Thanksgiving Past at the CB, DY 3

Boy Howdy! Sweet potatoes, white potatoes, green beans, chunky cranberry sauce, cornbread dressing, fruit salad, rolls and the chicken almost got roasted in time to eat with the rest of the feast. Yes that particular chicken must have accidentally got in the fire retardant when it lived at the chicken ranch. Cluck, cluck.

Crumby, fortified by his new mantras, is in the process of achieving a more positive attitude during this holiday season than ever before. Admittedly, the flat tire on the wheel barrow was a temporary downer for Crumby, but that was just a passing bummer, soon rectified by the Great Stuff. Now, abetted by two new mantras, Great Stuff and a positive attitude, Crumby intends to somehow make it through his upcoming birthday, the Winter Solstice, Baby Demon Mammon Day, Secular New Year and Imbolc, pestered not by the hew and cry.

For example, lots of bad stuff, not just the flat tire, happened to Crumby on Thanksgiving Eve. But Crumby shrugged off all that evil. Crumby thought, all this evil shit is plenty awful, but look how plump or well fed I am. I get plenty of sleep and rest. I have lots of leisure time. In common with white people, I don’t have to work much. Life is great, just like, Great Stuff.

Yet Crumby, even as his self-centeredness gushes over, remembers the less fortunate. Like for example, this little bee is less fortunate because it is afflicted with mites. Crumby super sympathizes with this bee. Because seed ticks once got on Crumby at about the same density as those mites are on that bee. But Crumby could reach around and get most of those seed ticks off himself. And the ones he couldn’t get off, Ray could get off. But this little bee has no such arms or a bosom companion to help get shut of the mites. Naja-Bullah- Za-Zi!

Since there is already a picture of a bee handy, Crumby might as well see if he can figure out this particular bee's genera. Uh! No he can’t. That’s because Crumby can not espy the bee’s subantennal sutures or much of its wing venation. Unfortunately, the little wild bees, both the fuzzy Halictids and Andrenids like to keep their wings tightly folded over their backs when they are sitting around. Plus their dern faces are so hairy, Crumby can’t even espy the facial sutures, much less count them. Ugh!

Crumby may have no choice. Crumby may have to somehow do some catch and release with some of these bees.

Huh-huh. There are free bee books on the internet. That's right. The Bees of the Eastern United States by Mitchell, both volumes, are available for download somewhere as pdf files. Huh-huh. Species keys!!!!

Special Book Review - The Bees of the World

Night before last Crumby stayed up until 4:30 AM to see if there was any way to espy the Crab Nebula. The sky was clear but the turbulence was formidable. Despite not so good skies due to turbulence, either that or defective collimation, Crumby did indeed espy that great arthropod in the sky, the Crab Nebula. As usual, initially, Crumby could not find the great crab. So Crumby screwed his trusty Orion Ultrablock filter into the 30mm Ultima. After that, Crumby found the great crab. Then, once Crumby actually located the great sky crab, Crumby took the filter off. That's because once you find the great crab with the filter on, you can also espy it with the filter off.

Speaking of the Phylum Arthropoda, Crumby’s library copy of The Bees of the World has arrived. It is a sturdy volume, well bound. This particular copy is on interlibrary loan from the University of Tulsa. How weird is that? I bet an actual minority of authentic university libraries have this tome. What a shame.

If you are interested in bees, globally, The Bees of the World is, possibly by default, your tome of choice. For example, on page 568, an average bee enthusiast may learn that Megachile pluto, a resident of Indonesia, is the world’s longest bee, the females of the species stretching to 39mm.

Mercy! Knowing that Megachile pluto is the world’s longest bee put Crumby in a sweat to learn which bee is the world’s heaviest. Like there may be a bee that is fatter than Megachile pluto, or outweighs Megachile pluto, but just is not as tall or long. No help there though. The world’s fattest bee is apparently unknown to science.

Well. Despite no world’s fattest bee designation, The Bees of the World may be a great book. There is plenty of information about bees and lots of diagrams and pictures. So if you are rich, and interested in bees, you should purchase this book. It’s only about $150 retail at this nonce. Also, apparently, if you are really rich, and only interested in the bees of north and central America, you could additionally purchase The Bee Genera of North and Central America for about $590. Mercy!

All is well and good. Or would be. But the only bees Crumby is especially interested in are the CB bees. Crumby does not give two hoots nor a holler relative to Guatemalan bees, much less the bees of other excessively foreign parts. So how hard might it be to produce a bees of Central Tejas document that would be like a virtual document on the internet? Or how hard would it be to produce like a full set of bee cards for these parts? Crumby could sell those cards, ten to a pack and include a Bitohoney minibar in every pack. I mean, how hard could it be to take pictures of the 200 or so bees likely to occur in these parts and then identify those pictures of all those bees to species. Personally, Crumby does not think it would be that hard.

But then, considering the labor that white, or mostly white people consider to be hard work, Crumby's idea for all those bees may actually be really, really hard work. Like just finding specimens of all those bees to look at might be really hard work. Too hard for a nearly completely white person like Crumby. Yep. Crumby would need to sublet some of that hard work of finding all those bee specimens to Karl the Tracker Druid.

Anyway, The Bees of the World might help a person do the above job. So it might be worth $150 as a reference for that type of job or maybe just for its bibliography. In that bibliography Crumby learned about another bee book. And, for $9 Crumby acquired Principal Sunflower Bees of North America with emphasis on the southwestern United States. That cheap tome might be even more helpful than The Bees of the World, once again giving the finger to, Ye git whut ye pay fer. Who knows? Anyway, the Sunflower Bees is on its way to the CB.

In conclusion, The Bees of the World is a swell book if you can afford it. It’s much more than a coffee table book about bees. But Crumby can’t afford it. However, Crumby can afford to make copies of a bunch of the diagrams from the library book.

Today, Crumby spent most of the day photographing Hymenopterans. Only a tiny number of Solidago altissima are still in flower. Mercy! The poor little bees and wasps are all crowded on one plant. Plus it’s cold. So an average amateur Hymenopterist like Crumby can easily take pictures of a bunch of different nearly frozen bees and wasps on that one plant. Course Crumby still can’t identify most of them. Ugh!

Yesterday Crumby had another run in with the CB wheel barrow inner tube and tire. That particular combo was, as usual, flat. I’ll teach you a lesson you dirty bastard, cock sucking mother fucker, Crumby told the wheelbarrow inner tube and tire combo. You twain have fucked me around for the last time you shit eating ass wipe, miserable cock sucking mother fuckers. Goddess damn you I am fixing to teach you a lesson you shall never forget.

Then it was off to Home Depot, the first of twain trips to that particular store. Eventually, as a result of both those trips, Crumby squirted almost a whole can of Great Stuff into that defective inner tube and cock sucker. Now that inner tube is hard as a er, rock. Crumby tested it out by hauling a great load of Buda limestone off to the dump in the wheel barrow. That tire remains hard as a er, rock. If that particular tire seems like it is fixing to stay hard as a rock from now on, then Crumby is fixing to squirt Great Stuff into all the CB’s cock sucking inner tubes starting with the ones on the dolly. No more flats. No more flats. No more flats. No more flats.

So then Ray and Crumby were discussing how hard the wheelbarrow tire is and Ray remembered that Great Stuff is a viable alternative to Viagra or Cialis. Except, the end user will definitely have an erection for long enough to call the doctor.

Ok. Wouldn’t it be great if a responsible party at Dow Chemical, the vendor of Great Stuff, paid Crumby like a kazillion dollars for this free ad Crumby has done for Great Stuff? Yes. That would be great indeed. Then Crumby could afford all those expensive bee books.

Crumby apologizes for the bad language above. But hey, that’s why Red’s CB is x rated.

Telescope Tomfoolery, Born Again, Plus Fairies

Once an individual learns how to ride a bicycle, that individual shall always know how to ride a bicycle even after that individual is born again. Correct! Let us assume that an individual that already has considerable skill at bicycle riding dies. Then that individual is born again, into the body of a cricket. That cricket shall know how to ride a bicycle. But it can’t. Because, among other reasons, it's too little. But if there were cricket sized bicycles that particular cricket could easily ride a bicycle. An individual never forgets how to ride a bicycle.

Nor does an individual forget how to operate his telescope gear once that individual learns how to operate the gear in the first place. Like it has been many moons since Crumby got to employ his telescopes on the naked heavenly objects. Yes. Those hot naked bodies have been out there, in outer space, throbbing, pulsating, but not for Crumby. No. Generally, the skies have been cloudy, or for this reason or that excuse, Crumby has not espied many heavenly bodies lately.

But that may all change tonight. Yes. Today, Crumby may undertake a perilous journey. Long shall be that journey and arduous. But at last, after many perils and hardships, Crumby may arrive in a bucolic area, where dark skies abide. Yes. Those dark skies shall abide out there. Plus, set in those dark skies are the various hot, naked celestial bodies that shall once again reveal themselves to Crumby’s bespectacled visage.

So, what’s on Crumby’s must see list for tonight. OK. Moon sets before 10PM. That’s good. Then Crumby wishes to have a good look at M1, the famous Crab Nebula. You know, some day the Crab Nebula shall be done exploding. Yes. It shall be entirely gone. Better get a good look while you can.

After that, there’s plenty to espy in Gemini and Orion. But what Crumby is really waiting up for is Leo. That’s right. Crumby is fixing to get a good look at the Leo galaxies including some of the ones he can’t espy from the miserably light polluted CB. Also, before fickle Ogma’s rise, Virgo, the galaxy bonanza shall be up. Mercy! Plenty to espy tonight. And, it’s the same difference as riding a bicycle.

Alas, the Naked Spheres, Bodies, Gases, Effervescence, Etc. Elude Crumby Again

A tripod, as many know, features three legs. One can easily espy the characteristic three legs possessed of a typical tripod in the adjacent photograph or artist’s conception. This particular tripod also features a spreader tray attached to the three characteristic legs by brackets. In use, this tripod is supporting about 24 pounds worth of head and counter weight plus the additional mass of the telescope. So if a bracket busts, the whole shebang goes catty wampus in multiple directions pronto. Mercy!

Luckily for Crumby, when the bracket busted, the telescope was off this miserable tripod. Also, the three legs were minimally extended. So Crumby was barely able to keep the apparatus from going totally crazy or catty wampus. Could have been worse. Lots worse. Nevertheless, Crumby was fixing to head out on a long journey to dark skies when the tripod broke. Whatever was Crumby fixing to do then, now?

It’s off to Home Depot, we go. Yes. In a fit of uncharacteristic optimism Crumby decided he could actually acquire a substitute bracket and associated screws at Home Depot. Miracle of miracles, Crumby, with plenty of help, actually found some hardware that worked. There it be, fixed on the far tripod leg.

Crumby has not put any weight on his surgically repaired third leg yet. That’s because a great fog descended yesterday evening before Crumby could even set up. Yes. The skies were dark with fog last night. Too dark. So dark that the stars shineth not through the murk.

Out Crumby went afar. Back Crumby came afar. A long yet hard journey, fraught with nought.

Upon his return to the CB, Crumby was informed that the symphony was wonderful. Yes. The music was so exquisite that the audience could actually imagine a mass marriage ceremony for fairies, and those fairies capering on stage or in some proximity of the occhestra where fairies might have room to frisk about. Crumby thought about that. Hmm. Fairies don’t get married in the Repulbico Booblico. It’s illegal. Surely, had Goobner Rick the Well-Coifed known a mass fairy wedding was transpiring at the symphony, he would have put a stop to it. Why wasn’t he aware?

OK. Where do fairies fetch up on the evolutionary scale. In seminary, Crumby learned that fairies are higher than insects but slightly lower down the scale than teenagers. Which means, no way fairies are men and women eligible for marriage in Tejas.

Hold it. Crumby needs to go check up on the tripod. The recently repaired tripod has had weight or mass bearing down on it for many hours. Who knows how many? Correct. Crumby set up this morning. Now that tripod, including its surgically repaired third leg, is load bearing. How much of a load can it endure?

Later. Still upright. Praise the Goddess!

Boopedon gracile NO! Melanoplus angustipennis

No. The depicted is not Boopedon gracile. It's Melanoplus angustipennis. Crumby misidentified this grasshopper originally. But now Crumby has more experience with the CB grasshoppers.

Here’s another good potential mantra, Boopedon gracile. The fact is, all a person has to do to turn Boopedon gracile into a larruping mantra is make sure to pronounce all three syllables in gracile. BOOP-E-DON GRA-CI-LE. With three in gracile, that gives the official mantra total, six.

Any spiritual benefits one may derive from Boopdon gracile aside, this particular grasshopper species, judging from all the internet photos, must be abundant in these parts.

This Overall has a Cell Phone Pouch

Important insect id correction below.

There has to be a first time for everything. Today was the first time Crumby had to take a dump while wearing his new overall. A person has to concentrate fairly hard while wearing an overall and also taking or fixing to take a dump. That’s because if a person is not careful, the overall straps can wind up in the toilet water along with whatever.

That’s why a really thought out overall would have a zippered butt flap or maybe a velcro butt flap. With such a device included a person would not have to practically disrobe to take a dump. And there would be zero peril of the shoulder straps getting in the toilet water.

But an overall butt flap is just another swell idea that nobody but Crumby shall ever come up with. No. Instead, the Chinese came up with the idea of sewing a cell phone pocket to the inside of the Chinese overall bib. Jeez Louise! What will they think of next?

Naturally, since Crumby never goes into a restroom without his semi-trusty C5060 WZ, Crumby easily took a picture of his newly discovered cell phone pocket. By the way, WZ stands for Wide Zoom, handy for those wide stance shots, senator.

Yes. Seemingly, it's easy to make a spectacle out of oneself in the restroom. Like this moth, Lineodes interrupta, flexing its anus in the mirror. Actually, it's more likely Lineodes integra. Crumby has now seen both at the CB. Integra is much littler than interrupta.

Face to Face with Pachodynerus nasidens, the keyhole wasp?

Well. Ray and me have plenty to do this winter. Yes. The first brutal dry norther blew through yesterday, a harbinger or sign of the freezes that are sure to follow apace and intermittently. So it’s a good thing we have taken a great many pictures of Hymenoptera and Diptera. Yes. A good thing because pretty soon there won’t be many insects around. Sadly, they shall all be dead or sleeping.

So Ray and me, alternative to taking pictures, can spend the winter naming the pictures we already have with the lowest taxa name conceivable or possible. That’s right. For example, we have a picture of a Braconid that we would like to get a little lower, like maybe subfamily. But that may be impossible. Science seems to have given up on the confusing superfamily Ichneumonoidea.

The wasp subfamily Eumeninae is well represented at the CB. We have not counted them up yet but there are a great bunch we have pictures of, many identified to species, maybe. Like this one, the keyhole wasp, Pachodynerus nasidens. This is how its face looks. Those yellow eyebrows are the bases of the antennae. Only the anteriors of the antennae are yellow.

Crumby wonders why this particular wasp has a common name. Not many Eumeninae have common names. Why is it called the key hole wasp? Why has it been introduced to oceanic islands? How did it get to Japan?

The Cutest Fly Possible or Likely

This fly is way cuter than average. The fact is, Ray took six pictures of this particular fly and this picture is the least cute of the bunch. Gives a person pause, eh?

Holy Smoke!

The EPA is supposedly fixing to do something right here in the Republico Booblico, maybe. Whoa! Where does the EPA get off fixing to do something in a sovereign land with its own laws and shit? Ha! Actually, those EPA bureaucrats just think they may be fixing to get something done. But what they are actually fixing to do is, suck on air. Hot, polluted air. Suck on that, feds! We got the TCEQ!!!!

You may know that the Republico has its own like environmental agency, set up right after the second great secession event. That important agency was set up to make sure the Republico never necessarily had to meet pre-secession air quality standards ever. That's right. Tejas needs better air, like with more nutrients in it.

The necessity of setting up that agency, originally known as the Tejas Natural Resource Conservation Commission (TNRCC), whew!, was due to the need to appear to have an agency operating in the Republico that did something like the EPA might do. Like maybe somewhere in the Republico there might accidentally occur an unprecedented pollution event that the new agency could deal with, virtually. Yes. That’s correct. TNRCC could like investigate and then maybe apologize to the exonerated polluter and maybe present the wrongly accused polluter with a nice cash prize for putting more nutrients into the air.

Of course, many among the secesh believed that the Republico didn’t need any dang environment agency in the dern first place. But then the small government Republicans explained to the no government secesh that TNRCC was just a temporary agency mainly set up to facilitate or speed the transfer of tax dollars to local people that would be known locally as friendly, virtual bureaucrats and also local people and neighbors taking advantage of out sourcing and known as contractors. Yepper. The local talent, they explained, is your friends and neighbors, shopping by your side or shoulder to shoulder at Wal Mart. Then everybody was happy once all that got explained.

Anon, the small government Republicans made good on their promise to the secesh. That’s right. They got shut of the TNRCC, forever. Yes. The old miserable agency was totally shut down. Its offices looted. Its buildings burned. Its stationery recycled, maybe. Yes. That hated edifice of big government was gone forever, swept away in an imporant phase or spasm of the Republican revolution, just like the small government Republicans promised it would be gone, someday.

From the burnt out husk of the old, dead agency, sprang a new agency, however. Yes. The entirely new agency is similar to the old agency only better with more streamlining, less red tape, updated business cards. Hark! The all new agency is the Tejas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ). The TCEQ, the small government Republicans explain, is the next best thing to not having an agency. It’s like we get the perks of an agency, like salaries, holidays off, health insurance, but then at the same time, we keep our hands off the private enterprise system. It’s not perfect, but agencies never are. Some day though, in the not too distant future, the TCEQ, like all the other outdated vestiges of government, shall fade away. Either that or get smaller or maybe the TCEQ can out source some more jobs to your friends and neighbors. That’s right. The TCEQ shall happily out source some jobs to your friends and neighbors so that all of you, brave Tejans, shall continue happily shopping shoulder to shoulder at Wal Mart.

Say! Anybody want to talk, poultry? You may not know it, but poultry include a great many birds beside chickens. Yes. Poultry may or may not include your guinea hen, your turkey, your goose, your duck, your ostrich, your emu, uh, your pen raised varieties of wild poultry which may include your quail, your dove, your wild duck, your wild goose, your crane, your other wild bird category which may include your robin or your robin like bird also known as wild poultry.

Bored?

Chingow! How can anybody be bored? Crumby has no sympathy for bored people. That’s because anybody that’s bored could easily visit the Doggie Day Camp at Pet Smart. Yes. Just get yourself a folding chair and ride the bus over to the nearest Pet Smart. Then you can set up your folding chair in front of the Doggie Day Camp window. There you go. Free stimulating entertainment. Crumby has already visited twice. Now, Crumby may be fixing to take the semi-trusty C5060 WZ to Doggie Day Camp. That way, Crumby can record the antics of those lovable canines for posterity.

Hey! Would you like to have like a professional like photograph of your dog enjoying himself or herself at Doggie Day Camp? Crumby could theoretically oblige on requests of just such and such a natural type of picture of your dog in that natural setting. Hmm.

Asian Tiger Mosquito (Aedes albopictus), Maybe

Well. Crumby may have identified a likely mosquito to species. That’s right. Here that possible mosquito is, nectaring on the Verb virgin. Hmm. Is nectaring an actual word? Anyhow, this mosquito, if it is a mosquito, appears to be nectaring on the Verb virgin. Does that mean this potential mosquito is a male? Do the females also nectar? Or are those females total blood suckers?

Apparently, the females also may nectar. Good Goddess! Is nectar a verb? Mercy!

Interestingly, this mosquito species, if that’s what it is, a mosquito species, does not come in the house like many of the other mosquito species. Actually, it may come in the house, but so far, it has not been photographed in the house. Neither have any of the other mosquito species been photographed in the house. Yet everyone here knows, they are in the house. Well maybe not at this very nonce. But they do come in the house frequently.

This particular mosquito species, Aedes albopictus, if that’s what it is, a mosquito, was once confined to Asia. Yet now, it has spread its wings beyond the miserable confines of the Asian continent. Yes. These days it has gone other places besides Asia, like here. Yes. Here it may be in the wretched Republico Booblico.

Huh-huh. This alleged mosquito species, if it is a mosquito, is a dengue fever vector. Which means, it, like some other members of its genus, Aedes, transmits the horrible tropical disease, dengue fever. By the way mates, dengue is pronounced, dingo.

Here’s what viral dengue fever will do you for once you are seriously infected. You shall think you have a tail. Round and round you shall chase your imaginary tail. Until, exhausted, you shall go to your bowl and have a nice, refreshing drink of water. Try not to slurp up any of the larvae in your water bowl. If you slurp up the mosquito larvae you may get super advanced dengue fever or like have a mosquito cyst develop in your brain. Eventually, a mosquito cyst in the brain can grow to the approximate size of a softball assuming the noggin of the afflicted could potentially house a softball. Otherwise, once the cyst grows to full size, the noggin explodes. Gross!

Crumby actually once visited a tropical country. There, in the tropics, noggins afflicted with dengue were so commonplace, a tourist like Crumby had to seriously watch out to make sure he didn’t get splattered with exploded brain parts.

Like this one time, Crumby was negotiating with a bebida vendor on the price of a big orange soda water. All of a sudden the vendors head exploded. That vendor had the dengue, pronounced dingo, fever. Crumby got somewhat splattered with brains, but fortunately, Crumby’s just purchased bebida bottle still had its cap on. So none of that foreigner’s exploded brain or the mosquito cyst or other parts from the exploded noggin actually got into Crumby’s soda water. That’s why the bebida vendor’s carts always have a bottle cap remover on the front of the cart where customers line up. If a head explodes, you can wait for the dust to settle before you open your bebida bottle.

Crane Fly Vibrates Too Fast for Naked Eye

Jeez Louise! This crane fly is on the goldenrod vibrating faster than 1/1250. That’s far too fast a vibration for the naked eye or even the noted camera setting. Crumby can only describe this behavior as vibrating. It seems like the vibrations are up and down, like pushups. Why does this particular crane fly vibrate? How come the big crane flies that come into the men’s restroom during spring don’t vibrate? Good Goddess!

Crumby may need to capture one of these vibrating crane flies.

A Genuine Bad Ass

When you see me comin’ better step aside
A bunch of bugs didn’t and a bunch a bugs died.

Goodness Sakes! Crumby put out a fresh banana today for the insects to share. It’s funny. All the insects do mostly share. Oh well. There is some minor quarreling and wing batting. But its like move over a little dude so I can have a little of this nice banana. That pretty much describes everyone’s behavior that comes to the feeder for a nice, free banana or maybe some delicious juice or sugared beer. It’s close to a peaceable kingdom.

Except when the southern yellowjackets (Vespula squamosa) show up. A southern yellowjacket at the feeder means no other insect gets to be within 1.5 yellowjacket bodylengths of the yellow jacket. Any bug that doesn’t move out of the way gets bit. And all of those bugs move. Even the biggest butterflies move out of the way. They are all scared of the yellowjackets. The fact is, yellowjackets are so scary, they are even scared of each other.

Me too. I’m scared of them. Southern yellowjackets will actually sting Druids. They are practically the only Hymenopternas that think stinging Druids is not only OK under all circumstances, but funny. And what they really like to do is gang up. They are masters of the gang up and also the low blow if a vicitim happens to be adorned in shorts or chorts, as some call those skimpy yet cool garments.

That’s right. Once upon a time Crumby was going along in his chorts when all of a sudden a bunch of southern yellowjackets jumped Crumby, stung Crumby multiple times, then laughed while Crumby danced about the pasture screaming for mercy.

Notice in this uncropped photograph, no other bugs are in the frame. There’s a reason no other bugs are in the frame.

Does Diptera Mimic Hymenoptera or Vice Versa

OK. Let’s say, hypothetically, that you don’t like the constant pestering or getting picked on that is a perpetual condition of life as we know it. So your ancestors may have evolved a strategy or morphology for mitigating all that aggravation and passed those traits to you, their wretched offspring.

One good strategy, in theory, is the inheritance of a tough looking morphology. The theory is, if you look tough, you are more likely to get left alone, as opposed to if you look like a sissy. Yet what is more sissy looking than a butterfly. Those mariposa maricones look sissy all righty. However, most all the insects leave butterflies alone because those butterflies are wing batters. That’s right. A little bee fixing to push a butterfly off the flower gets wing batted. It probably doesn’t hurt much to get wing batted on your dopey noggin or antennae. But I bet it is unbelievably annoying. Unbelievably!

A fly that mimics a wasp or bee, to look tough, will still get wing batted by a butterfly. No advantage from looking tough there. So why do so many dipterans look like hymenopterans or vice versa? Easy that, those flies have a reputation for nastiness. And nobody likes to be around the truly nasty. Whoa! The truly nasty are well, truly nasty. They produce unpleasant fumes, they chew with their mouths open, they drool, they seldom zip up, they have dandruff. Mercy! I could go on and on.

Anyway, maybe hymenopterans mimic dipterans.

That’s right dude. I look just like a fly. So I know what you’re thinking. Am I a real nasty fly or just a wasp? Well, go ahead punk. Make my day. Cause I am fixing to chunky spew all over your sorry ass.

Bee Key

Bees are apparently stuck in scientific limbo, a stone age, a primitive condition like when, in the old days, Pope what’s his name always had to be named Peter. Imagine what that must have been like? Everyone, even procto-Protestants, Heathens of every stripe, Jews, Mohammedans, everyone, could easily remember the Pope’s name. Because the Pope’s name was always, Peter.

Hey dumbass! What’s the Pope’s name?

Huh-huh. I happen to easily know the dern Pope’s name. It’s Peter. Huh-huh.

Yet these days the names of the bees just like the names of the popes are unknown to many. Even a huge intellect and Druid Ovate like Crumby only knows a few of the bee names. Plus Crumby can never remember who’s Pope. That’s why the popes all need to be named Peter.

Yeah dude. I know that sucker. That’s Pope Peter the 165th, the current Rock. Rock on!

Crumby is trying to figure out how the heck an average amateur Hymenopterite can figure out the name of this or that bee. Apparently, the only recourse for naming the vast majority of bees is, send specimens to a museum, or personally take your specimens to a museum, or have the museum with its bee specimens come to your house, or my Goddess, what? Mercy! There are no specific level keys to the bees, especially in igmo strongholds like Tejas. None.

No, no, no! Crumby does not want to murder all the little bees and turn them into into specimens stuck on pins. Those bees are soooooo cute. Plus, making specimens is lots of hard work considering it is also murder. Yet someone has to murder the little bees if we are ever to give those bees names.

Good Goddess! I need help, My Lovely Goddess of the Most Ample Bosoms Ever. How can your faithful yet unadorned Druid learn about the nameless bees without pinning them up. Mercy! Pinning is worse than crucifixion. How, how, how?

Well. Here is a new verified bee genus for the CB. It is Coelioxys, a cleptoparasite of Megachile. Mercy!

See American Insects below

Sadly, Crumby has decided American Insects is not worth a hundred dollars. So American Insects is headed back to the library where it belongs. Yet a flip side of the Druid dichotomy addressing the value of natural history tomes is, is The Bees of the World worth a hundred dollars. It may be worth a hundred dollars, but you may have to pay more than a hundred dollars. So is it worth more than a hundred dollars. Again, in these times of almost certain upcoming economic calamity, Crumby should check out a library copy before he decides to purchase such a huge and expensive tome. Another commonly asked question is, can Crumby lift The Bees of the World plus tote it for a short distance?

Meantime, absent much help from American Insects, Crumby has figured out the genus of the tiny black bee. That's because Crumby has also figured out that typing in descriptions like "tiny black bee" on the search line at Bugguide actually produces appropriate results. Fancy that! Crumby may have to reconsider his harsh reaction to his initial attempts at participating in Bugguide via submitting photos. Because, any bunch that will provide interesting information based on the query, tiny black bee, can't be all bad. Can they?

Anyhow, if an average dumbass types in tiny black bee on the Bugguide search line, two genera containing tiny black bees spring into view. These are Lasioglossum and Ceratina. The former have eyes that are black and crescent shaped. The latter have eyes greenish or bluish, with spots, and ovate in outline. Note, not all the Lasioglossum are black. Just some of them.

Next, somebody needs to go to a library and check out The Bees of the World for Crumby.

Cameras are Expensive These Days

On March 23, 2007 Crumby paid like a little less than 480 butthole bucksters for the ongoing E330. Doing the math, that means Crumby has had use of the E330 for going on 31 months. So 31 going into 480 is like 16 buckbuttoroonies a month. That’s just a tad over 50 chingaderas a day.* Don’t sound like mucho. But then consider!

Crumby has not had any snuff since the last Tuesday in January, 2009. Crumby figures he would have employed a can every two days since then for nerve soothing purposes. Doing the math, at about 2.80 butthole chingaderos per can x 1 can per 2 days x 270 days = 378 paydirt officinales. Oh chihuahua! That’s how much Crumby saved so far on stuff.

But Holy Succulent Heifer. Crumby may have had to purchase alternative nerve medicine. And Crumby has not ciphered that cost in. Mercy! But on the other hand, Crumby may have needed to get all his teeth, alternative to most of them, replaced if he had not eschewed the snuff. That’s an incalculable, but big, savings. See.

Life costs money. Even those sturdy individuals who drink their own piss, thereby avoiding the cost of vitamins and minerals, not to mentions nitrogenous salts, have to spend some money on life as we know it. Even Gandhi had to spend some of his hard earned money on spectacles. Even Nero had to spend some of his hard earned money on spectacles. What about Nehru? Nehru spent some money.

Like Crumby had to purchase some new overalls last week. Crumby’s other overalls were worn out with terrible ragged holes in the knees. A new overalls was thus, almost a necessity. Unfortunately, Crumby could only find a overalls in his size that happened to be made in China. That figures since the Chinese average smaller than huge Americanos. That’s right. The Chinese are more apt to manufacture a Crumby sized overall. Whereas overalls that might be produced in Americanoland for great big fat Americanos would be far less likely to come in a Crumby size.

Mercy though. Crumby’ new Chinese overalls is tissue thin. Mercy. How long Goddess? How long can a tissue thin overalls serve to cover up naked Crumby.

Good Goddess, Americanoland is such a miserable train wreck these days. Plus, it’s apt to get worse fast. Much worse, faster. Just consider the price of cameras. Like a modest dslr such as the Olympus E30 costs like almost 1000 buttholinskys. If Crumby purchased one of those, Crumby would have to use it for 2000 days to get the cost down to 50 chingaderas per diem. Doing the math, 2000 days is like 5.48 years. Holy Little Fishes or Body Parts that May Eventually Sometimes Smell Like Fish, will that camera be obsolete before it reaches the 50 chingadera milestone? You bet!

Blame it on the Demon Mammon. Yes. The Demon Mammon continues to provide Americanos with what they want and deserve. And even diminutive Americanos like Crumby must go along.

*Course Crumby bricked his camera for a month, losing its use for that time, at a cost of a couple of hundred extra dollars. Gee. Photography can be an expensive hobby. Goddess All Mighty!

Potential Relic

As most everyone knows, a relic is something left to the faithful by like a dead saint or martyr. But before dead saints and martyrs cornered the relic market, plenty of items got left behind by euhemeristic pagan potential deities. So it depends on what you mean by relic.

At the CB, a pagan stronghold, any potential relic that turns up could be a heathen relic just as easily as it may be a Catholic/Protestant/ecumenical relic. So what are we to make of the relic here depicted. Many of a scientific bent might rapidly leap to the conclusion that the adjacent photograph merely depicts the outline of a banana, upon a paper towel, upon a three gallon pot.

Others might leap to the conclusion that a saint, martyr or potential god had sneaked up to the banana feeder on Halloween night. Yes. He sneaked up and laid his peter upon the banana feeder as though the banana feeder was like an altar. Then, once his peter was definitely outlined on the paper towel, he sneaked off into the depths of time and space, leaving only mere mortals to ponder his relic.