Either Saturday or Sunday

It was one of those nights. Just one of those, crazy nights.

That’s right. Crumby was out in the early evening with the Great Red Tube (GRT). Asteroid Vesta had moved off a good ways past Gamma Leonis. The time was around 8 PM.

Had to be one of those crazy nights because the cursed stadium lights were off. On a week day those cursed lights would be on.

OK. Crumby has figured out that his first ever observations of actual features on Mars occurred during the weekend of February 20-21, 2010, Julian calendar. All righty then. Crumby, just at this very nonce remembered also that the night of the actual observance was probably a Sunday night. That’s because Crumby remembers thinking to himself and talking out loud, Boy howdy, I’m sure lucky I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.

That about sizes everything up. It was Sunday night that Crumby espied Martian features for the first time ever. But what were those features? Well. The eyes had a terrible aspect. Huh-huh.

No, no, no. Not Mars the Roman God of War. Crumby espied features on Mars, the planet. But what were those features? Easy that, Crumby espied bright white reflections at both poles with the lower one (Newt look) appearing larger and brighter. Then, in between the poles, there were areas of darker versus lighter. That’s about it. Because Crumby never actually believed he could espy any detail on Mars, Crumby had not studied up any on Martian detail in preparation for this viewing event or session.

But now, Crumby has looked at drawings of Mars on the Cloudy Nights Solar System Forum. So now Crumby knows a little of what to expect given good seeing conditions.

The equipment Crumby used on Mars , besides the 10", F5, GRT, was a 20mm TV plossl and 3x TV barlow and a 12.5mm UO ortho with an Ultima 2x barlow plus cheapo Celestron #12 and #56 color filters.

Now, descending from the astronomical to the merely meteorological, yesterday, we were beset with snow as this picture indicates. However, by dusk, most of the snow had melted. So now, this morning there is barely any trace of any snow. One might say, that snow was highly ephemeral.

Rorret, Trap Sod

Also known to the mysterious as: Terror, Part Dos.

In this episode Crumby shall explore the close relationship between the fair flat tax and the terrorist lifestyle. As everyone knows, the fair flat tax is like totally fair and flat. But there is no fair flat tax. And if there was a fair flat tax, it would operate in addition to the other taxes rather than as a substitute.

These sad facts regarding the fair flat tax so infuriate the many idealists who believe with all their hearts in the fictional fair flat tax, that generally many of these idealists have no choice but to turn to terror as a final, suicidal, hope or last gasp. Isn’t that always true though?

At one time, Karl the Tracker Druid was interested in the fair flat tax. That’s because Karl is the owner operator of an unfairly taxed small business. And even though Karl received an agriculture exemption thanks to his pets, Prissy and Ajax, Karl was still aggravated by the complicated high taxes he was afflicted with during those times.

Off Karl went to a fair flat tax rally. At the rally, Karl listened intently to all the speeches. Then, once the rally ended, Karl toted off plenty of literature. The important literature Karl toted off further detailed how the fair flat tax was the last hope of the white race.

Once back at his home office Karl chucked the fair flat tax literature into the “correspondence in” file which is where Karl’s second wife espied that particular literature after Karl had gone off to the barn. Hmm. Thought Mary the Virgin, Karl’s second wife, Karl has been off at a political rally when he was supposed to be tracking. We shall have to see about this.

Meantime, Karl sidled out to the barn to visit with his equine pets, Prissy and Ajax. Anon, the threesome, Karl, Prissy and Ajax were enjoying sugar and apples. Well actually, Karl was enjoying a tumbler of Old Crow and a joint while Prissy and Ajax got sugar and apples.

Karl spoiled his pets. You are such a good horsey. Yes you are. Yes you are. Such a good horsey.

Most of the savings from the agricultural exemption went to purchase treats for Prissy or Ajax. Treats or equine accouterments like Ajax’s new Resistol.

Eventually Karl bade goodbye to his horse and mule, then headed back to the house.

Once arrived, Karl was greeted by his second wife, Mary the Virgin. Karl sugar, What was your day like today? Did you track down the lost pirate treasure?

Uh. It was OK Mary. But, uh, you know, I havn’t got the proposal okie dokie back from the client yet on the, uh, lost pirate treasure contract. And so uh, you know yourself there’s always plenty to do like in terms of marketing.

That’s nice honey. Glad to hear you're keeping up with the marketing. Say Karl, would you like me better if I was flat chested. I’ve been thinking my boobs are too big. Oh! Guess what’s for supper. We’re having pancakes. Those pancakes sure are flat. You know why they are so flat Karl? We’re out of baking powder. I was fixing to go get baking powder but the car has a flat. Then I called mother to see if she could come over and take me to the store. But mom said she was flat wore out and flat on her back. Look at these Karl. You are always telling me I need to wear sensible shoes. Well. Check out these flats.

Dern it, thought Karl. This Blue Ribbon is flat.

Thus was Karl the Tracker Druid saved from a terrorist lifestyle. Yes, saved from a terrorist lifestyle that would have eventually led to flat tax martyrdom.

Some Late Winter Vermin

Vast herds of white-tailed-deer roam the Cow Barn pastures.That means there is always plenty of deer shit for the dogs to roll in and Crumby to step in. But on the sunny side, what sits on shit? You guessed it maybe. Flies sit on shit.

This is a pretty cool fly, literally. This fly is out on the shit even though it’s windy and cold and supposed to snow tomorrow. This fly, a golden dung fly, is a member of the genus Scathophaga.

Yesterday was nice and warm. Consequently, many were out and about including a crab spider and a tiny Halictid bee that should have stayed home.

Rorret!

When is it terror, spelled backwards? Or when is it terror, in Pig Latin, Errorta? Goodness!

Yes. Mercy. Many brave Amercians are fixing to figure out how to define terror, or rorret or orretra, same difference, maybe.

OK. Seems like common sense should come into play. And yes. Common sense would naturally come into play, helping everyone out with an easy to understand yet practical definition of terror. If only common sense was real, rather than imaginary.

So forget common sense. Common sense will never help anybody define terror, or terrorist, or terrorism. Well, maybe some individuals can employ their own common sense to define terror to their own satisfaction. But that won’t do for everybody, the body politic, all the common dudas put together, the many people, the struggling, writhing, witless masses. Will it?

Back when the Soviet Union was the last hope of the white race, but already fizzling fast, the Bolsheviks decreed: The solution to the white terror is the red terror.

Yes. The whites were attacking the reds and also attacking the new institutions the reds were fixing to put in place. Yes. Those whites were assassinating, bombing, knifing, shooting, talking bad. You name it. Those whites were employing weapons, including swords, and bad talk to scare the reds and terrorize the masses.

So the reds said, OK, two can play at that game. Thus, the reds embarked upon a very successful campaign of state-sponsored terror, including public executions of whites caught in arms. Well. Also the reds publicly executed the friends and families of whites caught in arms. The state terror employed by the reds quickly snuffed out the whites despite the presence of imperialist forces attempting to protect the white terrorists.

But that was then, and this is now, maybe.

Holy crap! Well. Is it considered terror when he used his own airplane? You know yourself, he used his own private property.

Right there is a big difference between Norte Americanos and foreign peasants or tribepersons. An average American may actually own an airplane. So potentially, the average airplane owning American can fly a personally owned airplane into any building, any time, any where. Whereas, the ignorant foreign peasant or tribesperson must first steal an airplane. That’s a huge difference. Does everyone contemplate how huge that difference is?

Are we getting any closer to defining terror?

Hold it. Crumby’s skeered!

But what actually terrorizes Crumby? Understand, any fanciful examples of Crumby paralyzed by fear or terror should be politically well connected. Politics is the key to an understanding of actual terror. Yes. Terror is irrevocably intertwined with politics.

So the duda flying his airplane into the IRS building is fairly politically well connected, maybe. That’s because there is an organized anti-tax movement that does politics with a view to changing tax laws. Yet some anti-tax people advocate illegal activities, for example, tax evasion. If the movement scales up, now that they have a martyr, there is no telling what additional acts of possible terror those tax cheaters may envision.

Yes. Now the tax evaders, reformers or revolutionaries have a martyr, an example, and a means of protest that gets almost everybody’s attention, however briefly. (Man! Could Tiger Woods show just a little respect for the poor tax dodgers, do you think?). Plus, a good many of the anti-tax American tax cheats have probably purchased airplanes with the money they saved from tax avoidance. Look out!

Yet Crumby is not especially terrorized by this obvious, potential terrorist threat; the tax dodging neo-kamikazes. Maybe that’s because the IRS office is not especially close to the Cow Barn. Or maybe it’s because, Crumby’s first thought upon espying the neo-kamikaze news article was, Too bad he didn’t get mixed up and crash into the Burger Center football stadium.

Oh well. So what does terrorize Crumby? OK. Here is a hypothetical example. Crumby is camping out at Big Bend National Park. All of a sudden he hears gunfire. Mercy! Crumby investigates. Bad boys in brown shirts are using snakes and such for target practice. Goodness! And nobody will fix to stop them except Crumby.

Why must Crumby stop them? Easy that, environmental laws go unenforced in the Tejas Republico duh Booblico. That’s right. The cops, the rangers, the game wardens will do their best to ignore the use of snakes and such for target practice in a national park. So in this hypothetical situation, succoring the snakes and such is up to Crumby. That scares Crumby a lot. Those gun thugs scare Crumby. They could shoot Crumby before Crumby shoots them.

Of course, in this example, the key ingredient is a general disrespect for law and order. Yes. Where does terror thrive? Easy that, terror may thrive in precisely those parts where the people hold law and order or peace and quiet in disrespect. Yes. Remember, there are too many people and most of them are no damn good. Also, the ones that are no damn good, and even some of the good ones that go crazy are willing to break various laws or disturb the peace because they don’t respect the law. These generally lawless elements are liable to eventually give up on mere criminality in favor of genuine terrorism, terrorist activity or just plain terror. But to do that, to make that transition, the criminals shall need to undertake some serious politics.

But what the heck is terror? And is a person espousing a fair flat tax on the road to a terrorist lifestyle or way of life? Find out anon, maybe.

Crane Flies in the Boy’s Room, Told a Tale on You

That’s right. Anyone who leaves a door or window open this time of year is liable to let the crane flies in. Once in, those crane flies (Tipula sp.) head straight for the rest rooms.

This particular crane fly is comfortably resting up on the toilet tank. This duda is the first on the scene. Anon, more will come. Anon, Crumby shall be obliged to shoo crane flies before he can rest up.

Go on you giant crane fly. Move on over. I need to sit here.

Winter Weed Detente

Nightly freezes! Hark! Do the fairly low temperatures discourage the hoards of winter weeds introduced into these parts from Eurasia. Nay! The colder and wetter the greener the better.

Red called us to a meeting yesterday. The topic was, Winter Weed Management. It turns out, everyone agreed that the introduced winter weeds are beyond our capacity to do much about. Blame the fall and winter rains.

At any rate, Crumby was relieved to hear that we no longer have to try and control the henbit and the veronicas. Plus, the only control on the Taraxacum will be cropping for salad. That’s right. If there get to be too many, we shall eat a bunch of them. . To celebrate dandelion detente Crumby took a picture of a dandelion flower showing the short and curlys. Also alfalfa. We have given up on alfalfa.

The worst of the introduced winter weeds are still proscribed. These are Galium aparine, the Medicagos, Sonchus asper, Torilis arvensis and Torilis nodosus. What successful weeds they are!

Boy howdy! In a better world the cursed deer would eat the introduced winter weeds. Instead, in this world, the deer eat the spider worts.

Asteroid Vesta

Crumby has never got to espy an asteroid, knowingly, ever. Yet anon, meaning within twain hours, an asteroid may be visible in the vicinity of Gamma Leonis. How about that? It is the second or third largest of all the asteroids. It is called, Vesta. How about that? At this very nonce, Asteroid Vesta may be in the neighborhood of magnitude 6. How about that? Rumor has it that Vesta is easily visible right now in bins. How about that? How, about that? Mercy!

Man alive and boy howdy! Crumby may try to see some detail on Mars too. That would also be a first. Yet the night may be too cold for much futile Mars shenanigans. Maybe just Asteroid Vesta, we shall espy.

Important Update: The asteroid known as Vesta, named after the Roman Goddess of the same name, had, by last night, passed an imaginary north-south line between Gamma Leo and 40 Leo, headed west. It was easy to spot in 10x bins. However, it looked pretty much stellar, possible due to the horrific viewing conditions last night. For example, Gamma Leo, the well-known double, was super hard to split because those twain stars resembled an artistic concept of an explosion as drawn in a DC comic book.

Once Crumby noted Vesta, the atmospheric turbulence plus the exceeding cold, all thought of a Mars session flew from his noggin much as a canary might fly out of its cage if the door was left open.

But hark. Tonight is yet another night.

A hard freeze occurred again last night. Did the subject frostweed do its thing? Easy that, yepper do. That makes about nine events.

I Am So Ashamed of Myself

Hold up my head. How can I? When all I have for company are laughing gulls.

Laughing gulls are my only friends. My only friends or associates spend all day begging for freedom fries at the McDonalds.

Good Goddess! I may as well go and tangle myself up in a six pack holder.

The Big Tree

An important, not-to-be-missed highlight of Goose Island State Park is the Big Tree. Once upon a time, the gay traveler could easily approach the Big Tree. But since Crumby's last visit, the Big Tree has been fenced off, possibly to prevent an Islamic fascist attack on this prestigious landmark.

After checking to see if the Big Tree was still big, and there, Crumby noticed birder action just southeast of the Big Tree, directed toward an adjacent pasture.

What you got? Uh-oh! A Druid deadly sin was nearly committed. Mercy! Good Goddess!

Actually, Goddess Protect and Show Some Mercy!, nobody announced, What you got?. However, nevertheless, it soon came out, or came to pass, that twain whoopers were infesting the pasture. Yet by Crumby's arrival, they were out of sight.

Anon though, those twain whoopers came back under Crumby's keen, bespectacled visage.

Well. We need to get a picture. Yet those whoopers are far, far away. Mercy! Can ye tell what they are? Do they eat corn?

Well Diggers and Witches

What do they have in common, well diggers and witches? Easy that, cold. They have cold asses and tits in common. Now Crumby knows that Americanos living north of the Red River just find it hard to believe that Tejanos can cry about the cold weather. But hey! Even an Okie like Crumby gets to where, if he lives in these parts long enough, he loses his pre-adapted, cold adaptation.

Mercy! The weather in these parts is too. Too cold, too hot, too wet, too dry and especially, too windy. That’s right. The wind blows practically all the time. It’s terrible. Plus, it’s an ill wind that blows no good or count.

Speaking of no account or, shortened, no count, the Mormons tried to get at me yesterday. That’s right. Immediately following a nice nap in my orgone box, I heard a rapping at the front door. Correct. We have installed a dragonfly door knocker for the convenience of the pestiferous.

And there they were. Pests! Good Goddess! Have those Mormons learned nothing from the chainsaw type cinematographic efforts renowned in the Republico Booblico? Probably not.

Anyway, there they were, Mormons, also called Latter Day Saints. Huh-huh.

Can we come in and visit with you about Jesus Christ? Huh-huh.

Well do you know anybody around here that would like to visit with us about Jesus? Huh-huh.

Off they went, headed south.

The obstacle those Mormons face is that most of the houses in these parts are set back a ways from the road and many have fences and/or dogs. I don’t know how your dogs feel about Mormons, but my dogs generally hate their guts. Dogs may confuse Mormons with marmots.

All these important facts amused Crumby as he watched the departing Mormon bohines rhythmically pumping off in a southerly direction.

One of the best things about the Druid religion is that ecumenical or evangelical activities are entirely optional. Consequently, few Druids are liable to go door to door, spreading the news, good or bad. Yet Crumby, a former Christian, sometimes yearns for the traveling, evangelical lifestyle or way of life.

Have you heard the good news, neighbor? If ye repent from your lying and gluttonous ways, you may eventually metamorphose into a fairy, complete with Ephemeroptera wings and a super ding.

Almost everyone wants to fly on their own without the aid of an airplane. That’s why the Christians promise wings. So to outdo the Christians, Druids offer the super ding in addition to the wings.

One thing Crumby is always asked is, Do ladies also get a super ding? Yes they do. Ladies also get super dings.

A Break in the Monotony

One day is too cold and windy. One day is too rainy and cold. One day is rain mixed with sleet. One day is nice. You got to take advantage of the nice day. You need to store up the sunshine vitamins on the nice day. Also, on the nice day you may get some work done, maybe. Like on the nice day you go outside in the winter sunshine. Once out, you weed and seed. Then, as Ogma passes the horizon, you get to stay outside. Yes. You stay out even after dark, absorbing the star vitamins.

Continuing the nice day bird photo project, here is another Inky Dink.

Fat Suckers in the Courts

Perhaps the only place where some Americanos still get a fair shake is in the courts. That’s because the hated jury system is fairly democratic. Yes. The juries like to treat corporations as corporations, but people as people. That’s why anti-democratic forces that wish the corporations to be treated as people have to use politics to circumvent the will of the people in the courts. The anti-democracy crowd calls this, tort reform.

One of the ways evil doers try to bring down heroes like Fatty Arbuckle and Hopalong Cassidy is to accuse them of fooling around with children. But actually, a lot of times it is not children depicted in those lurid or doctored photos, frolicking with our favorite stars. No. It is not children. It is fat sucker vampires. That’s right. Your youthful fat sucker vampire may be small or child-sized.

(Let me ask you, good citizens on this jury. If you were a busy movie star, wouldn’t it make sense to keep a fat sucker or two handy. After all, a movie star has to look good or slim practically all the time. Even a fat movie star has to be sane about it. So what makes more sense than keeping a small fat sucker or two in the trailer? You know yourself. Trailers don’t have much space so a movie star needs little fat suckers).

The fact is, the size of the average fat sucker vampire is positively correlated with the number of feeding events and frequency. At first, the fat sucker is little. And it only gets bigger by feeding. So obviously the little ones can pass as children.

Sometimes a little fat sucker may be lazy or lack ambition or just have bad luck. Given that sad situation, a particular lazy or luckless fat sucker may stay fairly diminutive into ripe old age. Yes.

Like one time there was a Mexican restaurant over on Oltorf. But mainly the restaurant was a front for money laundering. Anon, the restaurant closed with a bunch of young fat suckers trapped inside. With no access to fat, those fat suckers never got any bigger while they were locked up in the closed restaurant. They would have stayed little forever if they hadn’t been accidentally rescued by Karl the Tracker Druid.

How long does a fat sucker live? Well. That depends on what you mean by live. A fat sucker is only really alive when it is sucking fat. Hold it. It is also alive when it is reproducing. OK. When a fat sucker is not feeding or replicating, it may seem dead. But no. It is not dead. It has entered into a torpid state similar to a coma. There it shall rest up until its noggin senses a nearby fat source.

The bottom line is, thus, your average fat sucker is almost immortal. Only a hot fire or a very high temperature can kill a fat sucker. For example, young and experienced fat suckers may get lured to a deep fat frier, then fall in. Mercy!

No hold it. The vacuum of outer space can also kill a fat sucker. What does that tell you regarding your average astronaut or cosmonaut?

The Fat Sucker Vampire Goes to Work

Many have requested some visual stimulation depicting the vampire fat sucker in action. Well. Reluctantly Crumby has produced an artist’s conception of how that appears in real life. Please note that this artist’s conception is nowhere near as lurid as the upcoming cinematic release, I WERE A TEJAS TEA PARTY FAT SUCKER. Nowhere near. Instead, Crumby shows the fat sucker not as some handsome Hollywood movie star or starlet, but as the simple Echinoderm like creature it really is, except for the cowboy hat. The fat lady, however, Crumby still shows as beautiful. That's because sometimes you have to mix the beauty of art with science in order to hold people's attention.

The upcoming movie, on the other hand, makes it seem like a sexual relationship is possible between a fat sucker and people. But that’s just to sell tickets and would never happen in real life. No. The symbiotic relationship between people and fat suckers, despite appearances, is totally Platonic.

More Fat Sucker Vampire Facts

OK. The factual information Crumby is fixing to present is not included in the movie. This data is extra to the movie and was left out because there was no time to include it in the movie. You know, the movie run time is just an hour and a half. Therefore, most of the interesting natural history of the fat sucker vampire is not in the movie. Interested parties can only get that information right here.

Also some of the natural history information provided in the movie may contradict actual facts. That may be what happens in some sensational type movies. So here Crumby has an opportunity to set the actual record straight.

Natural History of Vampirus lipo-succubus (Ovate)

The fat sucker vampire, Vampirus lipo-succubus (Ovate) is generally considered to recall a time long ago when people and Echinoderms, principally star fish, were more closely associated than they are today, maybe. Yes. Way back in those early days as the seas cooled and air, plus dissolved oxygen became available, suddenly a great swarm of life appeared.

At first, most of the life stayed in the luke warm seas. Yes. There in those cosy seas the life swarmed for hundreds of years. There all of them stayed, defecating and ejaculating in the water. Yet out of this soupy mess, eventually a few of these organisms slithered out of the watery mixture on too dry land.

What types of organisms were capable of making that first terrible trip from the soupy seas to dry land? Easy that, only those organisms with five major protuberances coming off their trunks (rudimentary arms, legs and noggin) were capable of making that transition. And at that time there were only maybe one or two hundred species of those type organisms. All those organisms, the one or two hundred species we are discussing; those grappling, bun hugging, entangled in the web of life species were among the original land locked potential ancestors of both people and star fish.

Then, once on land, they began the process of thinning each other out. Those were tough times. A bunch of them quit on the land and went back to the sea. Many were simply eaten and forgotten. However, one species, the people, thrived. Pretty soon the people established a situation that was fantastic for their species. For their species ate up all the other species and hardly any of the other species ever got to eat them.

Consequently, because the people easily ate all the other species without exerting much energy, and the other species were incapable of chasing or eating the people, the people grew fat and a little fatter, just like in the song featuring buckwheat cakes and Injun batter.

Yet hardly anyone notices what is lurking behind the refrigerator. Yes. Here and there another species exists side by side with the people. This species is commonly known as the fat sucker vampire.

The physical appearance of your average fat sucker vampire is slightly different from the sensational account provided in the movies. In reality, the fat sucker vampire exudes five limbs. Four of those limbs are similar to arms and legs. Thus the fat sucker can walk a pace or two and grab on this or that. But the main function of the four limbs is holding on. That’s right. With all four limbs deployed, a fat sucker can hold on for dear life while it sucks fat.

The fifth limb, also known as the noggin, provides all the senses or sense a fat sucker requires. Yes. The fifth limb is merely a highly specialized and efficient fat detecting organ. With the noggin fat detector organ displayed, a fat sucker can detect fat from as far away as, uh, forty cubits.

In its naked state or condition, the fat sucker only vaguely resembles its people host. Yet with clothes on, typically a rain coat, apron, broad-brimmed hat, scarf and rubber boots, the fat sucker can easily pass for a person. The hilarious part is, the person preyed upon by a fat sucker actually becomes ecstatic due to the presence of the vampire and often helps the vampire off with its clothes.

Due to the fairly limited range of the vampire noggin, the fat sucker must, in order to survive, stick fairly close to fat people. Where do fat people stay? Duh! Fat people stay in fat people habitat of course. That’s where C. Ovate first discovered his initial fat sucker vampire, Arby’s. But it’s like this. Once you find one fat sucker, and know what to look out for, you start finding them everywhere. Crumby has even found them in unlikely spots like Central Market. Yes. Even Central Market is home to fat suckers.

OK. There we have it. An actual, abbreviated, non-sensational account of the natural history of the famous fat sucker vampire. Is it more human, or is it more starfish? Crumby may know for sure.

At the Pot and The Fat Suckers

Typically, the handles break on old pots. Once that happens at the CB, those pots are liable to wind up outside. Once outside those pots may get filled up with water. Everybody likes a nice refreshing drink of cool water.

If an average photographer like Crumby wishes to avoid spooking the birds, he needs to keep the door shut and shoot through the glass. That’s what is happening here. But here, unlike with those sparrows at the bird bath, the light is better. Way better.

The Fat Suckers

Crumby is getting plenty bored with staying inside all the time. When Crumby gets bored, he tries to think up changes that would be good for everyone, for humanity in all its miserable entirety. Not that change for the sake of change is good. No, not necessarily. Yet some specific change might generally be good for everybody.

For example, what if vampires, instead of being blood suckers, were fat suckers. Huh-huh. That would be good. Yes. Fat sucking vampires would be practically, totally good. Maybe not entirely, universally good, but a substantial improvement over the normal blood sucking vampire variety .

Like what a great movie could be made out of the interesting idea, fat sucking vampires. You know, the leading lady could be huge. Like immensely fat yet scantily clad. And she could suddenly get attacked by this skinny vampire. But even though this vampire is totally skinny and like famished, there is no way this vampire duda can suck all the fat off this lady. Turns out, our heroine needs multiple vampires to suck off all her fat.

Anon, the original vampire calls up some other vampire friends for help. Three more fat suckers that are friends of the practically exhausted original vampire come to the rescue. That makes four vampires per one fat lady. Those vampires suck and suck. But they can’t suck off all the fat. No way. After awhile they need to go off and take a nap. They have to take a nap and digest some of the fat. Meantime, the fat lady goes off to a feast. Mmm. Ice cream.

Uh. To make the movie even more interesting, the four vampires sucking on the fat lady can be made to seem erotic. So all the participants need to start out with clothes on, but after awhile the vampires strip off the fat lady's scanty attire. Then those vampires remove their own scanty attire or better yet, the fat lady rips the clothes off the vampires. Normally, those vampires wear aprons.

At this point in the film we learn that vampires lack genitalia. Instead, they have like nodules. No hold it. Not nodules. They have like mouths in their groins resembling the proboscis of lampreys. These mouths, located in what would be the groin region of a person, are feeding or fat sucking organs.

Uh. Reproduction in fat sucking vampires is thus external. Therefore, the lascivious writhing of the vampires as they suck at the fat lady is merely coincidental.

At the feast, where the desert is ice cream, pralines and cream with Hershey’s chocolate on top, the fat lady’s friends exclaim, Oh my dear. Just look how skinny you are. How nice you look. However, did you lose all that weight? Goodness!

But that formerly fat lady can’t answer because her mouth is full of ice cream. Mmmmpf! And her palatine bone is froze up.

Well. Crumby can’t tell everyone anymore about the rest of the plot to this extremely interesting and novel movie concept. But it is a four star movie.

Has the Demon Mammon Headed for Haiti, Via Idaho?

Yepper. Probably there got to be a shortage of labor in the Idaho fast food industry or tater fields. So the Demon Mammon instructs his Baptist servitors, Y’all need to head on down to Haiti. We have a cheap labor emergency in these parts. Yet withal there is now a solution with all these Creole children or babies at loose ends.

An important subset of the Mammonites is the Southern Baptists. Follow the money trail to Haiti.

Mercy!