little water. So it died.

Now, the bur clover, mostly Medicago polymorpha and M. minima, have a good chance of taking over and becoming the dominant plant here. Yes. They are nice and green now, but by May they shall shrivel up, leaving nought behind but a billion seeds. Then, all shall appear totally dead at this particular location by August. Dead I tell you. Dead!

Yes. The annuals shall replace the perennials. How evil is that? Mercy!

Oh! There are more Eurasian weeds here than bur clover. There is Shepherd's purse. There is sow thistle. There is dandelion. Yet they shall all, also, shrivel up in the great heat to come. Oh my Goddess!

A Victory for Intellectuals

As anyone with a lick of sense knows, the news is unhealthy. Yet Crumby, who has avoided the news for many moons, has at last watched some of the nomination news on TV and read some of the articles on Google News. That's because the little snippets of nomination news that had been filtering into Crumby's noggin proved too funny to ignore. So there Crumby was this morning, watching and reading about the Iowa Republican caucus, among the least important events of our time on Planet Earth.

But why does Crumby feel like the Iowa Republican Caucus was a victory for intellectuals. Well. Because the Iowa Republican Caucus participants correctly identified the twain stupidest of the active candidates. Yes. The two stupidest dumbasses in the contest finished last and next to last; a surprising victory for intellectuals and practitioners of rational thought, everywhere.

Looking forward though, the intellectuals feel like Jefe Perry may consolidate the dumbass vote. Mercy!

Road Rage

There are too many people (7 billion +) at least, and most of them are no damn good. Therefore, road rage is a perfectly normal reaction to crowds of dumbasses driving automobiles on the overburdened streets and highways of Der Homeland.

Crumby, for example, is normally overcautious and hyper alert, constantly on the watch for danger or environmental hazards. Why if Crumby feels like danger may threaten outside, Crumby will therefore, stay home. No matter what. Yet that same Crumby, behind the wheel of an automobile is apt to become an active participant in road rage incidents. Like Crumby has chased other motorists, enjoyed parking lot fisticuffs, screamed, hollered, cursed, gesticulated, carried weapons (including handguns) under the car seat, etc. The fact is, the mere sight of a Jesus fish on the back of a great vehicle is enough to set Crumby off.

Let the Heathen, rage!

Yet motor vehicle road rage is way rational compared to bicycle road rage. That's right. An average road rager is far less likely to actually do much damage to himself or herself while inside a car as compared to a cycling road rager.

I mean like,what is more vulnerable than a cylist teetering on a bike while stopped in the middle lane of a busy intersection with nothing between that average cyclist and a honking, revved up environment, but a little spandex? For goodness sakes.

Yet Crumby indulged in road rage twice, or on twain occasions, recently. Like the first incident occurred when Crumby was attempting to cross west to east on South Lamar at that light which regulates traffic flow between the strip malls just north of 290. Crumby sat there for many minutes. All the other traffic got to go twice. But Crumby's light never turned green. Result. Road rage. And justifiably so.

Next Crumby is going along in front of Beall's, fixing to get milk from the Central Market when his handle bar gets clipped by a car's mirror. Jeez Louise. And Crumby is riding practically on the sidewalk. Result. Road rage. And justifiably so.

Crumby actually chased after that car. He was so mad. But consider. Crumby is 64 years old. Due to a bad rotator cuff, Crumby can no longer throw a right with much good intent. Crumby is also little, gray headed, and physically unintimidating. Also, there are two bad knees, and a bad wrist. Plus he is overweight and has asthma attacks.

Road rage! Crumby did have a pocket knife though. So he figured on stabbing that motorist if he could have caught up on his bicycle. Stabbed him or her. Good riddance.

But here's a slightly merrier topic: Birds that run into the sliding glass door.


Yes. At this very nonce, the CB features maybe 50 goldfinches of twain species. Sometimes a goldfinch will get too excited and fly into the sliding glass door. Thunk!

But your average goldfinch is a tough little booger. And so far, all of them have survived that terrible smacking, unexpected collision, including this one. Ten minutes after this picture was took, this particular goldfinch was off, zipping around with the best of them. By the bye. The easiest way to tell your Americano goldfinch from your lesser goldfinch is the squinty or slanty eyes.