Istanbul was Constantinople

I am fixing to espy some galaxies maybe. But first, I like to get to know the important and conspicuous naked features of the sky in the neighborhood of the galaxies. That is why I was outside this morning, getting to know some of those naked features.

There they were, naked features, up there in the sky, from Ursa Majoris to Corvus. First I made sure I knew which important stars were which. The important stars between Ursa Majoris and Corvus that I can see just employing my spectacles are Cor Caroli, Deneloba, Arcturus, Vindemiatrix, Porrima and Spica. Yes. I made sure I knew which was which.

Then I decided to set up the Lomo and check out the sky around Cor Caroli. Cor Caroli is an easy yet pretty double, white and gold, that splits even in my trusty yet goofy 40mm plossl. M94 is close to Cor Caroli. So is M63. Plus M63, is close to a four star group that is easily visible in the finder. Yes. About the time I was fixing to espy the location of M94, high clouds sauntered in from the west, occluding the view.

It was time to go get the newspaper. Istanbul was Constantinople. Mumbai was Bombay. No wonder the Liberal and Conservative Media regale the reading public with stories of how average Americanos are geographically illiterate. How can we be expected to actually know any geographic facts when the locals are always renaming their miserable cities?

Even I, a learned Druid Ovate, did not know until like maybe yesterday that Mumbai was Bombay. That’s why I was totally unconcerned with the attacks on those hotels. I figured Mumbai was just some recently prefabricated Mammonite city like Trophy Club up near Fort Worth.

But then, when I actually found out that Mumbai was Bombay, my level of concern increased ever so slightly. Goodness, I thought, I hope those holy warriors don’t mess up any of the archaeology.

Hmm. Holy warriors! I got to thinking. If the WG made me pick sides and actually participate in the holy war, which side would I pick? Would I be on the Christian, Muslim, Jew side, or the Hindu side? Well, obviously, I would, if forced, mostly against my will, side with the Hindus. That’s because Hindus worship elephants, not to mention cows. And like Druids, the Hindus believe in Goddesses.

Yes. Given those options, if drafted, I would join up with a Hindu regiment. That settled, out I went to espy whether the clouds had moved off east. They had. I quickly established that M63 and M94 were invisible in the Lomo and that the sun, that Druids reference as Ogma Sunface, was fixing to come up.

My astronomical morning was over at last. Yet I then began to ponder the name of the star, Vindemiatrix. But not for long. I quickly realized that cognitive dissonance was afflicting me. I was mixing up Vindemiatrix with Vercingetorix.

Black Friday?

Praise the WG! I survived Thanksgiving and a C- Thanksgiving dinner. Mercy! Some prankster poured pickle juice in the green bean casserole. Mercy! That pickle juice kept my Thanksgiving dinner from achieving a C+. Mercy!

As everyone with a lick of sense knows, Thanksgiving may be the most reasonable of all the religious holidays celebrated in the Americanoland Homeland. That may be because the Mammonite rulers of Americanoland have never figured out how to totally capitalize Thanksgiving. What’s more, the Mammonite Christian numbskull devotees of the Mammonite rulers have never figured out a way to exclude the pagan elements from Thanksgiving, thanks be to the pagan Injun participation in the original iteration of the holiday. Praise the WG with great praise!

So to make up for Thanksgiving actually being worth a shit as a religious holiday, the Mammonites invented Black Friday. Yes. After a day of semi-reflection and gratitude or mere gluttony, the Mammonites need to go shopping. Yes. The reflective need to get over the scare they may have given themselves and the gluttons need to walk it off. Everyone heads for the mall.

I am actually thinking about celebrating Black Friday myself. Yes. As shocking as that notion seems, even to me, I may go shopping. Why would an old man at death’s door go shopping? Easy that, I believe I may need a Raw editor software program that shall potentially allow me to edit the Raw picture files produced in my camera and subsequently downloaded to my computer. Plus, I have heard it through the grapevine that Best Buy has Paint Shop Pro XP on sale, really cheap. Yet the offer is for a limited time. Like maybe Black Friday is the last day. Mercy!

Good Goddess! I bet the Best Buy is chock full of crazed Mammonites at this very nonce. I bet the parking lot is jammed. What if I have to park way far away? Like maybe down by the liquor store. What if, in close proximty to the liquor store, I suffer displacement behavior, or cognitive dissonance? Mercy! I could come home, not with a copy of the PSP XP software, but with a case of Old Crow. Mercy!

Cardiac Calamity

Yes. Cardiac Calamity is my ticker expert of choice. That’s right. Cardiac Calamity is a friendly health care service for the lifelong substance abuser. At Cardiac Calamity the pretty and efficient young ladies have been trained to show little or no surprise when a lifelong substance abuser provides a personal history. No. Those young ladies will never remark: Hmm, Mr. Ovate did I hear you correctly? You have been abusing tobacco and marijuana for 50 years? Or, Mr. Ovate, you should be dead! Or, Oh my Goodness, Mr. Ovate, we shall call the undertaker immediately.

No. Instead, the pretty and efficient young lady shall notice that you are nervous or miserable, and offer you a nice libation or a joint. Whatever you desire.

Before you head out to Cardiac Calamity for your initial visit, it’s OK to eat a nice crusty pork roast and a skillet of greasy corn pone all washed down with a quart of whiskey. What you eat or drink before the exam is irrelevant to the technicians and physicians at Cardiac Calamity. The fact is, they are experts at calibrating the ticker equipment to account for just those kinds of pre-examination activities. Even if you dropped acid in the lobby, that’s OK.

For example, on my first visit, the pretty and efficient young lady asked, What did you have for breakfast Mr. Ovate? I had a gallon of pralines and cream ice cream with Hershey Chocolate Topping and two quarts of Bongwater Stout. Thank you Mr. Ovate, I shall now calibrate the equipment to account for that delicious and interesting breakfast.

So if you are weary of all the bullshit you get from your cardiologist, head out to Cardiac Calamity. No appointments are necessary and no one has ever been turned away for any reason. You shall have a good time at Cardiac Calamity and so shall your ticker.

When I was a Child!

I was generally too little to defend myself. That’s right. I was too little and many took advantage of my lilliputian nature to annoy or torture me. That’s right. I was a small child, nearly defenseless in an environment fraught with incredible danger and stupidity. All about perils loomed.

What looming perils among many were worst? Easy that, I was forced into close association with Christian Mammonites. They were worst. Yes. Those Christian Mammonites were a standing crop of danger and stupidity. In addition, those Christian Mammonites were also handy with lies, apprizing little defenseless me of terrors besides themselves.

Yet there was occasional relief. A girl child, bigger than me, secreted fresh water mussel shells, birthday candles and a totally illegal matchbook into a concealed cranny of her backyard. At dusk we would venture forth into the backyard. Crumby, she would comment, if we want to see the fairies what we must do is stand the mussel shells up in a circle. Then we shall light a little candle and set it before each mussel shell. Anon, the fairies may come dancing.

My job was to stand the mussel shells up. Not easy that. As I fussed over standing the mussel shells up my companion came along behind and actually stood most of them up. Then she would distribute the candles all around and light them. I was too little to play with matches so I never got to light the candles. Yet what a sight that was; those nacreous shells reflecting the candle light. Anon, the fairies came dancing.

Now I am old and fixing to die. Now, once again I canna defend me, for I am too feeble. Yes. The Mammonites afflict me yet. Just today, for example, they had at me, torturing and mocking me as I flunked my pre-op EKG.

Oh well. The Goddess spells me, Crumby, you shall have a last laugh. Yes. The second sight is with me these days. Full Circle.

Morning Show!

Yes sir! The Moon is fixing to disappear from the morning sky, anon. Should the clouds also go away, that would mean potential exposure of a great many naked celestial bodies to mine eye around 4:30AM. Yes sir. Off to the east, northeast and southeast at that time of the morning this time of year, just about all the heavenly bodies I have not knowingly espied ever may become apparent. I need to make a list. The list shall include most of the remaining Messier celestial objects or bodies I have never espied knowingly, yet.

Sadly, nearly all the remaining Messier objects I need to espy are galaxies. Yes sir. They are galaxies situated in the constellations, Canes Venatici, Coma Berenicies, Hydra and Virgo. Then too, there are a few in Leo and Ursa Major that may need to be included on the list in the faint hope that those elusive objects may also suddenly become visible to mine eye.

Besides a list of these many faint yet naked objects, for observation preparation I need to ask the WG to provide me with not only clear skies, but a power failure. Or, I need to get a good 30 ought 6 equipped with a silencer. With that equipment, I could put some of the transformers in these parts out of commission. The WG helps those that helps himself. Or I could load up the great red tube and head out for darker skies. Or, I could purchase a Denkmeier whatch-a-ma-call-it.

Those are all options. Or, the other option is, espy what you can Crumby, and leave the rest. Actually, I personally prefer the last option because I am curious about which ones of all those naked celestial splendors may be espied from this location given extant conditions. And with this option, I shall only waste my personal energy, lately stored up as fat, which has lately accrued due to no snuff. Praise the WG!

Get Off My Chest

Now that we are fixing to undergo a change of faces at the White Palace, which of the former inhabitants of the White Palace and Associates need to be executed, deported, imprisoned; and which need to have their private property confiscated? Which need to be sent to manual labor camps?

Relax Mammonites. Nothing like this is actually fixing to happen to your vanquished champions. No. More than likely they shall all keep on keeping on. But here's hoping, you Mammonite donors shall henceforth be their sole source of income. Yes. Rather than all us relatively innocent Americanos supporting their nasty greedy asses like we did for the last eight years, you shall be the ones supporting them, exclusively. You shall buy their ignoramus books, you shall bolster the Fox Nitwork, you shall help the worst of your formerly godlike buddies to keep on keeping on.

But let us pretend. If it was left up to the Druids, the retribution would be terrible. Come January of the Julian, or DY 3 of the Druid Calendar, in the neighborhood of Day 40, a Wickerman shall be erected on a lawn of the White Palace. Who should participate in that sacrifice to the merciless WG? Easy that: Kinglet Bush, Vice Kinglet Chitlin, Rumpler, Rover, Sleeza and all their evil minions that drew top dollar from the public dole. They shall burn smartly after first expiring from smoke inhalation. Then all their properties shall be confiscated. Their wives and children and aged parents, even third cousins and other significant relatives shall be deported to miserable Iraq. Of the main minions, only General Powell may be spared a just fate in the Wickerman. But General Powell shall also be deported to miserable Iraq for lying. However, General Powell's wife gets to stay here and keep her property.

Then there are all the lesser minions to consider. These are the ones that helped Kinglet Bush suborn the laws of the land. Every Kinglet Bush minion, in all the federal agencies shall be rooted out, then imprisoned in manual labor camps. Yes. All their families shall also go to the manual labor camps. There, in those happy camps, they shall collectively learn useful work like growing okra and filling potholes. All their ill-gained money and properties shall be confiscated.

No mercy shall be shown. Except maybe for Scott the Fatboy. However, even Scott the Fatboy shall be required to go on a Vegan diet and work in a chicken plucking factory. The same fate awaits his mother. No. She shall not run for mayor of Austink, again.

What of the Supreme Court dudes that have openly declared themselves, servants of the Demon Mammon? Well, they shall also burn in the Wickerman.

What of all the Mammonite servants on Wall Street and Main Street. Yikes! They shall be consigned to the manual labor camps. The cheap labor problem that has so afflicted Americanoland lately, shall be solved. Okra shall be plentiful. All the potholes shall be filled. Praise the Goddess!

Life After Brain Death

Once upon a time, long ago, I could explain the teleological suspension of the ethical to a group. Yes. I knew how photosynthesis works. I could easily do Algebra.

But now that I have bucked off the Demon Snuff, I am stupid as the average Republican. Buh-huh-huh. I find myself watching Governor Palin on the TV. Waaaaaaaaaaaah! What’s fixing to happen to us fat white people now? Duh! The terrorists, fascists, communists are fixing to get me. Yikes! Drill baby drill! Duh! Joe the Plumber is my friend? Buh-dee, buh-dee!

Yet rather than succumb to complete mental inactivity I have chosen to exercise what is left of my feeble intellect. Yes. I have been employing what wits are left to me in the necessarily low demand discipline, photo-journalism.

So here goes! Huh! OK!

So like one day I am going along and suddenly there are all these mofo like garbage cans that like suddenly appear on my route that I go along. Fuck me, dude, like naked !

See all those garbage cans? There are like thousands of those mother fucker garbage cans. Those garbage cans came in like big trucks to right here. See that big truck like mother fucker 18 wheeler in the picture I took, dude? Fuck me! Those are all like communist, mother fuckers, Mexicans maybe? Dude! Fuck me! Fuck all those garbage cans?

OK! Now look what may be happening here. Look! A bunch of those garbage cans is going off in a littler panel truck. Where are they headed? You don’t the fuck know. You ignorant piece of shit.

Here’s some more garbage cans that have not been disbursed yet. What about those big cardboard boxes? Are those full of garbage cans or Islamic fascists? What about Mexicans? Those Mexicans could be releasing more Mexicans. Yikes! Those Mexicans need to be imprisoned in Williamson County where they belong. OK!

The Demon Snuff

Yes. Not for the first time I have assayed to buck off the Demon Snuff. This time I have enjoyed no snuff since Election Day. One thing is now clear, to me. Snuff is my reason to live. That is correct. Nicotine is what’s worth living for. Everything else is just bullshit.

Given the sad fact that my life without snuff is without pleasure and meaning, why did I quit? Especially, why did I quit, when my death is imminent, any way? Yes. I am fixing to die and yet I gave up my greatest remaining pleasure, snuff/nicotine. How could I do that?

Well. Here is why. My gums were receding too far south. So far south that when I inspected those gums, I could see pubic hair. But now, after two meaningless weeks of existence without pleasure, I am fixing to query, Crumby, what is wrong with a little pubic hair in your gums?

Here’s what I need to find out. Do undertakers, when they make up the dearly departed, necessarily have to fix the dearly departed up with a big grin and thereby show off his gums? That is precisely what I need to ascertain. Once I confirm that my undertaker has a no gum exposed policy, I can head over to the nearest convenience store. Once arrived at the convenience store I can order up a can of Grizzly, fine cut, natural, the red and black one.

Then no matter how briefly, my life shall once again have some meaning and a little pleasure.

Retard Vote Keeps the ROT, Red

I am very happy that Barack Obama is the president or kinglet elect. I wonder if he is contemplating all the kinglet like powers Kinglet Bush has managed to confer on the office. Will Barack Obama eschew all those powers? Probably not.

Anyway, for the nonce, I am very happy. A candidate that I voted for, won. However, almost everyone else I voted for, lost. Most of my candidates lost because, in the Republic of Tejas, retards are allowed to vote.

Yes. In the ROT, retards outnumber regular people about 2-1. Not only that, most of the retards actually vote. And, being retards, they always vote for the most ignorant and backward candidates or amendments on the ballot. That is why Senator Cornyn was easily reelected. The ‘tards love Senator Cornyn

Saturn, that Druids Reference as Bran the Blessed, is in Leo

Yes. That oldest Talking Head has temporarily wound up in Leo the Constellation. Where are the dern rings? There they are. Those rings are like looking at a skinny person standing side ways. She’s so dern skinny ye caint see her from side ways unless she sticks out her bosoms.

What a very old and bad joke that is!

Yet the rings of Saturn are very nearly of the same disposition as the skinny lady that has to stick out her bosoms to be espied from the side. Otherwise, she is invisible.

In a week moment of optimism, perhaps inculcated by the pretty blue star plus-Saturn binocular fov, I decided that since M 68 and M69 were handy to Saturn, I would attempt to espy them and accordingly fluff up my Messier list. Dream on Crumby. Those particular Messier objects are invisible from this location.

So how long before Queenlet Palin is playing footsie with the Demon Mammon in the White House? Alas, not long, not long.

In an effort to counter this fairly terrible Druid ovation, Queenlet Palin and Todd in the White House going threesome with the Demon Mammon, I, Crumby Ovate, in an unprecedented plus historic move, gave three dollars to the Obama campaign. In return I received a nice button featuring Obama and two bumper stickers.

Mercy! Goddess forgive me for actually contributing hard earned money to the candidate of the Democratic Party, a capitalist and imperialist running dog party if ever there was one. Yes. Forgive me WG. I am weak. Plus I have been really sick and may yet die, even before I can hobble across the street and vote, tomorrow. Yes. Sickness has clouded my wits. That and the fact that Obama is half Caucasian. Please believe me, Goddess. I shall, with your permission, only vote for the other half.

Yes. It is true. For the first time ever I have given money. Yes, actual money, money succored from the fat of the land that somehow wound up in my checking account. Now that money is gone. Gone to a probably futile attempt, my miserable attempt, to cheat destiny and stave off the inevitable spectacle of Queenlet Palin, Todd and the Demon Mammon in the White House. Goddess forgive me. I am weak.

Uh! Hold it. Let’s see. By sheer accident I gave three dollars. Three is the number of the Blessed Tripartite or Triplet Goddess. Yes, three is the number of the WG. Isn’t that a strange coincidence?

Planetary Nebulae Visible in the Polluted Skies over Austink

As a hard working average amateur astronomer I have been working hard at espying planetary nebulae. Planetary nebulae may be stars that give off, or gave off a cloud of gas. The cloud of gas surrounding these stars is often visible even in light polluted skies. Therefore, an average amateur astronomer, like me, may be interested in espying them.

Yes. Keeping in touch with nature may be hard work for those average amateur astronomers trapped in an urban environment. Nevertheless, many of the planetary nebulae are sufficiently bright, glowing in the murk of the gray or grey sky, to find themselves espied by an average amateur astronomer.

Here is a list of planetary nebulae (pn) I have espied lately, that is, from the commencement of Beelzebubberiffic into the blessed mercy of Olwen White Track, the season, DY 2. Most observations were accomplished with a 10" F5 Newtonian reflector. However, many were made, or also made, with a 133.5mm Lomo Maksutov. Alas, I can not remember which were made with the Lomo. Certain, of them, though, like the Helix Nebula, might be impossible with the Lomo from this location.

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PN NGC #, Messier # if any, common name if any, constellation, commentary if any.

NGC 40, Cepheus
NGC 246, Cetus* I can’t actually see this one. But it is included here because I have tried really hard to see it, repeatedly.
NGC 650, M 76, Little Dumbbell, Perseus!
NGC 1501, Camelopardalis There are a great many interesting heavenly bodies nearby.
NGC 1535, Eriadnus
NGC 2392, Eskimo Nebula, Gemini!
NGC 2438, in the field of M 46, Puppis!!
NGC 3242, Ghost of Jupiter, Hydra!
NGC 3587, Owl Nebula, Ursa Major, requires filter
NGC 6210, Hercules
NGC 6309 Box Nebula, Ophiuchus, Ultrablock helps a lot,
NGC 6543, Cat’s Eye, Draco!
NGC 6572, Ophiuchus
NGC 6720, M57, Ring Nebula, Lyra!
NGC 6803, Aquila, filter helps a lot.
NGC 6804, Aquila, filter pretty much required.
NGC 6818, Little Gem, Sagittarius
NGC 6826, Blinking Planetary, Cygnus!
NGC 6853, M 27, Dumbbell, Vulpecula!
NGC 7009, Saturn Nebula, Aquarius!
NGC 7027, Cygnus, OIII and Ultrablock help this little blinker
NGC 7293, Helical or Helix Nebula, Aquarius, requires filter
NGC 7662, Blue Snowball, Andromeda!

Of these, the hardest ones to see/find, besides NGC 246 in Cetus, are NGC 3587, the Owl Nebula and NGC 7293, the Helix. Both these are only really visible from my location via filters, preferably the O-III.

An exclamation mark, ! indicates whether the pn is worth looking for/at twice, from this location, given all the light pollution.
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Mercy! I am a star hopper. Not because of any Luddite principles regarding new technology, but because I am cheap. The star hopper must find heavenly bodies manually, assisted only by visual aids including spectacles, binoculars, pointers, finders. Also, alas, to espy pn, multiple eps plus filters may be required.

Yes. Sometimes the aggravating pn is indistinguishable from other heavenly bodies, typically, the many tiny stars in the field of view (fov) of my trusty yet goofy 40mm plossl. So then I need to use a filter or a higher magnification ep. In this situation, I generally go to a 30mm ep or even a 20mm ep and maybe a filter before I can scan around and eventually espy the pn. Rarely, I have gone down as low as a 9mm ep for scanning purposes, but scanning with a 9mm ep is a serious drag due to light loss and the narrow fov. Plus, scanning with a 9mm ep is really hard work. Plus, I have never actually found a pn following this procedure. No. I eventually get too aggravated and give up.

My 30mm ep of choice for scanning at a higher magnification than the 40mm affords has been a 30mm Ultima. However, my Ultrablock filter and the threads of the Ultima are borderline incompatible. Doubtless, the filter threads on the Ultima are why it wound up for sale on Astromart. (I have about decided that purchasing used on Astromart is too cheap). My scanning ep of choice at 20mm is a Televue (TV) plossl, also acquired used on Astromart. My TV plossl is the kind with the annoying ring on the barrel that likes to catch in the 2" to 1.25" focuser adapter upon both insertion and extraction. Aggravating!

Given all this, I wish I had a 40-20mm parfocal zoom ep. I also wish for nocturnal power failures.

Another option for the hard work of scanning for pn involves 25 and 12.5mm University orthos. I have eschewed this option due to the relatively narrower FOVs these eps afford. But tonight, Goddess willing, I may try them out on NGC 1514 in Taurus.

Yes. NGC 1514 is my next pn to do. After that, I have a bunch more to do. I have a list.

The Trees are Fixing to Go Deciduous

This morning at 4:30 AM I headed out. The path was well beaten. Even if the path was not well beaten, I could see where I was headed thanks to all the lights shining round about. Yes. When I arrived at the accustomed spot, a new light pollution source afflicted me. A neighbor that ordinarily leaves their back porch light off, left it on. But moreover, with the trees fixing to go deciduous, more light pollution sources beamed from every direction, unblocked by the many kindly leaves that had already given up the ghost.

Jeez Louise!, I thought. This is exactly why star gazing during the winter is well nigh impossible in these parts. Aggravated, yet thinking at the same speed as electricity, I deftly positioned my trusty dolly between me and the unanticipated light pollution source. My dolly, you may see, comes with a towel. A pet towel to be specific. That pet towel not only protects the great red tube against hard knocks, but also may, when draped on the dolly, block some of the light pollution.

This morning the heavenly bodies I wished to espy are situated in the constellation Puppis. Those heavenly bodies are southerly, almost in the constellation Vela. They are numbered in the New General Catalogue as NGC 2451, NGC 2477 and NGC 2546. I observed them in that order too. That is the order they came out from behind the cedar elm which has not gone deciduous yet.

NGCs 2451 and 2477, together with stars d1, d2 and d3 all fit in the finder, barely. However, the stars of NGC 2477 are so tiny that I needed to look at them at over 60x before I could espy those many tiny stars well. Then, after I espied all that I had to wait for NGC 2546 to come out from behind the cedar elm. While waiting around I checked out some more open clusters in Puppis and Canis Major. These were Cr 135, Cr 140, Cr, 132 and M 50, actually situated in Monoceros. M 50 is another one that likes higher magnification.

West of Cr 135 is situated the globular cluster, NGC 2298. I looked for it half-heartedly, suspecting that it is very faint and requires more trouble than it is worth. NGC 2298 does not appear at 30x.

The NGCs 2451 and 2477 are worth looking at twice.

With Ogma arisen and the perils of Halloween, that Druids reference as Samuin, past, I put out my new yard sign. There it is out in the front yard. I can espy it from my window. I need to keep an eye on it. Somebody is liable to steal my sign if I don’t watch out.

The fact is, since I can barely walk, those criminals might steal my sign even if I do watch out. Course, I could shoot those criminals. But that might get me into lots of paperwork. Or, I could take a crutch to those criminals. More paperwork. Jeez Louise!

Times are hard when an average anarchist like me feels obliged to put up a yard sign boosting a democrat.