Rats May Be Plenty Cute

Here's a bottom of the food chain buddy enjoying a nice drink of cool water.

Hoot Man!

There they were. All the clans of Scotland assembled in one spot or location. Luckily they had a clothesline.

Clothesline, undears, 8mm fisheye, made for one another.

If It Aint One Thing, It's Twain

An average kindly naturalist puts out hummer feeders for the hummers. That's right. But then that same kindly individual may need ant baffles to keep the ants from swarming the feeders. So here you go. Baffles. But then a bunch of the dern finches learn how to drink out of the ant baffles. Fine and dandy like Xmas candy. But then those same dang finches, while enjoying a nice delicious drink of cool water out of the ant baffles, then decide to simultaneously crap all over the hummer feeders. See. Crap, like most everything, falls downward due to the force of gravity also known as the God of Gravity. If It Aint One Thing, It's Twain!

But why Crumby? Why? Many or few may query. Why put out those hummer feeders in the first place?

Er. Well actually, hummer feeders may be a mere conceit. Turns out, it might have been better to just keep the hummer plants watered. Although, that might have got us arrested by the Stinky Valley enviro-police. Once again. Bears repeating. If It Aint One Thing, It's Twain!

The Lesser Goldfinch, A Dumbass or Not

Yer lesser goldfinch (Carduelis psaltria) is a cute little bird. But is it smarter than a dumbass? Nobody really knows. Or maybe someone knows. But they aren't telling. So like with many such deals or things, it is left up to the Druids to figure this or that out.

Lately, the CB has been inundated with Northern Orioles, Baltimore variety. The Baltimore orioles espied the ant baffles above the hummer feeders and immediately assumed, Look! These are important oriole watering stations.

The Lesser Goldfinches, that had hitherto ignored the ant baffles, all of a sudden decided that the ant baffles were goldfinch watering stations.

Now I know. Could have been a coincidence. But all of a sudden, the resident goldfinches seemed to have copied a behavior from the migrating orioles. For goodness sakes!

Hmm! OK! This particular goldfinch may be a bizarro goldfinch. It's like Crumby has noticed that goldfinches look better at a distance. But my Goddess! This goldfinch looks older than Crumby.

More, Okies Spelled Backwards

Crumby is shrinking. They say, as one ages, one shrinks. Maybe that's a fact of life. But whether it's a fact of life or mere bullshit is not important. The fact is, Crumby's watch bracelet got too big relative to the possibly, incredibly shrinking Crumby. Too many limp Okie handshakes instead of a beefy Tejas cowgirl handshake over time? Mercy!

Action was called for. Somebody needed to resize Crumby's watch bracelet. And that someone, might as well be Crumby himself. Praise the WG!

OK. The particular Seiko bracelet we are now discussing is a little different seems like. I mean, Crumby has not seen that many men's bracelets, up close. But this one is different. Like queer different.

Check out the various stuff in this picture. Top is the watch with resized band that now fits perfectly. Middle is some Seiko pins. There are two pair of pins, then a pair that has not been pulled apart. The two pair on the left are pins that can be pushed out in the direction of the arrows (see arrows on links below the pins). The pins on the right are still stuck together with human exudate or body cheese. Note that the shape of the pins is slightly different as they must fit into the various shaped links. The pins pair on the right (stuck together) is from the opposite end of the pins on the band denoted by arrows. I guess, once you remove the pins with arrows, you can hammer these out if you need to.

When you remove the pins denoted by arrows, push them out in the direction of the arrows right below those dimples on the pins. Use like the other end of your spring bar tool. If you try to knock them out from the other end, south of the arrow, with a hammer and whatch-a-ma-call-it, you'll probably be sorry.

The most important gizmos in the picture are those things on the bottom row in the middle. Those are like little chain links an average person can open and close using a screw driver and pliers maybe. But they are way harder to open and close when pins are in situ than when they aren't. The last thing on the right bottom is, for want of a better term, a link housing with the pins and links all removed.

Hope this helps someone deserving.

Crumby

Okies Spelled Backwards

It was back in 2006 that the CB Druids first became aware that Natas and Okies have much in common with Satan and Seiko. Besides the obvious, people that are dumb enough to pray to Jesus for rain, also can easily be fooled into believing their watch batteries never need replacing.

Oh man. How dumb is it asking Jesus to make it rain? Jesus may have lived all his actual or fictional life in the desert. Did he make it rain back then? Course not. He couldn't. That's because deserts feature high pressure. So the rains fall not. Course Jesus' dad could make it rain. Frogs. He could make it rain frogs. Very useful if you like frog legs.

Too little, too late for the rain. Merciful Goddess could make it rain. But She won't until all these wicked evil doers get thinned out.

But what we actually need to discuss today is watch repair. Crumby just now fixed his Seiko kinetic watch that has been out of commission for like five passages of the tiny planet Earth around cruel giant Ogma. How amazing is that? Amazing yes. But is it a miracle?

No. If you need special gear to do the job, it is not a miracle. Like minimally, to fix your Seiko kinetic by yourself, you will need modest magnification and good light. That's because two of the screws and screwholes you are fixing to deal with are almost microscopic. Lucky for Crumby he had a Russian communist dissecting microscope capable of providing good views of the Lilliput watch works.

Then also, if you purchase your new battery or whatever from Battery Bob, you get a very nice free plastic tweezer. You'll need a nice tweezer. See! It's gear you need. Not miracles. When it comes to watch repair.

Oh! Chihuahua!

The CB is making an effort to keep Class Aves in the picture by feeding those miseralbe little ingrates. However, the suet feeder has been less useful than tits on a boar bear. The only members of Class Aves that ate the dang suet or monoplized that particular feeder are white-winged doves. Go figure! Are doves supposed to like suet? Actually, they were probably after the nuts and fruit allegedly in the suet. Well. Actually. Eventually, one chickadee has gone to that feeder maybe once.

The failure of the suet feeder weighed on Crumby as he bicycled over to the pet store. I need to see if the pet store features real meat suet instead of all that vegetarian crap. Yes. I bet those birds would like some genuine, tortured cow, beef fat without all those vegetables.

Scant time passed ere Crumby espied what he was looking for. Whoa! This is just the ticket.

The actual product ensconced in the package is a block of pink colored processed fat. Mercy!

Well. So far so good. The new suet passed the terrier test. Course terriers will eat anything that's ever been in or on an animal. So maybe the terrier test is not a great test. Nevertheless, if you have terriers you need to hang your suet basket where the terriers can't get it.

Meantime we have identified the vermin cleaning out the sunflower seed feeders. The vermin is (are) hoofrats. Might have known.

This morning Crumby went out and hung up the feeders just before cruel Ogma's rising. Practically right after Crumby turned his back, a pack of hoof rats descended on that feeder. Turns out, one of the hoofrats has figured out how to bump the feeder with its noggin, thus propelling the feeder to a horizontal position and causing the seeds to fall out of the tube holes. Then all the other hoofrats help the smart hoofrat eat up all the seeds. That's why they never left a trace. They ate it all. For heaven' s sake.

Home Watch Repair

Here’s all you may need to start up as a DIY watch repairman or lady.

Ballpeen hammer (may also be used for fixing male genitalia)
Screwdriver
WD-40
Motor oil

Optional

Toilet paper or paper towel

Chances are, an average person fixing to fix a watch, whether that watch be their own personal watch or timepiece, or the watch of a close family member, or even the watch or clock of a friend, neighbor or business associate, already has these four basic tools or things somewhere in the garage.

The hardest part of fixing a watch is getting the back off. Here’s where the ballpeen hammer and screwdriver come in handy.

Eventually, once you get the back off, the next step is to clean all the parts real good. Take all the parts apart that you can. There may be some parts you can’t separate from some other parts. Do the best you can. Remember. You can’t get them all. But that may be OK.

Once you get most of the parts apart or separated, spray them with the WD-40. Try to employ the screwdriver for turning the various parts over so both sides of most of the parts get sprayed.

The WD-40 automatically knocks off or displaces a lot of the human exudate trapped in the watch works or gears.

Next, all you need to do is lubricate the many watch parts with motor oil. After that, and once you perform the reassembly in reverse of what you just did, you and your watch or somebody’s watch are good to go.

Oh! The toilet paper or paper towel may be employed optionally to blot up some of the motor oil should a tiny part or two wind up oilier than you can handle.

Regarding the previous post. Baltimore orioles love grapefruit.

Ant baffles Baltimore Oriole

What a stupid and misleading headline? Yet it is the kind of headline one might encounter daily in the bourgeois press or media. That is, if one actually read or perused any of those lying or sin infested print journals or similar electric tomes. Remember! Freedom of the press is freedom to own the press.

As this picture clearly shows, a particular Baltimore Oriole, one of the literally dozens of Class Aves fall migrants passing through Austink in time for ACL, is sitting on the ant baffle. The fact is, he likes to drink out of the ant baffle. (Not sure if Gorilla Glue is 100% safe for orioles. But even Gorilla glue water may be better than dying of thirst).

Orioles at the CB are something of a rarity. That said, Red authorized Crumby to put out a grapefruit for the oriole. We shall espy anon whether orioles like grapefruit maybe.

Good Goddess!

Before dawn. Before Ogma's inevitable cruel rising. Out Crumby went to collect the hummer feeders. It was time to do the refills.


Yet this one feeder had a longhorn trapped in a feeder hole. It got in. But Goddess have mercy. It can't get out. Maybe its neck was too plumped up with sugar water.

Mercy! This particular beetle could not get loose even with Crumby's help. So eventually, Crumby had to pull its head off. No! Yes! So any mercy from the Goddess is fixing to turn up post mortem.

In general, Crumby wonders, What are the various insects that visit the hummer holes nocturnally? Seems like some kinds of moths might. Just wondering.

Course the dry year continues. Hades on Earth. Too hot for man or beast. Send water!

Speaking of Hope

There are far more humans or humanoids on the Edwards Plateau, now, than the environomnet can support. But what happens when the annual precipitation drops from 30+ to 10" per year or less. Dudes and dudettes. It's fixing to come down.

It's fixing to be like we are considering the last flush. Whoa! What's wrong with this dang handle. No water or H2O is fixing to come out. Boo-hoo-hoo. Is my turd fixing to sit here from now on?

Ooops. Yes it is. Your turd is fixing to go carmetlite. Well. Maybe not carmelite. But however an average person spells petrified turd, your particualr turd is fixing to do that until it is found like a million years from now by a higher intellect or civilization affixed to the side of your porcelain bowl. Mercy! Goodness! Your last turd in the toilet may make history. Dang!

So now that the precipitation has officially quit falling on these parts. Who's for moving off to moist climes? Crumby is hot to trot. Yet many are not. Jeez Louise! A prophet or Ovate gets less respect than anybody.

I am the egg man. Ook, ook a chook. Huh-huh.

That Didn't Work

Interestingly, right after Crumby rode all over with his Seiko kinetic taped to the front wheel spokes of the red Blade, that particular Seiko tested at full charge and should have been wound or wired for between 7 and 14 days of carefree watch observation. But then, a while later as Crumby tested again, the charge dropped. Then it dropped still more. Then, anon, that watch stopped ticking. Mercy! The only way that watch runs is if Crumby runs or rides with the watch taped to the bike wheel spokes. Dang!

So the miserable watch capacitor is not merely dead. It is sincerely dead.

All righty. Almost a decade after the fact (small bs may escape even the most alert Ovate) Crumby has discovered that his Seiko kinetic was yet another defective product the land of the Rising Sun foisted off on the ignorant yet helpless Americano consumer. Hirohito's revenge.

But there is always Hope. Hope springs eternal. This time Hope is dressed up as a Lithium Ion replacement battery which subs for the inert capacitor.

Huh-huh. Buy this kinetic watch. You shall never need to change the battery. Jeez Louise! Until you need a new battery.

The world of watch repair must be an arcane world. It's like Godzilla meets Jason on an internet dating venue. It's like Frankenstein fixing to get his monster up and running for the first time. Yet replicated a billion times on Amazon and Youtube. It's like that old song. How did it go? Oh yes. Fart me a gas cloud. Fart me a gas cloud. I'll fart a gas cloud over you.

Yes. Crumby is fixing to fix his Seiko kinetic by himself. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Already, Crumby has ordered the replacement battery which comes with a free anti-static tweezer. What a deal! Then there's the rest of the tools. Oh yes, minimally, one needs special tools besides the anti-static tweezer. One needs a special type of goofy watch wrench. One needs a watch case holder. One probably requires a spring bar removal tool to get the dang band off the dern watch. One may (probably) need a table vice to stick the case holder in while one cranks on the watch back with the special watch wrench.

All these speical tools are now available from the far east as well as from Switzerland. Hmm. There is someting of a price differential. Hmm. Hold it. How about some measurements buddies? Like the little opposite slots on Crumby's kinetic watch are in the neighborhood of 33mm apart. Can your dern Swiss tool span a 33mm gap? Nobody knows until after they buy your dang, stinking tool.

Are monopoly capitalism and imperialism actually helping the average, downtrodden Americano dumbass? Nobody knows. Or do they? Mercy!

The Finest Means of Transport, Ever!

What is the finest way to get around? Easy that. The answer is bicycle. Yet the humble bicycle is good for lots more than just a ride to the liquor store or the neighborhood dope dealer. Yes. A bicycle is plenty useful besides or in addition to, all that. Goodness, gracious sakes!

OK. Like back in the year of the Julian, 2000, Rayetta gave Crumby a Seiko watch. That particular watch broke a few years back. Since then, Crumby has gone through a couple of ultra-cheap and shitty Coleman watches. Jeez Louise!

Now that the second Coleman has officially expired, Crumby got to yearning for a new time piece or wristwatch of a better caliber than the twain miserable Colemans. So naturally Crumby hustled out his broke or discredited Seiko. He needed to measure the various dimensions of his Seiko to establish whether a new watch needed to be of similar dimensions for the sake of comfort and compatibility with Crumby's important status as an Ovate of the White Goddess (WG).

But lo and behold or lo and behind. The dang Seiko, all of a sudden, started working. Yes. Started working even after Crumby had ordered a new watch off EBAY. What the heck? All I did was clean off most of the body cheese and reset the date. Away that sucker went. Mercy sakes alive!

All righty. It says here that if I swing my arm up and down 1,750 times, my Seiko kinetic shall be fired up, charged, electrified, fer a whole plumb, dern week. Ixna ona attha. Hmm. There is no way that a bicycle owner is fixing to put up with 1,750 arm swings to fully charge a dang wristwatch. No. Crumby, the owner of a red Blade, alternatively, taped that over-active or over-sexed Seiko to the spokes of the bike. Crumby employed the fine product, Gorilla tape for the tape job. So far, Gorilla tape has never let Crumby down.

Then, Crumby rode up and down in front of the CB fer a great many iterations until that Seiko was charged to the max. We are talking plenty of electicity. Enough electricity to fry most of the death row boys at Huntsville. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip! Enough electricity to run the AC at the CB for a couple of nanoseconds maybe.

Now the stupid watch, according to Seiko, is supposed to run for a week on the invested bicycle power. Yet the test is, the funky capacitor has to hold charge all night. Then, next morining, it msut exhibit the correct time plus hand inertia. Doctor! Under some cirumstances I can't keep my hand still!

Of course, Crumby at one time felt like he needed to send his Seiko kinetic in for repair since it was a gift from Rayetta and all. But the repair dudes said, It shall cost more to fix this watch of yours, Crumby, than Rayetta paid. Whoa! Gracious sakes alive! $285. The petit-bougeoisie is not what it used to be. Mercy!

These days, thanks to the www, Crumby may have a fix it yerself or diy option even if his Seiko kinetic slumbers on in the AM anon. Yes. Crumby may need to fix it himself.

But meantime, Crumby has ordered up a new watch off EBAY. It is a Timex. It features the Iniglo technology plus the perpetual calendar. Perpetual calendar. What a great idea that is. How many watches have the average people posessed on which the date was only set once during the lifetime of that particular watch. Millions, Crumby bets. Or they set it twice, maybe.

Few Remember

Correct. Few remember. Yet years have passed since this particular venue was fresh as a daisy. Back then, the CB Druidry forecast or ovated: If the evil doers want to turn the Edwards Plateau into a desert, they are going about it the right way.

Well. Here we go. Anon, even those with zero interest in nature beyond the human variety shall be fixing to notice this dying environment. Mercy!

Yes. Outside, where the ACs make the weather hotter, these parts are experiencing the first dry norther of late summer. Yes. The hot winds of Hades whip the parchment herbs or parched leaves of dying trees. Goodness! The humidity is almost low enough for fires. Mercy! Anon, we shall burn, baby burn. Then, once the vegetation is mostly burned up or withered away, what do you think? Will we cool off then. Course not.

My word! Outside, the hot wind blows. The first of many dry northers to come.

You may see yourself that many pooh-pooh the terrible heat. Especially the air conditioned. Yet in these parts, the great heat comes with no rain. Great heat. No rain.

OK. What happens when these parts are a desert, only a few years off now, and the few hangers on in these parts are slurping NYC bottled water>? Well. Then we shall anticipate the Great Global Titration. For Goddess Sakes!

Spider Eyes!

The evil doers have pert near killed off nature in these parts. However, a little nature may survive even in Hades on Earth. It's like when Crumby goes out to mess with the Class Aves feeders. This activity is nocturnal or very early of the AM before Ogma Sunface casts his baleful eye this way.

Yes. Crumby needs to take the seed feeders down at night and put them out again next morning. That's because possums or something can and will entirely empty the contents of a feeder. Well. Maybe possums. Maybe coons. Not rabbits! Not yer poor little bunny.

So you have to stroll around in the early morning before sunup, distributing your many bird feeders, each to its proper post. And there you go waltzing or sashaying across the long deceased grass or Poaceae. Dead that grass is. Long dead.

Yet for safety reasons and also so you may espy your way in the dark, you wear upon your head or noggin, just above your brow ridge, a light, a shining light, a brilliant beacon that can guide you this way or that in even the most stygian of recesses, crannies, nooks or holes where the sun hath never shined or shone. (Hmm. Is nookie a derivitive of nook?)

These type lights are essential for this activity. Sometimes they are known as head lamps, named for those heads that first employed them at night in the Cannibis fields. These lamps are given as gifts, freely but rarely by the elves, or may be purchased outright at Target.

OK. While you are traipsing along in the dead grass, putting out your feeders, you may notice a plenitude of emeralds, reflecting the light of your head lamp. There may be plenty of gleaming jewels. A thousand or maybe two thousand. But what are they actually? Eek! Spider eyes! Dead grass spider eyes!