God Damn the Pusher Man!

In the silly realm of the too dramatic, many call upon supernatural entities to damn the Pusher Man. That’s because everyone recognizes that the Pusher Man is part and parcel of me, myself and I. Yes. Everyone comes equipped with his, her or its own, Pusher Man. And since everyone pretty much deserves and needs to go to Hell, everyone damns the Pusher Man.

As a matter of fact, I, Crumby, have been clean of tobacco products fer a Moon and part of another Moon. So, god damn the Pusher Man! I have the tobacco Pusher Man under control at last, maybe. Though, the god damn Pusher Man tempts me many times, daily.

Here is some of the tobacco Pusher Man’s daily bullshit. He whispers to me, Crumby, you know you are getting fat as a pig. You can barely waddle along. No wonder your knee still hurts. It’s that extra weight constantly impinging on your sore knee. Yet all you need to do Crumby, is journey along to any convenience store. All you have to do Crumby, is order up a can of Grizzly, red and black, regular, fine cut, and your worries shall be over. That’s all you have to do, Crumby. Come on Crumby. Let’s go get in your pickup. We can go to the convenience store, together.

Or, Crumby, you sure seem stupid lately. Are you still smart enough to recall how smart you were when you had plenty of snuff? Remember those happy days, Crumby? When all you needed to feel smart was a nice big dip.

Or, No wonder you are depressed Crumby. How long has it been since you enjoyed a nice tobacco product. How long Crumby? How long?

God damn the Pusher Man! Boy howdy. I am sure glad I decided to voluntarily x-rate this venue. God damn the Pusher Man! Now, I no longer need to worry about little children innocently coming across this venue. Praise the Goddess, the little children are spared. The little children shall never learn about the god damn Pusher Man from this venue.

Ahem.

Comet Lulin, despite predictions, is not fixing to brighten up to naked eye visibility. Last night, noted at its rendezvous with Regulus, Comet Lulin was dulling off. The fact is, Comet Lulin is fading out, going the weak sister route. Oh well. Comet Lulin changed my life. Comet Lulin helped me cast off the Demon Nicotine, possibly temporarily. Harrroooo then for Comet Lulin.

So now the god damn Pusher Man wants me to come up with a light weight, easily portable average amateur astronomer optical solution. God damn the Pusher Man! God damn the Pusher Man! Yes. The god damn Pusher Man has been bugging me about a Grab and Go optical solution for months now. God damn the Pusher Man! God damn the Pusher Man!

Ant Day Approaches

Mercy! Time is associated with many metaphors and similes. Yes. And Ant Day, the most important of all the secular holidays in these parts, is nigh. For the many ignoramuses and retards out there who may not know about Ant Day, I, Crumby the Ovate, shall explain.

Ant Day is when the regular people plus retards unite to poison the ants all at once, simultaneously. Some might argue, poisoning ants is akin to animal sacrifice; therefore, Ant Day, is actually a religious holiday, not merely a secular holiday. But that line of thought is incredibly stupid, scarcely worth rebuttal. Obviously, retard participation in Ant Day, implies secular, not religious.

OK. Since the termites have apparently eaten most of the out building at the Cow Barn, we may go light on Ant Day this time around. Whatever, we are in the holiday spirit, nevertheless.

Now here’s Ray for some important weather bullshit. Bosom companion, what’s the weather bullshit up too?

Crumby, bosom companion, the weather bullshit situation is dire. This Polar Bear we have been afflicted with one dry norther after another. The rain scarcely fell. The ground is bone dry. Bare ground increaseth apace. Many suffer and die. The temperature yesterday, in anticipation of another dry norther, reached 91, a blistering hot and untimely record. Hold it!

Hold it! Crumby needs to be in a trance for this part. Crumby, are you in a trance? I think he’s in a trance. OK.

What dost these several aforementioned signs portend, Crumby Ovate?

Oooooooooo! Evil times are ahead, Ray. Evil times and wicked. The retards have us by the short hairs. Yesterday, a big fat retard in a Hummer passed me twice as I walked the dog. To and fro the retard drove along. Then also, the great outdoor lights are on every night. Every night, Ray! Evil times. Evil times and wicked. Hear the wind howl. See the dust blow. Wake me when the Retards have been deported. Ooooooooo!

No Crumby. You need to wake up now. We can’t wait for the retards to be deported. You have to wake up now. Please Crumby, wake up now! Oh alas, shall my bosom companion sleep for eternity, his enchanted noggin forever ensconced upon the Ample Bosoms.

Later.

You know yourself Crumby that the retards could just as easily undergo rapture as get deported. That’s two possibilities for getting shut of them at last. That’s not bad. There’s always hope.

Scant hope, bosom companion. Scant hope indeed. Hope is a scantily attired mistress.

Yes but Crumby, some of the retards are threatening to immigrate. And some of them are threatening insurrection. Insurrection could thin them out. See Crumby, more hope.

OK Ray. Now, since you have come up with four possibilities, I shall stay awake. That’s four for the Crumby Ovate.

So Ray, Nature needs to be our inspiration. Here’s an item from your sister, Rayetta. It spells, something for those who enjoy seeking portents in nature, to contemplate. Anteos calinde on Gelsimium sempervirens. Not unusual maybe, except the date is, February 27 of the Julian.

Rendezvous with Regulus

Many may remember the famed tap shoe duet, Regulus and Remus. Yes. Those twain amazed dozens. However, even at the height of their popularity, Regulus and Remus kept secret the fact that they were twins. That’s correct. They had the same father but slightly different mothers. That’s right. The mothers of Regulus and Remus were actually twin sisters who helped conceive Regulus and Remus almost simultaneously, that is, within an hour of each other.

In the old days, the circumstances surrounding the parentage of the twain future tap dance partners would have been considered unusual by some, immoral by some, and miraculous by some. Nowadays, these same circumstances are made potentially commonplace by unusual, immoral or miraculous advances in medical technology.

Of the twain twins, Regulus was the more articulate. Therefore, Regulus got the honor of getting to be placed in the heavens as a naked eye star. Such placement of a mere mortal actual historical person in the sky as a naked celestial object is rare.

Remus, on the other hand, is also up there, the largest of the triplet companions of Regulus. And now, on the morning of February 28 of the Julian, Comet Lulin is fixing to get in the twain twin faces of Regulus and Remus. I shall be front and center for that show.

By the way, Comet Lulin does not appear to be getting brighter, only bigger and more diffuse. Crumby may have already spelled that, but it bears repeating. Repeating bears!

Repeating Bears. Er. Actually, repeating bears would make a good song, sung to the tune of, Over the Sea, Let’s Go Men.

The preceding is a production of Ray Pistrum Enterprises. I, Ray, am substituting for my bosom companion Crumby. Crumby is still asleep. Crumby, when I was fixing to wake him up, spelled, Wake me up Ray, when the Retards have been deported at last.

Hold it! Here’s Crumby after all.

Yes. Here I am, up at last. Sometimes an average Druid Ovate like me prefers dreams to the wide awake. What’s this though? Ray, the twins are Romulus and Remus. I don’t reckon they were tap dancers either. But you are right about the rendezvous, bosom companion. Plus, tonight M95 and M96 may be in the field of Comet Lulin. Or would be if I could employ a low enough power and still espy those galaxies.

Bone Sucking Cold

Here’s how that works. Out you go, minding your own business when suddenly the hoar frost giants attack. Here’s how those brutal giants typically attack. A few of them hold you down while the smartest ones of the group undress you. First they pull off your shoes and socks. Next they pull off your green brownie pants, followed by your regular pants. Then they begin to suck your toes. Gradually they suck all the meat off your toes. Gradually, they continue sucking all the meat off the rest of your feet bones. Then they suck all the meat off your tibias and fibulas eventually reaching your knees.

About that time you realize you need to go inside and warm up. So that’s what you do. Here’s how that works. You holler the spell, Let me go you brutal hoar frost giants, I am freezing and I need to go inside and have some nice instant hot coffee. You have to utter the spell just so. If you mess up, the hoar frost giants may continue sucking all the way up your femurs. Whoa!

Out I ventured around 4:30 AM. By 5:30 I knew I was getting my bones sucked off by the hoar frost giants. Plus, the situation upstairs was confusing me. That’s because Virgo the Virgin had her feet up in the air. It’s fixing to take me awhile to get use to that spectacle.

So I looked up a galaxy or two in Virgo but could never figure out which was which. I espied Saturn and Comet Lulin. Comet Lulin is not brightening up much, but it certainly appears big in the bins. This morning, Saturn and Comet Lulin were simultaneously in the FOV of the 10x42s.

Having once escaped the hoar frost giants, an average or typical escapee may wish to stay inside, safe and warm. Yet the round chested escapee may go back out, wishing to espy more heavenly bodies. Fickle Ogma was at it again, fixing to arise. Ha! There they are. The high clouds fail to conceal those twain bright buddies, Mercury and Jupiter. Yes. Both, even Mercury are naked eye at 630AM.

Moon is really cool. Moon is the narrowest sliver I have observed Moon to be, ever. Somewhere betwixt Moon, on the downside, and Mercury + Jupiter on the upside, is Mars. Ha! There that dim booger is. Yes. The solar system outdoes the hoar frost giants this morning, for sure.

Lazy Boy Malfunctions

My furniture woes continue. First, unbeknownst to me, my plastic Pepsi average amateur astronomy furniture is crushed almost beyond recognition. Near as I can figure, my Pepsi furniture got crushed while I was at the doctor, his finger stuck up my ass. Then, when I get home from the sadistic doctor visit and attempt to rest up in my Lazy Boy, the foot rest gets stuck in the up position. Jeez Louise! Life as I know it!

Thankfully, my Lazy Boy fixed itself, eventually. Like after I had totally given up on my Lazy Boy, after 24 hours and much futile aggravation on my part, it fixed itself. How can it do that? How can a Lazy Boy fix itself? Jeez fucking Louise!

Well, I am glad my Lazy Boy fixed itself. I would rather have my Lazy Boy operating normally than a broke Lazy Boy, any day. Yes. Even if I shall never understand how that Lazy Boy fixed itself, life is better for me with the Lazy Boy, fixed, than with the foot rest permanently stuck out.

Good Goddess All Righty!!!! When my Lazy Boy broke, some responsible parties, commenting on how dirty its upholstery is, decided to get shut of my Lazy Boy entirely. Few can imagine how disheartened I was, hearing all the trash talk about my Lazy Boy. I was downcast. I was forlorn. But maybe now that the Lazy Boy has fixed itself, the responsible parties shall forget all about the little dirty upholstery problem. I sure hope so. I love my Lazy Boy. I am not ashamed to admit that I asked the Goddess to help fix my Lazy Boy. Maybe the WG did actually fix my Lazy Boy. That’s what you call a miracle.

With my Lazy Boy operating normally, my mind is more at ease, allowing Crumby to return to a normal routine. Out I went, intruding into the enveloping stygian darkness. These days, Coma Berenices is pretty high up by midnight. The truth is, an average amateur astronomer may espy some of the naked heavenly splendors of Coma Berenices and still get along to the Ample Bosoms by 1:30 or two. On the downside, last night was bone-sucking cold and a dry north wind blew 10-20mph, yea verily, even long after fickle Ogma set. Even so, out Crumby went.

Just about everyone knows how Queen Berenice offered her lovely auburn tresses in sacrifice to Aphrodite. In return, Queen Berenice expected Aphrodite to help bring her husband back from the war in one piece. So we don’t need to go into all that since just about everyone already knows all about Berenice’s hair.

I will say though, by way of my opinion, that I find it pretty hard to imagine hair up there. Yet despite little or no hair, Coma Berenices is an interesting constellation. In fact, Coma Berenices may be the most interesting of all those constellations that, at first glance, aren’t the least bit interesting. Yes. Dull constellations like Canes Venatici, Camelopardalis, Hydra, Lacerta, Lynx, and Scutum are not especially interesting at first glance. That’s because these constellations have few, if any, bright stars. That makes them dull. So to become interesting they must exhibit other charms besides bright stars.

Coma Berenicies interests me because it is the constellation with the most invisible Messier objects from my perspective. That’s right. Coma Berenices features the entirely invisible M88, M91, M98 and M100. Only Ursa Major, with three, compares to Coma Berenices. Together, Coma Berenices and Ursa Major contain more than half the invisible Messier objects remaining unseen from this location.

Yet Coma Berenices boasts four visible Messier objects also, M53, M64, M85 and M99. Plus, it contains a swell bunch of little stars that I personally feel like is one of the best starry aggregations in the night sky. This starry aggregation is sometimes called the Coma Star Cluster or Melotte 111. It is a very fine cluster indeed, and is considered by many to be the actual, mythical Berenice’s hair. Like I opined before though, I can’t ever make out any hair, much less auburn hair.

17 Coma Berenices is a wide double in the Coma Star Cluster. It can be used to find the nearby, fairly bright galaxy NGC 4494. However, I never could use it to line up NGC 4565. I tried and tried for over an hour. NGC 4565 eluded me. Seems like NGC 4565 would be easy an easy hop from 17, but no.

So I decided finally to triangulate from a combination of 17 and 18-21. That did the trick. Yikes! NGC 4565 is on the edge of visibility here, a very pale, vertical sliver. Probably, all I can espy is the very brightest parts.

Huh, huh. Hold it. I just remembered something. What if, Berenice’s hair, didn’t come from her head? What if that hair came from the nether region of her old tomato? Ha. Then the general shape of the Coma Star Cluster considered as a hairy shape makes more sense. Huh, huh.

Tonight, I am fixing to espy Coma Berenices again. Yep. I am fixing to try for all those up to now invisible galaxies, again. Furthermore, if I can stay awake, a bunch of planets plus Moon are lined up tight right before Ogma’s rising. Might be worth a look see. Then too, Lulin, which is getting bigger if not brighter, is fast approaching a rendezvous with Saturn or Bran the Blessed. Also, something is fixing to go on with four of Saturn’s moons. Something occult.

Public Schools in the ROT

Head onto any public school play ground, even in the Republic of Tejas, and take a whiff. What’s that smell? Smells like socialism. That’s correct. The public schools, even in the ROT, are examples of stinking socialism gone wild, run amuck, destroying or contradicting almost all that many brave Tejanos hold dear, theoretically.

Consider, in the ROT, public schools are funded by property taxes. What could be more communistic than that? Funding public schools with property taxes is pretty dang communistic.

So, why have the public schools in the ROT, not, been shut down. Easy that, football. The public schools continue open so football may continue as a luxury entertainment for lunkheads. That’s right. Football provides the public schools with that extra spirit required to justify all the communism. Plus, the football enforces some community cohesion or local patriotism that everyone may share in, almost. (Course, all that community cohesion may be slightly communistic too). Finally though, and perhaps most significantly, public school football has inertia going for it.

If you don’t believe me about the importance of football to the public schools, consider the public schools without football. What would be the point? Well, baby sitting, but aside from baby sitting, what would be the point? Teaching evolution!!!!

So here I am, lucky to be alive, comfortably seated in my Lazy Boy watching TV. Suddenly, the communist on the TV says, South Carolina ( or some similar secesh shithole) is considering allowing home school boys to go out for football. Wow! That is so confusing. Here some kid has escaped the public school communist nightmare only to be drug back in by the football. But it’s probably OK. Maybe all the kid will have to show up for is the football practice and the games. He’ll get to skip evolution class. Whoa! I bet they can work up a similar deal here in the ROT if they can find a home school boy that is a really good player.

The time is 5:30 AM. I am headed out to get the paper. I have, just concluded the mornings futile amateur astronomy session. This is an artist's conception of the view from my front yard, looking north.

Hearsay Has It

Hearsay has it that billions of galaxies are in the Universe and billions of earthlike planets exist per galaxy. Extrapolating, that means there could be other monkeys out there, outer space monkeys, fixing to evolve even better than we have, evolved. Yes. Perhaps those other monkeys shall one day somehow help us. I hope so. Yabba, dabba, dabba!

Having failed miserably in my quest to view all the Messier objects from the light polluted environs of the CB, yet determined to continue with average amateur astronomy from this location, I have been studying up on non-Messier galaxies I might espy. Last night, employing plenty of monkey ingenuity, I espied NGC 2841 in Ursa Major.

Last night was way better seeing than the previous night, but also lots colder. Mercy! Brrr! Are there space monkeys inhabiting NGC 2841? I hope so. I hope they are aware of me. I hope they are fixing to help me. Yabba, dabba, dabba!

But what if the shoe is on the wrong foot? What if those outer space monkeys need my help? Well, in that event, they are pretty much fucked. That’s because, even though I feel sorry for them, and bad about the various misfortunes that afflict them, there’s nothing I can do about their miserable plight. That’s because, alas, too many light years lie between me and those unfortunate space monkeys. Yabba, dabba, dabba!

As everyone with a lick of sense knows, Druids advise, Everyone should stay where they belong. This advice comes from the Druid list of advice that is Always Good Advice. Cosmological proof of the advice, Everyone should stay where they belong, is the vast distances between the various outer space monkey civilizations. These distances are so vast that so far the various outer space monkey civilizations have been unable to contact one another, much less visit to and fro. Obviously, considering monkey nature, the various monkey civilizations would especially love to meet up with other monkeys and fuck with them. Yabba, dabba, dabba!

Yet the vastness of space keeps the various monkeys isolated. Proof that, Everyone should stay where they belong! is, Always Good Advice. Yes. However, I really do need to find a darker sky, average amateur astronomy site. Also, I really do need to figure out how to get my average amateur astronomy equipment out to the darker sky site without breaking any of it. Yabba, dabba, dabba!

Where’s Comet Lulin, Now, Again?

Many cloudy nights have troubled my visage since last I espied Comet Lulin. Yet last night and this morning were clear. Out I went.

Boo hoo hoo. I have some sad news. My plastic Pespi average amateur astronomy furniture is no more. It is deceased. It got squashed. More on this sad passing some other time. For now, the grief is too, too near.

Anyway, out I went. I have some replacement plastic average, amateur astronomy furniture. More on that later maybe too. Dang it!

Though clear enough, the sky was not especially average amateur astronomer worthy. M65 and M66 were barely visible. Even M105 was hardly visible. The Leo galaxies are up earliest so they are good for testing seeing. I was forewarned.

Yes. I have just about exhausted visible Messier objects at this location. Here are the ones I am not likely to see from the Cow Barn, ever, barring a power outage on a clear night. These are all galaxies.

M74 in Hydra
M88, M91, M98, M100 in Coma Berenices
M90 in Virgo
M101, M108, M109 in Ursa Major
M110 in Andromeda

This morning, the longest featured invisible galaxy is M108. M108 is totally invisible. But what makes M108 more aggravating than the rest of them is its close proximity to M97, the Owl Nebula. The Owl Nebula is also, totally invisible. Totally invisible until I screw on a trusty filter. Then, the Owl Nebula is easily visible. But M108 is even more invisible than it was in the first place.

Comet Lulin, on the other hand, is plenty easy to espy. However, so far, despite lots of anticipation, Comet Lulin appears about like it did last month. Comet Lulin has changed location but not appearance. Hmm. That’s just the opposite of Crumby. Crumby stays put but changes his appearance. This location versus appearance business may be an important distinguishing characteristic between comets and Druid ovates.

This morning, Comet Lulin is very close, within two degrees of Porrima, Gamma Virgo. The next, slightly more interesting location of Comet Lulin shall be on the 24 February of the Julian when Comet Lulin shall be close to Saturn in Leo. Clear skies for that!

Deport the Retards

As everyone with a lick of sense knows, there are three branches of the Republican Party. Twain of these are the Mammonite branch, or fork, and the Retard branch, or fork. Naturally, since the dialectic is always at work everywhere at all times, this seeming dichotomy of Mammonites and Retards, branches or forks, is synthesized in the Hoover branch or fork, sometimes known as the Hoover Hogs.

No matter which subtle distinction one makes among the various Republicans, all of them, not just the Retards, need to be deported. That’s because only a few serious experts can tell the Retards from the Mammonites or Hoover Hogs. So the best way to make sure all the Retards get deported is to deport all the Republicans.

What country(s) on our little globe might adopt our Retards? Who would want them? Who would want Retards that only work occasionally, or not at all, and when the AC is up and running in a nice white-collar environment and speak only pidgin English? Well, no actual country wants them, that’s for sure. But Americanoland could make some of our colonies take the Retards. That’s right. We could force the puppet governments of miserable Iraq and miserable Afghanistan to take in all our Retards.

After all, what are colonies for? That’s right. Colonies are supposed to help the Fatherland, I mean Homeland, out with problems like excessive Retards. So our colonies need to adopt our Retards. It’s that simple.

Either a Meteor or a Plastic Bag

No wonder I didn’t get to see the alleged fiery object that eventually fell on to private property somewhere here in the ROT and shall never be seen again until it turns up on EBAY, maybe. That object fell or floated along in broad daylight, spooking dozens and getting on TV. So, no wonder an average nocturnal person like me missed the fun. I was taking a nap.

Hold it! I need to phone Karl the Tracker Druid. Hold it! I’m getting Karl’s answering machine message. It says, Hello, this is the orifice of Karl the Tracker Druid. I am presently on an important tracking job. Leave a message at the tone. Or, if you need assistance about the fiery meteor or plastic bag recently sighted falling or gliding over parts of the ROT, press 1 to autodial Mr. Crumby Ovate.

Hey! No, no, no! I don’t want Karl’s dopey customers fixing to call me up about the meteor or fiery plastic bag. Dang! I know. I shall fix up a special message on my personal answering machine, a message designed specifically for just such a crisis.

Hello. This is Crumby. But I am in a coma. However, you may be able to reach me after sundown on my cell phone tonight if you have that number. You may be calling about the fiery meteor or fiery plastic bag. That particular meteor or plastic bag is a sure sign of your personal doom. You are fixing to rot in Hell for eternity. Have a nice day.

Why a plastic bag, Crumby? What sort of plastic bag, Crumby? These are typical of the annoying questions that may get asked by the ignorant relative to ephemeral astronomical phenomena.

Plastic bags have an extremely high surface to volume ratio. That means, plastic bags are prone to being blown by the wind all the way up into the stratosphere or maybe into low orbit. Then, like many larger objects in similar situations, those plastic bags reflect sunlight and starlight, thereby, potentially spooking dozens. The particular plastic bag sighted last Sunday and featured on TV is probably one of those large plastic bags like the one a dry cleaner put over my suit once upon a time. The fact is, it could be that very same bag since the bag that came on my dry cleaned suit actually blew away sometime during the late 90s. That bag could be the very one that finally descended from Heaven, Sunday morning.

Republicans Stall Evolution Since Hoover

How come I didn’t get to see the fireball streak across the Sunday morning sky? How come I didn’t get to see falling, fiery debris? Well. I got up as usual, looked out, the skies were cloudy. That was that. Yet apparently, some lucky citizens of these parts were lucky enough to espy the falling fiery debris in spite of cloudy skies. Hold it! Seems like most of the reports of falling, fiery debris come from Williamson County, located to my north. That explains a lot. Those sightings were probably faith based sightings.

Hold it! I’m fixing to call Karl the Tracker Druid. Karl! This is Crumby. Did you go check up on the falling fiery debris in Williamson County? You did! What was it? A Mercury Comet! Bullshit Karl! You expect me to believe the falling fiery debris was a Mercury Comet? A black 66, 6 cylinder, three on the column with green plastic interior! Heh! Fuck you Karl!

Sorry about that. Karl has a weird since of humor when it comes to unsolicited phone calls on his business line. Yet before I got distracted by the falling, fiery debris observed by many of the most trustworthy observers of such phenomena inhabiting Williamson County, I was fixing to congratulate the Republicans for stalling evolution since Hoover.

Correct. Darwin is now over 200 years old. His theory has been operating almost everywhere all that time explaining evolution. Yet in parts of North America controlled by Republicans, Darwin has had no effect since Hoover. That means evolution has stood still in those parts since Hoover.

Good Goddess All Mighty!

Comet Lulin Continues Changing My Life for the Better

This morning, February 12, 2009 of the Julian, found me up and about by 3:45 AM. Yes. My bad leg woke me up. That particular leg, when it wakes me up, feels like some evil doer is operating a corkscrew on the inside of my knee. Wakes me up, all righty then.

Well, I could lay there in agony, slobber and tears befouling the Ample Bosoms, or I could arise. Generally, once I get up and start moving around, my leg quits hurting. But then I need something to do with all the extra time. I need to kill that time.

Whoa! I know what I can do. I can go look for Comet Lulin. Trouble is, there are clouds in the way. Mercy! The high clouds are streaming over from west to east obliterating Comet Lulin from my perspective. However, the high clouds appear to be of intermittent character. Crumby, you need to set up, and hope for the best.

Out Crumby headed. The dew was heavy. Crumby’s Plastic Pepsi Amateur Astronomy Furniture was covered with heavy dew. Crumby was forewarned.

There’s dew all over my astronomy furniture. What am I fixing to do, now?

Crumby moved his plastic furniture under the shed roof. There now, all I need to do is put a towel on my furniture. Then I can go ahead and put my ep cigar box, my Rigel, goofy 40mm plossl, and zoom ep baggy, my Pocket Sky Atlas, my replacement, good for 10,000 years flashlight and my extremely excellent 10x42 SE bins on the towel.

Yes. These were all items Crumby needed handy on the top surface of his furniture if he was to make any progress at espying Comet Lulin this morning. Then too, Crumby had to put his home made flower pot dew shield on the Lomo. Turns out, that dew shield worked swell, maybe. No dew got on the Lomo.

This morning Comet Lulin is apparently situated in Virgo, just south of Kappa. Despite Moon at about 90% illumination and close by, Comet Lulin is visible in the bins. Is Comet Lulin starting to appear out of round? Maybe. Seems like the bright core may have been slightly off center this morning. Observed at 40x, 50x and 100x.

However, Comet Lulin is not all that has changed my, Crumby’s, life. No. The heavenly bodies in general have changed my life. For example, the other morning, I forget which, I happened to notice a very bright star off to the northeast. What’s that bright booger?, I conjectured.

Well, that bright booger could only be Vega, already back again in the morning sky, a happy surprise. Yes. Vega surprised me that it was already back, bright as ever. Changed my life.

And what about Scorpius? The whole dang constellation is pretty near visible by 5 AM. Changed my life.

Later.


The only down side to this furniture is that it does not boost the economy going forward. No. This furniture is from the past. It is like furniture that we inherited from our ancestors. It is like furniture that made Americanoland strong, long ago. It is like exemplary of why we can live off the fat of the land without doing much of anything progressive, yet still get by.

Comet Lulin Changed My Life - A Testimonial

Many believe in Astrology. Many don’t. Yet there can be little doubt that this or that heavenly body may directly influence the actions of this or that individual or person right here on Earth.

Consider this morning for example. There I was snoring happily, my noggin wedged between the twain Ample Bosoms. Roll over Crumby! You’re snoring!

That woke me up. What time is it? It’s 6AM. I shall go do an ablution. Then, once I am done with my ablution, I shall go to the back door. I shall look out the back door. If I espy stars I shall go forth into the backyard. Fearlessly I shall go forth, with only a small dog for company.

Sure as shooting, the sky was clear and the stars were out. Mercy! Right then I knew I should have arisen from the cloying embrace of the Ample Bosoms sooner. Yes. I should have been up by 5 AM. Nevertheless, I may still have time before fickle Ogma’s rising. Time for what? Why, to espy Comet Lulin, of course.

Out I went. The Moon shone. The wind howled. The mud stuck to the bottom of my shoes. My double decker lawn chair sank deep into the mud. Ogma was rising. Nature plus my buttocks sang a duet.

By the time I did another ablution, silencing those tuneful buttocks, then gathering up all the gear I forgot when first, out I went, Ogma was rising even more. Hurriedly I began to scan the vicinity of Lambda Librai for Comet Lulin. There were fuzzy spots around, all righty, but I could not espy the comet. I scanned with my trusty bins for Comet Lulin in vain.

I set up the Lomo. I checked a fuzzy spot or two with the Lomo. No Lulin.

This morning, I never did espy Comet Lulin. Nevertheless I feel like Comet Lulin changed my life this morning. Not significantly, but just a little bit. So there’s a perfect example of how a heavenly body may directly influence life on Earth as I know it. Astrologers take heart.

Rain Probably Fails to Deter Comet Lulin’s Progress

Rain actually fell on the CB, a very rare event, to the tune of about 0.5" yesterday. Clouds are generally around, night and day. Moon is generally full, though waning, and up all night. Yet Comet Lulin is above the mere weather, above Moon too.

Yes. Comet Lulin has been hurtling through space, right past Zubenelgenubi. Thanks to the dern clouds, I missed Comet Lulin’s historic passage by Zubenelgenubi. The fact is, the clouds are occluding my view of Comet Lulin’s passage through western Libra. Next thing I know, Comet Lulin shall be in Virgo the Virgin, like maybe tomorrow night. Jeez Louise! I won’t get to espy that historic move either. No. I shall not witness Comet Lulin heading into Virgo the Virgin.

Jeez Louise! For all I know, Comet Lulin may have turned tail, turned tail and high tailed it off another way. But that is unlikely. That would be ridiculous.

Chances are, chances are! Perhaps, the skies above the CB shall clear by mid-February of the Julian. Should the skies clear, Comet Lulin shall be visible in the neighborhood of Spica, also known as Alpha Virginis. A nice look at Comet Lulin paired with Spica, the 16th brightest star visible from Earth, might make up for the major disappointment, nay tragedy, relative to Zubenelgenubi. We shall see anon, perhaps. Chances are, chances are!

Comet Lulin Approaches Zubenelgenubi

This morning, February 4, 2009 of the Julian, when I checked up on Comet Lulin, Comet Lulin was already 2/5ths of the way from Nu Librai to Zubenelgenubi and brighter too that I had seen it previeously, ever. Tomorrow morning shall probably be the closest Lulin shall appear to Zubenelgenubi ever in these parts owing to the fact that the skies are fixing to cloud up. You bet I shall be front and center for a view of the near approach of Comet Lulin to Zubenelgenubi.

I read somewhere that this may be the last round when mere mortals shall ever chance to espy Comet Lulin from Earth. I can’t remember why. Either something happens to Comet Lulin, or something happens to Earth. Whichever, I am getting my views in while I have a chance.

This morning was lots of fun for an average amateur astronomer like me. Besides Comet Lulin I espied M106 and M62 for the first time, ever, knowingly. I always figured M106 would be a waste of time, too dim to see like all those invisible galaxies in Ursa Major. Turns out, M106 is one of the easy, bright ones. Yes. M106is fixing to be on Crumby’s list of the 10 brightest galaxies as detected from the polluted environ of the Cow Barn. That is, if Crumby can ever decide on the other components of that list. Not easy.

Here’s the list so far. M31, M32, M77, M81, M94, M104 and M106. Only three slots left and maybe too much competition. Also, some of these may be biased because besides being fairly bright, they are easy to find.

M62 is one of twain Messier globular clusters I forgot about or avoided last summer until it was too late. The other one is the miserable M14. Now, after this morning, M14 is the only Messier globular cluster I have yet to espy. I tried to espy it this morning. Alas, it eluded me again. I just know M14 is way more trouble than it is worth.

M62 was easy. I hopped right on to it almost dead center in the 30mm ep. It is small yet bright. The stars of M62 do not resolve at 100x this morning, close to Ogma’s rise.

Later.

Guess what! The dern clouds were all over the sky at 3:30AM this morning, February 5, 2009 of the Julian. The so-called weather forecast is for more clouds and more clouds and yet more clouds. That means, if the weather prognostication holds true, I shall never espy Comet Lulin any closer to Zubenelgenubi than 2/5ths of the way from Nu Librai. This is a good example of life as I know it. Now, soon as Ogma rises, the clouds depart, of course, and the rain falleth, never.

The rain falleth, never. Which would you rather have, no rain, ever, or dwelling elbow to asshole with a million retards? That is the sort of Druid Dichotomy some may face. Terrible! Seems like retards and desertification are inextricably linked. That’s why all the retards dwelling in these parts need to go off and stay in beautiful Iraqi Kurdsitan. That way, two big subsets of retards can concentrate on desertifcation at one location, rather than two.

The Dust is Fixing to Blow

Hang on to your telescope. That’s right. An average amateur astronomer hanging on is less likely to get separated. Keep it together!

Dry norther follows dry norther in these parts. The rain falleth not. Lots of the normally pitiful ground cover is pitiful no longer. Not pitiful, dead! Dead and gone!

Anon, the dust is fixing to blow like crazy. Dust collectors, you need to be aware that plenty of dust from the ROT may be headed your way. Yes. That dust whistling past your ears used to be my back yard. Please return labeled dust bunnies to the address indicated.

Karl the Tracker Druid is anticipating windfall profits. Many shall lose this or that. This shall be blown off. That shall be buried. Yet Karl shall seek and find both the blown off and the buried under. Yes. The tracker Druids shall prosper.

If any on the face of the earth deserve the divine punishment of desertification it is this bunch among whom I dwell. Yes. Energy consumption per capita must be highest on the planet right here in these parts. So divine desertification is a just reward.

Yet many may be innocent or relatively innocent, even among the generally wicked denizens of these parts. I count myself among the relatively innocent. Because I am relatively innocent, seems like I should get slightly more rain than my totally wicked neighbors. But I don’t. No. Divine intervention spares nobody, not even the innocent, much less the relatively innocent.

What then, does everyone need to do to thwart divine intervention in these parts? Easy that, we all need to water our yards. We need to water our yards a lot. We need to water our yards up to the limit allowed by the various water conservation measures. We need to water and keep watering until we are fixing to drain all the reservoirs entirely dry.

Once we use up most of the lake water on our yards, the divinities may be convinced that we seriously don’t want these parts to turn into a desert. Using up all the lake water, in the view of the various divinities, is like a sacrifice. We are sacrificing water on our yards to show the divinities we are serious. In return, for our sacrifice, the divinities allow the rain to return to these parts. It’s that simple.

Many may whine, Crumby, your idea is a waste of water, a precious resource. We need to save that water so the little school children shall always be able to flush the commodes at their schools, present and future. But I spell unto ye, Fools, ye better water yer yards if ye know what’s good fer ye, ye dern miserable, wicked fools.